Guess Who's Back Back Again Boudles Back Tell A Friend
Oct 29, 2019 21:12:24 GMT -5
BonnieBlue and Spartan like this
Post by Steven Osbourne on Oct 29, 2019 21:12:24 GMT -5
Osbourne: You are all welcome by the way. The Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer is hooking all of you up at the hottest club in Russia... the Mauled Bear!
That's not actually the real name of the club but Steven couldn't read the Russian sign so he made up a name. There is someone who looks like Red Trunks in the middle sipping a beer so perhaps it's accurate.
Osbourne: You know why I'm in Russia? There are no hot clubs in Chernobyl because all the ladies there have to wear protective radiation suits. They show nothing! So instead I went to Irina's stomping grounds.. and let me tell you.. Stevie likey!
The camera pans showing wall to wall hot girls dancing in the packed club. Super hot girls. Ridiculously hot girls.
Osbourne: I couldn't convince Ronnie to act as my wing woman so Big Stevie is rolling solo tonight.. well for now. I'm about to show that sexual appeal is in the universal language. Because when you're Mister Universe to the ladies.. then what's a little North American Title? Target... locked.
Steven takes a sip of his pink fruity drink with an umbrella in it then sets it on the bar. He struts up to a beautiful blonde Russian woman wearing a dress that looks like it's painted on. Of course Steven would target her.
Osbourne: There's a party in my pants and you're invited.
The women shrugs and responds with something in Russian. Steven points at his junk then at her mouth. The woman shakes her head and laughs.
Osbourne: That's the first lesson. You get em laughing then you're in. Well I will be in there soon. Now to close the deal. If I want her native tongue on my big Stevie.. I'll give her a little of her native tongue. Don't be Stalin Time to Get Ballin'
The girl slaps Steven and walks away. Osbourne shrugs.
Osbourne: It's a numbers game. Just like how I lost the Junior Heavyweight Title.. just so I could get my hands on a bigger prize in the North American Championship. I just have to find the bigger prize..
Steven starts to look around the club again focusing on all the beautiful ladies. He doesn't notice the woman wearing a burka approaching his drink... dropping a pill then walking away watching from afar. She clearly knows Steven well enough to know he pays no attention to covered up women. Steven returns to his drink, sipping it.. sipping it.. he begins to slur his words. The woman in the burka approaches.. putting her arm around Steven leading him from the building before
he
slips
into
unconsciousness.
A pail of ice cold water to the face jars Steven back to life.
Osbourne: Hey.. dude.. shrinkage is no joke! Oh... shit
Steven looks around.. realizes he's tied to a wooden structure. Right next to a wheel. The woman in the burka gives the wheel a quick crank causing Steven to scream in pain.
That's right! Scream for me sinner! You had your chance at redemption.. but you blew it! You betrayed us and the one true scion of God! You committed the unholiest of sins when you allowed the almighty Boudlebot to rape and pillage our spiritual leader!
Osbourne: So.. it wasn't as good for him as it was for me?
The woman in the burka slaps Steven in the face. Then removes her burka revealing Sister Danielle. She spits in Steven's face.
Osbourne: I would have thought you swallowed.
Danielle: You're just trying to make this quick aren't you? By getting me mad. My ancestors used to torture witches on this very rack. You could say it's a family heirloom.
She giggles.
Danielle: We knew the witches were basically harmless. We just enjoyed watching them suffer for their crimes against our God. By the time this is over.. you will beg forgiveness from God and the Boudlebot! The only reason I'm not going to stretch you more.. yet... is because of the stretching you are going to get from that Boudlecock sinner! I'm going to enjoy watching you scream as we use mustard for lube. Spicy mustard. I'll let you think about that... make peace with God Steven... you'll be seeing him soon..
Danielle blows out the candles that we're lighting the room as she leaves. Steven waits a good five minutes then speaks.
Osbourne: Why is it everyone always seems to underestimate me? Do they not know I have a unique set of skills? For example.. she left me in the dark. How does she not know I do my best work in the dark? I've spent so much time in the dark I can see better then a cat. Except being a pussy.. I eat... never mind. No time for a sex joke.. this is a serious matter.
Steven tests the sturdy ropes that hold him.
Osbourne: Amateurs. As if I haven't been tied up before. The trick is in...
A loud pop is heard.. then a second one.
Osbourne: Dislocating your wrists.
Steven pulls his arms free.. then slams his hands against the wooden rack knocking them back into place. He quickly unties his feet.. then for good measure pulls out a lock of his hair... using it to pick the lock on the door freeing himself.
He sends a quick text then..
I hope you were watching that Spartan. You know why I was able to overcome that? Because Danielle had no respect for my skills. No idea what I could really do. Just like you Spartan. There is even going to be the same reason for your failure...
YOU'RE AN ARROGANT FUCK
You look at me and you see what? Some scrawny guy who shouldn't pose a threat to you right? Especially not in a hardcore match. I'm more worried about my looks, right? I'm way too scared of being hurt, right?
Bitch... have you ever seen me scared? Have you ever seen me anything less then confident. There's a reason for that. I know that in the end.. I always win. I always find a way to win. You think I regained the Junior heavyweight title because of a fluke? You think I beat Smith Jones because of some fluke? No.. I study my opponents. I learn their weaknesses.. I take advantage of them.
I've been doing it forever. When I graduated high school. By graduate I mean they passed me because of the scandal with that married teacher. I told all my classmates, my friends.. my family that I was going to a professional wrestler. They laughed at me. They pointed out.. I said I was going to be a professional basketball player. But I never even made the high school team. That I said I was going to be an actor. But I bombed in community theatre. That I said I was going to be a rock star but was rejected from the battle of the bands.
I proved them all wrong. I might not be the biggest, or the strongest or even the fastest or in the best shape. On paper.. Spartan kicks my ass. On paper thousands of people would have kicked my ass. Wrestling matches aren't won on paper. I win matches because I use my brain. Any opening I get I take advantage of. If I don't get an opening.. I'll make my own. You make one mistake.. I'll capitalize. You take your eye off the prize just once.. and that's all I need.
You made up the ring name Spartan because you wanted to give the impression that you like to fight. I'm smarter then that. I don't advertise that I'm a threat. No.. I simply prove that I am by defeating the best APW has to offer.. including you Spartan. Because guess what.. I like to fight just as much as you do. If I didn't would I have lasted so long in the wrestling world without the psychical gifts most wrestlers have? But the difference is.. I like to win much much more then you do.
This is a TLC match Spartan. You think it plays to your strengths. You don't realize it's a trap. You won't until the match is over. You'll be standing in the middle of the ring, in disbelief, as a beaten, bloody Steven Osbourne will be dragging himself down the ring ramp.. carrying the North American championship. You're going to hit me with chairs. You're going to pick up a ladder blast me in the face with it. Maybe powerbomb him on top of it. But then in the end.. it's not going to be enough. Because for you... you have to fight. You have to hurt people. Because in your mind.. that's what makes you a success. That's what gets the crowd behind you.
You can't help yourself. You're making your first title defense. You're competing at Horrorcore. You have to make a statement, right? Unfortunately for you the statement is going to be that you squandered your opportunity. Because you care about putting on a show.. you care about turning the match into a war. None of that matters to me. I don't care how much you hurt me.. all I have to do put you down just enough long to climb the ladder and get the belt.
Let me tell you this Spartan.. I may not be the fastest.. but I'm faster then you.. I want this more then you.. and I'm better prepared for battle then you. You don't realize how good I am. But you will soon. You see that North American belt around your waist. It could easily be around my waist. I beat Road Dawg before you did. I also did it in a singles match. If we're being honest.. I made it look a hell of a lot easier then you did. But my match was non title and yours wasn't. I have every bit as good of claim to that belt as you do Spartan.
Bet you never even thought of that did you? Thinking.. it really isn't your strong suit is it Spartan? But what is your strong suit. As far as I can tell.. you're great at bullying people weaker then you. I may be small Spartan.. but I am far from weak. Every week you get the fans on your side by getting them to chant for you to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
I know why you fight. See.. I do research into the inner workings of my opponents. I'll bet you didn't give me a second glance. You think this is just another match. For me.. this is a chance to make a statement. I'm tried of being overlooked. I'm tired of being underestimated. I'm tired of title shots going to people like Zion Simmons instead of me. I worked my ass off since APW opened. I'm an APW original! I'm the only man who can say he's been here the whole damn time! I could whine about it. But nobody listens. So instead I'm going to capture another championship. Words are cheap.. deeds are what matters.
Speaking of deeds... isn't it time you stopped fighting Spartan? I know why you fight... it's to numb the pain of your fucked up family life. So you focus all your energy on fighting.. because when you're fighting in the ring against an opponent you don't have to think about how you've never done anything to improve your lot in life. It's ironic.. you want everyone to fight when you're in that ring but when it comes down to it.. you're nothing but a hypocrite. You do all your fighting in the ring because you do it to hide from reality. Yeah.. I know you Spartan. I know that for all your fighting spirit.. you truly have no heart. That's why you are going to lose this TLC match because your whole FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT thing is a sham. You can hit me with anything you want.. it isn't going to bring you inner peace.. it isn't going to change things.
You've lost before you even entered the ring. Deep down.. you know it. That's why you can't beat me. Because I truly want the win. I truly want the title. You just want the escape of having it. You just want the people to cheer for you.. because then you can pretend your life means something. Harsh, ain't it? Untrue? Far from it.
You're the man who beat up your own mentor for questioning your desire a few weeks ago. What? You didn't think I would know about that? People say I'm a scumbag. I never beat up the man I owed my career to. But not only that.. you beat up not just your trainer.. but an old man. That's what Spartan stands for. Picking fights he knows he can win. That's why I think you're nothing more then a bully. Which is why I know I'm going to win because bullies are always weak at heart. Bullies always look for a way out. So when I put you down.. you'll stay down.. just long enough to lose.. but not long enough to lose face. Because you know you can always FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! against someone else.
Don't believe me? Why didn't Spartan look for another crack at Dean Wolf? Because he didn't want no more of Dean Wolf after Ascension you were done with Dean Wolf. Maybe that's why you were so mad your trainer gave your shit for allowing Dean to use you to make a statement. The truth hurts don't it Spartan? Maybe I should just call you Cross. When it comes down to it.. you're truly no Spartan. You condescendingly encourage your opponents to fight when in reality you just hope they fold. So you can say.. well I wanted a fight.
But you didn't want the fight Dean gave you. You won't want the fight I'm going to give you either. I'm going to take a beating.. take your best.. then when I fight back you are going to wilt and wither like a virgin I deflowered. Hey.. at least I give them experience. For you.. I'm gonna fuck you up and simply leave you with a harsh dose of reality and no championship.
For the record.. I also lost at Ascension. I immediately went after Tsukiko and I immediately won MY junior heavyweight championship back. Yet you have the balls to claim you're the one with fighting spirit? You had fighting spirit against the likes of Jobber Dave and Johnny Blaze. Yet when it comes to a real challenge that fighting spirit goes away.
Wolf humbled you.. but I'm the biggest challenge you've ever faced and you're too stupid to even know it. My lifestyle involves me figuring people out.. Everyday I meet new people and have new experiences.. some involving a sex swing. I figured you out Spartan.. and you aren't going to like what I uncovered. You aren't going to like what I use against you. You have 3 inches... in height not girth... and 65 pounds on me. But by the time the match is over everybody is going to know who's truly the bigger man.
You think about being a warrior.. because you wish you were one. It burns you up inside that you're not doesn't it? When you face me.. you'll be face to face with a true warrior. Someone who should have failed in professional wrestling but he didn't. Because I wanted it more then anyone else. I get in that ring I truly believe I can beat anyone! I'd face you.. Smith Jones.. Jaice Wilds.. and that damn bear all in the same night. Everyone would think I'm crazy too. But I truly believe I'd win every one. That's what makes me a warrior Spartan.. does beating up an old guy make you one? I think not. After I take the North American championship I'm sure there will be some old ladies with walkers you can push over... make yourself feel better. You're no warrior.. you're no spartan and you're no champion. You're a fraud and a fake and TLC is going to prove it.
I'll tell everyone my plans. I'm going to win this match.. then I'm going to find Jaice Wilds and challenge him to a title vs. title match. Because I think I got a raw deal the first time and I want another crack at him! What are you going to do if you win, Spartan?
Last week you appeared on television hoping for a good opponent at Horrorcore. But you didn't even have the guts to call your shot and challenge anyone! I guess you didn't want too tough of an opponent, huh Sparty? Looks like your luck ran out. People don't think I'm the toughest.. but I'm okay with that. My results speak for themselves. I'm no hardcore wrestler. Nope.. I'm merely an ELITE wrestler. Spartan is gonna see the difference between an elite wrestler and a wantabe warrior in terms so clear even he won't be able to hide from them.
Just then a white rental car pulls up.. Veronica Anderson rolls down the window
Anderson: Why are you calling me at three in the morning for a pick up? This had better not be what I think it is.
Osbourne: Ronnie.. don't worry.. it was just that robot cult trying to kidnap me.
Anderson: What?
Osbourne: Let's focus on what's important. Would you love me if I'm North American champion?
Anderson: No.. but let's focus on what's important.
Osbourne: I'd even be champion of Concord, New Hampshire?
Anderson: How do you know my hometown?
Osbourne: I do my research Ronnie. Something Spartan is gonna learn first hand. Would you be touched if I dedicated my win to you babe?
Anderson: Just win. Now about this cult..
Osbourne: I knew you cared.
Veronica rolls her eyes as Steven hops into the car.
