Post by The Revenant on Jun 9, 2019 20:16:49 GMT -5
O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
The Red Serge all lined up in front of Toronto’s City Hall with hand over heart reciting the Canadian National Anthem. From behind the wall of mounties stands, retired wrestler and owner of The Wolf Den Wrestling Training School that's as close to The Dungeon as one can get in these parts, The Canadian Wolf himself, Kyle Ryder who's dressed in a typical lumberjack fashion with the red flannel and stiff fitting blue jeans as his team to opposite sides of him stand Ravenous Rick Rage in a blue Toronto Maple Leafs jersey and Mercer Quinn sporting a man bun dressed in a red Toronto Raptors jersey. A large ruggedly handsome Mountie that has just enough silver stubble along his chiseled authority having chin to make you believe he's been the head of this division of Mounties for a long time, steps forward to introduce The Canadian Coalition.
"Now, now, now…"
Silver stubble raises his hands to bring a calm over the storm of fans standing in a mass before him.
"If I could be serious for a moment, I'd like to share a few humbling words about our friends here with us today. Old Kyle and yours truly, Rip Jones go back a long time, eh friend?"
Rip nudges at Kyle who nods and pats him sternly on the shoulder.
"Kyle Ryder was a man who traveled the world over competing against some of the best wrestlers that the industry had to offer and what did he do when he hung it all up? He came home and he passed that knowledge donchaknow. He is a swell human being and a hell of a Canadian I tell ya! So not to waste anymore time, allow me to formally introduce The Canadian Coalition."
Rip starts to clap and Kyle simply waves to the crowd, of course trying to stay humble.
"Thank you for buddy for such kind words, but I'm sowry, eh? Me and the boys don't get to go down to Timmies and share a few dozen boxes of Timbits with you good fellas. I got these hosers a couple of contracts with a wrestling company in the States and we go to work next Monday donchaknow."
The crowd starts to murmur different companies out loud and Kyle laughs a robust laugh in response.
"It's not WCF, they're dead, buddy and no it's not Action we are after here… We wanted the top tier, we wanted that Alpha competition, eh? The ink has dried and now these hosers are States bound in the morn ready to take on WarSaw Pact at APW's Alpha Rising!"
The crowd explodes with overwhelming friendly cheering and chanting of APW, as Kyle calms them with a raised right hand.
"Friends, The Canadian Coalition will show the States and beyond just what their friends up north have to offer to the wrestling world and we start off by competing with two men who are as comparable as a heavy helping of Poutine and a warm slice of Saskatoon pie… So different, eh? Strange bed fellas, yet good on their own, which is why my boys here are looking forward to the friendly competition at Alpha Rising. Another note is, these hosers get to kick off the show of shows, so in the wrestling business we call that setting the pace for the rest of our fellow brothers to follow.”
Kyle pats his belly just thinking of that food combination and he looks back to Rick who’s also patting his belly.
“Speaking of that delicious, delicious Saskatoon pie, how about I introduce Saskatoon's very own and extremely hungry baby boy, Ravenous Rick Rage!"
Rick waves at the crowd and steps forward very cautiously.
"How's she bootin'er? It's a nice one outside, eh? Quinn and I have been stuck inside the Wolf Den getting grizzled and ready mentally to have a clean friendly competition in the States, so we've been dying to get some of that fresh crisp Canadian air running through our lungs donchaknow."
Rick stops and starts to drool, stopping all forward thought. Kyle pats Rick on the back a bit to get him to continue speaking again.
"Sowry eh, dozed off thinking about getting a Guinness Shepherd's Pie at the Tilted Dog Pub while we are still in town… If you haven't been, then I don't know what that's aboot, cus you're missing out friends."
Kyle smiles trying not to show he's slightly irritated and he pats Rick again.
"Oh sowry, got caught up in food again… I was suppose to come up here and tell you all about our first opponents in Alpha Pro Wrestling, the WarSaw Pact. Two finely tuned fellas and one of em reminds me of my Uncle Gert. He could drink a two'fer in one sitting and still challenge ya to a tree chopping contest. Geez he could do some damage on some flapjacks too, donchaknow…"
Rick starts to drift off again, so Kyle finally moves him back behind him.
"Now folks, Rick's been taken by his ravenous instincts… Before I lose my cool, I'm going to bring to you, Toronto's very own Lightning in a Bottle, Mercer Quinn!"
Mercer steps forward full of gusto and poise.
"Hello friends, as my partner so eloquently put it, we have been training day and night, night and day at the Wolf Den. I know I showered to show up today, I cannot make the same promise for my buddy, Rick here though."
Quinn looks back to Rick for a second who's licking some maple syrup off his Maple Leafs jersey. Quinn rolls his eyes and then chuckles.
"Hoping you at least throw on some of that maple syrup scented aftershave before we step into the ring with those WarSaw Pact fellas… We are trying to represent a good clean competition from their friendly neighbors in the north sir."
Quinn changes his focus back to the crowd before them.
"Now we may be clean and ready for a fair competition but this is wrestling, is it not? We have a couple of keeners looking to be the company's choice tag team without even one kerfuffle with The Canadian Coalition. Wolf has shown us the tapes and we've seen what this interesting pairing has to offer… Warbird wrestled for United Championship Infinite which is public knowledge that he gave it his all, but didn't have enough stick behind him to score the winning goal for that Rising Stars title. Should've spent more time working on his grapples instead of his beard products, eh Rick?"
Rick gives a simple thumbs up after he returns a beard comb to his pocket.
"Sowry got a bit carried away there… Honest, the thing about these fellas is their odd couple pairing, right? It's their shtick. Ones a boy scout, the other parties with some boy scouts which whom cannot speak of the incident unless they want to face a lawsuit, but that's no means public knowledge."
The crowd reacts with strong oooohs.
"Sowry… How aboot dem Raptors, eh?"
The crowd changes their tune and start to cheer.
"Their representing Canada well and Rick and I promise we will do the same, right you hoser?"
Rick smiles and waves at the fans.
"You betcha, buddy!"
"WarSaw Pact, you may be a couple of fellas we wouldn't mind sharing a 2-four with, I tell ya. Labatt not that Pabst stuff you boys like down in the States though. Best of luck to you and we definitely look forward to a friendly competitive match. Maybe we can hit one of those famous Waffle Houses afterward, don't mind us if we bring our own homemade maple syrup, our apologies."
Kyle takes the stage from Quinn and let's him step back in line with Rick and the rest of the Red Serge.
"There you have it folks, your boys are more than ready to offer up that friendly northern neighborly offering of competitive competition to our brothers from the States. We sure-do appreciate the warm Toronto welcome and we hope you enjoy APW's first outing. FOR THE CANADIAN COALITION!"
The fans chant in unison, "FOR THE CANADIAN COALITION!"
Kyle and the boys solute as the Red Serge and Rip begin reciting the Canadian National Anthem again.
-White Static fizzes up the feed.
Inside a log cabin somewhere near Lake Ontario, the boys sit in different parts; Rick watches "The Red Green Show" on the television while eating a big bowl of pretzels sitting in a flannel recliner, Quinn sits at the kitchen bar with a newspaper while drinking a glass of Crown Royal Apple, and Kyle is making flapjacks on a cast iron skillet.
"Now you boys are all packed, right?"
Quinn speaks while still looking at the newspaper.
"Yeah, wow did you know it's legal now to challenge someone to a duel in Canada? That's crazy, think Tom Green would duel me?"
Kyle flips some flapjacks and then shoots a glaring eye to Rick.
"I don't know, probably. Hey buddy, what about you Rick?"
Rick jams a handful of pretzels into his mouth and grumbles through spitting out crumbs.
"Ye-ah, after this, episode. I'll get right on… it."
Rick quickly washed his pretzels down with a bottle of Labatt Blue and Kyle gives him a disappointed dad look.
"Sowry, I meant to say, yeah I'll get right on it."
Kyle flips the cakes onto a plate and places the skillet back onto the stovetop. He looks back to the two boys not paying attention to him.
"Now you hosers need to get it together if you're hoping to one up these boys in the States. We say they're an odd pairing but they've been a team for awhile now and that should make them a threat foreshore. I've been training you two to be a cohesive unit and you've been running through these Canadian tag teams up here, but truthfully there's a reason they weren't making it to the big stage. This is your chance to show the Alpha fans what we Canadians have to offer to their wrestling company. There's a reason why there's been so many Canadian greats in this business and you two will continue their legacy."
Quinn lowers his newspaper and looks at Kyle halfheartedly.
"Rick and I are a well oiled machine thanks to your training, Wolf and we will go to the States to make every Canadian proud."
Rick chimes in after swallowing some more pretzels.
"Yeah, even the French ones."
"Not cool, Rick, my ma was from Quebec donchaknow."
Rick frowns a bit.
"Sowry, Wolf."
Kyle makes each of them a plate of flapjacks and places them on the bar, before he blinks his eyes Rick is at the bar devouring his plate of flapjacks smothered in butter and homemade maple syrup.
"Now I want you boys to keep an eye on each other's backs out there, that is the key to your success. Just like the great game of hockey, not one person can single handedly win the game, well unless you're the GREAT Wayne Gretzky, donchaknow. You're going to have to keep your heads on a swivel and keep those fist up. Warbird has a mean streak to him from what we saw of him at UCI's Killing Floor, eh? This Buzzsaw Bundy fella is built like Normy up in Nova Scotia and you remember how we took him down a peg or two, right?"
Quinn rolls his eyes and goes back to his paper.
"We chopped him down like a couple of lumberjacks…"
Kyle snaps his fingers.
"Exactly and do you know why that worked?"
He looks at both men.
"You did it together, eh? You two saw the size of that man and you didn't back down, you took him head on. You brought the grizzle and the grace and you proved that you two were too much for him. I have faith that you will do the same against WarSaw Pact at Alpha Rising."
Rick finishes off his pancakes and he looks to Quinn gesturing to his untouched plate.
"You going to eat those?"
Quinn lowers his paper and shrugs.
"Go for it buddy."
Kyle smiles wide noticing the perfect balance before his very eyes.
"Give and take… The perfect balance, donchaknow. You boys are the embodiment of what a great team should strive for. A simple gesture of offering up your plate of deliciously stacked flapjacks speaks volumes in this very moment."
Rick and Quinn laugh it up.
"They're just flapjacks, Wolf… Besides you have a whole other bowl batter ready to go behind you. I mean, we are an unstoppable tag team on the cusp of greatness, but me sharing my flapjacks isn't going to be what sales it. Our win over WarSaw Pact is where we will truly shine."
Kyle nods.
"Okay, you got me. You're right, eh? Just one more thing…"
Rick with part of flapjack hanging from his mouth.
"What?"
"Do it for our Queen?"
Rick swallows his cake partially laughing trying not to choke.
"Celine Dion will be proud, sir."
Quinn pats Rick on the back and does a finger gun to Kyle.
"We got this, eh? The Canadian Coalition are starting off as Alpha Pro Wrestling's premiere tag team and there's not a better team to build a division around, donchaknow. WarSaw Pact won't even come close to measuring up in this friendly competitive match up… Like I said, we got this."
Kyle nods.
"I know you do, now would you like more flapjacks?"
Rick busts in finishing off his plate.
"Yes, please!"
Quinn chuckles.
"Yeah… me too big guy."
Kyle pours the batter into the hot skillet.
"Coming right up."
-White static fizzes up the feed to pitch black.
Dear Kyle,
Rip here, just wanted to remind you to be safe in your travels down south, there will be temptations for your boys, some that aren't very becoming of a good Canadian, eh? I have a pretty long reach as a Law man, but some of those cowboys in the States are kinda unruly, not like the Red Serge you know and love. Keep those noses clean and deliver all the dubyas, you can for the friendly neighbors of the north, buddy.
Keep in touch and please tell Rick to stop sending me so many gosh darn food pictures. It's hard enough to fit in my uniform as is.
Your pal,
Sergeant Major
Rip Jones
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!
From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.
The Red Serge all lined up in front of Toronto’s City Hall with hand over heart reciting the Canadian National Anthem. From behind the wall of mounties stands, retired wrestler and owner of The Wolf Den Wrestling Training School that's as close to The Dungeon as one can get in these parts, The Canadian Wolf himself, Kyle Ryder who's dressed in a typical lumberjack fashion with the red flannel and stiff fitting blue jeans as his team to opposite sides of him stand Ravenous Rick Rage in a blue Toronto Maple Leafs jersey and Mercer Quinn sporting a man bun dressed in a red Toronto Raptors jersey. A large ruggedly handsome Mountie that has just enough silver stubble along his chiseled authority having chin to make you believe he's been the head of this division of Mounties for a long time, steps forward to introduce The Canadian Coalition.
"Now, now, now…"
Silver stubble raises his hands to bring a calm over the storm of fans standing in a mass before him.
"If I could be serious for a moment, I'd like to share a few humbling words about our friends here with us today. Old Kyle and yours truly, Rip Jones go back a long time, eh friend?"
Rip nudges at Kyle who nods and pats him sternly on the shoulder.
"Kyle Ryder was a man who traveled the world over competing against some of the best wrestlers that the industry had to offer and what did he do when he hung it all up? He came home and he passed that knowledge donchaknow. He is a swell human being and a hell of a Canadian I tell ya! So not to waste anymore time, allow me to formally introduce The Canadian Coalition."
Rip starts to clap and Kyle simply waves to the crowd, of course trying to stay humble.
"Thank you for buddy for such kind words, but I'm sowry, eh? Me and the boys don't get to go down to Timmies and share a few dozen boxes of Timbits with you good fellas. I got these hosers a couple of contracts with a wrestling company in the States and we go to work next Monday donchaknow."
The crowd starts to murmur different companies out loud and Kyle laughs a robust laugh in response.
"It's not WCF, they're dead, buddy and no it's not Action we are after here… We wanted the top tier, we wanted that Alpha competition, eh? The ink has dried and now these hosers are States bound in the morn ready to take on WarSaw Pact at APW's Alpha Rising!"
The crowd explodes with overwhelming friendly cheering and chanting of APW, as Kyle calms them with a raised right hand.
"Friends, The Canadian Coalition will show the States and beyond just what their friends up north have to offer to the wrestling world and we start off by competing with two men who are as comparable as a heavy helping of Poutine and a warm slice of Saskatoon pie… So different, eh? Strange bed fellas, yet good on their own, which is why my boys here are looking forward to the friendly competition at Alpha Rising. Another note is, these hosers get to kick off the show of shows, so in the wrestling business we call that setting the pace for the rest of our fellow brothers to follow.”
Kyle pats his belly just thinking of that food combination and he looks back to Rick who’s also patting his belly.
“Speaking of that delicious, delicious Saskatoon pie, how about I introduce Saskatoon's very own and extremely hungry baby boy, Ravenous Rick Rage!"
Rick waves at the crowd and steps forward very cautiously.
"How's she bootin'er? It's a nice one outside, eh? Quinn and I have been stuck inside the Wolf Den getting grizzled and ready mentally to have a clean friendly competition in the States, so we've been dying to get some of that fresh crisp Canadian air running through our lungs donchaknow."
Rick stops and starts to drool, stopping all forward thought. Kyle pats Rick on the back a bit to get him to continue speaking again.
"Sowry eh, dozed off thinking about getting a Guinness Shepherd's Pie at the Tilted Dog Pub while we are still in town… If you haven't been, then I don't know what that's aboot, cus you're missing out friends."
Kyle smiles trying not to show he's slightly irritated and he pats Rick again.
"Oh sowry, got caught up in food again… I was suppose to come up here and tell you all about our first opponents in Alpha Pro Wrestling, the WarSaw Pact. Two finely tuned fellas and one of em reminds me of my Uncle Gert. He could drink a two'fer in one sitting and still challenge ya to a tree chopping contest. Geez he could do some damage on some flapjacks too, donchaknow…"
Rick starts to drift off again, so Kyle finally moves him back behind him.
"Now folks, Rick's been taken by his ravenous instincts… Before I lose my cool, I'm going to bring to you, Toronto's very own Lightning in a Bottle, Mercer Quinn!"
Mercer steps forward full of gusto and poise.
"Hello friends, as my partner so eloquently put it, we have been training day and night, night and day at the Wolf Den. I know I showered to show up today, I cannot make the same promise for my buddy, Rick here though."
Quinn looks back to Rick for a second who's licking some maple syrup off his Maple Leafs jersey. Quinn rolls his eyes and then chuckles.
"Hoping you at least throw on some of that maple syrup scented aftershave before we step into the ring with those WarSaw Pact fellas… We are trying to represent a good clean competition from their friendly neighbors in the north sir."
Quinn changes his focus back to the crowd before them.
"Now we may be clean and ready for a fair competition but this is wrestling, is it not? We have a couple of keeners looking to be the company's choice tag team without even one kerfuffle with The Canadian Coalition. Wolf has shown us the tapes and we've seen what this interesting pairing has to offer… Warbird wrestled for United Championship Infinite which is public knowledge that he gave it his all, but didn't have enough stick behind him to score the winning goal for that Rising Stars title. Should've spent more time working on his grapples instead of his beard products, eh Rick?"
Rick gives a simple thumbs up after he returns a beard comb to his pocket.
"Sowry got a bit carried away there… Honest, the thing about these fellas is their odd couple pairing, right? It's their shtick. Ones a boy scout, the other parties with some boy scouts which whom cannot speak of the incident unless they want to face a lawsuit, but that's no means public knowledge."
The crowd reacts with strong oooohs.
"Sowry… How aboot dem Raptors, eh?"
The crowd changes their tune and start to cheer.
"Their representing Canada well and Rick and I promise we will do the same, right you hoser?"
Rick smiles and waves at the fans.
"You betcha, buddy!"
"WarSaw Pact, you may be a couple of fellas we wouldn't mind sharing a 2-four with, I tell ya. Labatt not that Pabst stuff you boys like down in the States though. Best of luck to you and we definitely look forward to a friendly competitive match. Maybe we can hit one of those famous Waffle Houses afterward, don't mind us if we bring our own homemade maple syrup, our apologies."
Kyle takes the stage from Quinn and let's him step back in line with Rick and the rest of the Red Serge.
"There you have it folks, your boys are more than ready to offer up that friendly northern neighborly offering of competitive competition to our brothers from the States. We sure-do appreciate the warm Toronto welcome and we hope you enjoy APW's first outing. FOR THE CANADIAN COALITION!"
The fans chant in unison, "FOR THE CANADIAN COALITION!"
Kyle and the boys solute as the Red Serge and Rip begin reciting the Canadian National Anthem again.
-White Static fizzes up the feed.
Inside a log cabin somewhere near Lake Ontario, the boys sit in different parts; Rick watches "The Red Green Show" on the television while eating a big bowl of pretzels sitting in a flannel recliner, Quinn sits at the kitchen bar with a newspaper while drinking a glass of Crown Royal Apple, and Kyle is making flapjacks on a cast iron skillet.
"Now you boys are all packed, right?"
Quinn speaks while still looking at the newspaper.
"Yeah, wow did you know it's legal now to challenge someone to a duel in Canada? That's crazy, think Tom Green would duel me?"
Kyle flips some flapjacks and then shoots a glaring eye to Rick.
"I don't know, probably. Hey buddy, what about you Rick?"
Rick jams a handful of pretzels into his mouth and grumbles through spitting out crumbs.
"Ye-ah, after this, episode. I'll get right on… it."
Rick quickly washed his pretzels down with a bottle of Labatt Blue and Kyle gives him a disappointed dad look.
"Sowry, I meant to say, yeah I'll get right on it."
Kyle flips the cakes onto a plate and places the skillet back onto the stovetop. He looks back to the two boys not paying attention to him.
"Now you hosers need to get it together if you're hoping to one up these boys in the States. We say they're an odd pairing but they've been a team for awhile now and that should make them a threat foreshore. I've been training you two to be a cohesive unit and you've been running through these Canadian tag teams up here, but truthfully there's a reason they weren't making it to the big stage. This is your chance to show the Alpha fans what we Canadians have to offer to their wrestling company. There's a reason why there's been so many Canadian greats in this business and you two will continue their legacy."
Quinn lowers his newspaper and looks at Kyle halfheartedly.
"Rick and I are a well oiled machine thanks to your training, Wolf and we will go to the States to make every Canadian proud."
Rick chimes in after swallowing some more pretzels.
"Yeah, even the French ones."
"Not cool, Rick, my ma was from Quebec donchaknow."
Rick frowns a bit.
"Sowry, Wolf."
Kyle makes each of them a plate of flapjacks and places them on the bar, before he blinks his eyes Rick is at the bar devouring his plate of flapjacks smothered in butter and homemade maple syrup.
"Now I want you boys to keep an eye on each other's backs out there, that is the key to your success. Just like the great game of hockey, not one person can single handedly win the game, well unless you're the GREAT Wayne Gretzky, donchaknow. You're going to have to keep your heads on a swivel and keep those fist up. Warbird has a mean streak to him from what we saw of him at UCI's Killing Floor, eh? This Buzzsaw Bundy fella is built like Normy up in Nova Scotia and you remember how we took him down a peg or two, right?"
Quinn rolls his eyes and goes back to his paper.
"We chopped him down like a couple of lumberjacks…"
Kyle snaps his fingers.
"Exactly and do you know why that worked?"
He looks at both men.
"You did it together, eh? You two saw the size of that man and you didn't back down, you took him head on. You brought the grizzle and the grace and you proved that you two were too much for him. I have faith that you will do the same against WarSaw Pact at Alpha Rising."
Rick finishes off his pancakes and he looks to Quinn gesturing to his untouched plate.
"You going to eat those?"
Quinn lowers his paper and shrugs.
"Go for it buddy."
Kyle smiles wide noticing the perfect balance before his very eyes.
"Give and take… The perfect balance, donchaknow. You boys are the embodiment of what a great team should strive for. A simple gesture of offering up your plate of deliciously stacked flapjacks speaks volumes in this very moment."
Rick and Quinn laugh it up.
"They're just flapjacks, Wolf… Besides you have a whole other bowl batter ready to go behind you. I mean, we are an unstoppable tag team on the cusp of greatness, but me sharing my flapjacks isn't going to be what sales it. Our win over WarSaw Pact is where we will truly shine."
Kyle nods.
"Okay, you got me. You're right, eh? Just one more thing…"
Rick with part of flapjack hanging from his mouth.
"What?"
"Do it for our Queen?"
Rick swallows his cake partially laughing trying not to choke.
"Celine Dion will be proud, sir."
Quinn pats Rick on the back and does a finger gun to Kyle.
"We got this, eh? The Canadian Coalition are starting off as Alpha Pro Wrestling's premiere tag team and there's not a better team to build a division around, donchaknow. WarSaw Pact won't even come close to measuring up in this friendly competitive match up… Like I said, we got this."
Kyle nods.
"I know you do, now would you like more flapjacks?"
Rick busts in finishing off his plate.
"Yes, please!"
Quinn chuckles.
"Yeah… me too big guy."
Kyle pours the batter into the hot skillet.
"Coming right up."
-White static fizzes up the feed to pitch black.
Dear Kyle,
Rip here, just wanted to remind you to be safe in your travels down south, there will be temptations for your boys, some that aren't very becoming of a good Canadian, eh? I have a pretty long reach as a Law man, but some of those cowboys in the States are kinda unruly, not like the Red Serge you know and love. Keep those noses clean and deliver all the dubyas, you can for the friendly neighbors of the north, buddy.
Keep in touch and please tell Rick to stop sending me so many gosh darn food pictures. It's hard enough to fit in my uniform as is.
Your pal,
Sergeant Major
Rip Jones
