Jobber Dave es Regular Dave...
Oct 11, 2019 18:10:08 GMT -5
BonnieBlue, Spartan, and 1 more like this
Post by Jobber Dave on Oct 11, 2019 18:10:08 GMT -5
"Es been too long, mi vagabond amigo…"
Jobber Dave sits on a stoop in a random piss poor city with Ralph "The Human Vomit" Grosse sitting next to him holding a bottle of peppermint schnapps in a brown paper bag. The years haven't been kind to old Ralph, but Jobber Dave is happy to see him nonetheless.
"I noticed… *Belch* That the commentators are starting to call you… *Belch* Regular Dave…"
Dave shakes his head and Ralph offers him some schnapps, that Dave politely pushes away.
"Si, I don't es understands it… I live as Jobber Dave and I eat as Jobber Dave… I es Jobber Dave, it es not a name…"
Ralph takes a swig of schnapps and blows out that hint of fermented peach stinch into the air.
"You're winning matches now kid and you're earning opportunities… *Belch* Plus those other wrestlers resent you now..."
Dave looks curiously at Ralph who looks like he's about to vomit.
"Oh no, Ralph…"
Ralph vomits off the stoop and Dave covers his mouth for a second and then fans it away with his hands.
"Es sickito…"
Ralph wipes his mouth, takes another swig, and then belches.
"Sorry man, had to get that one out… Where were we? *Belch* That's right, the people hating you thing… I know it is hard to believe, but nobody on that rosters sees you as a real competitor… Hell *Belch* they see you as just a bum fighter and that's all they'll see. It's nothing personal, I'm sure, it's just the cards we were dealt, eh?"
Dave nods slowly and Ralph shakes his head.
"I hate it, especially for you, kid. You may have come from our ranks, but we all saw your fighting spirit. *Belch* The entire Bum Fight Division knew you could hang and you had more talent than most… Pelican told me once that..."
Ralph fakes a Pelican accent.
"It'd be best we harpoon ya, young before ya too long of nose."
Ralph chuckles.
"Or whatever that *Belch* means…"
"Well Miss Irina sees great es abilities in me… She es the one who gave me es chance at Junior Heavyweight Championship against es Steven Osborne… He es walking… Male Erection?"
Ralph about spits out his schnapps.
"A walking what?"
Dave slows down before replying.
"A walking es pepe? He throws his machismo around like es don Juan DeMarco… He es porn star but fails to seal deal…"
Ralph cackles.
"Pay for it and it still counts, Dave."
"He es tough, but not tough enough to be Irina's chosen one, huh? I fight for es People and with them, they give me es strength to prevail against all es odds. That must be why Miss Irina give Jobber Dave es chance for Junior Heavyweight Championship… And I'm considered es fool of APW…"
"You're fool hearted, not the fool. People love a good… *Blech* Underdog story. That's why the fans, your people, see you actually being World champion, let alone Junior Heavyweight Champion. *Belch* So I say, you go out there and you show this Steven Osborne fella, what a true bum fighter CAN DO!"
Through Ralph's excitement he vomits again off the stoop. Following the same routine, he wipes his mouth off, takes a swig of schnapps, and belches.
"I es simple man, Ralph… I es keep to mi self and I fight when I must… I not like the other bum fighters…"
"Kid, don't worry about all that, we've all seen you grow. You may not see it, but those fans of yours see it and those commentators who are bamboozled by your sudden surge has too. You can still call yourself Jobber Dave, but they're starting to see Regular Dave now, buddy."
Dave runs his red beard that hangs from his mask.
"You speak well Ralph… You make es sense… Jobber Dave and Regular Dave es same person… I battle for mi amigos, mi fans, and mi familia… What does Steven es fight for?"
Ralph shrugs.
"Lube and bad spray tan?"
Ralph snickers to himself.
"He es too busy trying to stuff tacos than win matches… He may be champion, but he es only holding it til Jobber Dave come along… Now I es here, ready to do battle with overly sex drive man…"
Ralph takes a swig of schnapps and then pats Dave on the back, triggering himself vomiting off the stoop.
"Oh so sorry, but that's the spirit kid!"
Dave nods slowly and then raises a fist in the air.
"Jobber Dave es headed to El Dorado to claim his gold! Are you with me?!"
Ralph vomits again and then looks at his schnapps.
"I'm with ya kid, but I don't think I'm with this peppermint schnapps… *Belch* Any longer…"
"YES! We fight and we es WIN MI AMIGOS! FOR ES PEOPLE!!!"
Dave stands up and nods to Ralph, gesturing that he's headed out and Ralph tosses the schnapps in a trash can on the curb in front of the stoop.
"Is this the part where I say, may the force be with you?"
Dave shakes his head and walks away speaking softly to himself.
"Es stupido..."
As Jobber Dave walks down the street, we are treated to an inner monologue.
"Es Steven is first 2 time champion of Alpha Pro Wrestling... I make es jokes at his expense, but he es at least proven... But he prove one thing though, that he can es lose his title if one fights hard enough against him. Who better fighter and has stronger spirit than, Jobber Dave? I've been fighting so hard lately that es people see me as Regular Dave and that can't be for nothing. I come from the bottom and now I'm here. I fight all es bums in New Blood Wrestling and even they saw es heart and es determination that Dave brings to the ring. Steven is driven by his own vices and Dave will dig deep to overcome his advances... Just like the girls he es pursues, ha. His mind es not set on his gold and that es his biggest mistake. He es always finding his mind on the ladies instead of competition. His failure to retain title before es his weakness and I es use it against HIM. He will underestimate me, it es a give in. He looks at Jobber Dave and he see es weakling… He see es Jobber Dave as unworthy and bottom of Barrel. People ask why Jobber Dave fights and es for THE PEOPLE. My people who see Jobber Dave as more than bum fighter… More than es Jobber… But this es mi chance and it es a chance for Jobber Dave to prove mi haters es wrong. Steven better be ready, because he es in for the FIGHT OF HIS LIFE! Because I FIGHT FOR THE PEOPLE and THE PEOPLE FIGHT WITH ME!"
Dave clinches his fist and walks stronger down the street toward a parking garage with nothing but a fighting spirit in his heart.
Jobber Dave sits on a stoop in a random piss poor city with Ralph "The Human Vomit" Grosse sitting next to him holding a bottle of peppermint schnapps in a brown paper bag. The years haven't been kind to old Ralph, but Jobber Dave is happy to see him nonetheless.
"I noticed… *Belch* That the commentators are starting to call you… *Belch* Regular Dave…"
Dave shakes his head and Ralph offers him some schnapps, that Dave politely pushes away.
"Si, I don't es understands it… I live as Jobber Dave and I eat as Jobber Dave… I es Jobber Dave, it es not a name…"
Ralph takes a swig of schnapps and blows out that hint of fermented peach stinch into the air.
"You're winning matches now kid and you're earning opportunities… *Belch* Plus those other wrestlers resent you now..."
Dave looks curiously at Ralph who looks like he's about to vomit.
"Oh no, Ralph…"
Ralph vomits off the stoop and Dave covers his mouth for a second and then fans it away with his hands.
"Es sickito…"
Ralph wipes his mouth, takes another swig, and then belches.
"Sorry man, had to get that one out… Where were we? *Belch* That's right, the people hating you thing… I know it is hard to believe, but nobody on that rosters sees you as a real competitor… Hell *Belch* they see you as just a bum fighter and that's all they'll see. It's nothing personal, I'm sure, it's just the cards we were dealt, eh?"
Dave nods slowly and Ralph shakes his head.
"I hate it, especially for you, kid. You may have come from our ranks, but we all saw your fighting spirit. *Belch* The entire Bum Fight Division knew you could hang and you had more talent than most… Pelican told me once that..."
Ralph fakes a Pelican accent.
"It'd be best we harpoon ya, young before ya too long of nose."
Ralph chuckles.
"Or whatever that *Belch* means…"
"Well Miss Irina sees great es abilities in me… She es the one who gave me es chance at Junior Heavyweight Championship against es Steven Osborne… He es walking… Male Erection?"
Ralph about spits out his schnapps.
"A walking what?"
Dave slows down before replying.
"A walking es pepe? He throws his machismo around like es don Juan DeMarco… He es porn star but fails to seal deal…"
Ralph cackles.
"Pay for it and it still counts, Dave."
"He es tough, but not tough enough to be Irina's chosen one, huh? I fight for es People and with them, they give me es strength to prevail against all es odds. That must be why Miss Irina give Jobber Dave es chance for Junior Heavyweight Championship… And I'm considered es fool of APW…"
"You're fool hearted, not the fool. People love a good… *Blech* Underdog story. That's why the fans, your people, see you actually being World champion, let alone Junior Heavyweight Champion. *Belch* So I say, you go out there and you show this Steven Osborne fella, what a true bum fighter CAN DO!"
Through Ralph's excitement he vomits again off the stoop. Following the same routine, he wipes his mouth off, takes a swig of schnapps, and belches.
"I es simple man, Ralph… I es keep to mi self and I fight when I must… I not like the other bum fighters…"
"Kid, don't worry about all that, we've all seen you grow. You may not see it, but those fans of yours see it and those commentators who are bamboozled by your sudden surge has too. You can still call yourself Jobber Dave, but they're starting to see Regular Dave now, buddy."
Dave runs his red beard that hangs from his mask.
"You speak well Ralph… You make es sense… Jobber Dave and Regular Dave es same person… I battle for mi amigos, mi fans, and mi familia… What does Steven es fight for?"
Ralph shrugs.
"Lube and bad spray tan?"
Ralph snickers to himself.
"He es too busy trying to stuff tacos than win matches… He may be champion, but he es only holding it til Jobber Dave come along… Now I es here, ready to do battle with overly sex drive man…"
Ralph takes a swig of schnapps and then pats Dave on the back, triggering himself vomiting off the stoop.
"Oh so sorry, but that's the spirit kid!"
Dave nods slowly and then raises a fist in the air.
"Jobber Dave es headed to El Dorado to claim his gold! Are you with me?!"
Ralph vomits again and then looks at his schnapps.
"I'm with ya kid, but I don't think I'm with this peppermint schnapps… *Belch* Any longer…"
"YES! We fight and we es WIN MI AMIGOS! FOR ES PEOPLE!!!"
Dave stands up and nods to Ralph, gesturing that he's headed out and Ralph tosses the schnapps in a trash can on the curb in front of the stoop.
"Is this the part where I say, may the force be with you?"
Dave shakes his head and walks away speaking softly to himself.
"Es stupido..."
As Jobber Dave walks down the street, we are treated to an inner monologue.
"Es Steven is first 2 time champion of Alpha Pro Wrestling... I make es jokes at his expense, but he es at least proven... But he prove one thing though, that he can es lose his title if one fights hard enough against him. Who better fighter and has stronger spirit than, Jobber Dave? I've been fighting so hard lately that es people see me as Regular Dave and that can't be for nothing. I come from the bottom and now I'm here. I fight all es bums in New Blood Wrestling and even they saw es heart and es determination that Dave brings to the ring. Steven is driven by his own vices and Dave will dig deep to overcome his advances... Just like the girls he es pursues, ha. His mind es not set on his gold and that es his biggest mistake. He es always finding his mind on the ladies instead of competition. His failure to retain title before es his weakness and I es use it against HIM. He will underestimate me, it es a give in. He looks at Jobber Dave and he see es weakling… He see es Jobber Dave as unworthy and bottom of Barrel. People ask why Jobber Dave fights and es for THE PEOPLE. My people who see Jobber Dave as more than bum fighter… More than es Jobber… But this es mi chance and it es a chance for Jobber Dave to prove mi haters es wrong. Steven better be ready, because he es in for the FIGHT OF HIS LIFE! Because I FIGHT FOR THE PEOPLE and THE PEOPLE FIGHT WITH ME!"
Dave clinches his fist and walks stronger down the street toward a parking garage with nothing but a fighting spirit in his heart.
