Post by Steven Osbourne on Oct 9, 2019 21:41:04 GMT -5
Steven Osbourne and one of his co managers Veronica Anderson are in a wrestling school?
Are you surprised I took you here on a date?
This isn't a date! It's a business meeting. I'm not complaining we are in a wrestling ring because normally you want to meet up a sleazy strip club or something equally tasteless.
That was an option?
No!
Steven looks disappointed then shrugs.
I'll go with Amber later. We are in.. in the middle of the ring because you are always whining that I don't take my matches seriously.
Because you don't!
So to prove you wrong.. I am going properly prepare for Jobber Dave. Now lots of people think that requires zero preparation. I disagree.
You do?
The man calls himself Jobber Dave. Jobber being the lowest of the low on the wrestling totem pole. But he holds a win over Allen Anderson. That means he's no jobber.. he just wants people to think he is so that they underestimate him. I'm not knocking him for that.. it's smart. I'm certainly not gonna fall for a cheap trick like that.
Steven grins.
Most of my tricks are real expensive.
Real classy Steven.
I always keep it classy. That's why I'm the first two timer in APW history. I intend to keep my Junior Heavyweight Championship.. keep right on defending it until they rename it the 15 inches and over championship in my honour! Back me up on that one Ronnie.
I will not! You're disgusting.
So I've watched Jobber Dave matches and noticed his greatest weapon.. the Anderson pin! So if I nullify that I got this one in the bag.
Actually something I agree with.
That's why I require your assistance. Roll me up Ronnie.
What?
Get behind me and..
I know how to.. I just don't see the point of it.
You wanted me to take my matches more seriously. Now that I do.. you refuse to help me?
Veronica sighs.
Fine..
Veronica rolls Osbourne up.. a ref slides into the ring..
1...
You're totally touching my butt!
Veronica pulls back with a disgusted look on her face. Steven gets up grinning.
Only a one count! I have conquered the famed Anderson pin. And as an added bonus.. how much did you like touching my butt?
I feel I need to bleach my hand.
I know exactly what you mean. I'd want to bronze my hand too.
I said bleach!
Agree to disagree. Besides in that ten second display I just proved that I am better then Jobber Dave in every way! First.. I defeated the one move he has used to achieve victory. As well by convincing Ronnie to touch my butt.. I proved I was better then anyone ever in the Bum Fighting division Jobber Dave started off in! I am the ultimate junior heavyweight champion! The ultimate bum fighter!
Well.. you are an asshole.
See... something we agree on!
You're proud of that?
Assholes always win in the end. I just made an insult and a butt sex joke in the past ten seconds. What can I say? I'm awesome! I've been making jokes.. but the jokes end right now.. You aren't actually a jobber but I am going to treat you like one the way I destroy you this week. I'm sorry Dave.. what I do to you.. this isn't your fault. You can blame Irina for the beating you are about to take. You didn't deserve to be in that wild card match. You didn't deserve a shot at the world title. You went on this bullshit about being the champion of the people.
Steven cocks an eyebrow.
What people would be proud of your effort? You dropped the ball! You not only lost.. but you barely broke a sweat in doing so! Like I said.. I don't blame you.. you did your best.. that's merely as good as it gets for you. I think it's a joke that you got the opportunity while I didn't. I would have won that match! Hands down! Jazzy John? Johnny Blaze. I eat pieces of shit like them for breakfast.
I can tell your breathe is horrible.
Dude.. I was quoting Happy Gilmore! Fact is.. they gave you a chance you didn't earn.. didn't deserve.. and predictably blew.. instead of me.. someone who would have not only won that match but when on to win the whole tournament! I'm not just going to say what a mistake Irina made by putting you in the tournament I'm going to prove it by blowing through you in dominant fashion! Last week I destroyed some overmatched competition to defend my championship. This week is going to be the same. You might not have meant to but you took my opportunity last week. I saw you on tv and you truly believed you deserved it. So I'm gonna have to show you the error of your ways.
Steven stops..
That's not good enough! I have to do it in a way that everyone knows they were wrong to award a wildcard spot to you instead of me. The super sexy boogeyman slayer isn't a champion of the people.. he's a real champion! You only gotta make up your own titles when you aren't good enough to win any based on your merit. So you can keep that people's championship you crowned yourself with Dave.. or you can stuff up it your ass.
Steven grins.
That's kinky!
No.. as usual.. it's wrong and gross.
Not half as wrong and gross as the way I was robbed of the chance to be the first dual champion in APW history. I could have won that tournament.. defeated Smith Jones.. again.. and become the first Junior Heavyweight Champion AND world heavyweight champion! I could have been double stuffed with titles! Double stuffed champion. You like the sound of that, Ronnie?
I hate you so much. But I would love the extra money being a dual champion would bring us.
So.. you're saying that if I destroy Dave.. if I keep destroying every they put in front of me until I get the world title.. you'd be pleased.
Very much so.
Veronica pauses.. clarifies.
In a professional way.
Steven winks.
So when I win the world title.. then I can pay for it!
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANt AT ALL!
That's what I'm going with! Jobber Dave.. you were in enough trouble before but was before sex was on the table! If you think I'm motivated by titles, money, glory, fame... my giant ego..
I know you're motivated by all those things.
That's nothing compared to my motivation by sex! You’ll think I’m a one eyed monster when I finish skull fucking you into submission Dave!
That sounds creepy and rapey.. even for you.
Steven pauses.
You’re right Ronnie. That was out of line. I’ll say sorry now Dave but that just goes to show how motivated by getting some action I am. Think about that. You are in the way of Steven getting some. You should be afraid because that is a force you do not want to go up against.
By your own statement you are going to fight hard in order to pay for sex with me? Most importantly that is never ever going to..
The South is Gonna Rise Again suddenly begins playing as Jackson Thomas kicks down the front door of the gym. Ok.. he’s far too weak to kick down the door. Steven finally sighs exits the ring and opens the door.. only to have Thomas stumble in, start yee-hawing, shooting off... his cap gun.
Did he get that from the dollar store?
I did hear APW paid him a dollar.
That’s fake news! They paid me 5 dollars. I got this here cap gun AND munchies!
Would you go away?
I will not go away! I got kicked in my Southern comfort by that damn cheating Northerner Steven Osbourne!
I resent that.. part of that. Sexville is neither North nor South.. it’s everywhere. I am however a damn cheater.
You’re not helping!
Ah Hell boy if ya ain’t from the North I got no quarrel. So I’m here to root ya on against that damned beaner Jobber Dave!
You can’t say racist garbage like that!
It ain’t racist.. I have a Mexican friend.. named Carlos Mencia. I watch him on tv while I’m stoned. He’s practically ma best friend. I also have a Mexican gardener.. or lawn mower or something.. Anyways.. beat that jumping bean!
All of that is also racist! Why are you not helping the situation Steven?
I was just waiting for the right moment to eliminate the competition.
Veronica looks enraged.
No you don’t! With all the shit I had to put up with.. I deserve to knock him out!
With that Veronica approaches, coldcocks Thomas with a single punch.
Jobber Dave... are you an optimist or a pessimist? On the bright side you’re not half as pathetic as him. But you’ll never be half the man I am. Unfortunately for you.. you’re facing me. Pessimism wins.
Are you surprised I took you here on a date?
This isn't a date! It's a business meeting. I'm not complaining we are in a wrestling ring because normally you want to meet up a sleazy strip club or something equally tasteless.
That was an option?
No!
Steven looks disappointed then shrugs.
I'll go with Amber later. We are in.. in the middle of the ring because you are always whining that I don't take my matches seriously.
Because you don't!
So to prove you wrong.. I am going properly prepare for Jobber Dave. Now lots of people think that requires zero preparation. I disagree.
You do?
The man calls himself Jobber Dave. Jobber being the lowest of the low on the wrestling totem pole. But he holds a win over Allen Anderson. That means he's no jobber.. he just wants people to think he is so that they underestimate him. I'm not knocking him for that.. it's smart. I'm certainly not gonna fall for a cheap trick like that.
Steven grins.
Most of my tricks are real expensive.
Real classy Steven.
I always keep it classy. That's why I'm the first two timer in APW history. I intend to keep my Junior Heavyweight Championship.. keep right on defending it until they rename it the 15 inches and over championship in my honour! Back me up on that one Ronnie.
I will not! You're disgusting.
So I've watched Jobber Dave matches and noticed his greatest weapon.. the Anderson pin! So if I nullify that I got this one in the bag.
Actually something I agree with.
That's why I require your assistance. Roll me up Ronnie.
What?
Get behind me and..
I know how to.. I just don't see the point of it.
You wanted me to take my matches more seriously. Now that I do.. you refuse to help me?
Veronica sighs.
Fine..
Veronica rolls Osbourne up.. a ref slides into the ring..
1...
You're totally touching my butt!
Veronica pulls back with a disgusted look on her face. Steven gets up grinning.
Only a one count! I have conquered the famed Anderson pin. And as an added bonus.. how much did you like touching my butt?
I feel I need to bleach my hand.
I know exactly what you mean. I'd want to bronze my hand too.
I said bleach!
Agree to disagree. Besides in that ten second display I just proved that I am better then Jobber Dave in every way! First.. I defeated the one move he has used to achieve victory. As well by convincing Ronnie to touch my butt.. I proved I was better then anyone ever in the Bum Fighting division Jobber Dave started off in! I am the ultimate junior heavyweight champion! The ultimate bum fighter!
Well.. you are an asshole.
See... something we agree on!
You're proud of that?
Assholes always win in the end. I just made an insult and a butt sex joke in the past ten seconds. What can I say? I'm awesome! I've been making jokes.. but the jokes end right now.. You aren't actually a jobber but I am going to treat you like one the way I destroy you this week. I'm sorry Dave.. what I do to you.. this isn't your fault. You can blame Irina for the beating you are about to take. You didn't deserve to be in that wild card match. You didn't deserve a shot at the world title. You went on this bullshit about being the champion of the people.
Steven cocks an eyebrow.
What people would be proud of your effort? You dropped the ball! You not only lost.. but you barely broke a sweat in doing so! Like I said.. I don't blame you.. you did your best.. that's merely as good as it gets for you. I think it's a joke that you got the opportunity while I didn't. I would have won that match! Hands down! Jazzy John? Johnny Blaze. I eat pieces of shit like them for breakfast.
I can tell your breathe is horrible.
Dude.. I was quoting Happy Gilmore! Fact is.. they gave you a chance you didn't earn.. didn't deserve.. and predictably blew.. instead of me.. someone who would have not only won that match but when on to win the whole tournament! I'm not just going to say what a mistake Irina made by putting you in the tournament I'm going to prove it by blowing through you in dominant fashion! Last week I destroyed some overmatched competition to defend my championship. This week is going to be the same. You might not have meant to but you took my opportunity last week. I saw you on tv and you truly believed you deserved it. So I'm gonna have to show you the error of your ways.
Steven stops..
That's not good enough! I have to do it in a way that everyone knows they were wrong to award a wildcard spot to you instead of me. The super sexy boogeyman slayer isn't a champion of the people.. he's a real champion! You only gotta make up your own titles when you aren't good enough to win any based on your merit. So you can keep that people's championship you crowned yourself with Dave.. or you can stuff up it your ass.
Steven grins.
That's kinky!
No.. as usual.. it's wrong and gross.
Not half as wrong and gross as the way I was robbed of the chance to be the first dual champion in APW history. I could have won that tournament.. defeated Smith Jones.. again.. and become the first Junior Heavyweight Champion AND world heavyweight champion! I could have been double stuffed with titles! Double stuffed champion. You like the sound of that, Ronnie?
I hate you so much. But I would love the extra money being a dual champion would bring us.
So.. you're saying that if I destroy Dave.. if I keep destroying every they put in front of me until I get the world title.. you'd be pleased.
Very much so.
Veronica pauses.. clarifies.
In a professional way.
Steven winks.
So when I win the world title.. then I can pay for it!
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANt AT ALL!
That's what I'm going with! Jobber Dave.. you were in enough trouble before but was before sex was on the table! If you think I'm motivated by titles, money, glory, fame... my giant ego..
I know you're motivated by all those things.
That's nothing compared to my motivation by sex! You’ll think I’m a one eyed monster when I finish skull fucking you into submission Dave!
That sounds creepy and rapey.. even for you.
Steven pauses.
You’re right Ronnie. That was out of line. I’ll say sorry now Dave but that just goes to show how motivated by getting some action I am. Think about that. You are in the way of Steven getting some. You should be afraid because that is a force you do not want to go up against.
By your own statement you are going to fight hard in order to pay for sex with me? Most importantly that is never ever going to..
The South is Gonna Rise Again suddenly begins playing as Jackson Thomas kicks down the front door of the gym. Ok.. he’s far too weak to kick down the door. Steven finally sighs exits the ring and opens the door.. only to have Thomas stumble in, start yee-hawing, shooting off... his cap gun.
Did he get that from the dollar store?
I did hear APW paid him a dollar.
That’s fake news! They paid me 5 dollars. I got this here cap gun AND munchies!
Would you go away?
I will not go away! I got kicked in my Southern comfort by that damn cheating Northerner Steven Osbourne!
I resent that.. part of that. Sexville is neither North nor South.. it’s everywhere. I am however a damn cheater.
You’re not helping!
Ah Hell boy if ya ain’t from the North I got no quarrel. So I’m here to root ya on against that damned beaner Jobber Dave!
You can’t say racist garbage like that!
It ain’t racist.. I have a Mexican friend.. named Carlos Mencia. I watch him on tv while I’m stoned. He’s practically ma best friend. I also have a Mexican gardener.. or lawn mower or something.. Anyways.. beat that jumping bean!
All of that is also racist! Why are you not helping the situation Steven?
I was just waiting for the right moment to eliminate the competition.
Veronica looks enraged.
No you don’t! With all the shit I had to put up with.. I deserve to knock him out!
With that Veronica approaches, coldcocks Thomas with a single punch.
Jobber Dave... are you an optimist or a pessimist? On the bright side you’re not half as pathetic as him. But you’ll never be half the man I am. Unfortunately for you.. you’re facing me. Pessimism wins.
