Post by 'Jazzy' John McCarty on Oct 6, 2019 22:52:33 GMT -5
It's Friday night, and New Orleans once again fails to disappoint. The nightlife is among the best in the world, and the sound of brass fills the night sky.
It's after closing time at the House of Blues, and we find 'Jazzy' John McCarty behind the bar, talking to the woman in a red dress, Jade.
John: And there's this one scene, where this trumpet player was out of tune when playing the Hawaii Five-O theme song to introduce me, so I hit him in the head and threw him through a bass drum!
Jade: Wow! That's insane!
John: It was fun filming the scene.
Jade: How cool is it that you're in a movie!?
John: It's really interesting... It's kinda cool being a main character in a film, and more people start to recognise who you are.
Jade: So what's the movie about again?
John: It's like a comedy action film, like the action in Once Upon a Time in the West combined with the comedy in, well, any spoof. Also, it's just action, there's nothing Western about it. I thought it was pretty funny, I was relieved that I didn't have to take myself too seriously.
Jade: So who else acted with you?
John: I worked with Macaulay Culkin, who played the hero, and Haylie Duff. I don't know who she played, she was just there, hoping that somehow this film would make her the better sister. They'll all be showing up to the premiere.
Jade: Wait, there's a premiere? I thought this was just a low-budget movie?
John: Yeah… we wanted a premiere. So we got one! Mind you, I need to bring a plus one… I wonder what the Bartender would be doing…
Jade: You're looking for a plus one?
John: Ah, Jade, I was wondering if you'd like to be my plus one?
Jade: You know what, I'd love to.
John: Sweet. I'll meet you here at 7 on Friday?
Jade: It's a date.
John: A date?
Jade: Oh! No, not a date. I'm just saying that he's official. An appointment, pretty much.
John: Ah. An appointment. Cool.
----------
Kyle the TMZ Reporter: Here I am, live at the Once Upon a Time in New Orleans movie premiere! We just talked to Haylie and Hillary Duff, who just showed up. It's the surprisingly less popular but more talented Haylie who stars in this movie… who's this in this grand limousine? Is it Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin? No! It's professional wrestler 'Jazzy' John McCarty. A buzz generates through the small buzz! Ooh? Who's this +1 with him? Not gonna lie, she's pretty hot! *annoying laugh*
John walks out of the limousine with his very nice tuxedo and observes the small crowd of about 20-something people. He then looks at Jade, who is once again wearing her red dress.
John: Is that dress the only thing in your cupboard?
Jade: No... I'm just particularly fond of it.
John and Jade walk down the low-budget red carpet, when…
Kyle: <yelling in a maniac style> JOHN!! JOHN!! OVER HERE! KYLE FROM TMZ!!!
John: <to himself> Jesus Christ <out loud> Hey! How's it going?
Kyle: OH. MY. GAWD. Who is that delicious diva next to you!?
Jade: Don't call me delicious, creep.
Kyle: Ooh, she's feisty.
John: Are you hitting on her?
Kyle: Of course not, silly! I, along with every single TMZ reporter, am into guys, not girls. *annoying laugh* Anyways, tell me a little about your role in the movie…
John: Well, I'm the bad guy…
Kyle: Duh. Tell me more!
John: Well, I feel like this role kinda suits me, I mean, my character is cocky, arrogant, and yet lives up to expectations. That suits me, a lot. I talk about myself a lot, and my actions are just as big as my words.
Kyle: Speaking about actions, tell me about your match this week against Johnny Blaze and Jobber Dave! What are your thoughts? Are you gonna win?
John: Well, it's for the wild card in the World Title tournament… it's pretty much a match which means you're in the tournament, but not really. I asked for an explanation on Twitter, but I was met with a very vague response. Irina Ivanova stated that the winner would advance to semi-finals, but which match? No-one knows… That was the point of the wildcard. I don't know the purpose of this… wildcard. But, nevertheless, it is interesting, and it could possibly give me a huge advantage in this tournament. I guess I'll just have to wait to find out.
Kyle: Ugh. Enough about this stupid wildcard thingy… tell me more about your opponents, Johnny Blaze and Jobber Dave!
John: Well. Let's begin with Jobber Dave… possibly the most exciting thing that's happened to him is Taco Tuesday twice in one week. Why's he even in this tournament? Has he even won a match? Whilst he did work hard to even be in the APW in the first place… he just doesn't belong in the big leagues. I'm sorry man, but he's just enhancement talent. He'll be easy to get rid of. He won't last long. He's just a distraction.
But my main nemesis in this match is Johnny Blaze. Now, I'm going to think of something a tad more creative than 'enhancement talent' for you, because you're better than that. I genuinely feel that us two, if you ignore Jobber Dave, can have a good match. Look, we're both very skilled in the ring, and we both have a devastating finisher move.
But the problem, Johnny, is that you can't hit that 'lit' finisher, or whatever it's called, out of nowhere. You have to get me on the top rope just to set it up. By then, I can see it coming. I know when it's happening. But, the advantage I have is that you don't know when I'm about to hit the Ad Lib. And, you see, that's what's going to happen. I'm going to hit the Ad Lib, which you won't see coming, and you'll be down for the three count.
One.
Two.
Three.
And what's with all this phenom jazz? Phenom? Phenomenal would be the last word I'd describe you as. It's like calling Jobber Dave 'decent'. It's hyperbole. You're no phenom. You're just good. Your name should just be 'Pretty Good' Johnny Blaze.
And I hear you got a win last week? Yeah, that's cool. You're heading into this match with momentum on your side. But this win was against Alex Scott? Big whoop. I've beaten Alex Scott my fair share of times, and he's one of m1any victims of my vicious Ad Lib.
Look, I know you're heading into this match with high hopes. I'm just gonna let you know, this monday night, those high hopes are going to turn into disappointment.
Kyle: Oh. My. God. Thanks for the juicy goss, John!
John: Fuck, I forgot you were a TMZ reporter.
Kyle: *annoying laugh*
John and Jade walk down the red carpet and into the cinema.
----------
Jade and John take their seats in the cinema.
John: Ooh, it's starting!
The movie starts, and the opening scene shows John in the dark lair.
John's role: Who am I? You sure you want to know?
Director: CUT!!
John's role: What?
Director: That's not the line!
John's role: I could've sworn that was the line.
Director: That's from Spiderman! Your line is 'Ah, you don't know who I am, don't you?'
John's role: Ah, that makes sense.
The crowd laughs.
John <whispering>: That was on purpose by the way.
Jade <whispering>: Shut up.
John's role: Ah, you don't know who I am, don't you? They call me the Brasshole. Why? Because I like brass, and I'm an asshole.
---
Jade: You know, that was fun. We should do that again sometime. Except, maybe, a bit more than an appointment.
John: ...like?
Jade: ...like an actual date.
John paused. His heart races. His palms start to sweat.
John <crackly voice>: A date?
Jade: ...what's wrong?
John takes a deep breath. And sighs.
John: I'm not sure.
Jade: About what?
John: About… I don't know. I'm just not ready.
Jade: John…
John: Believe me, I really want this date.
Jade: Then why are you not sure?
John: It's just, something deep down is just telling me that I shouldn't do this.
There's an awkward pause, where John looks at the ground and Jade looks to the side.
John: Well I think I better get going now.
John turns around and starts to walk away. He starts to take a few steps.
Jade <yells>: You're afraid.
John suddenly stops. Afraid? He wasn't afraid of anything.
Jade: You've fought wrestling legends in the ring. You star in a movie. Heck, you even manage a famous New Orleans bar. You're one of the bravest people I know. But when it comes to a date, you're afraid.
John turns around.
John: You're calling me… afraid?
Jade: You heard me. Afraid.
John takes a step forward.
John: Afraid?
Jade: Wow. Is there a fucking echo out here? You're afraid, John.
John takes a second step.
John: I've fought in a match with 40 other competitors, and I was in the top 9. I've won championships. But yet, you still call me afraid?
Jade: Yep.
John takes his third step forward, and now he's back to where he was before.
John: Fine. But I don't understand, I'm strong, courageous, yet one minor thing makes me so scared.
Jade: You heard of Huey Lewis and the News?
John: Yeah.
Jade: Well, I'm gonna quote those guys. John, you'll find 'that's the power of love'. See you next Friday?
John: Um… sure.
Jade: It's a date.
Jade walks away and hails a taxi.
John <yells>: Don't you mean appointment?
Jade <yells>: Nope. I mean a date.
Jade gets in a taxi which drives off.
John <to himself>: Damn.
----------
'I'm a Fool To Want You' plays on the car stereo as John and another woman drive down the road.
Woman: Look at the stars in the night sky. Aren't they just beautiful?
John: Not as beautiful as you!
Woman: Wow, that was cheesy.
John: Hey, I'm just trying to be nice.
The woman gave a little chuckle before saying these words.
Woman: John, I love you.
John was surprised - she had never said those words before. He looked at her.
Jade: JOHN!!!
<crash>
--
John wakes up with a gasp.
His roommates, the Bartender and Bert were also awake.
Bartender: Same dream?
John: Yep.
Bert: What dream?
John: You don't need to know.
Bert: Okay, how come the Bartender knows about this and I don't?
Bartender: This has been bothering him since his WCF days. Just don't worry about it.
Bert <reluctantly>: Fine.
All three roommates go back to sleep.
It's after closing time at the House of Blues, and we find 'Jazzy' John McCarty behind the bar, talking to the woman in a red dress, Jade.
John: And there's this one scene, where this trumpet player was out of tune when playing the Hawaii Five-O theme song to introduce me, so I hit him in the head and threw him through a bass drum!
Jade: Wow! That's insane!
John: It was fun filming the scene.
Jade: How cool is it that you're in a movie!?
John: It's really interesting... It's kinda cool being a main character in a film, and more people start to recognise who you are.
Jade: So what's the movie about again?
John: It's like a comedy action film, like the action in Once Upon a Time in the West combined with the comedy in, well, any spoof. Also, it's just action, there's nothing Western about it. I thought it was pretty funny, I was relieved that I didn't have to take myself too seriously.
Jade: So who else acted with you?
John: I worked with Macaulay Culkin, who played the hero, and Haylie Duff. I don't know who she played, she was just there, hoping that somehow this film would make her the better sister. They'll all be showing up to the premiere.
Jade: Wait, there's a premiere? I thought this was just a low-budget movie?
John: Yeah… we wanted a premiere. So we got one! Mind you, I need to bring a plus one… I wonder what the Bartender would be doing…
Jade: You're looking for a plus one?
John: Ah, Jade, I was wondering if you'd like to be my plus one?
Jade: You know what, I'd love to.
John: Sweet. I'll meet you here at 7 on Friday?
Jade: It's a date.
John: A date?
Jade: Oh! No, not a date. I'm just saying that he's official. An appointment, pretty much.
John: Ah. An appointment. Cool.
----------
Kyle the TMZ Reporter: Here I am, live at the Once Upon a Time in New Orleans movie premiere! We just talked to Haylie and Hillary Duff, who just showed up. It's the surprisingly less popular but more talented Haylie who stars in this movie… who's this in this grand limousine? Is it Macaulay Macaulay Culkin Culkin? No! It's professional wrestler 'Jazzy' John McCarty. A buzz generates through the small buzz! Ooh? Who's this +1 with him? Not gonna lie, she's pretty hot! *annoying laugh*
John walks out of the limousine with his very nice tuxedo and observes the small crowd of about 20-something people. He then looks at Jade, who is once again wearing her red dress.
John: Is that dress the only thing in your cupboard?
Jade: No... I'm just particularly fond of it.
John and Jade walk down the low-budget red carpet, when…
Kyle: <yelling in a maniac style> JOHN!! JOHN!! OVER HERE! KYLE FROM TMZ!!!
John: <to himself> Jesus Christ <out loud> Hey! How's it going?
Kyle: OH. MY. GAWD. Who is that delicious diva next to you!?
Jade: Don't call me delicious, creep.
Kyle: Ooh, she's feisty.
John: Are you hitting on her?
Kyle: Of course not, silly! I, along with every single TMZ reporter, am into guys, not girls. *annoying laugh* Anyways, tell me a little about your role in the movie…
John: Well, I'm the bad guy…
Kyle: Duh. Tell me more!
John: Well, I feel like this role kinda suits me, I mean, my character is cocky, arrogant, and yet lives up to expectations. That suits me, a lot. I talk about myself a lot, and my actions are just as big as my words.
Kyle: Speaking about actions, tell me about your match this week against Johnny Blaze and Jobber Dave! What are your thoughts? Are you gonna win?
John: Well, it's for the wild card in the World Title tournament… it's pretty much a match which means you're in the tournament, but not really. I asked for an explanation on Twitter, but I was met with a very vague response. Irina Ivanova stated that the winner would advance to semi-finals, but which match? No-one knows… That was the point of the wildcard. I don't know the purpose of this… wildcard. But, nevertheless, it is interesting, and it could possibly give me a huge advantage in this tournament. I guess I'll just have to wait to find out.
Kyle: Ugh. Enough about this stupid wildcard thingy… tell me more about your opponents, Johnny Blaze and Jobber Dave!
John: Well. Let's begin with Jobber Dave… possibly the most exciting thing that's happened to him is Taco Tuesday twice in one week. Why's he even in this tournament? Has he even won a match? Whilst he did work hard to even be in the APW in the first place… he just doesn't belong in the big leagues. I'm sorry man, but he's just enhancement talent. He'll be easy to get rid of. He won't last long. He's just a distraction.
But my main nemesis in this match is Johnny Blaze. Now, I'm going to think of something a tad more creative than 'enhancement talent' for you, because you're better than that. I genuinely feel that us two, if you ignore Jobber Dave, can have a good match. Look, we're both very skilled in the ring, and we both have a devastating finisher move.
But the problem, Johnny, is that you can't hit that 'lit' finisher, or whatever it's called, out of nowhere. You have to get me on the top rope just to set it up. By then, I can see it coming. I know when it's happening. But, the advantage I have is that you don't know when I'm about to hit the Ad Lib. And, you see, that's what's going to happen. I'm going to hit the Ad Lib, which you won't see coming, and you'll be down for the three count.
One.
Two.
Three.
And what's with all this phenom jazz? Phenom? Phenomenal would be the last word I'd describe you as. It's like calling Jobber Dave 'decent'. It's hyperbole. You're no phenom. You're just good. Your name should just be 'Pretty Good' Johnny Blaze.
And I hear you got a win last week? Yeah, that's cool. You're heading into this match with momentum on your side. But this win was against Alex Scott? Big whoop. I've beaten Alex Scott my fair share of times, and he's one of m1any victims of my vicious Ad Lib.
Look, I know you're heading into this match with high hopes. I'm just gonna let you know, this monday night, those high hopes are going to turn into disappointment.
Kyle: Oh. My. God. Thanks for the juicy goss, John!
John: Fuck, I forgot you were a TMZ reporter.
Kyle: *annoying laugh*
John and Jade walk down the red carpet and into the cinema.
----------
Jade and John take their seats in the cinema.
John: Ooh, it's starting!
The movie starts, and the opening scene shows John in the dark lair.
John's role: Who am I? You sure you want to know?
Director: CUT!!
John's role: What?
Director: That's not the line!
John's role: I could've sworn that was the line.
Director: That's from Spiderman! Your line is 'Ah, you don't know who I am, don't you?'
John's role: Ah, that makes sense.
The crowd laughs.
John <whispering>: That was on purpose by the way.
Jade <whispering>: Shut up.
John's role: Ah, you don't know who I am, don't you? They call me the Brasshole. Why? Because I like brass, and I'm an asshole.
---
Jade: You know, that was fun. We should do that again sometime. Except, maybe, a bit more than an appointment.
John: ...like?
Jade: ...like an actual date.
John paused. His heart races. His palms start to sweat.
John <crackly voice>: A date?
Jade: ...what's wrong?
John takes a deep breath. And sighs.
John: I'm not sure.
Jade: About what?
John: About… I don't know. I'm just not ready.
Jade: John…
John: Believe me, I really want this date.
Jade: Then why are you not sure?
John: It's just, something deep down is just telling me that I shouldn't do this.
There's an awkward pause, where John looks at the ground and Jade looks to the side.
John: Well I think I better get going now.
John turns around and starts to walk away. He starts to take a few steps.
Jade <yells>: You're afraid.
John suddenly stops. Afraid? He wasn't afraid of anything.
Jade: You've fought wrestling legends in the ring. You star in a movie. Heck, you even manage a famous New Orleans bar. You're one of the bravest people I know. But when it comes to a date, you're afraid.
John turns around.
John: You're calling me… afraid?
Jade: You heard me. Afraid.
John takes a step forward.
John: Afraid?
Jade: Wow. Is there a fucking echo out here? You're afraid, John.
John takes a second step.
John: I've fought in a match with 40 other competitors, and I was in the top 9. I've won championships. But yet, you still call me afraid?
Jade: Yep.
John takes his third step forward, and now he's back to where he was before.
John: Fine. But I don't understand, I'm strong, courageous, yet one minor thing makes me so scared.
Jade: You heard of Huey Lewis and the News?
John: Yeah.
Jade: Well, I'm gonna quote those guys. John, you'll find 'that's the power of love'. See you next Friday?
John: Um… sure.
Jade: It's a date.
Jade walks away and hails a taxi.
John <yells>: Don't you mean appointment?
Jade <yells>: Nope. I mean a date.
Jade gets in a taxi which drives off.
John <to himself>: Damn.
----------
'I'm a Fool To Want You' plays on the car stereo as John and another woman drive down the road.
Woman: Look at the stars in the night sky. Aren't they just beautiful?
John: Not as beautiful as you!
Woman: Wow, that was cheesy.
John: Hey, I'm just trying to be nice.
The woman gave a little chuckle before saying these words.
Woman: John, I love you.
John was surprised - she had never said those words before. He looked at her.
Jade: JOHN!!!
<crash>
--
John wakes up with a gasp.
His roommates, the Bartender and Bert were also awake.
Bartender: Same dream?
John: Yep.
Bert: What dream?
John: You don't need to know.
Bert: Okay, how come the Bartender knows about this and I don't?
Bartender: This has been bothering him since his WCF days. Just don't worry about it.
Bert <reluctantly>: Fine.
All three roommates go back to sleep.
