Post by Steven Osbourne on Sept 29, 2019 21:09:29 GMT -5
Steven Osbourne steps out of the sleazy motel room drenched in sweat. He looks back checking to see that Veronica Anderson is securely bound and gagged to the bed. He smiles dialing Pastor Phillip's number.
Are you there Pastor?
Brother Steven! We were praying for your safe return!
She attempted to use her feminine wiles on me but the power of the lord compelled me to reject her loins! So instead I tied her to the bed and called you for further instruction.
You were wise to do so. The Lord has truly guided you the Unknown Saint requires a sacrifice.
You mean I finally get to meet the Unknown Saint?
You have proven yourself worthy.
I hoped you would say that.
Phillip gives Steven instructions, we skip forward to Steven pushing Veronica who is now bound to a wheelchair through a shady hospital towards the operating room, outside the door he is met by the Pastor.
Behold.. the Unknown Saint!
Phillip proudly opens the door.. revealing.. a giant robot..
FUCK YOU BOUDLE! MUSTARD MUSTARD... GOT YOUR TICKET BABYGURL?
Oh my God...
Not God.. only his greatest prophet.. the Boudlebot!
But I thought Bonnie Blue turned him into part of an AI unit.
You see it's creator Polar Phatasm.. smoked a lot of weed and didn't like to admit his mistakes. So he kept losing boudlebots all over America then he would just create a new one.
The Boudlebot mechnically pelvic thrusts again and again.
I WANT TO BOUDLE BANG!
That's where the sacrifice comes in.. throw the girl in and let's just say tomorrow the Gods will be pleased.
The power of poon compels me.
What?
Last night Ronnie over there dragged me to a cheap motel room. I got fucked.. and it allowed me to see.. that you guys are really fucked. Now then I see you worship a boudlebot.. you guys are unbelievably fucked!
How dare you take the boudlebot's name in vain! Get him!
Boudlebot advances on Steven humming Maxwell's Silver Hammer.. Steven rears back and kicks it in the groin. That shouldn't work but the bot falls on it's side.
MY BOUDLEBALLS!
Steven turns.. and kicks Pastor Phillip in the balls as well. Then he grins.. and tosses him inside the surgery room locking the door. We hear the screams immediately. Steven quickly frees Veronica.
Celebratory BJ?
I can't believe I had to fuck you.
You know what they say.. once you go Oz...
You have to get to get tested?
How did you know?
I swear to God I'll never do that again.
You loved it.
I felt dirty. If you don't win the title back I'm cutting it off.
Steven grins.
That would worry a lot of people. But I'm not a lot of people.. I'm the super sexy boogeyman slayer! I should be worried though. Tsukiko beat me last month. That name is just too long. I'm gonna call her the big suck for short. The Big Suck beat me last month so she probably thinks she has this one in the bag. But I'll bet she doesn't remember that Lucy Sixx also beat me the first two times. But in the end I got the belt and she faded away.. kinda like a herpes flare up.
This is the Steven Osbourne I wanted back?
Damn right you did Ronnie. Because the guy obsessed with that stupid cult.. he wasn't willing to sink to any depths in order to win. Fortunately I am. Last month the Big Suck saw through the lies of the church in order to take my championship. This week I return the favor and see through hers. Last month you spouted some bullshit about wanting the junior heavyweight championship because it would allow you to fight at the highest level every week to your hearts content.
Steven coughs Bullshit
Sorry apparently I got a fox in my throat. Because I could have thought you went with this whole you're a great warrior who wants the title that allows you to defend it every week. Then you.. only defend it once. All month. So.. beating up Lili Rose suddenly makes you a fighting champion. Because I beat up her AND her partner last week and you don't see me bragging about it! It's actually no wonder you saw through that cult. You're basically a cult leader yourself with the way you lie to everyone! You use fancy words and sayings in order to appear wise. But really you're just confusing the people from the truth. When it comes down to it.. you have nothing to offer. I'm a sleazebag who is obsessed with sex.
No agruements here.
But at least I'm honest about what I am. I'm not trying to hide my true self like the Big Suck does. It must be hard to be her. Knowing that one day her fighting spirit is going to be tested. And be shown lacking. I'll lie, cheat, and steal my way to any title. Including this one. But at least I'm honest about what I am. You face limited competition over and over again and pretend that makes you some kind of warrior. It really makes you no better then Pastor Phillip.. and he got raped by a robot. What do you think I'm gonna do to you?
Ewww! That's so creepy! Don't say that!
I didn't mean it that way. Gross. I meant expose her as a fake like the cult. She's as fake a fox as she is a champion. The whole shimmering kitsune thing is just another ploy to get the fans behind her without her actually having to do anything! I got a junior heavyweight title match by defeating the man challenging for the world title. I got this re match by winning the title previously from Lucy Sixx. That's right Big Suck.... I actually earn stuff. You should try it sometime! But you won't. Because you're lazy. You take the easiest path to the least amount of success possible and call it good. You have a victory over the worst possible version of me. Now you're going to try and use that to convince everyone I don't deserve this re match and that I don't have a chance against you. Fuck that. I finally saw through that cult..
Thanks to me.
Now I see through you too. This brief junior heavyweight title reign.. that's as good as it's ever going to get for you. Ronnie threatened to chop off my Big Stevie. You have a manager who's only job is to kiss your ass and agree with you. Probably because if anyoone disagreed with you on camera.. they would all realize you're a fraud! Too late.. you got the real Oz to expose you.
Kudos.. I thought you were gonna make a joke exposing yourself.
When it comes to the junior heavyweight title and my big Stevie there are no jokes. Except for the foxy lady Jimi Hendrix would never sing about holding MY championship. But that is a wrong I am about to fix. Since the beginning I have been the staple of the junior heavyweight division. Everyone passes through.. realizes they can't cut it and drops out. Except for me. They might as well call me Mister Junior Heavyweight.. except in the bedroom. It's only been a month and I already feel the championship being devalued. You obviously don't really care about it. You just want to hold onto it as long as possible by doing as little as possible. Not true? Well what have you done so far Ms. Fighting Champion? Foxy liar.. your reign of apathy is over. I can use fancy words too. Unlike you I can back them up. You have disgraced my title for 35 days. Which is about as long as I spent sex free. Now that I got laid.. I'm taking my title back too! I'm so confident of victory that when I win I'm taking Ronnie out on a date!
No.. you're not.
Maybe?
Whatever.
That's what we call a pyritic victory. Like your title win. Because it's going to be able hollow and meaningless when I prove it was nothing but a fluke and I take the title back where it belongs. I am about to be the first two timing.. I mean two time champion in APW history. I don't care what the fox says. I know that you've never actually broken the moon. You have nothing. When this match is over one question will be answered. Do foxes cry? When your career goes up in smoke you'll certainly want to. You're going to fail just like that cult did. I only regret that I can't kick you in the junk too! Ah well I'll still embarrass you. You are simply a product.. an idea you try and get people to buy into. After this week nobody will believe in you. I just fought off a whole church all by myself.
Veronica clears her throat.
With a little help.
Death glare
A lot of help! Ronnie is gonna help me again this week if need be. You're boned. In one way or another that title is coming back to the real champ. Then foxy lady you can waste someone else's precious time.
Are you there Pastor?
Brother Steven! We were praying for your safe return!
She attempted to use her feminine wiles on me but the power of the lord compelled me to reject her loins! So instead I tied her to the bed and called you for further instruction.
You were wise to do so. The Lord has truly guided you the Unknown Saint requires a sacrifice.
You mean I finally get to meet the Unknown Saint?
You have proven yourself worthy.
I hoped you would say that.
Phillip gives Steven instructions, we skip forward to Steven pushing Veronica who is now bound to a wheelchair through a shady hospital towards the operating room, outside the door he is met by the Pastor.
Behold.. the Unknown Saint!
Phillip proudly opens the door.. revealing.. a giant robot..
FUCK YOU BOUDLE! MUSTARD MUSTARD... GOT YOUR TICKET BABYGURL?
Oh my God...
Not God.. only his greatest prophet.. the Boudlebot!
But I thought Bonnie Blue turned him into part of an AI unit.
You see it's creator Polar Phatasm.. smoked a lot of weed and didn't like to admit his mistakes. So he kept losing boudlebots all over America then he would just create a new one.
The Boudlebot mechnically pelvic thrusts again and again.
I WANT TO BOUDLE BANG!
That's where the sacrifice comes in.. throw the girl in and let's just say tomorrow the Gods will be pleased.
The power of poon compels me.
What?
Last night Ronnie over there dragged me to a cheap motel room. I got fucked.. and it allowed me to see.. that you guys are really fucked. Now then I see you worship a boudlebot.. you guys are unbelievably fucked!
How dare you take the boudlebot's name in vain! Get him!
Boudlebot advances on Steven humming Maxwell's Silver Hammer.. Steven rears back and kicks it in the groin. That shouldn't work but the bot falls on it's side.
MY BOUDLEBALLS!
Steven turns.. and kicks Pastor Phillip in the balls as well. Then he grins.. and tosses him inside the surgery room locking the door. We hear the screams immediately. Steven quickly frees Veronica.
Celebratory BJ?
I can't believe I had to fuck you.
You know what they say.. once you go Oz...
You have to get to get tested?
How did you know?
I swear to God I'll never do that again.
You loved it.
I felt dirty. If you don't win the title back I'm cutting it off.
Steven grins.
That would worry a lot of people. But I'm not a lot of people.. I'm the super sexy boogeyman slayer! I should be worried though. Tsukiko beat me last month. That name is just too long. I'm gonna call her the big suck for short. The Big Suck beat me last month so she probably thinks she has this one in the bag. But I'll bet she doesn't remember that Lucy Sixx also beat me the first two times. But in the end I got the belt and she faded away.. kinda like a herpes flare up.
This is the Steven Osbourne I wanted back?
Damn right you did Ronnie. Because the guy obsessed with that stupid cult.. he wasn't willing to sink to any depths in order to win. Fortunately I am. Last month the Big Suck saw through the lies of the church in order to take my championship. This week I return the favor and see through hers. Last month you spouted some bullshit about wanting the junior heavyweight championship because it would allow you to fight at the highest level every week to your hearts content.
Steven coughs Bullshit
Sorry apparently I got a fox in my throat. Because I could have thought you went with this whole you're a great warrior who wants the title that allows you to defend it every week. Then you.. only defend it once. All month. So.. beating up Lili Rose suddenly makes you a fighting champion. Because I beat up her AND her partner last week and you don't see me bragging about it! It's actually no wonder you saw through that cult. You're basically a cult leader yourself with the way you lie to everyone! You use fancy words and sayings in order to appear wise. But really you're just confusing the people from the truth. When it comes down to it.. you have nothing to offer. I'm a sleazebag who is obsessed with sex.
No agruements here.
But at least I'm honest about what I am. I'm not trying to hide my true self like the Big Suck does. It must be hard to be her. Knowing that one day her fighting spirit is going to be tested. And be shown lacking. I'll lie, cheat, and steal my way to any title. Including this one. But at least I'm honest about what I am. You face limited competition over and over again and pretend that makes you some kind of warrior. It really makes you no better then Pastor Phillip.. and he got raped by a robot. What do you think I'm gonna do to you?
Ewww! That's so creepy! Don't say that!
I didn't mean it that way. Gross. I meant expose her as a fake like the cult. She's as fake a fox as she is a champion. The whole shimmering kitsune thing is just another ploy to get the fans behind her without her actually having to do anything! I got a junior heavyweight title match by defeating the man challenging for the world title. I got this re match by winning the title previously from Lucy Sixx. That's right Big Suck.... I actually earn stuff. You should try it sometime! But you won't. Because you're lazy. You take the easiest path to the least amount of success possible and call it good. You have a victory over the worst possible version of me. Now you're going to try and use that to convince everyone I don't deserve this re match and that I don't have a chance against you. Fuck that. I finally saw through that cult..
Thanks to me.
Now I see through you too. This brief junior heavyweight title reign.. that's as good as it's ever going to get for you. Ronnie threatened to chop off my Big Stevie. You have a manager who's only job is to kiss your ass and agree with you. Probably because if anyoone disagreed with you on camera.. they would all realize you're a fraud! Too late.. you got the real Oz to expose you.
Kudos.. I thought you were gonna make a joke exposing yourself.
When it comes to the junior heavyweight title and my big Stevie there are no jokes. Except for the foxy lady Jimi Hendrix would never sing about holding MY championship. But that is a wrong I am about to fix. Since the beginning I have been the staple of the junior heavyweight division. Everyone passes through.. realizes they can't cut it and drops out. Except for me. They might as well call me Mister Junior Heavyweight.. except in the bedroom. It's only been a month and I already feel the championship being devalued. You obviously don't really care about it. You just want to hold onto it as long as possible by doing as little as possible. Not true? Well what have you done so far Ms. Fighting Champion? Foxy liar.. your reign of apathy is over. I can use fancy words too. Unlike you I can back them up. You have disgraced my title for 35 days. Which is about as long as I spent sex free. Now that I got laid.. I'm taking my title back too! I'm so confident of victory that when I win I'm taking Ronnie out on a date!
No.. you're not.
Maybe?
Whatever.
That's what we call a pyritic victory. Like your title win. Because it's going to be able hollow and meaningless when I prove it was nothing but a fluke and I take the title back where it belongs. I am about to be the first two timing.. I mean two time champion in APW history. I don't care what the fox says. I know that you've never actually broken the moon. You have nothing. When this match is over one question will be answered. Do foxes cry? When your career goes up in smoke you'll certainly want to. You're going to fail just like that cult did. I only regret that I can't kick you in the junk too! Ah well I'll still embarrass you. You are simply a product.. an idea you try and get people to buy into. After this week nobody will believe in you. I just fought off a whole church all by myself.
Veronica clears her throat.
With a little help.
Death glare
A lot of help! Ronnie is gonna help me again this week if need be. You're boned. In one way or another that title is coming back to the real champ. Then foxy lady you can waste someone else's precious time.
