You'll Wish I Didn't Know Who You Are
Sept 19, 2019 19:53:26 GMT -5
BonnieBlue, Jason Zurra, and 2 more like this
Post by Alex Richards on Sept 19, 2019 19:53:26 GMT -5
Alex Richards is driving around in his Strange Rover... his jet black super souped up SUV. Riding shotgun beside him is Paul Heyman.
Alex Richards: Wait.. what? Why is Paul Heyman with me? That's lame.
Paul Heyman: I'm here to put you over! Just like Allen Anderson does with Vince Russo. Except I'm not Vince Russo so it's instantly better.
Alex Richards: Wait.. so what you're saying is.. that joker is so uncreative he can't even create his own hype man? I mean.. it's easy.. watch this! This is Allen Anderson's number one fan.. Steve Jerkel.
A man pops into view. Pocket protector, suspenders, literally looks like he come out of a revenge of the nerds movie.
Jerkel: I literally masturbate to Allen Anderson matches.
Alex Richards: That was horrible, right? Still literally a million times better then Vince Russo.. or Paul Heyman for that matter. Wait a second.. I am enough creative to have my own people.
With that Alex pulls over the Strange Rover.. and kicks Paul Heyman out. The Rover roars away.
Alex Richards: I don't need him where I'm going anyway. You got a shovel? Because I'm here in Alpha Pro to bury Allen Anderson. Not that he really needs any help. He does a good enough job of that by himself from week to week. This is your reality cheque Allen. I'm here to teach you how to act like a real man. How to take a loss like a real man. Just last week I competed in a ladder match for a world championship. I'd love to tell everyone about the great win I earned. But that would be a lie. I lost. You know what you do when you lose? You move on... you drink boot after boot of Zim-Quila but mostly.. you learn from it. Or you can cry about it and make lame excuses. Course then you have to deal with the fact that literally everyone is laughing about you behind your back. That literally no one respects you. But hey.. that's a choice. It's just a poor one.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: That's the choice that led you to this match. I've been watching you and I think it's time you.. grow the fuck up. That's why I agreed to this match.. for YOUR contract. Now funny thing when I win this match I'm only gonna wrestle maybe once or twice every couple of months or so. That's because your contract just doesn't pay the kind of money I'm used to. That's because.... I'm a real main eventer.. not a pretend one. Quite frankly the way you conduct yourself.. it pisses me off. It makes real main eventers look bad. UCI World Title. WCF World Title. Those are real world titles. Titles that people remember. Titles that people cared about. I beat legends of the sport... Bonnie Blue... John Rabid... The god himself Odin Balfore... the icon Dune... Creeping Death Corey Black... Jayson Price. I could go on but I think I made my point. What did you do Anderson? You lost to freaking Jobber Dave. Yep.. Jobber Dave. You lost to Jaice Wilds. Johnny Blaze. Bryan Worthy. Spartan. I'm beating a dead horse though. You lose... a lot. Everyone knows that.
Alex holds his hands up.
Alex Richards: I'm not judging you for losing. I'm judging you for thinking you're a big deal! Dude.. everyone kicks your ass! I'm not even being funny.. that's actually true! Normally.. I wouldn't even say something like that. I'd talk up your strengths.. so that when.. not if WHEN, I beat you... people would think of that. But you have no strengths. I'm not going to fool the people. This isn't going to be a wrestling match. This is going to be a slaughter. This is going to be the destruction you've earned each and every week. See.. everybody else.. they took it easy on you. Alex Richards ain't even under contract here. I don't have to do shit! I can decimate you.. and then go about my merry way. Which is basically what is going to happen because quite frankly I'm not going to break a sweat. I've faced and defeated the best in the world. You ain't on my level and you certainly aren't on their level.
Alex scratches his chin
Alex Richards: Since you lost to Jobber Dave.. it might be hard to find someone on your level. Maybe a wrestling pet rock. But the fact you ain't great isn't that bad. But the fact that you think you are is. The fact that you honestly believe you're some kind of a superstar is what I have a problem with. I'm going to show you what it takes to be a main eventer. And I'll show you what it means to be a man. Because really.. you ain't much of either Al. But I am going to show you some mercy. I'm gonna tell you exactly why this unholy ass kicking is coming your way. Give you the chance to change. Plus I'll throw in a few gifts. I am the king of mass confusion after all. Speaking of which.
Alex reaches into his always present old timey black doctor's bag. It always seems to be filled with exactly what Alex needs, kind of like Batman's utility belt in the old tv show, except you know.. reality. He reaches in and pulls out.
Alex Richards: A deck of cards. But not just any deck of cards. I know what you like Al.
Alex starts pulling cards from the pack king of spades Dale Earnhardt, Joker Jeff Gordon, Ace of Clubs Richard Petty.
Alex Richards: Right up your alley, right? Considering the fact you always like to pull the RACE CARD. Well now you can.. in a way that doesn't make you look completely pathetic and stupid. You claim everyone is racist against you? Irina is Russian.. so she would hate all Americans, right? Except for the fact that Smith Jones is as American as they come and he's been earning title shot after title shot. Last time I checked Masada Judei is Japanese and he was world champion. He was the leader of your stable and even he couldn't talk any sense into your stupid ass! Tsukiko is Japanese. too. she won the Junior Heavyweight Title.. The tag team champions the Canadian Coalition are.. obviously Canadian. So.. they aren't biased against anyone from anywhere. See.. facts trump moronic race baiting. Except if you're Al apparently. Yep.. makes perfect sense.
Alex tries and fails to hold back his laughter.
Alex Richards: If you're either 6 years old or a complete moron! That's not funny though. What IS funny is the fact that's the least laughable portion of your endless excuses. But really.. I'm not laughing. In fact this is exactly I'm here in APW. Your stupid ass talking as if you're some smart mark fan who blogs on circlejerkwrestling.com. Please.. don't go there fans... I made it up.. but I don't know what will actually be on that page. Every week you fucking lose.. then you go on and talk about how the bookers are using you as enhancement talent. How they are making you job. It's a fucking joke. Bitch.. do I look like an actor to you?
Alex checks himself out in the mirror.. his massive frame and bald face stare back at him.
Alex Richards: No.. I ain't no damn actor. What I do is real! Just because you're not good at it doesn't give you the right to cast shade on MY sport! That's why I'm here. That is why I'm going to take your contract. That's why I'm going to shut you up! You talk about being a heel and drawing heat. Dude.. go stick your head in a microwave. Don't worry.. you don't have a single brain cell to fry. Next you'll be telling us you lost to Alex Richards because the promoter blackmailed you with pictures they took of you sneaking into Kylie Moore's dressing room and sniffing her panties! That is not serious but people are probably gonna believe it's true because to be honest.. you are one creepy bastard! And that's coming from a guy who looks like somebody crossed King Kong Bundy and Uncle Fester together! I look creepy.. everything about you is creepy and rapey.. and gross. Quite frankly dude.. you disgust me. And I mean that in least respectful way possible. I don't like you.. I don't think you have any talent... I hate the way you mock my sport. So straight up.. I'm going to end you.
Alex shrugs.
Alex Richards: Or your career. Either way. Doesn't make much difference to me. Facing me is more dangerous then picking up hitchhikers.. speaking of which..
Alex pulls the Strange Rover to a stop. Shaun Zach Richards, Alex's brother, and Rebecca Thatch, a dead ringer for Elvira and Alex's girlfriend, both hop in.
Alex Richards: Notice how I stopped at the exact right moment to pick up my family? See.. I always have things plotted out. While Al just thinks he does.
Rebecca Thatch: Who's Al?
Alex Richards: Allen Anderson.
Rebecca Thatch: That generic name doesn't help.
Alex Richards: Don't worry he's not worth knowing. Besides now that my family is here we can put the plan into motion.
SZR: This is a really bad idea.
Alex Richards: You haven't even heard my plan yet.
SZR: They are all always bad ideas.
Rebecca Thatch: That's a matter of opinion. I enjoy most of them.
Alex Richards: See.. this is why you're my girlfriend Becky. That and the fact you are ridiculously out of my league.
Rebecca Thatch: Damn straight I am.
Alex Richards: Fortunately for me.. I have an active imagination and fill your days with adventure and wonder. Speaking of which...
Alex whispers something in the raven haired beauty's ear. She giggles.
Rebecca Thatch: I love it! That's deliciously twisted!
SZR: Aren't you going to tell me?
Alex Richards: What would be the fun in that? Besides.. your role is just to drive.
SZR: And worry about what the hell you got me into this time.
Alex Richards: That's the fun part. Look on the bright side.. we haven't been arrested.
SZR: Lately.
Rebecca Thatch: Does that mean we're due?
Alex Richards: I think it does.
SZR: Not helping! Wait a minute.. if you want me to stop driving around in circles you have to let me know where we are going at least.
Alex Richards: Set sail to the Asian Invasion Buffet!
Shaun looks confused but starts driving.
SZR: Didn't they close an hour ago?
Alex Richards: Actually it's one hour 11 minutes and 37 seconds ago. I take my buffet seriously.
SZR: Your doctor also takes your buffet consumption seriously.
Rebecca Thatch: So does your nurse.
Rebecca winks.
Rebecca Thatch: At least while I'm wearing the costume.
SZR: Gross! I'm right there! I don't tell you about my wife!
Alex Richards: You want to swap stories?
SZR: No! Why?
Alex Richards: My thoughts exactly. That's why we didn't say we..
SZR: No! Just no! I will drop you off on the side of the road!
Rebecca Thatch: I can't walk in these heels.
Alex Richards: You aren't wearing heels.
Rebecca Thatch: Of course not.. I was trying to make Shaun feel guilty.
SZR: Even if I did kick you out in the middle of nowhere... which I wouldn't.. I would not feel bad after all the things you've done to me.
Alex Richards: Good talk but we're here.
SZR: Goddamnit!
Alex jumps out of the Strange Rover and heads off in the direction of a middle aged Asian man who was tossing out the days garbage.
Alex Richards: This is Amida Kang.. and I told him I was gonna get him!
The man replies.. with absolutely no accent at all. Because not everyone of Asian descent was born overseas. You were thinking that though weren't you?
Amida Kang: Why are you talking in the third person. It just sounds stupid. Do you even own a watch.. we're closed.
Alex Richards: Nope.. I'm not the only who has problems telling time. That's Al's domain.
Amida Kang: Who is Al?
Alex Richards: We don't have time to start that again. Nobody knows who Allen Anderson is.. because he sucks.
Kang looks confused.
Amida Kang: If you know we are closed why are you here Alex?
Alex Richards: Because.. I'm going to get you..
And with the distraction having been caused Rebecca has successfully snuck up behind Kang and quickly chloroforms him. The buffet owner fights briefly then falls. Alex grins, kisses his beloved then reaches into his doctor's bag pulling out a roll of duct tape and a sack. After trussing him up he drags him to the Rover then barks to Shaun..
Alex Richards: 119 Richards Road!
SZR: What the Hell
Alex Richards: Just drive!
Shaun complies speeding until they reach... "Balls and Stuff" Shaun punches his older brother.
SZR: You asshole. Scaring me with a fake kidnapping.
Alex pulls the hood off Kang Who also punches him.
Amida Kang: You are an asshole! If you think you were scared...
Alex Richards: I told you I was going to pay you back for putting that exlax in my soy sauce.
Amida Kang: It was your fault.. it's unnatural to chug soy sauce.
Rebecca Thatch: Wait until you see him mix it with Zim-Quila... Besides you had it coming.. you didn't have to help clean up the Drunken Dragon bar afterwards..
Amida Kang: Umm.. sorry about that Rebecca.
Alex Richards: I regret nothing.. I named that drink The Bruce Lee Special! Besides I've been telling you for months that Balls and stuff has the best Chicken Balls in Chicago. Now.. we're gonna chow down.
Amida Kang: You better be buying.
Alex Richards: I have a tab here.. obviously. I'll meet you guys inside.
Alex's crew walks inside leaving him alone in the Rover.
Alex Richards: Why a fake kidnapping, right? More importantly why would I record a fake kidnapping? To send a message. I came here to end your career Al. But why? Am I here because you think you a legend in spite of the fact you never achieved anything? Am I here because you insult the sport I love by talking about being forced to do jobs. I am here because I'm insulted that you cheapen the victims of real racism with your pathetic petty bullshit? All of those would be perfectly valid reasons for me to kick your ass. I would do it gladly and might I add easily. See.. that woman right there?
Alex points towards Rebecca who is outside the building having a smoke.
Alex Richards: That's the love of my life. She was kidnapped once. Now I'm not going to speak for her and her experiences. That's her story to tell. But I do know the feelings of helplessness, of powerlessness that you feel when a loved one is stolen from you.
Alex snarls.
Alex Richards: You did the exact same thing to Dani Applegate.. to her loved ones. You kidnapped her and forced her to be your valet because she dared express her opinion of your talent level, or lack thereof. You disgusting pile of garbage! You know what happened to the man who kidnapped Becky? Let's just say he hasn't been seen for hundreds of years.. but when I last saw him.. he was dying screaming. I'll bet you don't end up much better.
Alex screams.
Alex Richards: You're no better then him! You're no better then any common rapist for that matter. You tried to bend Dani to your will like any predator. For the record.. Dani is stronger then you. She sees you for what you really are. But you should consider yourself warned Anderson. When I get to the arena I will find Dani Applegate and I will talk to her. And if I find out that you did anything to her.. I swear I'm literally going to cut your balls off in the middle of the ring. I don't even care if I get disqualified for doing it. As far as I'm concerned.. that would be letting you off easy. Look at me..
Alex stands up.. giving a full view of his massive stature.
Alex Richards: I'm a 6'4 330 pound monster who is dead set on terminating your career because you're a pathetic waste of life. Unlike you.. I actually have accomplishments besides running my mouth. When I see Dani.. I'm going to invite... not demand I'm not like you... I'm going to invite her to be in my corner. Because no one deserves to get a first hand look at your destruction more then her. I was a member of the Guardians. We destroyed people who were threats to humanity. Let's be honest.. you are basically a sociopath. You have one world view. You are better then everyone else in it. So that's how you act. Like no one else besides you matters. That makes you a danger to people psychically weaker then you. I am going to neutralize that threat. I am going to destroy you.. destroy your career.. destroy your illusions. Because next time... maybe you'll do worse then what you did to Dani. I'm gonna make sure there ain't gonna be a next time. You don't deserve it.. but I have one final gift for you.
Alex reaches into his doctor's bag pulling out a gold watch.
Alex Richards: This is for you Al. It's fake.. so it has a lot in common with you. But I'm giving it to you so you actually show up on time for a change. Because I don't want to you have any excuses for why you lost besides the fact you ran into a far superior wrestler. Confusion always reigns.. you sick fuck.
Alex exits the Rover as the scene fades to black.
Alex Richards: Wait.. what? Why is Paul Heyman with me? That's lame.
Paul Heyman: I'm here to put you over! Just like Allen Anderson does with Vince Russo. Except I'm not Vince Russo so it's instantly better.
Alex Richards: Wait.. so what you're saying is.. that joker is so uncreative he can't even create his own hype man? I mean.. it's easy.. watch this! This is Allen Anderson's number one fan.. Steve Jerkel.
A man pops into view. Pocket protector, suspenders, literally looks like he come out of a revenge of the nerds movie.
Jerkel: I literally masturbate to Allen Anderson matches.
Alex Richards: That was horrible, right? Still literally a million times better then Vince Russo.. or Paul Heyman for that matter. Wait a second.. I am enough creative to have my own people.
With that Alex pulls over the Strange Rover.. and kicks Paul Heyman out. The Rover roars away.
Alex Richards: I don't need him where I'm going anyway. You got a shovel? Because I'm here in Alpha Pro to bury Allen Anderson. Not that he really needs any help. He does a good enough job of that by himself from week to week. This is your reality cheque Allen. I'm here to teach you how to act like a real man. How to take a loss like a real man. Just last week I competed in a ladder match for a world championship. I'd love to tell everyone about the great win I earned. But that would be a lie. I lost. You know what you do when you lose? You move on... you drink boot after boot of Zim-Quila but mostly.. you learn from it. Or you can cry about it and make lame excuses. Course then you have to deal with the fact that literally everyone is laughing about you behind your back. That literally no one respects you. But hey.. that's a choice. It's just a poor one.
Alex grins.
Alex Richards: That's the choice that led you to this match. I've been watching you and I think it's time you.. grow the fuck up. That's why I agreed to this match.. for YOUR contract. Now funny thing when I win this match I'm only gonna wrestle maybe once or twice every couple of months or so. That's because your contract just doesn't pay the kind of money I'm used to. That's because.... I'm a real main eventer.. not a pretend one. Quite frankly the way you conduct yourself.. it pisses me off. It makes real main eventers look bad. UCI World Title. WCF World Title. Those are real world titles. Titles that people remember. Titles that people cared about. I beat legends of the sport... Bonnie Blue... John Rabid... The god himself Odin Balfore... the icon Dune... Creeping Death Corey Black... Jayson Price. I could go on but I think I made my point. What did you do Anderson? You lost to freaking Jobber Dave. Yep.. Jobber Dave. You lost to Jaice Wilds. Johnny Blaze. Bryan Worthy. Spartan. I'm beating a dead horse though. You lose... a lot. Everyone knows that.
Alex holds his hands up.
Alex Richards: I'm not judging you for losing. I'm judging you for thinking you're a big deal! Dude.. everyone kicks your ass! I'm not even being funny.. that's actually true! Normally.. I wouldn't even say something like that. I'd talk up your strengths.. so that when.. not if WHEN, I beat you... people would think of that. But you have no strengths. I'm not going to fool the people. This isn't going to be a wrestling match. This is going to be a slaughter. This is going to be the destruction you've earned each and every week. See.. everybody else.. they took it easy on you. Alex Richards ain't even under contract here. I don't have to do shit! I can decimate you.. and then go about my merry way. Which is basically what is going to happen because quite frankly I'm not going to break a sweat. I've faced and defeated the best in the world. You ain't on my level and you certainly aren't on their level.
Alex scratches his chin
Alex Richards: Since you lost to Jobber Dave.. it might be hard to find someone on your level. Maybe a wrestling pet rock. But the fact you ain't great isn't that bad. But the fact that you think you are is. The fact that you honestly believe you're some kind of a superstar is what I have a problem with. I'm going to show you what it takes to be a main eventer. And I'll show you what it means to be a man. Because really.. you ain't much of either Al. But I am going to show you some mercy. I'm gonna tell you exactly why this unholy ass kicking is coming your way. Give you the chance to change. Plus I'll throw in a few gifts. I am the king of mass confusion after all. Speaking of which.
Alex reaches into his always present old timey black doctor's bag. It always seems to be filled with exactly what Alex needs, kind of like Batman's utility belt in the old tv show, except you know.. reality. He reaches in and pulls out.
Alex Richards: A deck of cards. But not just any deck of cards. I know what you like Al.
Alex starts pulling cards from the pack king of spades Dale Earnhardt, Joker Jeff Gordon, Ace of Clubs Richard Petty.
Alex Richards: Right up your alley, right? Considering the fact you always like to pull the RACE CARD. Well now you can.. in a way that doesn't make you look completely pathetic and stupid. You claim everyone is racist against you? Irina is Russian.. so she would hate all Americans, right? Except for the fact that Smith Jones is as American as they come and he's been earning title shot after title shot. Last time I checked Masada Judei is Japanese and he was world champion. He was the leader of your stable and even he couldn't talk any sense into your stupid ass! Tsukiko is Japanese. too. she won the Junior Heavyweight Title.. The tag team champions the Canadian Coalition are.. obviously Canadian. So.. they aren't biased against anyone from anywhere. See.. facts trump moronic race baiting. Except if you're Al apparently. Yep.. makes perfect sense.
Alex tries and fails to hold back his laughter.
Alex Richards: If you're either 6 years old or a complete moron! That's not funny though. What IS funny is the fact that's the least laughable portion of your endless excuses. But really.. I'm not laughing. In fact this is exactly I'm here in APW. Your stupid ass talking as if you're some smart mark fan who blogs on circlejerkwrestling.com. Please.. don't go there fans... I made it up.. but I don't know what will actually be on that page. Every week you fucking lose.. then you go on and talk about how the bookers are using you as enhancement talent. How they are making you job. It's a fucking joke. Bitch.. do I look like an actor to you?
Alex checks himself out in the mirror.. his massive frame and bald face stare back at him.
Alex Richards: No.. I ain't no damn actor. What I do is real! Just because you're not good at it doesn't give you the right to cast shade on MY sport! That's why I'm here. That is why I'm going to take your contract. That's why I'm going to shut you up! You talk about being a heel and drawing heat. Dude.. go stick your head in a microwave. Don't worry.. you don't have a single brain cell to fry. Next you'll be telling us you lost to Alex Richards because the promoter blackmailed you with pictures they took of you sneaking into Kylie Moore's dressing room and sniffing her panties! That is not serious but people are probably gonna believe it's true because to be honest.. you are one creepy bastard! And that's coming from a guy who looks like somebody crossed King Kong Bundy and Uncle Fester together! I look creepy.. everything about you is creepy and rapey.. and gross. Quite frankly dude.. you disgust me. And I mean that in least respectful way possible. I don't like you.. I don't think you have any talent... I hate the way you mock my sport. So straight up.. I'm going to end you.
Alex shrugs.
Alex Richards: Or your career. Either way. Doesn't make much difference to me. Facing me is more dangerous then picking up hitchhikers.. speaking of which..
Alex pulls the Strange Rover to a stop. Shaun Zach Richards, Alex's brother, and Rebecca Thatch, a dead ringer for Elvira and Alex's girlfriend, both hop in.
Alex Richards: Notice how I stopped at the exact right moment to pick up my family? See.. I always have things plotted out. While Al just thinks he does.
Rebecca Thatch: Who's Al?
Alex Richards: Allen Anderson.
Rebecca Thatch: That generic name doesn't help.
Alex Richards: Don't worry he's not worth knowing. Besides now that my family is here we can put the plan into motion.
SZR: This is a really bad idea.
Alex Richards: You haven't even heard my plan yet.
SZR: They are all always bad ideas.
Rebecca Thatch: That's a matter of opinion. I enjoy most of them.
Alex Richards: See.. this is why you're my girlfriend Becky. That and the fact you are ridiculously out of my league.
Rebecca Thatch: Damn straight I am.
Alex Richards: Fortunately for me.. I have an active imagination and fill your days with adventure and wonder. Speaking of which...
Alex whispers something in the raven haired beauty's ear. She giggles.
Rebecca Thatch: I love it! That's deliciously twisted!
SZR: Aren't you going to tell me?
Alex Richards: What would be the fun in that? Besides.. your role is just to drive.
SZR: And worry about what the hell you got me into this time.
Alex Richards: That's the fun part. Look on the bright side.. we haven't been arrested.
SZR: Lately.
Rebecca Thatch: Does that mean we're due?
Alex Richards: I think it does.
SZR: Not helping! Wait a minute.. if you want me to stop driving around in circles you have to let me know where we are going at least.
Alex Richards: Set sail to the Asian Invasion Buffet!
Shaun looks confused but starts driving.
SZR: Didn't they close an hour ago?
Alex Richards: Actually it's one hour 11 minutes and 37 seconds ago. I take my buffet seriously.
SZR: Your doctor also takes your buffet consumption seriously.
Rebecca Thatch: So does your nurse.
Rebecca winks.
Rebecca Thatch: At least while I'm wearing the costume.
SZR: Gross! I'm right there! I don't tell you about my wife!
Alex Richards: You want to swap stories?
SZR: No! Why?
Alex Richards: My thoughts exactly. That's why we didn't say we..
SZR: No! Just no! I will drop you off on the side of the road!
Rebecca Thatch: I can't walk in these heels.
Alex Richards: You aren't wearing heels.
Rebecca Thatch: Of course not.. I was trying to make Shaun feel guilty.
SZR: Even if I did kick you out in the middle of nowhere... which I wouldn't.. I would not feel bad after all the things you've done to me.
Alex Richards: Good talk but we're here.
SZR: Goddamnit!
Alex jumps out of the Strange Rover and heads off in the direction of a middle aged Asian man who was tossing out the days garbage.
Alex Richards: This is Amida Kang.. and I told him I was gonna get him!
The man replies.. with absolutely no accent at all. Because not everyone of Asian descent was born overseas. You were thinking that though weren't you?
Amida Kang: Why are you talking in the third person. It just sounds stupid. Do you even own a watch.. we're closed.
Alex Richards: Nope.. I'm not the only who has problems telling time. That's Al's domain.
Amida Kang: Who is Al?
Alex Richards: We don't have time to start that again. Nobody knows who Allen Anderson is.. because he sucks.
Kang looks confused.
Amida Kang: If you know we are closed why are you here Alex?
Alex Richards: Because.. I'm going to get you..
And with the distraction having been caused Rebecca has successfully snuck up behind Kang and quickly chloroforms him. The buffet owner fights briefly then falls. Alex grins, kisses his beloved then reaches into his doctor's bag pulling out a roll of duct tape and a sack. After trussing him up he drags him to the Rover then barks to Shaun..
Alex Richards: 119 Richards Road!
SZR: What the Hell
Alex Richards: Just drive!
Shaun complies speeding until they reach... "Balls and Stuff" Shaun punches his older brother.
SZR: You asshole. Scaring me with a fake kidnapping.
Alex pulls the hood off Kang Who also punches him.
Amida Kang: You are an asshole! If you think you were scared...
Alex Richards: I told you I was going to pay you back for putting that exlax in my soy sauce.
Amida Kang: It was your fault.. it's unnatural to chug soy sauce.
Rebecca Thatch: Wait until you see him mix it with Zim-Quila... Besides you had it coming.. you didn't have to help clean up the Drunken Dragon bar afterwards..
Amida Kang: Umm.. sorry about that Rebecca.
Alex Richards: I regret nothing.. I named that drink The Bruce Lee Special! Besides I've been telling you for months that Balls and stuff has the best Chicken Balls in Chicago. Now.. we're gonna chow down.
Amida Kang: You better be buying.
Alex Richards: I have a tab here.. obviously. I'll meet you guys inside.
Alex's crew walks inside leaving him alone in the Rover.
Alex Richards: Why a fake kidnapping, right? More importantly why would I record a fake kidnapping? To send a message. I came here to end your career Al. But why? Am I here because you think you a legend in spite of the fact you never achieved anything? Am I here because you insult the sport I love by talking about being forced to do jobs. I am here because I'm insulted that you cheapen the victims of real racism with your pathetic petty bullshit? All of those would be perfectly valid reasons for me to kick your ass. I would do it gladly and might I add easily. See.. that woman right there?
Alex points towards Rebecca who is outside the building having a smoke.
Alex Richards: That's the love of my life. She was kidnapped once. Now I'm not going to speak for her and her experiences. That's her story to tell. But I do know the feelings of helplessness, of powerlessness that you feel when a loved one is stolen from you.
Alex snarls.
Alex Richards: You did the exact same thing to Dani Applegate.. to her loved ones. You kidnapped her and forced her to be your valet because she dared express her opinion of your talent level, or lack thereof. You disgusting pile of garbage! You know what happened to the man who kidnapped Becky? Let's just say he hasn't been seen for hundreds of years.. but when I last saw him.. he was dying screaming. I'll bet you don't end up much better.
Alex screams.
Alex Richards: You're no better then him! You're no better then any common rapist for that matter. You tried to bend Dani to your will like any predator. For the record.. Dani is stronger then you. She sees you for what you really are. But you should consider yourself warned Anderson. When I get to the arena I will find Dani Applegate and I will talk to her. And if I find out that you did anything to her.. I swear I'm literally going to cut your balls off in the middle of the ring. I don't even care if I get disqualified for doing it. As far as I'm concerned.. that would be letting you off easy. Look at me..
Alex stands up.. giving a full view of his massive stature.
Alex Richards: I'm a 6'4 330 pound monster who is dead set on terminating your career because you're a pathetic waste of life. Unlike you.. I actually have accomplishments besides running my mouth. When I see Dani.. I'm going to invite... not demand I'm not like you... I'm going to invite her to be in my corner. Because no one deserves to get a first hand look at your destruction more then her. I was a member of the Guardians. We destroyed people who were threats to humanity. Let's be honest.. you are basically a sociopath. You have one world view. You are better then everyone else in it. So that's how you act. Like no one else besides you matters. That makes you a danger to people psychically weaker then you. I am going to neutralize that threat. I am going to destroy you.. destroy your career.. destroy your illusions. Because next time... maybe you'll do worse then what you did to Dani. I'm gonna make sure there ain't gonna be a next time. You don't deserve it.. but I have one final gift for you.
Alex reaches into his doctor's bag pulling out a gold watch.
Alex Richards: This is for you Al. It's fake.. so it has a lot in common with you. But I'm giving it to you so you actually show up on time for a change. Because I don't want to you have any excuses for why you lost besides the fact you ran into a far superior wrestler. Confusion always reigns.. you sick fuck.
Alex exits the Rover as the scene fades to black.
