This is an Intervention

Steven Osbourne softly sings the rapping for Jesus song as he enters what appears to be a bible study. He has brought not one.. not three.. but six different bibles with him. Apparently he wants to be prepared. He sits down, beaming at Veronica and Amber.

I’m glad to see you ladies have finally seen the light. We have much scripture to consume tonight.

Like.. I don’t read.

Don’t worry daughter of God.. I’ll read for you.

We aren’t here for a bible study.

You lied to me? But that’s sinful.

Can it Steven.. this is an intervention.

You dare go against the Lord?

 No.. I dare go against your stupid cult.

My cult is not stupid. I mean my religion is not an cult!

Oh really.. then why do you hold church services at a different location each time so the police don’t show up?

Obviously because the cops are tools of Satan!

 Like my old boyfriend used to say that. Before he got arrested for dealing meth

Not helping honey. Speaking of not helping.. what good does your church do?

Provides spiritual salvation.

You sing the dumbest most racist song of all time. Literally all they do is take your money. They don’t help the poor they don’t.

They said you were going to try and turn me against the church. Well my heart is pure.

Like.. I know what I have to say.

Amber unbuttons her blouse. She’s not wearing a bra and you can see her breasts are blurred.

The lord is my Sheppard... he leads me not into temptation. Besides I’ve seen those before you strumpet! You foul harlot of the night! Delilah betrayed Samson by cutting his hair. I won’t let you blind me with your boobies.

Oh for Christ’s sake!

 DO NOT TAKE THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN!

Veronica sighs.

I’ve had enough of your stupid religion. You want new breasts...

Veronica removes her top. Steven tries to resist

What a pair of aces! Let me show you something in return... my one eyed jack!

Is it like a monster?

We’ll play poker, Ronnie! Poke Her? Get it!

Amber's delighted.

 He’s back!

Well... I think that’s better.

All of the sudden two massive monks, who are more then likely really goons and Danielle storm the room.

 STEVEN EZEKIAL OSBOURNE.. YOU EVERT YOUR EYES FROM THAT SIN RIGHT NOW! THOSE.. THINGS ARE NO MATCH FOR THE POWER OF THE CROSS!

Hey.. Danielle.. eat me.

Danielle looks shocked..

Actually you believe in that do onto others bit right.. so I’ll eat you.. then you can eat me.

All of the sudden one of the goon blasts Steven with cross shaped brass knuckles.. koing the junior heavyweight champion. Veronica and Amber go to help but the second goon cuts them off as Danielle begins dragging Steven out.

 I’ll take him to the leader... he’ll know what to do.

A camera flickers on.. we see Steven sporting a black eye and a glazed look.

I have seen the power of the leader. I have regained my faith. I have sinned but sin is in. So is forgiveness. I have been cleansed. Perhaps Veronica and Amber should be as well. Foul shanks send to lead me back to sin. Through his power.. I am saved once more.

Steven reaches into the pocket of his jacket pulling out..

The Blessed Junior Heavyweight Championship. Born again in the Church of the Unknown Saint. Something of giant value. Far too valuable to allow someone like Tsukiko to get her hands on. I don’t know what the fox is going to say but I’m sure it’s going to be disappointing. Just like her whole entire career. You travelled to America from Japan. I think you should have saved yourself the trip. You are simply mediocre. We already had plenty of average wrestlers in North America.. we don’t need average Japanese wrestlers as well.

Steven snorts.

I’m working on being kind. Saying you are average.. is quite kind. Your career in APW has alternated wins and losses. But every time you have fought a good wrestler you have lost. Because you really aren’t that good. Who is your most impressive win? Jazzy John? Even then you lost the rematch. I have beaten every person I have ever faced in APW. Only Lucy Sixx has beaten me and the minute I was reborn I righted that wrong and took the title she was soiling. I’ll be damned if I let an underachiever like you soil the championship next! Literally damned because I would sooner travel to Hell then to allow someone like you to defeat me.

 I would have to allow you to defeat me. Because there is no way you could earn a win over me. That’s simply impossible. You don’t have the skills. You entertain people with your fox antics but that’s literally the only thing you have going for you. You even earned your title shot by losing. You finished fourth in the Alpha Showdown match to get this Blessed Junior Heavyweight title shot. 4 out of 8. Talk about a beta performance. You got outlasted by a guy who thinks he’s a cow. That guy beat you! Disgraceful! You don’t deserve a shot against a champion like me! I am the most consistent man on the roster! I literally smite people every single week in APW! You want to know how I got my shot at the Blessed Championship? I defeated Smith Jones.. the number one contender to the world title. That’s how good I am. How good are you? You lost to tag team champions, you lost to Nyeo Son.

Steven pauses.

Why is that important? Son beat you like it was nothing. But his last match in APW was for the North American Championship. Where he was defeated by the Road Dawg. Did you happen to see my match against the Road Dawg last week? I mean.. you could have been licking your wounds after your loss but maybe you did. If you did see that match you would know I made quick work of the Dawg. That’s how much better I am then you Wolf Girl.

Someone off screen mutters Fox Girl.

I don’t really care. I don’t have to get any of her details right because I don’t respect her. I don’t respect her and I don’t respect the challenge she poses to MY Blessed Junior Championship because she poses absolutely none! She isn’t a threat. She is a bottom feeder. She feasts on the weak and gets destroyed by the strong. Unfortunately for the Foxy Lady there is none stronger then the super pious prayer slayer! You are no challenge for me.. but yet I am looking forward to this match.

Steven smiles his usual greasy smile.

You’re from Japan.. the land of Buddhism so when I destroy you.. I get to show the superiority of my religion to Buddhism! Every time I beat you.. I’m gonna imagine I’m punching Buddha in his big fat stomach.

The voice off screen shouts out.. “Buddhism is Chinese“... then softer under their breathe.. “Idiot”

Dang Nabbit! I tried.. really I tried. But you’re not even good for that Fox girl. Maybe I can say something about destroying the essence of the evil Fox News network by pounding you like you’re Rupert Murdock. Nah.. You ain’t even worth that. You will always be known as my first successful title defence Fox Something or other. So there’s that. It’s more fame you deserve trust me. Guess the lord works in mysterious ways after all. It’s a mystery as to why he gifted you a title shot but it’s no mystery that I’m going to destroy you. That’s simple fact. I’m a holy man with a higher purpose. You are basically a cosplayer in the world of wrestling. You are lazy, uninspired and uninspiring.

Steven looks at his bible.. then shakes his head.

 Last week I offered the Road Dawg a place in my church. You don’t even deserve that. But I will offer it to you anyways. I feel sorry for you so it's Charity. Your wrestling career is going nowhere perhaps you should pray for improvement. I mean.. it couldn’t hurt. But it won’t help you against me. I would have won Alpha Showdown because I am the Alpha Dog. You are a fourth place, middle of the road competitor who is never going to get their hands on MY Blessed Championship. Now what does the Fox say to that?

Steven waits..

Nothing? Exactly what I expected from you. When you come after my title Tsukiko you walk into my hen house Fox. But you’ll leave not with the prize but in the missionary position. Amen.

The video fades to static. Then a commercial for the Church of the Unknown Saint.