4 and 3 and 2 and 1! Teddy's on the mic lets have some fun
Aug 23, 2019 19:21:09 GMT -5
BonnieBlue, Allen Anderson, and 1 more like this
Post by teddygeisel on Aug 23, 2019 19:21:09 GMT -5
Sigonella Elementary School
Sigonella Air Base
Sigonella, Italy
The 3rd graders looked at Teddy like the world had just ended. He could clearly see something was wrong from the looks on their faces. Teddy had been reading to this 3rd grade class once a week for the past 4 months. Teddy had been attached to Sigonella Air Force Base in Italy. This school was for the students of the American soldiers, sailors and airmen and women who were stationed at Sigonella. Ms. Serah, an attractive young teacher started a partnership with base to have military personnel volunteer time to read books to the children. Teddy was orderteered by his command to attend. Being orderteered is when one is forced by their superior to volunteer. Teddy was immediately smitten with Ms. Serah and volunteered to go back once a week. Teddy read the “Encyclopedia Brown; Boy Detective” series to the kids. They loved it. So when Teddy opened up “Captain Underpants” to read, the kids looked crushed. Sigonella Air Base
Sigonella, Italy
Boy#1: We want Encyclopedia Brown
Girl #1: Yeah more Encyclopedia Brown!
Teddy: Guys, last week we read the last of them. We’ve read them all. I could start over and read them again.
Boy #2: How lame would that be? They are mysteries and we already know the solution. No thanks.
Ms. Serah: OK class, if you don’t want Mr. Teddy to read today, we can go outside for some recess instead.
(As the class is filing outside, a girl approaches Teddy)
Girl #2: Mr. Teddy, could you please try and find some more Encyclopedia Brown books. Those are the only books I read. I read them all to my little brother before bed. Please Mr. Teddy, please find some more Encyclopedia Brown books, please.
Teddy: I would look real hard this week and see what I can find.
(the bounces outside and yells)
Girl #2: He’s gonna do it, he’s gonna find some more Encyclopedia Brown books!(Teddy and Ms. Serah can hear the cheers from inside)
Ms. Serah: You probably should not have done that. I think they are expecting something special next week. I hope you think of something. There is nothing fun about disappointing 26 3rd graders. See you next week Teddy.As Ms. Serah strolled out to the playground to be with her students, Teddy could only think of how he didn’t want to disappoint 26 3rd graders or their teacher. Teddy didn’t know what he would do, but he needed to deliver, and hopefully impress Ms. Serah at the same time. Teddy rode his bicycle the 32 miles from the school on base to the apartment that he and his squad mates were renting. Because of the nature of the squad’s work, they were not permitted to live on base, nor share their address. Teddy was assigned an Explosives Ordinance Disposal (EOD) unit. Teddy’s job was to dive into enemy or disputed waters, and either plant or defuse explosives. The address is kept a secret so that no one can know when they have deployed. As part of the US Navy Special Warfare Command, the missions were generally covert and classified. As Teddy walked in, he was happy to find just one of his buddies there, Jack Jackson. Jackson’s nickname is “Dumb”. It is a shortened version of his original nickname “Dumb Name”. Teddy liked all his buddies, but was looking forward to a little peace and quiet as he thought how he was going to not disappoint Ms. Serah and her class. Teddy shared the story with Dumb and they both thought about it for a while.
Dumb: Hey remember last month in Dubai?
Teddy: Yeah, the cruise ship thing.
Dumb: Right, remember when we didn’t have enough Hertz Covers? What did you do? You made more.
Teddy: Yeah, well I can’t just write more Encyclopedia Brown books. I don’t own the rights to do it.
Dumb: You don’t own the patent on Hertz Covers either, but you made them anyway.
Teddy: If you want to get technical, I didn’t use any classified specs when I made the covers. And they certainly weren’t exact replicas. Remember, we named them Avis Covers, because they were more like the Hertz’s Cover cousin?
Dumb: Yeah, I do remember that shit. Damn, I also remember that fine ass Moroccan chick I ended up with. Did you that she was able to stick both of her legs straight in the air, while at the same time…..
Dumb’s words trailed off as Teddy realized he had just solved his own problem. He would simply create a new series of books that centered around Encyclopedia Brown’s invented cousin, Dictionary Dan. Teddy went right to work and churned out 2 quick stories that night. With “The Case of the Incomplete Assignment” and “The Case of the Missing Homework”, Dictionary Dan was born. Teddy could not wait to get back to Ms. Serah’s class and share.
To be Continued
Tuesday August 20, 2019
Washington DC
The Chimney Recording Studio
Luke Force is wearing a tee shirt with his image on it and the word irresistible written below it. He has on a stocking cap hat with the same logo. Luke is sitting on the couch of Teddy Geisel’s recording studio called the Chimney. It’s called the Chimney because both the interior and exterior walls are made of brick and the place really resembles a chimney. Geisel greets Luke with one of those half hugs that men give each other to avoid a cock press. Cap J and Cee Eugenics come from another room in the studio and greet Luke and Geisel the same way. Teddy Geisel, Cap J, and Cee Eugenics are all childhood friends. Teddy Geisel took his name from the real name of Dr. Suess (Theodor Geisel Suess). Geisel’s outfit is blue and is adorned with several images associated with Dr. Suess such as the hat from Cat in the Hat, Sam from Sam I am, and Thing One and Thing Two among others. Cee Eugenics is a white dude who goes about 6’4 and weighs a little over 400. Eugenics is a fat out of shape fuck. He is the guy who wheezes when he has to get off the couch, and could easily break said couch trying . The driver’s seat in his 2016 Mercedes Benz ML 500 is permanently bent because his fat ass insists on driving with a gangster lean. Eugenics is wearing the same style he always does; he has to wear sweatpants and a huge t-shirt. Nothing else fits the fat fucker. Cap J is an albino black dude. He is rocking jeans with what look to be brand new white on white Air Irresistible Force ones, they have a small ‘fu’ logo on the sole of each shoe. Cap is wearing a “They Might Be Giants” t-shirt and a red hat with white lettering that reads “Make my Dick Hard Again”. Apex Onyx is also in the house. He is wearing a maroon track suit and drinking a carton of milk.
Cee Eugenics: Looks like you got a crazy match this weekend. You don’t even know if you are going to be partners, how is that going to work out.
Luke Force: I can tell you how it works out, I’ve been there. But I want to see what these guys think.
Teddy: I’ll tell you what I think. No random draw is going to dictate who I fight with. Believe me, if my random partner decides to start trying to beat on Apex, my random ass partner is getting a non-random ass beatdown. So maybe the other guys don’t know who their partner is, but I damn sure know who mine is. And I damn sure know he’s got my back and I’ve got his.
Luke Force: That’s exactly how it works. You and Apex are a team no matter what. We’ll talk on Sunday before the match about some tactics we’ll use. These guys don’t stand a chance.
Apex Onyx: Yeah I get that, but why did you have us meet here at the Chimney?
Luke Force:This wasn’t me Apex, Teddy asked us all to come here, what’s up Teddy?
Teddy: First off, thanks for showing up. This is a project that is very near and dear to my heart. It’s a non-profit that a teacher friend of mine started called “Install the Mic”. The program is designed to put a recording studio and technology lab in every school in Virginia. Luke, you know about this, FU Corporation is always supportive. Aside from corporate funding, another way we raise money for “Install the Mic” is selling digital downloads. So today, I’m gonna jump in that booth and put down some lyrics to raise some money. I’m just gonna spit about what is on my mind. Hey Cee, you got that beat cued up?
Cee Eugenics: No doubt, jump in the box, and get to work.
(With that Geisel slips into a recording booth with the number 3 on the door and puts on the headphones and begins to nod his head)
I just want to weigh in on the slayin
That’s got Charmaine laying
With her back flat
In the middle of the mat,
Who was it who left her like that?
I’ve got the answer like Allen, (Iverson)
It was a crew of guys with talent,
Now you’ve got a real challenge,
Cause the playing field we’re on, we don’t keep it balanced,
We hit hard like mallets
Our habits are lavish,
We cause panic and havoc,
Try all you want you can’t damage this package,
Our status is baddest,
We’ll ravage the roster and make your ass vanish,
Don’t know what I’m saying, I’ll say it Spanish.
Pe patearemos el culo
(Now let me introduce myself my name is)
QP gives me presidential protection
To QP, you are a potential dissection
We choose who we beat in order, a sequential selection
You get no votes for submitting, a confidential election
Where QP is sitting, the influential section
You sit in a cesspool, a monumental rejection
We overrule your unessential objections
We show up all your potential imperfections
Then cut you up like experimental vivisection
Got you in check from every potential direction
From Cancun to Quebec, we’re Quintessential Perfection
Now that you know who we is let me tell you we isn’t
We isn’t bitches with riches who wear sagging britches
We rock tailored suits and put boots to all those in cahoots
With clowns who hang around just to try and hold us down
We isn’t fucks with good luck but in reality we suck
We’re the baddest we kick asses and what makes you so mad is
We mistreat you then beat you and then we defeat you
We isn’t about running our mouth and then ducking out
We beat you good, break bones like wood, you just wish you could
Be more like us, you can’t fight us, we’ve got you in crisis
My match on Sunday will no doubt be fun
Let me address the punks one by one
Hey Jazzy, one punch, I’ve got you dizzy like Gillespie
You’ve got good reason despise and detest me
You don’t have the skills to distress me
You're only hope is if the police come to arrest me
I’m not a flute so don’t try and caress me
Call me the winner if you ever address me
I own this ring and you won’t disposses me
I’m done with you Jazzy, you don’t impress me
Noris Cranely, unstoppable? Shit
Your dad dumped you like a droppable bitch
18 years old, like and adoptable twit
I strike you like a phenomenal pitch
You can’t get me like the impossible itch
I’m the house in OZ, you’re that horrible witch
And I’ll flatten you, you deplorable bitch.
Now go tell somebody you unemployable snitch
Johnny Blaze king of the gays and fiery piece of shit
Little Johnny joined the Army and his daddy split
Now he looking for that loser and on top of it
He’s in the ring with and he’s about to get hit
Not sure yet if I will pin him or I’ll make him submit
In your autobiography this match you will omit
I take advantage of every mistake you commit
You're not ready to defeat me, I find you unfit.
Leon Dread claims to be the son of the devil
If your dad was the devil you should be more successful
I see you in the ring and your ass can’t wrestle
Did you get here on a short bus, you seem to be mental
It’s like your mind is a contortionist, twisted like pretzel
When in Guatemala, I spend unlimited Quetzal
I’ll crack your temple so hard, I will make you forgetful
You got into this ring with me and now your regretful
Charmaine is the queen of wiping crap
Why else would she have a stupid name like that?
I hit her with a chair and left her flat on the mat
I’ll best her best work is done when she’s flat on her back
I probably should have tea bagged her with my nutsack
Then like prices at Walmart I would roll her back
And lock her down like a bicycle rack.
Pin that bitch and I win the match.
Apex or should I call you Mr Onyx
Let me look you over let me be honest
As I look at you now, you appear flawless
Now is not the time for you to be modest
There 6 other people who will be demolished
You could break some legs and make them all jobless
I can sense their fear as they walk around cautious
Any plans they had on winning just got abolished
That’s it, it’s over I’m done
You're shit, full disclosure I won
Not surprised I’m the best and you're shit
I’ve surmised that the rest should just quit
QP is here all your success had just stopped
I’m Geisel and the mic has been dropped.
