Post by Steven Osbourne on Aug 10, 2019 15:08:01 GMT -5
Steven stands in front of a door, looking downcast. He sighs.
IIf you want to be a champion you gotta be willing to make sacrifices. I've faced Lucy Sixx twice. Twice, I've lost. I can't understand it. I'm bigger then her. In every possible way. I'm a better wrestler then her. My moves are way cooler and way more effective then hers. I'm more experienced. Also in every possible way. On paper there is literally no way I should ever lose to Sixx. Fuck she barely even cares about wrestling. She's only here because her rock and roll career flamed out. At least wrestling and groupies have always gone together. Rock and Wrestling? That went out of style in the 80s. Lucy is a dinosaur who doesn't belong in the modern era. Yet she's a champion and I'm not. But I'm a smart guy.. so I studied our matches and figured out what went wrong. She's just... too damn hot. I keep thinking with my Big Stevie and I keep losing! So this time I'll make sure I'm focused on the business at hand. By doing something I swore I would never do. Go to A.A. S.A.A. that is.
Steven looks up at the sign on the door Sex Addicts Anonymous, shakes his head and enters. He looks around seeing many attractive looking women and a few sleazy looking man. He doesn't wait he walks to the middle of the room.
My name is Steven Osbourne and I'm a sex addict.
The leader running the circle looks at him in annoyance.
I know who you are.
Osbourne: My reputation travels.
You slept with my daughter.
You'd be surprised how often I hear that.
You're actually proud of that?
People like you act like you hate me but you're just jealous.
You think I want to hook up with my own daughter. You're sick!
She's smoking hot!
Do you want to be cured of your sex addiction or get out and let me help people who do?
Of course I do. I had a lot of fun but it's high time for..
Steven shudders.
Chastity.
A normal sharing circle wouldn't help a degenerate like you.
I have some great stories to share!
Exactly my point! We have to take.. more severe measures.
Flash forward to Steven Osbourne tied to a chair.
You know... I've done this before... This isn't helping my sex addiction.. it's just bringing back great memories. I swear if the strippers come in...
The door swings open.
This has happened before..
A firmilar young lady comes in.. humming Rapping for Jesus
Oh shit!
Several Days Later
I'm like totally worried. I like haven't seen Stevie all week.
Worried? That's a blessing!
He didn't even call me up for a nooner or a booty call.
Honey.. don't do that.. that's how you get herpes.
Stevie told me herpes are a myth.
See.. that's why I'm happy seeing Steven when we're discussing business or he's wrestling a match and that's it. Meeting him once a week is just dandy as far as I'm concerned. I am surprised he wanted to meet us in a church however. It better not be some gross nun fantasy.
Should I have brought my latex habit.
I think I'm going to vomit.
Are you like pregnant or something?
Veronica looks at Amber.. shakes her head and walks into the church. Inside they see one person Steven Osbourne wearing a flat grey suit and kneeling at the front of the church.
Would you ladies like to join me down on your knees?
Not on your life pig!
I'm only concerned about your soul. But if you would like to be damned.. then that's your choice. God does give you free will.
That.. doesn't sound like the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer.
Who would go by such a name? I'm Steven Osbourne.. but the member of my prayer circle call me the Super Pious Praying Slayer.
That definately doesn't sound like Osbourne.
Are you wearing grey? Like you always wear pink. You even have a pink thong!
A peacock can wear bright colors because God gave them to him. A man wearing bright colors is commiting the sin of pride.
I don't like the new Osbourne. I like like pink
On one hand.. the new Osbourne hasn't attempted to grope me yet. On the other hand.. he also hasn't shown much interest in his match this week. This concerns me.
I have been busy volunteering at the soap kitchen.
Are you like hitting on Sister Helen again?
Why would I flirt with a bride of God? I sense you are a troubled young woman Amber. I'll pray for you.
What the hell happened to you?
I don't use the "H" word and neither should you. I have experienced a spiritual awakening.
Veronica mutters spiritual awakening my ass as Steven continues.
On the seventh day God rested. But I shall not rest. Not when there are sinners holding shiny trinkets. Sinners such as that harlot Lucy Sixx. Her very name is a sin. Sixx... 666... coincidence? I think not! She is trying to lead people into the grasp of Satan! Well I will be no party to this evil. I will be the conscience of APW!
Amber and Veronica both try to stifle a giggle.
You find something funny ladies? I see nothing funny about Lucy. She is an unwed mother. If I lose to her that will only encourage her whorish ways!
You're Steven Osbourne... you probably invented whorish ways!
Steven snorts.
That was before I was reborn!
Like get born old again.
I don't like your low cut top.
You always used to like it.
You used to be an STD waiting to happen, unfocused and annoying. Now you're judgmental, but still unfocused and annoying. Not an improvement.
Unfocused? You think I'm unfocused! The old sinful Steven was unfocussed. I am focused on destroying this jezebel in front of me. Lucy Sixx stands for everything I despise. She is nothing but a liar and a cheater! She talks about how hard work has paid off for her. What hard work has she put in? Trent Page destroyed her. She beat no hopers like Johnny Blaze.
She beat you.. twice.
She beat the old Osbourne twice. I was blinded by her beauty. I will not fall victim to her serpent charms again. She talks about how she is a real star. Her pride is going to come back and bite her on the butt like the sin that it is! Lucy has been wrestling less then 6 months. Everything has come easily for her. So far. She only had to deal with serious adversity twice. Both times she failed. She failed against Trent Page... because he's a former world title challenger. She competed for the hardcore championship and failed against Dean Wolf. Do you see a pattern? When Lucy faces off against someone elite she fails. She doesn't have the experience and the knowledge to know how to adapt. Everything I lost in APW I have learned from it and come back harder and more dangerous. This will be my greatest challenge.. humbling Lucy Sixx in the eyes of the Lord. When I hold that Junior Heavyweight Championship I will be able to deliver unto the people a champion they can be proud of! A champion of true virtue! A champion of the people! What does Lucy bring to the Junior Heavyweight except for a sense of cheap desperation? You are unworthy of your status Lucy. You got into wrestling to avoid jail? What kind of a reason is that?
Didn't you get into wrestling just for the groupies?
I'll turn the other cheek Veronica because I'm the better man. Just like I will be during my match this week. Lucy is going to come into this match overconfident. She is going to think she has beaten me twice so this is going to go exactly the same. Don't underestimate Steven Osbourne. This is my third match with you. If I lose it will be my final chance against you. Have you seen what I'm willing to do in order to secure this victory? The ends will justify the means. You will be an ex champion. you simply don't have the knowledge to stop me from taking this championship. Just like I have taken so many championships in the past. This is your first title. You probably think you are going to keep it forever. But I'll show you it's easier to win a title then to keep it. Especially if you're an underskilled, arrogant, snot nosed young punk such as yourself. You're not even old enough to have been a member of a GOOD heavy metal band. Full Metal? You're like My Chemical Romance in a seas of Metallicas. You're a poser pretending to be a wrestler. I hate posers. You won't fake it till you make it. You'll only fake it for a few more days until I expose you and take the championship!
IIf you want to be a champion you gotta be willing to make sacrifices. I've faced Lucy Sixx twice. Twice, I've lost. I can't understand it. I'm bigger then her. In every possible way. I'm a better wrestler then her. My moves are way cooler and way more effective then hers. I'm more experienced. Also in every possible way. On paper there is literally no way I should ever lose to Sixx. Fuck she barely even cares about wrestling. She's only here because her rock and roll career flamed out. At least wrestling and groupies have always gone together. Rock and Wrestling? That went out of style in the 80s. Lucy is a dinosaur who doesn't belong in the modern era. Yet she's a champion and I'm not. But I'm a smart guy.. so I studied our matches and figured out what went wrong. She's just... too damn hot. I keep thinking with my Big Stevie and I keep losing! So this time I'll make sure I'm focused on the business at hand. By doing something I swore I would never do. Go to A.A. S.A.A. that is.
Steven looks up at the sign on the door Sex Addicts Anonymous, shakes his head and enters. He looks around seeing many attractive looking women and a few sleazy looking man. He doesn't wait he walks to the middle of the room.
My name is Steven Osbourne and I'm a sex addict.
The leader running the circle looks at him in annoyance.
I know who you are.
Osbourne: My reputation travels.
You slept with my daughter.
You'd be surprised how often I hear that.
You're actually proud of that?
People like you act like you hate me but you're just jealous.
You think I want to hook up with my own daughter. You're sick!
She's smoking hot!
Do you want to be cured of your sex addiction or get out and let me help people who do?
Of course I do. I had a lot of fun but it's high time for..
Steven shudders.
Chastity.
A normal sharing circle wouldn't help a degenerate like you.
I have some great stories to share!
Exactly my point! We have to take.. more severe measures.
Flash forward to Steven Osbourne tied to a chair.
You know... I've done this before... This isn't helping my sex addiction.. it's just bringing back great memories. I swear if the strippers come in...
The door swings open.
This has happened before..
A firmilar young lady comes in.. humming Rapping for Jesus
Oh shit!
Several Days Later
I'm like totally worried. I like haven't seen Stevie all week.
Worried? That's a blessing!
He didn't even call me up for a nooner or a booty call.
Honey.. don't do that.. that's how you get herpes.
Stevie told me herpes are a myth.
See.. that's why I'm happy seeing Steven when we're discussing business or he's wrestling a match and that's it. Meeting him once a week is just dandy as far as I'm concerned. I am surprised he wanted to meet us in a church however. It better not be some gross nun fantasy.
Should I have brought my latex habit.
I think I'm going to vomit.
Are you like pregnant or something?
Veronica looks at Amber.. shakes her head and walks into the church. Inside they see one person Steven Osbourne wearing a flat grey suit and kneeling at the front of the church.
Would you ladies like to join me down on your knees?
Not on your life pig!
I'm only concerned about your soul. But if you would like to be damned.. then that's your choice. God does give you free will.
That.. doesn't sound like the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer.
Who would go by such a name? I'm Steven Osbourne.. but the member of my prayer circle call me the Super Pious Praying Slayer.
That definately doesn't sound like Osbourne.
Are you wearing grey? Like you always wear pink. You even have a pink thong!
A peacock can wear bright colors because God gave them to him. A man wearing bright colors is commiting the sin of pride.
I don't like the new Osbourne. I like like pink
On one hand.. the new Osbourne hasn't attempted to grope me yet. On the other hand.. he also hasn't shown much interest in his match this week. This concerns me.
I have been busy volunteering at the soap kitchen.
Are you like hitting on Sister Helen again?
Why would I flirt with a bride of God? I sense you are a troubled young woman Amber. I'll pray for you.
What the hell happened to you?
I don't use the "H" word and neither should you. I have experienced a spiritual awakening.
Veronica mutters spiritual awakening my ass as Steven continues.
On the seventh day God rested. But I shall not rest. Not when there are sinners holding shiny trinkets. Sinners such as that harlot Lucy Sixx. Her very name is a sin. Sixx... 666... coincidence? I think not! She is trying to lead people into the grasp of Satan! Well I will be no party to this evil. I will be the conscience of APW!
Amber and Veronica both try to stifle a giggle.
You find something funny ladies? I see nothing funny about Lucy. She is an unwed mother. If I lose to her that will only encourage her whorish ways!
You're Steven Osbourne... you probably invented whorish ways!
Steven snorts.
That was before I was reborn!
Like get born old again.
I don't like your low cut top.
You always used to like it.
You used to be an STD waiting to happen, unfocused and annoying. Now you're judgmental, but still unfocused and annoying. Not an improvement.
Unfocused? You think I'm unfocused! The old sinful Steven was unfocussed. I am focused on destroying this jezebel in front of me. Lucy Sixx stands for everything I despise. She is nothing but a liar and a cheater! She talks about how hard work has paid off for her. What hard work has she put in? Trent Page destroyed her. She beat no hopers like Johnny Blaze.
She beat you.. twice.
She beat the old Osbourne twice. I was blinded by her beauty. I will not fall victim to her serpent charms again. She talks about how she is a real star. Her pride is going to come back and bite her on the butt like the sin that it is! Lucy has been wrestling less then 6 months. Everything has come easily for her. So far. She only had to deal with serious adversity twice. Both times she failed. She failed against Trent Page... because he's a former world title challenger. She competed for the hardcore championship and failed against Dean Wolf. Do you see a pattern? When Lucy faces off against someone elite she fails. She doesn't have the experience and the knowledge to know how to adapt. Everything I lost in APW I have learned from it and come back harder and more dangerous. This will be my greatest challenge.. humbling Lucy Sixx in the eyes of the Lord. When I hold that Junior Heavyweight Championship I will be able to deliver unto the people a champion they can be proud of! A champion of true virtue! A champion of the people! What does Lucy bring to the Junior Heavyweight except for a sense of cheap desperation? You are unworthy of your status Lucy. You got into wrestling to avoid jail? What kind of a reason is that?
Didn't you get into wrestling just for the groupies?
I'll turn the other cheek Veronica because I'm the better man. Just like I will be during my match this week. Lucy is going to come into this match overconfident. She is going to think she has beaten me twice so this is going to go exactly the same. Don't underestimate Steven Osbourne. This is my third match with you. If I lose it will be my final chance against you. Have you seen what I'm willing to do in order to secure this victory? The ends will justify the means. You will be an ex champion. you simply don't have the knowledge to stop me from taking this championship. Just like I have taken so many championships in the past. This is your first title. You probably think you are going to keep it forever. But I'll show you it's easier to win a title then to keep it. Especially if you're an underskilled, arrogant, snot nosed young punk such as yourself. You're not even old enough to have been a member of a GOOD heavy metal band. Full Metal? You're like My Chemical Romance in a seas of Metallicas. You're a poser pretending to be a wrestler. I hate posers. You won't fake it till you make it. You'll only fake it for a few more days until I expose you and take the championship!
