Dean Wolf's Apology Tour, Part II-A

He feels better. That’s not the reason why he apologized to his mother, but he feels better for doing it nonetheless. More importantly, it was the right thing to do, and aside from leaving the employ of Bernard Core, he can’t really think of another time when he had done the right thing.



Upon returning to his apartment from the cemetery, Dean Wolf goes into his bedroom and pulls out his high school yearbook. He turns to the back cover and finds the “Hit List,” his personal road map for revenge. He wrote it in 11th grade when he finally decided he wasn’t going to take anybody’s shit anymore. It wasn’t a long list. It just included the names of all the kids in school that had been fucking with him for years, the kids whose constant bullying and taunting had left an their mark on him. Kids whose actions were so egregious that they made Wolf physically angry, actions so thoughtless that it kept him up on certain nights with rage dancing in his head. Even in moments where he was away from school and was enjoying himself, an unpleasant moment would just suddenly flash through his brain and he’d become pissed off again, to the confusion of those around him. What made it worse was that all these things were in the past. They had already happened. There was nothing he could do about them.



Until he decided that there was.



He didn’t need to be physically provoked. He just decided that any kid that had ever made him that angry was going to pay for it. There was no statute of limitations on their misdeeds. Wolf was the judge, jury, and executioner when it came to these fucking assholes, and he was looking to hand out some painful sentences.



So he wrote their names on a list.



And went after them.



One by one.



And with every kid he punished, a line went through their name.



Looking back on the list of crossed out names, he doesn’t feel as proud of himself as he had when he finally went through all the names. He reads each name one by one and thinks of the damage he caused them.







He clipped those three at the same damn time! They were beating him up in the band room’s storage locker every day. On the day he fought back, he used Mark’s face as a punching bag, slammed Joe’s head against a brick wall until he drew blood, and slammed Chris’ head with the door of one of the lockers. Mark needed reconstructive surgery on his face and had to eat through a straw. Joe needed 30 stitches in the back of his head, and Chris got a concussion.



Dean Wolf: He got off easy.



Wolf reads the next name.




Wolf slammed Jake’s head, too, but instead of a brick wall, he used the tiled floor of the school cafeteria. He needed physical therapy for the brain damage.





Wolf found him after high school in a diner. It was a chance encounter. He wasn’t even looking for him. Wolf was at his table when he saw Joe walk in. It was unfortunate that Joe’s wife was with him, but vengeance doesn’t always consider the loved ones of those who are being served with its mighty fist. When Wolf approached Joe’s table, Joe didn’t recognize him at first, but by the time he did, it was too late. Wolf had thrown coffee into his eyes, broke the ceramic coffee cup over his orbit, kneed him in the face, and stomped on his head until he was unconscious.



Joe ended up having a concussion, a broken nose, and a broken eye socket.



Wolf gets a little rush of happiness, like he’s remembering a fond childhood memory, but he shakes the feeling off real quick.



Dean Wolf: It wasn’t right.



Sure, justice had been served, but these kids never put Wolf in a hospital when they messed with him. He never had to go to the hospital, let alone have serious injuries with long-term effects. He could have just let his anger go. He could have just made sure it never happened again in the future.



Plus, his actions still had negative effects. His mother wanted to cry every time she got another call from the school informing her that her son, Daniel (Dean Wolf’s given name) was being suspended again. He was almost kicked out of school, which would have jeopardized his chances of going to college. That would not have made his dad happy. His dad wanted him to defend himself, not commit assault. Not going to college was the opposite of what his father wanted, considering that he didn’t go to college himself and was now working as a custodian who was looked down on by people every day.



If it hadn’t been for school counselors and social workers to advise Wolf that he needed to end the violence if he wanted a future, he would have kept fighting. If it hadn’t been for teachers to speak for him when he was up for expulsion, he wouldn’t have graduated on time or at all. If it hadn’t been for his father threatening him, he would have still been on the prowl for more people that had wronged him.



Wolf sets the Hit List aside. He thinks for a second before grabbing a piece of paper out of a notebook on his desk. He gets a pen and rights the word “Apology List” at the top of the paper. He then proceeds to write the names of the five people that were previously on his Hit List.



I can’t change what I did. Maybe I can’t make what I did right, but saying “I’m sorry” is a start.



He goes to put the Apology List inside the yearbook but stops. He has a thought and nods.



She belongs there, too.



He takes the cap off the pen and writes a sixth name at the bottom of the Apology List.





He wonders if there’s anyone else that needs to go on the Apology List.



No way. Fuck him.



Wolf is thinking of his father, who told him that Wolf was no better to him than a dead person when Wolf tried to speak with him last October.



It doesn’t matter. It’s what I need to do. If he doesn’t accept my apology. That’s his problem, not mine.



He reluctantly scribbles down the seventh name.







With that, he sets the Apology List aside on his desk and grabs the Hit List and crumples it up in a ball.



Time for this to go away.



He gets up to throw it in the wastepaper basket but stops just shy of dropping it in. That sudden flash of anger that he felt whenever he thought about what the bullies had done to him was coursing through his brain again.



You just never know when it’s going to flare.



Wolf opens the paper ball that he’s made and looks at the list.



Oh yeah. He fucking belongs on this.



He grabs the pen again and rights a name under the crossed out-name of Joe Simpson.




ZMAC hadn’t just wronged Wolf. He wronged Wolf’s mother. While Wolf could forgive what had been done to him, he couldn’t forgive what had been done to his mother’s honor and memory. You don’t fuck with Wolf’s mother, dead or alive.



But that’s it. This is the last one. Once I get my revenge on ZMAC, I’m done with the hit list. I’m done with revenge. I’m going to burn the list and let its ashes get carried away with the wind. No more. This is it.



But he thinks about the Hardcore Title match at Alpha Showdown.



The best laid plans of mice and men…



Whatever his intentions are, he might not be able to carry them out. Someone might get in his way. Someone might stop him.



No. I can’t. He doesn’t belong on this list. He’s not like these other people.



But certainly, what he wants to do to ZMAC is right because of ZMAC’s crimes against him and his mother’s memory, and anybody who prevents that from happening is just as guilty as ZMAC. Whatever punishment ZMAC gets, this person must get it for being an accessory, for aiding and abetting the piece of shit from The Big Easy.



Wolf closes his eyes and sighs, expelling air through his nostrils. He resigns himself to what he believes is unavoidable.



It must be done.



He puts pen to paper and adds one more name.