Dean Wolf's Apology Tour, Part I
Jul 17, 2019 5:20:09 GMT -5
BonnieBlue, Spartan, and 2 more like this
Post by Dean Wolf on Jul 17, 2019 5:20:09 GMT -5
He came home from Atlantic City and tried to get some sleep after the war he went through to win the Hardcore Championship, but it was difficult to let his mind rest. For a few days, all he could think about were the words of Bishop Thomas.
“Why not just say ‘I’m sorry?’”
It was such simple advice. All this time, Dean Wolf was thinking about what he could say to his mother, the woman he had betrayed by not being there for her when she died, by not coming to her funeral and honoring her memory. What more could he really say other than “I’m sorry?”
Yet, if it had been so simple, why was it so hard to say? Maybe it was his father’s example. His father never apologized for anything. Even when he was clearly wrong, he never heard the words “I’m sorry” leave his father’s lips. With Dean Wolf becoming the hardened man that his father always was, maybe Dean Wolf inherited the same reluctance to utter those two simple words.
But that was a bullshit excuse. He couldn’t blame his father for his lack of contrition. He was a grown man now. He made his own choices. Dean Wolf’s problem was that he was being a coward. Yes, this man that fought everybody in his path since high school, this man that just won the APW Hardcore Championship in an anything goes brawl against a multitude of the best wrestlers in world that took him across state lines and saw him blow up one of his opponents, didn’t have the courage to stand in front of his mother’s grave and admit that he was wrong.
Until now.
He couldn’t listen to Bishop Thomas’ words any longer. He had to take action and drive to Holy Sepulchre Cemetery, where his mother was laid to rest. Finding her grave had been a little difficult, but after a few minutes, he was able to spot the tombstone with the open hands of God on it, inviting Marie Dexter’s soul into Heaven, with the quote “And he will raise you up on eagle’s wings…” written at the bottom of it. Wolf paused when he made it and took a second to prepare himself for what had to be done.
Dean Wolf: Mom…
He pauses again as he looks down on her grave, trying not to break before he says the words.
Dean Wolf: ...I’m sorry.
And just like that, some of the tension that had been building up in his chest has been relieved. His eyes become moist, as if the tears are the guilt seeping out of him in liquid form. He doesn’t feel completely guilt-free, but at least he had done this one thing that he had been avoiding for a long time.
That guilt suddenly turns into anger. The quiet, contemplative moment allows Wolf to think about ZMAC’s recent comments regarding his mother.
Dean Wolf: You know ZMAC, I saw what you said about my mother, who died over two years ago, and I thought about how I was gonna respond to it. Normally, I would respond in the moment with some vulgarity, with a threat. If we were face to face, I’d be yelling at you.
But I’m not gonna do that with you because I know that no matter what I say, you’re gonna come back with some kind of smartass comment.
My father was the kind of guy that always had to have the last word in an argument, and after a while, after countless arguments with him, I just stopped trying to have the last word. There’s just some people you’re not gonna beat at that game and I know I’m not gonna beat you at that. It’s not worth my time. It’s not worth my energy. I got better things to do than try and one-up you on friggin’ social media.
That’s the only competition against me that you’re going to win.
I’ve beaten you once and I’m going to beat you again. It’s gonna happen at Alpha Showdown when you, me, and Spartan meet in that ring for my Hardcore Championship.
You know, I wonder why it is that you talk so much shit. I mean, it’s part of the game. I understand that, but I always believed the shit-talking to be a way to sell tickets to an arena or a way to sell buys on pay-per-view. For you, it seems more than that. It’s like a compulsive need to say some disgraceful shit to people. It’s like you get off on it, and the thought that you’re getting off on besmirching the memory of my dead mother is just a little bit too much for me to handle.
I don’t know if you were trying to goad me into giving you a shot at the title. I mean, there’s really no reason to goad me. All you had to say is “Wolf, give me a shot at the Hardcore Championship.” I would have been more than happy to give it to you if you’d just said that. You earned a shot at the title. In the One Big Brawl, you took me to places I never thought I would go in the middle of a fight.
Wolf laughs a little bit at that last comment.
Dean Wolf: You pushed me. Not to disrespect anybody else, but there wasn’t really any tougher competition than you in that match. I know how much being a Hardcore Champion in any promotion means to you. You pride yourself on being the most hardcore wrester in this sport and you fought me tooth and nail to try and gain that notoriety here in APW. I was just better than you. That’s all. Hell, maybe you would have beaten me. I mean, you hit me with the Dove Killah, but for some reason you decided not to go for the pin. You dragged me to some corner and had some other intentions in mind, but I guess you never got around to it. I took advantage and I beat you.
So, if you’d just said to me that you wanted a shot at the title, I would have given it to you, no questions asked.
But you had to take it a step further and make it personal, more personal than these things tend to be. You brought my dead mother into this little rivalry that we have here.
You know, I don’t expect you to be sensitive. You’re not a sensitive person. You’re not a sentimental person. You are about the pleasures of life. You’re about your whores and your sex and your coke and your sadomasachism, and that’s fine if that’s what you’re all about. I don’t expect you to understand family ties. You seem to only care about yourself. You seem to want to do...other things with members of your family, like your sister-in-law. That’s fine if that’s how you are and that’s the way you want to be and that’s what you want out of life. I’m not gonna criticize you for that.
But my mother was the most caring, generous, sweetest person that I’ve ever known. She spent a lot of her time trying to protect me from my father’s wrath. She spent a lot of time trying to prevent me from becoming…
He feels his vocal chords straining as he tries to choke back any emotion.
Dean Wolf: ...the kind of person that I eventually became anyway. She believed there was good in everybody. Even if she particularly didn’t like someone, she still tried to find the good in them because she believed it existed. There’s nobody else in the world that I’ve ever known like her.
So when you go on social media and you disgrace her by saying the things that you’ve been saying, it really makes me want to…
He pauses.
Dean Wolf:...cave your fucking head in. It makes me hope that one day something really bad will happen to you physically, so bad that you don’t come back from the dead, that you stay dead, and that if there is a Hell, you end up there, and it is the worst thing you could possibly ever imagine. A place where you don’t get to enjoy sex or drugs and where instead of you causing the violence, somebody is causing unspeakable violence to you, and you have no way of defending yourself or patching yourself up.
I’m not gonna do my talking on social media when it comes to you. I’m just going to get into that ring at Alpha Showdown and I’m going to stomp you on the head with my boot as many times as I am physically able. I’m going to press my foot violently and rapidly upon your face until I literally cannot do it anymore. I’m going to crush your skull until it cracks open and your brains and your blood are lying on the mat next to where your head used to be.
And Spartan, don’t think I forgot about you. APW did you no favors by putting you in the middle of this thing between ZMAC and I. I respect you as a competitor, and after ZMAC, I surely would have given you a shot at the Hardcore Championship, but Irina Iranova has got her head too far up her ass to see that ZMAC and I have to settle our differences before either of us can move on. On the other hand, maybe she’s desperate to get this title off of me, so she gave me two challengers with the hopes that one of you will be able to beat me. Whatever her reasoning was, I would suggest you go to her and complain, because if you get in my way, if you try to stop me from doing to ZMAC what I intend on doing, you’re going to be laying in a pool of your own blood right beside ZMAC’s headless body.
Now that I think about, maybe winning this match is not my first priority. Maybe I’m not as interested in beating either ZMAC or Spartan. Maybe the only thing that I am interested in is hurting ZMAC, punishing ZMAC, making him beg for me to stop.
I know that last thing isn’t going to happen, ZMAC, and since that’s not going to happen, I’m not going to stop until you die.
And if you do die and you don’t come back this time, I’m not going to feel bad about. I don’t care if I am punished. I don’t care if I’m convicted. I don’t care if I end up in a prison for the rest of my life.
You think you know me? I know you think that I’m on some morality kick know, and in some ways, I am; but I’m just getting started on my path to becoming a better person. Don’t think that I’m too far gone down the road to turn back and return to my normal ways.
You don’t fucking know me at all. Maybe you’re too coked out of your mind to remember what I did to you back in Nevada. I have proven that I will meet you down in whatever depths of depravity you want me to meet you in.
At Alpha Showdown, I’ll go with you again, and not only will I see your depravity, I’ll raise it.
And if I have to die with you this time, so be it.
And if we continue to fight in the afterlife, I will fight you as long as I have to in order to stop you from coming back to life.
I will drag you into the fires of hell.
I will be your personal torturer.
And I will make you my everlasting bitch.
He looks back at his mother’s tombstone and places a red rose in front of it before walking away.
“Why not just say ‘I’m sorry?’”
It was such simple advice. All this time, Dean Wolf was thinking about what he could say to his mother, the woman he had betrayed by not being there for her when she died, by not coming to her funeral and honoring her memory. What more could he really say other than “I’m sorry?”
Yet, if it had been so simple, why was it so hard to say? Maybe it was his father’s example. His father never apologized for anything. Even when he was clearly wrong, he never heard the words “I’m sorry” leave his father’s lips. With Dean Wolf becoming the hardened man that his father always was, maybe Dean Wolf inherited the same reluctance to utter those two simple words.
But that was a bullshit excuse. He couldn’t blame his father for his lack of contrition. He was a grown man now. He made his own choices. Dean Wolf’s problem was that he was being a coward. Yes, this man that fought everybody in his path since high school, this man that just won the APW Hardcore Championship in an anything goes brawl against a multitude of the best wrestlers in world that took him across state lines and saw him blow up one of his opponents, didn’t have the courage to stand in front of his mother’s grave and admit that he was wrong.
Until now.
He couldn’t listen to Bishop Thomas’ words any longer. He had to take action and drive to Holy Sepulchre Cemetery, where his mother was laid to rest. Finding her grave had been a little difficult, but after a few minutes, he was able to spot the tombstone with the open hands of God on it, inviting Marie Dexter’s soul into Heaven, with the quote “And he will raise you up on eagle’s wings…” written at the bottom of it. Wolf paused when he made it and took a second to prepare himself for what had to be done.
Dean Wolf: Mom…
He pauses again as he looks down on her grave, trying not to break before he says the words.
Dean Wolf: ...I’m sorry.
And just like that, some of the tension that had been building up in his chest has been relieved. His eyes become moist, as if the tears are the guilt seeping out of him in liquid form. He doesn’t feel completely guilt-free, but at least he had done this one thing that he had been avoiding for a long time.
That guilt suddenly turns into anger. The quiet, contemplative moment allows Wolf to think about ZMAC’s recent comments regarding his mother.
Dean Wolf: You know ZMAC, I saw what you said about my mother, who died over two years ago, and I thought about how I was gonna respond to it. Normally, I would respond in the moment with some vulgarity, with a threat. If we were face to face, I’d be yelling at you.
But I’m not gonna do that with you because I know that no matter what I say, you’re gonna come back with some kind of smartass comment.
My father was the kind of guy that always had to have the last word in an argument, and after a while, after countless arguments with him, I just stopped trying to have the last word. There’s just some people you’re not gonna beat at that game and I know I’m not gonna beat you at that. It’s not worth my time. It’s not worth my energy. I got better things to do than try and one-up you on friggin’ social media.
That’s the only competition against me that you’re going to win.
I’ve beaten you once and I’m going to beat you again. It’s gonna happen at Alpha Showdown when you, me, and Spartan meet in that ring for my Hardcore Championship.
You know, I wonder why it is that you talk so much shit. I mean, it’s part of the game. I understand that, but I always believed the shit-talking to be a way to sell tickets to an arena or a way to sell buys on pay-per-view. For you, it seems more than that. It’s like a compulsive need to say some disgraceful shit to people. It’s like you get off on it, and the thought that you’re getting off on besmirching the memory of my dead mother is just a little bit too much for me to handle.
I don’t know if you were trying to goad me into giving you a shot at the title. I mean, there’s really no reason to goad me. All you had to say is “Wolf, give me a shot at the Hardcore Championship.” I would have been more than happy to give it to you if you’d just said that. You earned a shot at the title. In the One Big Brawl, you took me to places I never thought I would go in the middle of a fight.
Wolf laughs a little bit at that last comment.
Dean Wolf: You pushed me. Not to disrespect anybody else, but there wasn’t really any tougher competition than you in that match. I know how much being a Hardcore Champion in any promotion means to you. You pride yourself on being the most hardcore wrester in this sport and you fought me tooth and nail to try and gain that notoriety here in APW. I was just better than you. That’s all. Hell, maybe you would have beaten me. I mean, you hit me with the Dove Killah, but for some reason you decided not to go for the pin. You dragged me to some corner and had some other intentions in mind, but I guess you never got around to it. I took advantage and I beat you.
So, if you’d just said to me that you wanted a shot at the title, I would have given it to you, no questions asked.
But you had to take it a step further and make it personal, more personal than these things tend to be. You brought my dead mother into this little rivalry that we have here.
You know, I don’t expect you to be sensitive. You’re not a sensitive person. You’re not a sentimental person. You are about the pleasures of life. You’re about your whores and your sex and your coke and your sadomasachism, and that’s fine if that’s what you’re all about. I don’t expect you to understand family ties. You seem to only care about yourself. You seem to want to do...other things with members of your family, like your sister-in-law. That’s fine if that’s how you are and that’s the way you want to be and that’s what you want out of life. I’m not gonna criticize you for that.
But my mother was the most caring, generous, sweetest person that I’ve ever known. She spent a lot of her time trying to protect me from my father’s wrath. She spent a lot of time trying to prevent me from becoming…
He feels his vocal chords straining as he tries to choke back any emotion.
Dean Wolf: ...the kind of person that I eventually became anyway. She believed there was good in everybody. Even if she particularly didn’t like someone, she still tried to find the good in them because she believed it existed. There’s nobody else in the world that I’ve ever known like her.
So when you go on social media and you disgrace her by saying the things that you’ve been saying, it really makes me want to…
He pauses.
Dean Wolf:...cave your fucking head in. It makes me hope that one day something really bad will happen to you physically, so bad that you don’t come back from the dead, that you stay dead, and that if there is a Hell, you end up there, and it is the worst thing you could possibly ever imagine. A place where you don’t get to enjoy sex or drugs and where instead of you causing the violence, somebody is causing unspeakable violence to you, and you have no way of defending yourself or patching yourself up.
I’m not gonna do my talking on social media when it comes to you. I’m just going to get into that ring at Alpha Showdown and I’m going to stomp you on the head with my boot as many times as I am physically able. I’m going to press my foot violently and rapidly upon your face until I literally cannot do it anymore. I’m going to crush your skull until it cracks open and your brains and your blood are lying on the mat next to where your head used to be.
And Spartan, don’t think I forgot about you. APW did you no favors by putting you in the middle of this thing between ZMAC and I. I respect you as a competitor, and after ZMAC, I surely would have given you a shot at the Hardcore Championship, but Irina Iranova has got her head too far up her ass to see that ZMAC and I have to settle our differences before either of us can move on. On the other hand, maybe she’s desperate to get this title off of me, so she gave me two challengers with the hopes that one of you will be able to beat me. Whatever her reasoning was, I would suggest you go to her and complain, because if you get in my way, if you try to stop me from doing to ZMAC what I intend on doing, you’re going to be laying in a pool of your own blood right beside ZMAC’s headless body.
Now that I think about, maybe winning this match is not my first priority. Maybe I’m not as interested in beating either ZMAC or Spartan. Maybe the only thing that I am interested in is hurting ZMAC, punishing ZMAC, making him beg for me to stop.
I know that last thing isn’t going to happen, ZMAC, and since that’s not going to happen, I’m not going to stop until you die.
And if you do die and you don’t come back this time, I’m not going to feel bad about. I don’t care if I am punished. I don’t care if I’m convicted. I don’t care if I end up in a prison for the rest of my life.
You think you know me? I know you think that I’m on some morality kick know, and in some ways, I am; but I’m just getting started on my path to becoming a better person. Don’t think that I’m too far gone down the road to turn back and return to my normal ways.
You don’t fucking know me at all. Maybe you’re too coked out of your mind to remember what I did to you back in Nevada. I have proven that I will meet you down in whatever depths of depravity you want me to meet you in.
At Alpha Showdown, I’ll go with you again, and not only will I see your depravity, I’ll raise it.
And if I have to die with you this time, so be it.
And if we continue to fight in the afterlife, I will fight you as long as I have to in order to stop you from coming back to life.
I will drag you into the fires of hell.
I will be your personal torturer.
And I will make you my everlasting bitch.
He looks back at his mother’s tombstone and places a red rose in front of it before walking away.
