Post by america on Mar 8, 2021 22:55:48 GMT -5
Endings are hard.
How do you sum up a year of your life? You want things to end on the best possible note, really have it all come together in a way that it hadn’t prior to that…but we get the hand we get and it’s up to us to play it. I gotta admit I was blindsided by the way this is all playing out. Moving on out to Japan, finally getting the match I’ve been fighting for months to get within my reach…it seemed like I was all ready for a new beginning, only to find out that it’s been a big ending all along.
It stings.
I put a lot of work into this place. Had my shot elsewhere and could have made something of it, but even when I had titles on the line my first priority remains APW. I fought each and every opponent lined up before me and I gave better than I got. Never been pinned or forced to submit. Only gave up three losses in any way shape or form. Won every title that I got a shot at along the way. I was going to build a legacy here. I thought that if I just fought on and got my way back to the world title, I’d hold it for the rest of my career and the place would go on ticking once I was gone, that legacy held to time.
Record books won’t change, of course. Anyone who looks back on APW will see the legacy of the greatest man to hold each and every title he carried. Records set both in terms of the breadth of belts won and the length. Not a whole lot of folks can claim to have held any belt in any company as long as I’ve held the American Title, after all. The people who watched, the people I fought…they’ll all remember.
As for the rest of it…
We move forward.
That’s all I do. That’s all I’ve ever known how to do. Fought through one setback after another to get here, so this sure as shit ain’t gonna be the thing that buries me. I’ll walk out of here with the American Title on one shoulder, my tag title on the other, and the World Title around my waist and I’ll have a real thought over whether there’s any more matches in my future past that. I don’t want any regrets, don’t want any unfinished business. If this is the end of this road, I ain’t gonna walk it looking backwards.
America Jackson, they’ll say.
Now there was a champion.
“So when do you get to come home?”
Isaiah’s question hung in the air for a moment, a slight tinny quality betraying the distance between them. America hadn’t thought of anyplace as home in some time. The farm wasn’t right anymore, he’d never found another place in the States, and just as he was settling into the place he was renting in Japan it was almost time to move again.
“You still there?” Isaiah asked, waving his hand a little to affirm the connection was still intact.
“Yeah, sorry.” America said. “I’m not sure. Gods of Wrestling is March Twenty-Ninth. I might have a day or two of press after that, plus my agent is taking a check to see if there’s any local tours I can hop on for a show or two on the way out. I’ve told them that I’m not sure if I want to keep going after Gods, but they assured me they’re just putting feelers out for now.”
“It feel weird? Going from zero to a hundred and then back again?”
“I guess. I know I could keep going. That I could find another place and start another run. I have it in me to replicate the success I’ve had here. I know that much. I keep thinking about guys like Derek Wellings though. His company died off and he showed up here with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove. I beat him back twice and he ran off acting like he’d been screwed along the way. Now he’s off in some other place, chasing the ghosts of past glories and I just…I look at that and I don’t want that to be me.
“Jubei became the way he is because he was obsessed with being at the top. With having the title and if he couldn’t win it, controlling it. I can see that path ahead of me. The guy who will do anything to regain his title. It’s what I’ve been driven by for the last few months. If everything were still going to go forward, I know that obsession could linger in me. Could turn me into the worst version of myself. A man who’d do anything and everything just to keep that power within my grip. It happened to Jubei and it’s something I never want to happen to me.”
“Okay, so what’s the call?” Isaiah asked. “You want to…what? Retire?”
“Maybe.” America affirmed. “Since I had the money to sink into it, the farm’s been stable. Not in a big money way, but doing well enough. I stashed some cash away while I’ve been working. Do the odd signing appearance. Maybe a big match here or there as a one off if a company wants it. I wouldn’t be pulling Zaigon Carter money, but…it’d be enough for a life.”
“A life isn’t a bad thing.” Isaiah said.
America smiled.
“Not at all.”
What does the future hold?
It must be tough for you.
After all, you only showed up recently. Got a big win over a former World Champ and marched on forward thinking this would be the place you’d make your mark. Hell, here I am standing as a comparable model of American excellence wrestling with half the same style as you and standing out as one of the all time best this company has ever seen. Of course there was a future for you here. No way that could be pulled out from under you.
Chase Blackley vs. America Jackson.
In another timeline it’d be a dream match. As it stands, we’re fighting champion vs. champion, but there’s just something so…funerary about it. This feeling like we’re pouring out the last drinks at a wake. Whatever this match could have been, whatever fights we could have had ahead of us are gone now. Nothing left to see but one last round before the lights go out.
But hey, fuck it right?
We can give them a fireworks show.
No question you’re a tough one. You’ve done your time and I commend your service. But for all the battles you fought, it’s clear they took their toll back. I know you think of yourself as a technician, but the nature of the belt around your shoulder betrays the truth about you. You’re a fighter, through and through. There’s no shame to it. I’ve been saying one opponent after the next that having that much fight in you is worth commending. If we were in a bar brawl or if your Hardcore Title was the one on the line, I might even be sweating a little.
But you’re a broken man, Chase.
Getting into my ring with my title on the line?
It won’t be hard to tear you apart.
“So this is the end.”
Riley Denton stood across from America Jackson in Narita International Airport. His luggage was ready to be checked, but ever the professional he awaited the word that his skills would no longer be needed.
“I gotta see this one through to the end myself.” America said.
“I get it, I get it. Besides, my particular brand of vocal doesn’t seem to be fitting your image quite so much anymore, I think.” Riley noted. America gave a small nod, affirming that he hit it on the head. “At some point you got real safe and I’m not sure if it’s because you actually changed or because you just think your demo did.”
“Call it a bit of both I guess.” America affirmed. “I can say honestly, I probably won’t be as active a listener of your show anymore.”
“Fair enough.” Riley said. “Your cheques always cleared and I didn’t have to get in screaming matches with you, so you’re always welcome to call if you need something for a modest fee.”
“Gee, thanks.” America mocked.
“I’ll be happy to be on American soil again. The fucking steak prices here are insane. Exceptional quality meat though, I’ll give them that.”
“I’d say never change, but I’m not sure that’s one I can drop honestly.”
“Hey, you know I appreciate the honesty.”
Riley extended his hand.
America took it.
“Until next time, America Jackson.”
How do you want to be remembered?
It’s a question I think we all consider at some point.
I started out espousing things that I’m not proud of. I represented myself in a way that reflected who I was and while I can recognize that I’ve gone through some growth in the time since then, the idea that the decisions I made then will carry over my legacy…well, it’s enough to give me some pause.
My hope is that everything I’ve done since outshines it. Being a fighting champion who took on all comers and kept coming out on top. I strove to be the best version of myself each and every time I got into that ring and here I am so close to the finish line and there’s one thought that keeps driving itself through my head.
I’m not done yet.
Come Gods of Wrestling, I get everything I wanted.
The chance to make things even with Zaigon Carter.
The chance to finally beat Damon Warrens.
The chance to be World Champion one last time.
Everything I’ve been working for plus some stuff I didn’t think I’d have a chance to set to rest…it’s all been assembled into a tidy little package for me. I don’t have to walk out of here with the biggest scores left unsettled or the question of who’s better ringing in the back of my head. We can get out there and settle it once and for all.
All I need to do is win one more time.
I’m sorry about that Chase.
I’m sure you could have used this. Starting out your career, winning the right to call yourself the final APW Hardcore Champion and here you have a chance to give yourself a further accolade you can carry with you to wherever your career goes next. You need this win and I’m sure you’re hungry as hell for it, but while I’ve said before that I never stop being hungry, you have to understand that this time is different. This isn’t a chance to prove myself against you or stretch the greatest reign just another length further.
This is everything I’ve been fighting for within my grasp.
I just need to beat you.
So while I’m sure that you’d love for this night to be remembered as the time you scored the upset of a lifetime and became a double champion in the twilight days of APW, I can’t let the story play out that way. I’ve never been one to lay down and die, but this is a fight for me to be alive. You’ve got your fight and you’ve got your skills and I am certain that you will have a bright future ahead of you, but I need you to understand that starts the day after. When we step into the ring, I’m going to show you and the world just why I’ve been untouchable for close to a year in this company. Then I’m going to walk into the last show this company will ever have and I’ll show it to the men I fought beside, close and in person.
You have years to cement your legacy.
When you look back, this defeat won’t even be that important to you.
You’ll think of that time you ran up against an Ace in his prime and you just weren’t ready.
You’ll think of the lessons you learned and how they carried you forward.
You’ll think of how the loss shaped you into the champion you’d become.
And maybe, just maybe…there will be that twinge of regret deep down.
The whisper that you could have done more.
That you could have done it, if only…
But it was never in your hands.
Because while you have your whole future to craft your legacy.
I only have tonight.
I will not let it slip away from me.
“Hey Ma.
“I just took the train into Hokkaido. It’s cold as all hell out here. Seen a bit of winter up North but it doesn’t really prepare you for dealing with the real thing. You can tell who’s locals and who’s tourists just by how many layers they got on. I’m out here shivering my ass off beneath three different coats and there’s high school girls in skirts. Some tough guy you raised, huh? I guess us Texas boys are built for fighting more than freezing.
“I think you’d love the snow. Let me see if I can…here, I think I got it in the shot. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful. It may have me ready to warm up a hot drink and crawl into bed, but it’s sure pretty all the same. I really do think you’d love it though. Some of the boys who grew up in frostier parts told me they used to make snow angels. Figured when in Rome, right? So here I go.”
…
…
…
“Damn, got my boots in it at the bottom. Still, it sure does look like an angel though huh? Anyway, I think my ride’s here. Gonna get set up at the hotel and settle in for my match. Not much to do when I can’t hold a conversation so I’m spending too much time cooped up. Might have a run out to find a gym I can work in to get ready. Okay, yeah, that’s my ride. I love you Ma. Talk soon.”
“Hey Ma.”
…
“I…”
…
“Shit.”
“Hey Ma.
“I just wrapped up in Chiba. Gonna be headed to Yokohama next. Got a big title defense, real champion vs. champion deal. Going to be a big match. My opponent is an ex-Marine so you know I’m in for a fight. I’ll make sure your nurses get it set up so you can watch. Just try not to worry. It’s no disqualifications, so it might get a little grisly.
“I should be home soon. Sooner than expected anyway. April, probably. The nurses keep telling me you’ve been kinda blue lately. I’m not all that sure what they mean. Maybe if I was around more, I’d know how to read you like they do. Or maybe they’re just…well, it doesn’t matter. Spring is coming so you’ll be getting those long, sunny days you love soon enough. Brighter ones. I’ll be home to visit on one of them soon enough.
…
“I’m scared Ma. I thought I’d got past that. That I’d finally found my place after years of…anyway, it turns out there’s no such thing as forever. Everything ends eventually but we just keep fighting forward. We have to hang on to hope. The nurses always tell me that too. That one day you might come back to me. Say something again. Smile again. Maybe this is the same. Maybe if I can just keep that hope stoked inside myself, something new will come from this. But I can’t…
“Ma, I’m gay. I’m gay and I never…all those years, all that time spent just…running from myself. I can’t go back to that. I can’t come back and turn that farm into my tomb along with you and the ghosts of our family. I love you but I need to let this go. I need to keep moving forward or this is going to tear me up inside and I…I want you to understand. I want you to tell me that you understand and that you love me and that it’ll all be okay.
“You won’t. You can’t. And I just…I know I need to find my own way to move on. So I’m going to keep stepping forward and hope that those steps would make you proud, no matter how much I might question it in my heart. To move backwards is to die. I know that. So I’ll keep on walking. Keep on fighting. Forward. Always forward. I love you, Ma.
“I miss you.”
What are you fighting for?
It was the question I asked last year, walking into Alpha Showdown.
I knew the answer then.
I know the answer now.
Have they changed? Sure. That’s what life does. It changes us as we go along. We can’t just keep standing still, waiting for the time to pass us by. That’s what the champions did before I got here. That’s why each and every one of them took their shot at me and fell in the process. They thought they could use old ideas to solve new problems and it caught up with them eventually.
People always wonder how I’ve stayed on top.
I keep moving forward.
I have these things that I fight for and I hold them close to me. I trust myself to challenge the person I’ve become each and every day so I can keep getting better. I keep finding new reasons to be the best version of myself and using that to push me to new heights with each and every step that I take.
I started out a lot like you, Chase.
I was fighting for the sake of it. Because I was good at it. Because I could go out there and score wins and it made me feel like I had a sense of purpose. I fought for my family. I fought for my beliefs. I fought for myself. And now…now I fight for my future.
I want there to be no regrets when this is over.
I’ve had those moments which slipped away from me. Rematches I hoped I’d get that never panned out. I will not get to the biggest stage I’ve stood upon and leave with any doubts or regrets left in my mind. I am fighting for what could be the very last time to have the last match that I ever need to have. The one thing that will settle every doubt left as to who the best wrestler this company has seen really is.
More than that though…
I’m fighting so that I can go home to my boyfriend triumphant.
I’m fighting so that I can live my life without regrets.
I’m fighting so that I can move forward.
I’ve been where you are, Chase.
Haunted by the ghosts of the past.
Doing anything you can to keep them quiet.
That’s why you can’t win this.
You’re trapped. Caught standing still.
While I’m pushing forward.
Again.
Again.
Again.
AGAIN.
I WILL KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
I WILL NOT LET YOU STOP ME!
I WON’T LET ANYONE STOP ME!
NOT CHASE BLACKLEY!
NOT ZAIGON CARTER!
NOT DAMON WARRENS!
I *WILL* BE THE FINAL CHAMPION OF APW!
Then…
Only then…
Can it be the end.
How do you sum up a year of your life? You want things to end on the best possible note, really have it all come together in a way that it hadn’t prior to that…but we get the hand we get and it’s up to us to play it. I gotta admit I was blindsided by the way this is all playing out. Moving on out to Japan, finally getting the match I’ve been fighting for months to get within my reach…it seemed like I was all ready for a new beginning, only to find out that it’s been a big ending all along.
It stings.
I put a lot of work into this place. Had my shot elsewhere and could have made something of it, but even when I had titles on the line my first priority remains APW. I fought each and every opponent lined up before me and I gave better than I got. Never been pinned or forced to submit. Only gave up three losses in any way shape or form. Won every title that I got a shot at along the way. I was going to build a legacy here. I thought that if I just fought on and got my way back to the world title, I’d hold it for the rest of my career and the place would go on ticking once I was gone, that legacy held to time.
Record books won’t change, of course. Anyone who looks back on APW will see the legacy of the greatest man to hold each and every title he carried. Records set both in terms of the breadth of belts won and the length. Not a whole lot of folks can claim to have held any belt in any company as long as I’ve held the American Title, after all. The people who watched, the people I fought…they’ll all remember.
As for the rest of it…
We move forward.
That’s all I do. That’s all I’ve ever known how to do. Fought through one setback after another to get here, so this sure as shit ain’t gonna be the thing that buries me. I’ll walk out of here with the American Title on one shoulder, my tag title on the other, and the World Title around my waist and I’ll have a real thought over whether there’s any more matches in my future past that. I don’t want any regrets, don’t want any unfinished business. If this is the end of this road, I ain’t gonna walk it looking backwards.
America Jackson, they’ll say.
Now there was a champion.
“So when do you get to come home?”
Isaiah’s question hung in the air for a moment, a slight tinny quality betraying the distance between them. America hadn’t thought of anyplace as home in some time. The farm wasn’t right anymore, he’d never found another place in the States, and just as he was settling into the place he was renting in Japan it was almost time to move again.
“You still there?” Isaiah asked, waving his hand a little to affirm the connection was still intact.
“Yeah, sorry.” America said. “I’m not sure. Gods of Wrestling is March Twenty-Ninth. I might have a day or two of press after that, plus my agent is taking a check to see if there’s any local tours I can hop on for a show or two on the way out. I’ve told them that I’m not sure if I want to keep going after Gods, but they assured me they’re just putting feelers out for now.”
“It feel weird? Going from zero to a hundred and then back again?”
“I guess. I know I could keep going. That I could find another place and start another run. I have it in me to replicate the success I’ve had here. I know that much. I keep thinking about guys like Derek Wellings though. His company died off and he showed up here with a chip on his shoulder and something to prove. I beat him back twice and he ran off acting like he’d been screwed along the way. Now he’s off in some other place, chasing the ghosts of past glories and I just…I look at that and I don’t want that to be me.
“Jubei became the way he is because he was obsessed with being at the top. With having the title and if he couldn’t win it, controlling it. I can see that path ahead of me. The guy who will do anything to regain his title. It’s what I’ve been driven by for the last few months. If everything were still going to go forward, I know that obsession could linger in me. Could turn me into the worst version of myself. A man who’d do anything and everything just to keep that power within my grip. It happened to Jubei and it’s something I never want to happen to me.”
“Okay, so what’s the call?” Isaiah asked. “You want to…what? Retire?”
“Maybe.” America affirmed. “Since I had the money to sink into it, the farm’s been stable. Not in a big money way, but doing well enough. I stashed some cash away while I’ve been working. Do the odd signing appearance. Maybe a big match here or there as a one off if a company wants it. I wouldn’t be pulling Zaigon Carter money, but…it’d be enough for a life.”
“A life isn’t a bad thing.” Isaiah said.
America smiled.
“Not at all.”
What does the future hold?
It must be tough for you.
After all, you only showed up recently. Got a big win over a former World Champ and marched on forward thinking this would be the place you’d make your mark. Hell, here I am standing as a comparable model of American excellence wrestling with half the same style as you and standing out as one of the all time best this company has ever seen. Of course there was a future for you here. No way that could be pulled out from under you.
Chase Blackley vs. America Jackson.
In another timeline it’d be a dream match. As it stands, we’re fighting champion vs. champion, but there’s just something so…funerary about it. This feeling like we’re pouring out the last drinks at a wake. Whatever this match could have been, whatever fights we could have had ahead of us are gone now. Nothing left to see but one last round before the lights go out.
But hey, fuck it right?
We can give them a fireworks show.
No question you’re a tough one. You’ve done your time and I commend your service. But for all the battles you fought, it’s clear they took their toll back. I know you think of yourself as a technician, but the nature of the belt around your shoulder betrays the truth about you. You’re a fighter, through and through. There’s no shame to it. I’ve been saying one opponent after the next that having that much fight in you is worth commending. If we were in a bar brawl or if your Hardcore Title was the one on the line, I might even be sweating a little.
But you’re a broken man, Chase.
Getting into my ring with my title on the line?
It won’t be hard to tear you apart.
“So this is the end.”
Riley Denton stood across from America Jackson in Narita International Airport. His luggage was ready to be checked, but ever the professional he awaited the word that his skills would no longer be needed.
“I gotta see this one through to the end myself.” America said.
“I get it, I get it. Besides, my particular brand of vocal doesn’t seem to be fitting your image quite so much anymore, I think.” Riley noted. America gave a small nod, affirming that he hit it on the head. “At some point you got real safe and I’m not sure if it’s because you actually changed or because you just think your demo did.”
“Call it a bit of both I guess.” America affirmed. “I can say honestly, I probably won’t be as active a listener of your show anymore.”
“Fair enough.” Riley said. “Your cheques always cleared and I didn’t have to get in screaming matches with you, so you’re always welcome to call if you need something for a modest fee.”
“Gee, thanks.” America mocked.
“I’ll be happy to be on American soil again. The fucking steak prices here are insane. Exceptional quality meat though, I’ll give them that.”
“I’d say never change, but I’m not sure that’s one I can drop honestly.”
“Hey, you know I appreciate the honesty.”
Riley extended his hand.
America took it.
“Until next time, America Jackson.”
How do you want to be remembered?
It’s a question I think we all consider at some point.
I started out espousing things that I’m not proud of. I represented myself in a way that reflected who I was and while I can recognize that I’ve gone through some growth in the time since then, the idea that the decisions I made then will carry over my legacy…well, it’s enough to give me some pause.
My hope is that everything I’ve done since outshines it. Being a fighting champion who took on all comers and kept coming out on top. I strove to be the best version of myself each and every time I got into that ring and here I am so close to the finish line and there’s one thought that keeps driving itself through my head.
I’m not done yet.
Come Gods of Wrestling, I get everything I wanted.
The chance to make things even with Zaigon Carter.
The chance to finally beat Damon Warrens.
The chance to be World Champion one last time.
Everything I’ve been working for plus some stuff I didn’t think I’d have a chance to set to rest…it’s all been assembled into a tidy little package for me. I don’t have to walk out of here with the biggest scores left unsettled or the question of who’s better ringing in the back of my head. We can get out there and settle it once and for all.
All I need to do is win one more time.
I’m sorry about that Chase.
I’m sure you could have used this. Starting out your career, winning the right to call yourself the final APW Hardcore Champion and here you have a chance to give yourself a further accolade you can carry with you to wherever your career goes next. You need this win and I’m sure you’re hungry as hell for it, but while I’ve said before that I never stop being hungry, you have to understand that this time is different. This isn’t a chance to prove myself against you or stretch the greatest reign just another length further.
This is everything I’ve been fighting for within my grasp.
I just need to beat you.
So while I’m sure that you’d love for this night to be remembered as the time you scored the upset of a lifetime and became a double champion in the twilight days of APW, I can’t let the story play out that way. I’ve never been one to lay down and die, but this is a fight for me to be alive. You’ve got your fight and you’ve got your skills and I am certain that you will have a bright future ahead of you, but I need you to understand that starts the day after. When we step into the ring, I’m going to show you and the world just why I’ve been untouchable for close to a year in this company. Then I’m going to walk into the last show this company will ever have and I’ll show it to the men I fought beside, close and in person.
You have years to cement your legacy.
When you look back, this defeat won’t even be that important to you.
You’ll think of that time you ran up against an Ace in his prime and you just weren’t ready.
You’ll think of the lessons you learned and how they carried you forward.
You’ll think of how the loss shaped you into the champion you’d become.
And maybe, just maybe…there will be that twinge of regret deep down.
The whisper that you could have done more.
That you could have done it, if only…
But it was never in your hands.
Because while you have your whole future to craft your legacy.
I only have tonight.
I will not let it slip away from me.
“Hey Ma.
“I just took the train into Hokkaido. It’s cold as all hell out here. Seen a bit of winter up North but it doesn’t really prepare you for dealing with the real thing. You can tell who’s locals and who’s tourists just by how many layers they got on. I’m out here shivering my ass off beneath three different coats and there’s high school girls in skirts. Some tough guy you raised, huh? I guess us Texas boys are built for fighting more than freezing.
“I think you’d love the snow. Let me see if I can…here, I think I got it in the shot. Yeah. Absolutely beautiful. It may have me ready to warm up a hot drink and crawl into bed, but it’s sure pretty all the same. I really do think you’d love it though. Some of the boys who grew up in frostier parts told me they used to make snow angels. Figured when in Rome, right? So here I go.”
…
…
…
“Damn, got my boots in it at the bottom. Still, it sure does look like an angel though huh? Anyway, I think my ride’s here. Gonna get set up at the hotel and settle in for my match. Not much to do when I can’t hold a conversation so I’m spending too much time cooped up. Might have a run out to find a gym I can work in to get ready. Okay, yeah, that’s my ride. I love you Ma. Talk soon.”
“Hey Ma.”
…
“I…”
…
“Shit.”
“Hey Ma.
“I just wrapped up in Chiba. Gonna be headed to Yokohama next. Got a big title defense, real champion vs. champion deal. Going to be a big match. My opponent is an ex-Marine so you know I’m in for a fight. I’ll make sure your nurses get it set up so you can watch. Just try not to worry. It’s no disqualifications, so it might get a little grisly.
“I should be home soon. Sooner than expected anyway. April, probably. The nurses keep telling me you’ve been kinda blue lately. I’m not all that sure what they mean. Maybe if I was around more, I’d know how to read you like they do. Or maybe they’re just…well, it doesn’t matter. Spring is coming so you’ll be getting those long, sunny days you love soon enough. Brighter ones. I’ll be home to visit on one of them soon enough.
…
“I’m scared Ma. I thought I’d got past that. That I’d finally found my place after years of…anyway, it turns out there’s no such thing as forever. Everything ends eventually but we just keep fighting forward. We have to hang on to hope. The nurses always tell me that too. That one day you might come back to me. Say something again. Smile again. Maybe this is the same. Maybe if I can just keep that hope stoked inside myself, something new will come from this. But I can’t…
“Ma, I’m gay. I’m gay and I never…all those years, all that time spent just…running from myself. I can’t go back to that. I can’t come back and turn that farm into my tomb along with you and the ghosts of our family. I love you but I need to let this go. I need to keep moving forward or this is going to tear me up inside and I…I want you to understand. I want you to tell me that you understand and that you love me and that it’ll all be okay.
“You won’t. You can’t. And I just…I know I need to find my own way to move on. So I’m going to keep stepping forward and hope that those steps would make you proud, no matter how much I might question it in my heart. To move backwards is to die. I know that. So I’ll keep on walking. Keep on fighting. Forward. Always forward. I love you, Ma.
“I miss you.”
What are you fighting for?
It was the question I asked last year, walking into Alpha Showdown.
I knew the answer then.
I know the answer now.
Have they changed? Sure. That’s what life does. It changes us as we go along. We can’t just keep standing still, waiting for the time to pass us by. That’s what the champions did before I got here. That’s why each and every one of them took their shot at me and fell in the process. They thought they could use old ideas to solve new problems and it caught up with them eventually.
People always wonder how I’ve stayed on top.
I keep moving forward.
I have these things that I fight for and I hold them close to me. I trust myself to challenge the person I’ve become each and every day so I can keep getting better. I keep finding new reasons to be the best version of myself and using that to push me to new heights with each and every step that I take.
I started out a lot like you, Chase.
I was fighting for the sake of it. Because I was good at it. Because I could go out there and score wins and it made me feel like I had a sense of purpose. I fought for my family. I fought for my beliefs. I fought for myself. And now…now I fight for my future.
I want there to be no regrets when this is over.
I’ve had those moments which slipped away from me. Rematches I hoped I’d get that never panned out. I will not get to the biggest stage I’ve stood upon and leave with any doubts or regrets left in my mind. I am fighting for what could be the very last time to have the last match that I ever need to have. The one thing that will settle every doubt left as to who the best wrestler this company has seen really is.
More than that though…
I’m fighting so that I can go home to my boyfriend triumphant.
I’m fighting so that I can live my life without regrets.
I’m fighting so that I can move forward.
I’ve been where you are, Chase.
Haunted by the ghosts of the past.
Doing anything you can to keep them quiet.
That’s why you can’t win this.
You’re trapped. Caught standing still.
While I’m pushing forward.
Again.
Again.
Again.
AGAIN.
I WILL KEEP MOVING FORWARD!
I WILL NOT LET YOU STOP ME!
I WON’T LET ANYONE STOP ME!
NOT CHASE BLACKLEY!
NOT ZAIGON CARTER!
NOT DAMON WARRENS!
I *WILL* BE THE FINAL CHAMPION OF APW!
Then…
Only then…
Can it be the end.
