Post by Jason Ryan on Jan 14, 2021 1:05:21 GMT -5
The Titantron shows Jason Wearing sitting in a rocking chair reading a children's book. He looks up as if surprised when he hears the sound of children cheering.
Oh hey kids! It's me Jason Ryan and this is an installment of That's So Jason!
( Cue little kids cheering)
Now I know. I first started this show when I was a no good bully and a meanie head! But the thing is children, God changed my life and he can change each and every one of yours. So I decided to bring this show back to help all the people who just need a friend! And I'm not alone! I brought a few friends of my own because life with friends is so much better. This is one of my friends right now!
This is one of my friends! Why don't you introduce yourself to the little children watching this show?
Fuck off!
( Cue children crying sound effect.) Jason looks at the camera appalled!
We don't use that kind of language on my show! Apologize to the little children you made sad!
No!
Come on now, don't be mean. Apologize and introduce yourself.
No! Go fuck yourself!
I am not going to say it. Watch your language and apologize.
I said No!
DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Puppet and Jason are silent for a moment before the puppet speaks again, this time almost sounding scared.
... I'm sorry.
It's okay. I forgive you because forgiveness is very important. Now tell the children your name.
...Mhase Blackberry
(Cue the sound of happy children again)
Mhase is a very good friend of mine kids. But remember, the more friends you have, the happier of a person you are. So meet another friend of mine, Peter!
The camera shows a scared looking old man wearing a gray wool suit trembling.
Peter has something he wants to read! It's about my opponent for 2021 ways to die! Peter if you please.
Peter, choking back a sob looks down at the paper. His eyes bulge and he looks back at Jason who is no longer smiling
You sick son of a bitch! I am not reading this!
...You're not going to read the paper, Peter?
No! This is horrible! I'm going back to my wife and my grandkids! You can't keep me here against my will you evil bastard!
Jason turns back to the camera with a big smile.
Excuse me children. Me and Peter need to have a talk. Go ahead and talk to Mhase while I'm away.
The camera focuses on the puppet. Meanwhile Jason's and Peter's talk off screen.
You're not going to read the paper Peter?
No I'm not! You're a sick, sadistic, mother- wait, are those pliers? And... what are you doing, are you pouring gasoline on me?! Is that a match? OH GOD NO!
Drop your pants Peter. I need to remove your testicles so you'll stop being aggressive.
PLEASE NO! OH GOD NO! NO!
Read the fucking paper Peter.
PLEASE! PLEASE DON"T!
Read the fucking paper Peter.
STOP! STOP PLEASE! I’LL DO ANYTHING! PLEASE DON’T
So you'll read the fucking paper Peter?
YES! I'LL READ THE PAPER! I"LL READ THE PAPER!
Good
The camera pans over to see Jason with a big ol smile standing next to Peter who is soaked and sobbing. Jason looks at Peter, smile gone.
Knock it off bitch. Act like a professional.
Hands trembling, tears flowing down his face, Peter begins to read.
Chase Blackley. At 2021 Ways to die, you will come face to face with the very embodiment of fear, He who brings calamity, the Demon of the Cornfield, He who rides the Red Horse, He who commands the locusts, The most deadly of all the plagues, The Bane. He shall stare into your soul, making you realize every fear you have buried into your soul. You will come face to face with something even more evil than the devil himself. The very embodiment of malice and evil, an entity bent solely on destruction. The very thing that even Jubei and Adam Dante fear. No God will be able to save your soul, salvation will not be forthcoming. The only thing that awaits you is endless pain and destruction. The Bane has a habit of changing those that cross it. At 2021 Ways to die, you will die. Your only hope is to Fall and Pray. Fall and Pray. Fall and Pray! Now excuse me while I beat the shit out of this old bastard- OH GOD NO!
Jason cracks Peter with a steel chair and begins choking him whilst laughing like a madman. Peter tries to free himself but Jason is too strong.
You see, when I came back, I told all of you, that I had found God. And that was true. For when I needed it most, I found The Bane.
Jason begins to slowly sing.
The Bane loves the little children All the children of the world Red, brown, yellow Black and white They are precious in His sight The Bane loves the little children Of the world!
The Bane loves the little children All the children of the world Red, brown, yellow Black and white They are precious in His sight The Bane loves the little children Of the world!
The Bane loves the little children All the children of the world Red, brown, yellow Black and white They are precious in His sight The Bane loves the little children Of the world!
Jason holds up a switchblade and preshes it in Peter's face, carving a smile from cheek to cheek. Jason looks back up the camera with a deranged look, red light now bathing the area. Jason starts to laugh even louder as he begins to change from Jason Ryan into The Bane as its theme begins to play.
The Bane crawls back to the pupper Mhase Blackberry and grabs it, biting its head off and giving an inhuman wail. It digs its nails into the wall and creates three jagged scratch marks over the name written in black sharpie, Chase Blackley.
... Feed me
The camera fades to black.
