Post by The Kayby on Jan 11, 2021 23:58:45 GMT -5
The scene opens with a 4 foot neon Juul sign piercing your eyeballs with the wrath of the morning sun after about three too many G&T's. Slowly the cornea-melting neon hellfire opens to reveal Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor draped across her chair on the left; Kayby Hale Cassidy sprawled upside-down across a chair on the right. "Honestly," Kayby Hale Cassidy says, an upside-down Juul hanging from his upside-down lips. "This has been a wild week, and it has duh-rained me. The waves of emotion that has flowed through both Bambi and I have been intense, as I'm sure they have with everyone. That being said, my job is to come out each and every week and compete; and I do this because..." Kayby Hale Cassidy pauses, contemplating his answer. "...well, a) I like getting paid a little too much money to do something I both love, and am good at. But b) I am, quite frankly, the best wrestler to step foot into an APW ring. I don't yet have the accolades to prove it yet, but I am the best wrestler to grace that ring. That's not to take away from the talent levels of both of my opponents; Damian Warrens and Action Jackson. That's not to take away from the talent level of my partner in rhyme this week, Sexi Lexi, either. All three of the them are incredible competitors and deserve your respect." Kayby Hale Cassidy exhales a cloud of vapor out of the corner of his mouth. "Despite the fact that all three competitors are incredible in that ring there is simply one truth that will persist. I am better than all of them." He holds a smolder as he allows his words to hang in the air. "This is the part where Mr. Nitemare, Jackie-boy, and Sexi Lexi all collectively puff their cheeks, wag their fingers at the screen and say," in mocking tone, "'Oh you, why I outta'." He says as he shakes an upside-down fist. "And they'll do that because they can't accept the very simple truth. I am better than them. You don't give yourself a nickname like the 'Better Than You-ligan'," he says, jerking his upside-down hand in a show of upside-down exasperation. "Giving yourself nicknames is dumb and sad."
"Oh, but Kayby Hale Cassidy," Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor says in a satirical voice of a critic. "How can you be better than them if you're the only one with a win percentage under 0.500?" An enormous cloud erupts from her mouth as she speaks.
"Listen, The Pats had a losing record in Tom Brady's rookie season. It didn't stop T. Brade's from being undeniable GOAT," he cheers, a cupped, upside-down hand resting beside his upside-down mouth. "And this week, Sexi Lexi is teaming with Number 12 himself, wrestling's Tom Brady. And Sexi Lexi, while I'm speaking of you, allow me to speak to you. This week you and I are tag team partners. As far as I'm concerned, my success hinges on our success. I'm sure that you're just as aware as I am that we meet a lot of the same needs on the metaphorical APW Depth Chart. You and I are both young, up-and-comers that are exceptionally talented for our age. We are going up against Kings Shit One and Two in a tag team match that probably has wide-ranging ramifications on our place inside of the grand title picture. You and I are competing against each other as much as we are competing together. Regardless of that fact, Sexi Lexi, you can trust me in that ring. You and I get no where if we don't work with each other. If you get the pin, and in turn launch yourself into stardom, I'll catch up to you. When I get that pin, and subsequently set my sights solely on knocking the two front teeth of the Devil Himself down said-devil's throat, I'll be expecting you to catch up. So I'll state this on the off chance there is any bad juju between you and I. Let's take that bad juju, and we put it aside for this week," he says while he make a pushing gesture away from Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor.
Kayby Hale Cassidy allows a five-second pause to allow himself to reset. In a much more serious tone he says, "I've got something to prove to both of them. I've been promised a North American Championship shot against Action Jackson. In a great Shakespearean tragedy that title shot fell through. I haven't been so much as a blip on Action Jackson's radar ever since. He has every single tool he needs to cut a sizeable chunk out of me, and a lot of it will hurt. You have no idea how much joy I will take in bitch-slapping that stupid look off of his stupid face." He shakes his head. "I loathe that idiot. Since I have entered scene he has been fed mediocre competition week after week." He forces a snort. "And you know what really gets me about it? A month ago, he bragged about how he was THE Champion of APW. He acted like his two most recent wins at that point weren't against a team that got assaulted before their match, and John Blade. Oof, don't break a sweat there, champ." Kayby Hale Cassidy wipes his upside-down brow with the back of his upside-down hand. "Action Jackson's reign has gone on for about sixty-three days longer than it otherwise should have."
"Sixty-three days ago," Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor says in recollection. "Remember, remember the 9th of November. It was four days removed from Guy Fawkes Night, and you faced Damon Warrens."
"Correct, however seven days prior on the 2nd, Mr. Two-First-Names decides to be a dirty, dirty cheater and use a roll up."
"That's not technically illegal."
"It's is if you have a thing called honour, which clearly he does not. Roll-ups are dumb, and I hate them," he says. He physically swats away the bad thoughts. "I digress. Jubei came out and he looked me dead in the eyes, and you know what he said?"
"Hey Kayby Hale Cassidy," Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor says in what is her best attempt at a masculine voice. "You're so much better than our dumb North American Champion. Why don't you dethrone him to prevent him from hitting milestones he'll try to brag about?"
"I said, 'well golly, I sure do appreciate- ptttttttt" he says blowing a raspberry as he raises a middle finger. "Fuck me, I guess. So don't get any of this twisted, Action Jackson." Kayby Hale Cassidy rolls himself backward off of his leather seat and to his feet. "You have what you have because of me. You are even a contender for the World's Heavyweight Championship because up to this point I have not had an opportunity to kick you back down to the earth."
With a smolder on his face, Kayby Hale Cassidy breaks eye contact with the camera. He looks down trying to formulate the words. "Speaking of our World's Heavyweight Champion." He clears his throat. "There are a lot of things I want to say about our World's Heavyweight Champion, but first and foremost, he is an idiot. And I know, coming from a guy not wearing the APW World's Heavyweight Championship that must not mean very much; but allow me to explain, because you are an idiot. You were born in a city of dreams; the capital of Ontario and the unofficial capital of Canada. You lived in the best version of every metropolis, the centre of the damn universe, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It's like New York City, but our city planners didn't base the design off of an Excel spreadsheet. We also have a transit system that actually makes sense and better Church Street. Instead you packed your bags and went to literally the most dangerous place in the United States. He situated his entire life directly on top of the San Andreas fault line, and is clearly telling himself that his entire way of living is not a ticking fucking timebomb. How stupid could he be? At least Action Jackson resides in South Alberta."
"That's where all my ex's live."
"All your ex's live in South Alberta?" He asks, momentarily turning away from the camera.
"Yeah."
"You don't want to move to South Alberta anytime soon, right?"
"Hmm..." She looks around. "Nah, I'm good."
"thank god" he mutters under his breath.
"Now that I finally have that off my chest, I don't want to just speak of Damian Warrens, I want to speak to him. Damian,"
"Damon,"
"Damian, ever since the 9th of November, the last time you and I met in the ring, I have been obsessed about this day. Everything I was doing was in an attempt to get to the World Heavyweight Championship to face you one more time, but Jubei seems to be smiling on me. I've been biding my time until the day I got this match, so let me tell you why it's so important. I'm not going to make any excuses for my loss. You caught me flat-footed and got a cheap shot off on me. At the end of the day, that was difference maker. You won the match against me." The eyes of Kayby Hale Cassidy shift downward and away from the camera. "That was the first time I have ever failed Arden." His eyes snap back to the camera. "You understand that, Damian, I know you do. It would have hurt to hear you say you don't believe in me if I wasn't already rendered emotionally numb when you called Arden 'vapid eye-candy'. Damian, I know," his eyes squint, emphasizing his point. "I know you've heard every insult thrown at Jaime, and I know a piece of you dies inside." Kayby Hale Cassidy aggressively inhales through his nose in an attempt to hold back a well of emotion. "Vapid; useless or offering no value. Eye-candy, a highly attractive person with low intelligence." Kayby Hale Cassidy trails off, allowing his eyes to stare off in an attempt to regain composure. "You know, I can take a loss or two. I've been doing it as of recent. When I lost to you though, Damian, I failed my Bambi..." he trails off again. In a sudden jerk, he darts his eyes back to the camera. "I've never failed her before that point, and I refuse to let it happen again."
Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor stands up from her seat in shock. "Hale," she says, taking a couple of steps toward him. "You never-" Without a word, Kayby Hale Cassidy turns away from the camera to face her. Looking at his face, Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor's eyes begin to well up. In an attempt to hold back her emotions, she takes a step back.
"Damian," Kayby Hale Cassidy turns his head back to the camera. "You have hurt me in a deeply personal ways you may never truly know. I don't shy away from my pain though. I didn't when I faced you the first time, and I won't now." Kayby Hale Cassidy takes a step backward. "You once said you don't believe in me, Damian; that's fine. I've never needed you to believe in me because I have always had Arden to believe enough for the both of you. Now, I have a tag team partner that, for this week, has no other choice but to believe in me. So think about that while you're getting ready for our match. Think about what this match means to both Sexi Lexi and I, and think about how hard we will fight to get what we want."
With that the camera fades to black.
"Oh, but Kayby Hale Cassidy," Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor says in a satirical voice of a critic. "How can you be better than them if you're the only one with a win percentage under 0.500?" An enormous cloud erupts from her mouth as she speaks.
"Listen, The Pats had a losing record in Tom Brady's rookie season. It didn't stop T. Brade's from being undeniable GOAT," he cheers, a cupped, upside-down hand resting beside his upside-down mouth. "And this week, Sexi Lexi is teaming with Number 12 himself, wrestling's Tom Brady. And Sexi Lexi, while I'm speaking of you, allow me to speak to you. This week you and I are tag team partners. As far as I'm concerned, my success hinges on our success. I'm sure that you're just as aware as I am that we meet a lot of the same needs on the metaphorical APW Depth Chart. You and I are both young, up-and-comers that are exceptionally talented for our age. We are going up against Kings Shit One and Two in a tag team match that probably has wide-ranging ramifications on our place inside of the grand title picture. You and I are competing against each other as much as we are competing together. Regardless of that fact, Sexi Lexi, you can trust me in that ring. You and I get no where if we don't work with each other. If you get the pin, and in turn launch yourself into stardom, I'll catch up to you. When I get that pin, and subsequently set my sights solely on knocking the two front teeth of the Devil Himself down said-devil's throat, I'll be expecting you to catch up. So I'll state this on the off chance there is any bad juju between you and I. Let's take that bad juju, and we put it aside for this week," he says while he make a pushing gesture away from Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor.
Kayby Hale Cassidy allows a five-second pause to allow himself to reset. In a much more serious tone he says, "I've got something to prove to both of them. I've been promised a North American Championship shot against Action Jackson. In a great Shakespearean tragedy that title shot fell through. I haven't been so much as a blip on Action Jackson's radar ever since. He has every single tool he needs to cut a sizeable chunk out of me, and a lot of it will hurt. You have no idea how much joy I will take in bitch-slapping that stupid look off of his stupid face." He shakes his head. "I loathe that idiot. Since I have entered scene he has been fed mediocre competition week after week." He forces a snort. "And you know what really gets me about it? A month ago, he bragged about how he was THE Champion of APW. He acted like his two most recent wins at that point weren't against a team that got assaulted before their match, and John Blade. Oof, don't break a sweat there, champ." Kayby Hale Cassidy wipes his upside-down brow with the back of his upside-down hand. "Action Jackson's reign has gone on for about sixty-three days longer than it otherwise should have."
"Sixty-three days ago," Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor says in recollection. "Remember, remember the 9th of November. It was four days removed from Guy Fawkes Night, and you faced Damon Warrens."
"Correct, however seven days prior on the 2nd, Mr. Two-First-Names decides to be a dirty, dirty cheater and use a roll up."
"That's not technically illegal."
"It's is if you have a thing called honour, which clearly he does not. Roll-ups are dumb, and I hate them," he says. He physically swats away the bad thoughts. "I digress. Jubei came out and he looked me dead in the eyes, and you know what he said?"
"Hey Kayby Hale Cassidy," Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor says in what is her best attempt at a masculine voice. "You're so much better than our dumb North American Champion. Why don't you dethrone him to prevent him from hitting milestones he'll try to brag about?"
"I said, 'well golly, I sure do appreciate- ptttttttt" he says blowing a raspberry as he raises a middle finger. "Fuck me, I guess. So don't get any of this twisted, Action Jackson." Kayby Hale Cassidy rolls himself backward off of his leather seat and to his feet. "You have what you have because of me. You are even a contender for the World's Heavyweight Championship because up to this point I have not had an opportunity to kick you back down to the earth."
With a smolder on his face, Kayby Hale Cassidy breaks eye contact with the camera. He looks down trying to formulate the words. "Speaking of our World's Heavyweight Champion." He clears his throat. "There are a lot of things I want to say about our World's Heavyweight Champion, but first and foremost, he is an idiot. And I know, coming from a guy not wearing the APW World's Heavyweight Championship that must not mean very much; but allow me to explain, because you are an idiot. You were born in a city of dreams; the capital of Ontario and the unofficial capital of Canada. You lived in the best version of every metropolis, the centre of the damn universe, Toronto, Ontario, Canada. It's like New York City, but our city planners didn't base the design off of an Excel spreadsheet. We also have a transit system that actually makes sense and better Church Street. Instead you packed your bags and went to literally the most dangerous place in the United States. He situated his entire life directly on top of the San Andreas fault line, and is clearly telling himself that his entire way of living is not a ticking fucking timebomb. How stupid could he be? At least Action Jackson resides in South Alberta."
"That's where all my ex's live."
"All your ex's live in South Alberta?" He asks, momentarily turning away from the camera.
"Yeah."
"You don't want to move to South Alberta anytime soon, right?"
"Hmm..." She looks around. "Nah, I'm good."
"thank god" he mutters under his breath.
"Now that I finally have that off my chest, I don't want to just speak of Damian Warrens, I want to speak to him. Damian,"
"Damon,"
"Damian, ever since the 9th of November, the last time you and I met in the ring, I have been obsessed about this day. Everything I was doing was in an attempt to get to the World Heavyweight Championship to face you one more time, but Jubei seems to be smiling on me. I've been biding my time until the day I got this match, so let me tell you why it's so important. I'm not going to make any excuses for my loss. You caught me flat-footed and got a cheap shot off on me. At the end of the day, that was difference maker. You won the match against me." The eyes of Kayby Hale Cassidy shift downward and away from the camera. "That was the first time I have ever failed Arden." His eyes snap back to the camera. "You understand that, Damian, I know you do. It would have hurt to hear you say you don't believe in me if I wasn't already rendered emotionally numb when you called Arden 'vapid eye-candy'. Damian, I know," his eyes squint, emphasizing his point. "I know you've heard every insult thrown at Jaime, and I know a piece of you dies inside." Kayby Hale Cassidy aggressively inhales through his nose in an attempt to hold back a well of emotion. "Vapid; useless or offering no value. Eye-candy, a highly attractive person with low intelligence." Kayby Hale Cassidy trails off, allowing his eyes to stare off in an attempt to regain composure. "You know, I can take a loss or two. I've been doing it as of recent. When I lost to you though, Damian, I failed my Bambi..." he trails off again. In a sudden jerk, he darts his eyes back to the camera. "I've never failed her before that point, and I refuse to let it happen again."
Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor stands up from her seat in shock. "Hale," she says, taking a couple of steps toward him. "You never-" Without a word, Kayby Hale Cassidy turns away from the camera to face her. Looking at his face, Taylor-Made Ms. Arden Taylor's eyes begin to well up. In an attempt to hold back her emotions, she takes a step back.
"Damian," Kayby Hale Cassidy turns his head back to the camera. "You have hurt me in a deeply personal ways you may never truly know. I don't shy away from my pain though. I didn't when I faced you the first time, and I won't now." Kayby Hale Cassidy takes a step backward. "You once said you don't believe in me, Damian; that's fine. I've never needed you to believe in me because I have always had Arden to believe enough for the both of you. Now, I have a tag team partner that, for this week, has no other choice but to believe in me. So think about that while you're getting ready for our match. Think about what this match means to both Sexi Lexi and I, and think about how hard we will fight to get what we want."
With that the camera fades to black.
