Post by Jubei on Dec 24, 2020 7:38:46 GMT -5
A timer drops on an iridescent Christmas tree bauble. Midway, there’s flashes of a menorah and the candles of Kwanza before a generic holiday background of red, green and tinsel reads
3!
2!
1!
Que a big band number that plays a montage of last year’s holiday shindig with Harvey Berlin front and center. There’s showgirls, hullabaloo and even a nearly naked Flop on the rooftop; between it all, there’s a twang of Carol of the Bells as performed by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. All of it culminates in a dark space with what appears to be a weeping child holding their teddy bear. Sadness, grief and all manners of hardship appear to take over the once jolly sequence.
Suddenly, the music regains its power in gut-wrenching fashion. Somber tones show the brave faces of COVID-19 frontline workers sporting APW banded merchandise with blaring faces under their layers of PPE.
A closing statement from APW management reads:
“Trying times call for drastic changes,
but here at Alpha Pro Wrestling,
we acknowledge that we are not the focal point
nor the ones to reverse these trying times.
However, we can still be a force for good
as we battle this relentless foe across the globe.
We salute those whose sacrifices continues
and bravely fortifies the lives of the many
so that one day the light will return once again.
Alpha Pro-Wrestling will survive, and we hope that
all of our adoring fans celebrate in safe, loving way
so that next year this will all be a distant memory
where only the dedication of our healthcare workers
will stand the test of time.
Thank you, and please,
have a joyous holiday and happy New Year,
- Adam Dante
Blank from that to a black screen before a fast wipe to Jessica Kaine at ringside in holiday skirt and leopard print Santa hat.
Jessica Kaine: Are you ready Alpha Faithful? Because the Second Annual Harvey Berlin Extravaganza begins now!
3!
2!
1!
Que a big band number that plays a montage of last year’s holiday shindig with Harvey Berlin front and center. There’s showgirls, hullabaloo and even a nearly naked Flop on the rooftop; between it all, there’s a twang of Carol of the Bells as performed by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. All of it culminates in a dark space with what appears to be a weeping child holding their teddy bear. Sadness, grief and all manners of hardship appear to take over the once jolly sequence.
Suddenly, the music regains its power in gut-wrenching fashion. Somber tones show the brave faces of COVID-19 frontline workers sporting APW banded merchandise with blaring faces under their layers of PPE.
A closing statement from APW management reads:
“Trying times call for drastic changes,
but here at Alpha Pro Wrestling,
we acknowledge that we are not the focal point
nor the ones to reverse these trying times.
However, we can still be a force for good
as we battle this relentless foe across the globe.
We salute those whose sacrifices continues
and bravely fortifies the lives of the many
so that one day the light will return once again.
Alpha Pro-Wrestling will survive, and we hope that
all of our adoring fans celebrate in safe, loving way
so that next year this will all be a distant memory
where only the dedication of our healthcare workers
will stand the test of time.
Thank you, and please,
have a joyous holiday and happy New Year,
- Adam Dante
Blank from that to a black screen before a fast wipe to Jessica Kaine at ringside in holiday skirt and leopard print Santa hat.
Jessica Kaine: Are you ready Alpha Faithful? Because the Second Annual Harvey Berlin Extravaganza begins now!
***
We cut to a cozy cabin atmosphere with a generic 1950 – 60’s den space with wood paneling and all the hallmarks of the eternal bachelor pad from the height of modernism. There we see a much more subdued version of the Harvey Berlin wrestling fans have come to love about him over the decades. His lavender smoker’s jacket livens the space as he appears on the Alphatron in bold color.
Harvey Berlin: This is the year we will all remember for decades to come. I know I’ll never forget all the—but we’re not here to surmise the misery that was 2020. Never you salty watchdogs. We have come here for the most wonderful time of the year—and the joy of love spreading far and near—with presents wrapped underneath a tree as winter stars twinkle their rhapsody.
God do I love the holiday season. Seven weeks of terror, love and affection all crammed into a Sunday’s ad for the local mall. I want everyone to step back though as we bring to you live from ZOOM the next era of Alpha Pro-Wrestling.
Tonight, I have procured a number of venues for what I believe showcases the best we have in Alpha Pro-Wrestling. But you might be saying to yourself “Uncle Harvey, what about Damon Warrens? What about the hatred between him and equally forever champion in America Jackson?
Well, there’s more surprises tonight if you allow me to get into Santa’s bag…
He taps his ear where there’s a wireless headset.
Harvey Berlin: I’m bring told we now a live feed from my cabin in Lake Tahoe!
“Kaybe” Hale Cassidy Vs. “The Airborne Ranger” Derek Wellings
There’s new feed from a 60’s style modernist sky lodge with multi-level. Ceiling to floor windows show the mountainside veil of fresh snow with a harsh light illuminating the two competitors. They’re set on holiday themed starter blocks until the referee, in an elf-on-the-shelf costume shoots off a pistol indoors.
Harvey Berlin: Hey kids, This your uncle Harvey on the mic. So for those at home unaware, it’s a simple race.
Dani Applegate: I’m also here in studio. And what a pleasure it is sharing this match with you, Mr. Berlin.
Harvey Berlin: Oh Dani, you don’t have to be so modest. We came to see them…
Dani Applegate: So they’re racing to the summit, correct?
Harvey Berlin: Right…
Dani Applegate: (off her headset but still on a hot mic) Are you drinking?
Harvey Berlin: (also on a hot mic) It’s schnapps!
Dani Applegate: Right, so when they reach the summit that’s your winner?
Harvey Berlin: And I don’t know. Maybe I’ll let them stay in the cabin over the summer. Who cares! I want to see some action!
Derek and Cassidy rush for the upper floor. Fighting rages until Wellings is able to german suplex Kaybe down the stairwell. That gives him time to go out onto the patio. He then has to wait several minutes for the ski lift to return. This gives to an awkward time of Wellings waiting in silence. When the bucket breaches the horizon, Cassidy joins him in the tight quarters after leaping the railing.
Dani Applegate: This doesn’t look safe at all, Harvey.
Harvey Berlin: They’re fine. Look, see—the bucket’s holding up just fine!
Dani Applegate: As the fight continues, we wanted to remind everyone that APW will return to its regularly scheduled Monday Night Metal lineup on Jan 11th.
Harvey Berlin: Yep, yep… DEREK WELLNGS is over the railing!
Dani Applegate: Oh my god! Someone stop the lift!
Kaybe ignores the situation as the lift crests over a ridgeline towards with appears to the peak of a small mountain that overlooks Harvey’s resort home. Cameras stalk their progress from the next bucket only about 50 feet away, keeping a close shot of the action. As soon as the bucket comes to its destination, both men disembark and rage into another battle. This time, Kaybe leads with DDT planting Wellings neck deep in the snow. This works for a few moments before The Aireborne Ranger clips him from behind with a knee breaker.
Dani Applegate: He’s got a snow shovel!
Harvey Berlin: Kill him!
Dani Applegate: That cold, exposed steel leaving welts on this APW upstart.
Harvey Berlin: Gotta take your lumps some time, Dani. Look! He rolled away!
Kaybe forces the weapon from Derek’s hands, and on a powered backswing, clocks him with the snow shovel. Wellings flies onto his back as both men now have busted open over the snow.
Harvey Berlin: Tis the season! And now with festive crimson masks!
Dani Applegate: Kaybe is heading for… are those sets of skis?
Harvey Berlin: Yeah, because now he has to race down the slope and reach the finish line.
Kaybe, upon seeing the skis keeps shaking his head. He then ambushes a random surfer and hijacks their snowboard. While this gives Wellings plenty of time to recover and give chase, it looks pretty damn cool in the process. Derek Wellings is able to cut their gap with his airborne training as it powers him with reach of Kaybe. He then leaps onto his back, making both tumble down the slope with snow kicking up around them. Bloodied brows tumble until it’s Cassidy finally getting control with a rear naked choke.
Harvey Berlin: Wellings is back on his feet with Kaybe on for a ride!
Dani Applegate: This is getting out of hand. What happens when they reach the finish line?
Harvey Berlin: We have a winner.
Dani Applegate: Did you decide upon their prize yet?
Harvey Berlin: We’ll get them something cool when this all over, Dani. So relax. Uncle Harvey knowns what he’s doing, okay.
Wellings is now only feet from an elaborate finishing tape when a gang of adolescents descends upon them. They help recover the snowboard Hale Cassidy commandeered several minutes prior before throwing ice balls and insults at the two combatants. It doesn’t stop them until a stray missile nails Derek Wellings right in the ear, dropping the Airborne Ranger to one knee. Kaybe slips over the top, and in an intstant, shotguns an elbow right into Wellings’ face.
Harvey Berlin: Silver Bullet!
Dani Applegate: Kaybe leaping through the finish line! What an end to this… well it was quite stirring to say the least, Harvey.
Harvey Berlin: You know me, Dani. I book the best and always put on the absolute best shows in all of wrestling!
Dani Applegate: So, what does he win?
Harvey Berlin pulls out his phone while we see a snow mobile taking both men back to the cabin.
Harvey Berlin: I don’t even go there as it is. Just give the kid the piece of shit. I don’t care.
Dani Applegate: Harvey?
Harvey Berlin: Okay, I’ve decided to give him the cabin. I needed to dump that property. It was a tax trap and always has been.
Dani Applegate: Well there you have it, Alpha faithful. Congrats to Hale Cassidy on the hard fought match, and now the apparent owner of a Lake Tahoe mountain retreat. There’s more to come after this. Stay tuned!
Mystery Segment by Leah Lincoln
Leah is shown sitting on a dirt mound next to a grave wearing a Mrs. Claus outfit. She has a candy cane in her mouth and is smiling. On one side is her Strong Style Championship and on the other is her Junior Heavyweight Championship. Leah takes the candy cane from her mouth and throws it in the grave next to her.
Week after week i prove to everyone why i belong and with my recent wins over the supposed man of the division. I think I have done something that no one has done yet, breathed new life into a division that lacked direction. With my title win I did something that I know surprised everyone, even myself. Now I know that I had the tools to win and that first match with Alex proved that. It felt good to walk into a scramble match with so many top talents and come out as a champion. I know that with the Strong Style Championship around my waist that I am a target for some. I see it as more of a predator looking for some prey.
Leah smiles a little and stands up and grabs the Strong Style Championship and throws it over her shoulder.
Now i know that with my last statement that some might call me arrogant and they would be wrong. I want everyone to understand that this title means something to me and is not some piece of metal to boost my status. To most this would be just a stepping stone to something bigger. My goal is to make people want to win this title because prestige is not who has the title; prestige is gained through defending this title. So to whomever is next in line and this is said with confidence through spoken words. To be the best you have to beat the best and right i am the alpha in this division and if you want it come get it please.
Welcome to the killing field.
Leah holds her title above her head as the scene ends.
We cut to what appears to be a wrestling ring set up in a rapid distribution center. Active assembly lines sort packages destined to hoes across the country on their conveyer belts. All this adds to an industrial scale of the scene when competitors America Jackson, and current APW North American Champion, squares off opposite of the newly revived Felicity Ann Mason, once known as Phoenix LeStrange. Eddie Silk brings them in for a final discussion of the rules. Both seem confused but shrug that off until there’s a sudden procession of muscly men and women dressed like Elves and reindeer. A bell goes off for break time that also signals the match to begin.
Harvey Berlin: Harvey Berlin again, and let me say, it was not easy getting this one together.
Dani Applegate: Where’s this match taking place, Harvey?
Harvey Berlin: Where else but the heartland of American shipping: Secaucus, New Jersey.
Dani Applegate: Is it?
Harvey Berlin: Well, it’s the only venue I could rent out on short notice.
Silk tells them to start wrestling. They do with America Jackson bringing out his power game early through a sharp counter, and then a hard scoop slam. His misses a follow-up elbow drop, letting Felicity get a leg and hit a dragon whip that takes Jackson down.
Dani Applegate: So what’s with the elves?
Harvey Berlin: They’re Santa’s workers.
Dani Applegate: Working on what?
Harvey Berlin: Look. It’s like a lumberjack match. Don’t worry about it. Just look at this superb wrestling, okay.
Dani Applegate: So it looks like Felicity Ann Mason has taken control. Do you think past success left America Jackson in a trap for this match? In that he might have under-prepared for this matchup.
Harvey Berlin: No.
Dani Applegate: And Mason hits a dropkick to keep America on the canvas!
Harvey Berlin: She’s relentless.
She leaps onto his arm but cannot lock in an armbar, all while the stronger build of America Jackson allows him dominate the mat one more. He then powers her off the floor to hit a stalling suplex.
1!
Dani Applegate: Not even two.
Harvey Berlin: She’s a tough cookie. I love watching her work, Dani.
Dani Applegate: Same. This new self has taken months for Felicity to understand and control, but all that hard work is paying huge dividends in the ring tonight.
Felicity ducks and slips behind, and with a couple good kicks, is able to free herself and hit the ropes. She rebounds and hits an enzugiri take sends the North America Champion reeling. She gives chase and with another great counter, attempts to hit a Pele kick.
Dani Applegate: Oh wow! America caught her in midair!
Harvey Berlin: Flying armybar! A brutal jujugatame!
Dani Applegate: The catch wrestling on display has been some of the most physical we’ve seen in weeks!
Harvey Berlin: Look at that girl! She’s made of butter!
Felicity somehow wiggles an arm free so that she can grab that bottom rope. It works at first, but America rolls her into a jackknife pin.
1!
2!
Harvey Berlin: Her foot somehow got under those ropes!
Dani Applegate: I’m stunned, frankly.
Harvey Berlin: America Jackson sizing up the victory. You can see it in his eyes! The big, beautiful blue eyes.
Dani Applegate: America First—Felicity slipped over the top!
A head scissors leaves both shaken and searching for their surroundings. America is up first but a multiple chest chops favor Mason and her punching speed. She ends the barrage with a chop to the throat. As America walks that off, she slips under his guard and hits the Whiplash stunner.
Dani Applegate: America Jackson rocked! He just rolled out of the ring on impact!
Harvey Berlin: Don’t worry! The elves are here to save the day!
Many of these “elves” have the tough exterior of Atlantic City’s finest who put a beating on the North American Champion. One of them, sleeveless and chewing on a cheap cigar, takes a couple steps back and tries for a roundhouse kick. America counters with a belly-to-belly that sends his attacker barreling through multiple of those outside lumberjacks.
Dani Applegate: He’s fighting to get back in the ring.
Harvey Berlin: He can fight harder than that!
Once he reaches the apron, a hotshot from Mason leave him exposed whilst dangling over the middle. Felicity Ann Mason roars into him with a few good shots before planting him hard with a hangman DDT.
1!
Dani Applegate: He got a foot under the ropes.
Harvey Berlin: Felicity setting up the champ. She’s feeling it tonight, Dani!
Dani Applegate: She’s not the only one. Tonight’s fans, no matter how few they allowed in the arena, are bringing the energy too! It’s been astounding!
She lands a thunderclap of a buzz saw kick. America seeing stars as he tries to recover from that last DDT. Felicity charges and hits a soccer kick right under the gut—America catches lays both of them out with a capture suplex. His head thuds off the canvas while the suplex catapults Felicity through the middle ropes and into the waiting hands of Santa’s helpers.
Dani Applegate: They’re like rabid dogs! Seriously, where did you find these people?
Harvey Berlin: Craigslist—I don’t remember. It was another sleepless night with too much cooking sherry.
Dani Applegate: Al right… and Felicity Ann Mason fighting back. Seems she got the better side of that suplex.
Harvey Berlin: Yeah, Jackson smacked his head on the ground. Sounded sick even from here, darling.
Mason gets up to the apron and kicks at the muscle trying to hinder her progress. America Jackson tries to grab her, but a shoulder block through the middle ropes stuns him. She then attempts a sunset flip but lands squarely in the America First slam.
1!
2!
Dani Applegate: She got the shoulder up!
Harvey Berlin: That was amazing!
Dani Applegate: There’s no quit in either of these two!
America pulls an arm free, but Mason throws a desperation drop toehold that hotshots him off the top rope. Jackson retreats with both hands on his throat.
Harvey Berlin: I’m loving her more by the minute! Felicity is elite, girl!
Dani Applegate: She’s seeing a golden opportunity tonight against one of the baddest men in Alpha Pro-Wrestling and hasn’t missed a single step!
Mason lingers with a spirited North American Champion coming in hot with a discus forearm bash that club her into the corner. America Jackson rams his shoulder twice to pin her deep against the padding. He places her on the top padding when a sudden swing of momentum allows Felicity to slip over and hit a Canadian destroyer that has Jackson motionless in the ring’s center. She makes the cover.
1!
2!
3—
Harvey Berlin: So close! She almost shocked world!
Dani Applegate: How! How How!
America Jackson slumps with an upper cut before Felicity can set up a killing blow. He then kills them both with a tombstone.
1… 2… 3… 4… 5…
Felicity rocks back kicks America in the ribs several times. Her forehead looks flushed to an unnatural red.
Harvey Berlin: Clearly, this kid is shaking out some bad juju right now.
Dani Applegate: Reports say… well we’re not here to speculate.
Harvey Berlin: Girl, you did not just open those beans and tell Uncle Harvey “no”. Spill it!
Dani Applegate: Well I shouldn’t.
Harvey Berlin: Well she’s getting all the space she needs to deal with that shit. And I wholeheartedly approve!
Silk has to pull her off him after the strikes become too erratic to control. Jackson crawls towards the ropes. Felicty grabs a leg but he’s able to strike her off with almost no power to the strike. Mason returns and pulls him onto the canvas. She attempts the figure eight but Jackson refuses to let loose the bottom rope.
Harvey Berlin: Saved by the—nope! She’s trying to pull him into the center.
Dani Applegate: This match is getting out of control!
Harvey Berlin: Kill him!
Dani Applegate: Settle Harvey.
Harvey Berlin: Fine, but he needs to let loose the cage and fight already!
Jackson leans back, which seems to be a bad move, allowing his opponent to wrap around his. That when his desperate device snaps shut like a mousetrap, locking Felicity into a judo crucifix.
Dani Applegate: Those elbows are unprotected! He’s going to kill her!
Harvey Berlin: Do it!
Dani Applegate: Harvey, settle!
After landing several more blows than allowed, he slides free to a rising uproar. Jackson then sets up and hits the America first into an immediate pin.
1!
2!
3!
Dani Applegate: What a statement win for the North America Champion!
Harvey Berlin: That was the best match I’ve seen in months! Worth. The. Wait!
Dani Applegate: As we get the stage set, walk us through what happened yesterday.
Harvey Berlin: Dear, I need a few moments. I am beside myself right now.
Dani Applegate: Then allow me to elaborate…. due to COVID protocols as it pertains to the health of Harvey Berlin, who at 85—
Harvey Berlin: 87!
Dani Applegate: Cannot be with us today. Nor could he be in person with our reigning World Champion for this interview. But he still found a way to get at the core of this supernova and give us a peer into the man—and the Devil—that is Damon Warrens.
Harvey Berlin's Exclusive Interview with Damon Warrens
"Before we get down to business, Damon, can you give us an update on Jaime?
Damon: `Appreciate the concern Harvey.. Jaime well he’s certainly sore, but he is more resilient than I think most people understand. He’s definitely feeling the effects of Bull’s chokeslam though.
"Bull is a bastard. Always has been even since he walked through the door of New Blood Wrestling. That attack was uncalled for, and I'm one for cheating--but that attack on Jaime was downright despicable.
Damon: I mean despicable? Yeah I guess… I must say though Jaime knew what he was putting himself into. He and I… we do what we can to protect each other…to fight for each other.
"You know, it really makes my old heart tick again seeing you succeed in APW. You may not this, Damon, but I was one of thousands caught in the Stonewall Riots back in the 60's. Sure, it didn't improve the impossible world of LGBTQ athletes. It took trailblazers... stunning performers like yourself are just carrying that torch into a new era of sports. Care to weigh in on your view of the current landscape of queer rights and the modern athlete?
Damon: First off let me thank you for your activism. People like you paved the way for someone like me to be where I am. That being said being a queer person in America is challenging…it’s terrifying at times. When you see the amount of hate that still exists in this world…it’s overwhelming at times. I have it relatively easy though. I’m a white cisgender gay man. I still have a lot of privilege. There’s still a lot of work to be done in terms of queer rights and queer inclusion in the world of athletics… especially in regards to the rights and freedoms of our trans siblings and queer People of Colour.
"Sadly, I don't have another song planned. I wish these old bones could tinkle the ivories once more for you. Alas... I am just obsessed with your style. Tell me what brought about this "Devil" persona. What's the source of your fire, Damon? What makes you run the ropes every week. What is your game to you, really?
"
Damon: What brought out the Devil persona…. I’d have to say a lot of hatred. It came from years of being demonized, vilified, and overlooked. People didn’t like that I refused to bend to anyone else’s wills. I always asked questions no one was brave enough to answer. I stood strong while everyone who claimed to have my back walked away or tried to stab me in said back. The Devil Himself is the extension of all of the retribution I need… the vindication… my need to prove every doubter wrong and my willingness to do so by any means necessary. It’s about recognizing myself as the best in this Hell of a business…and refusing to accept anything less than glory.
"That's so powerful, darling. Please, if you can, tell us a little your regimen. How'd you get so shredded and stay that way?"
Damon: It’s all of the boring stuff no one really likes doing. Going to the gym every day… eating healthy… I also throw some yoga in there as well.
"You've told us so much about why you're passionate about this sport. Why you love to get in that ring week in and out, although you seem to be missing the big fundamental point of wrestling too."
Damon: I think that your point is misguided Harvey. For some I might be missing that fundamental aspect…but for me the victories…the glory.. that IS the fundamental aspect.
"All I'm saying is that your brand of wrestling makes the draw. Sure, I get it. Yet you leave so many fans wanting more. They love you no matter how much you try to turn away from them. Why - why do keep this Devil life going when the fans are willing and prepared to embrace your efforts?"
Damon: Let me ask a counter question Harvey…. If the fans are so willing to embrace me and my efforts…if they’re so prepared to support Damon Warrens…why can they not do so regardless of the persona they see? Why is it that I have to actively look to please them? I am the king of this company…not a dancing fool. If they want a clown to perform for them maybe they should watch a John Blade match.
"Sounds like you're not in the mood to look in the mirror. With so many people trying to dethrone you, I'm not surprised. It just sounds like you're still running from something."
Damon: Harvey…who exactly do you feel I am running from? I have faced every obstacle that management has tried to throw in front of me. Corey Bull was set up as a huge challenge for me…and I choked the life out of him. The Bane… well I’ve never ran from ANY version of Jason Ryan. Since I came back to this company I’ve made the Bane look like the same joke that the Scourge was. I didn’t run from either of those two supposed monsters. I proved that I was a much more dangerous being than either of them. Now I have Brother Zeke…well we saw on Metal I’m not running from him either. In fact maybe we should ask why he needed the help of up and coming amateur rap artist Daniel Christopher to overcome a man who just wrestled a grueling match. So no Harvey. I don’t run from anything. Not from any of the members of Monster’s Inc. I run towards. I run towards yet another victory when I face Brother Zeke. I run towards the only man who really deserves my attention my fellow Tag Team Champion America Jackson. I run towards every curve ball that Dante will try to pitch me… I run towards… I conquer… I bask in the glory and I do it all over again.
Warrens shuts off his feed, leaving half an empty screen with the glowing yet openly concerned look of Harvey Belrin having just grabbed Satan by his pointed tail.
"Well... that's what you get when you play with fire. Expect to get burnt. Damon Warrens is polarizing, but he's also one of the best in the business until someone can knock him off that pedestal. Until that day, we will continue to be a dominant force. I applaud him. But you, Alpha-faithful believe, as do I, that time will settle all scores. And that's my hot take.
[cut back to the arena]
Uncle Harvey's Big, Fat, Audacious Holiday Horror Scramble
We return to ringside where crews have been setting up a giant Xmas tree. Multiple competitors surround the tree in the light its large, ominous star ornament on top. That’s when Harvey comes back on the Alphatron in a new getup including expensive fur, red satin and fanciful tambourine. He gives a few jungle beats before addressing all the competitors.
Harvey Berlin: Ok… so you guys hve been waiting to hear what the prize is gonna be. Well. I have good news and bad news. The good news is I will have one planned by the conclusion of this match. But, for now, I need you to fight on a promise and not my best sense of planning. Can you do that? I promise it’ll be something special.
I also realize a freak snow storm has cancelled and delayed hundreds of flights, giving us less than 20% of how many we planned to have on tonight’s show. OH WELL! Thems the break, girls, so get to it.
Really! Go on already! Get the star off the tree and let a new star be born!
Athan Ardelean gets into the action first by attacking his biggest threat in Alex Scott, the multi-time juniors champion with a series of kicks. Scott retaliates with a dropkick. He then goes up into the tree with the intent to climb, when the Predator comes into frame from a springboard off the middle rope. His crossbody wipes both men out as they take out a pile of presents. Each one reveals goody.
Scott favors a pipe wrench. Athan Ardelean takes up a nunchaku. Edwards finds a fire extinguisher and spray both men, disarming them. He then does a rolling arm drag to send Scott into the corner. Athan Ardelean intercepts him and delivers a pendulum backbacker. Scott tackles Athan Ardelean and goes into some ground n’ pound until both men separate from their guards. Edwards climbs the top rop, when from the ring skirt, a little person slides into the ring and feverishly opens a package with explodes on contact.
All four are littered about the ring. Somehow, in all its glory, that defiant dwarf managed to fly into the boughs of that Xmas tree. He gets halfway up when a speedier Athan Ardelean meets him there. Athan Ardelean mercilessly powerbombs the loose associate of Daniel Christopher, sending him rows deep into unopened presents.
Athan Ardelean gets there when Alex Scott and Skye Edwards attack from below. A big fight ensues with samoan drop that kills Scott and Athan Ardelean, leaving Skye Edwards to swoop in and take the ornament. He grabs onto the tree with a big huff and puff.
Harvey Berlin reappears in godlike fashion. Now he’s dressed like Santa Clause.
Harvey Berlin: Congrats kid!
The audience demands to know what he’s won. Harvey looks perplexed. Just when things look like they’re about reach full pandemonium, “Der Konig de Dunkleheit” hits. GM Masuda Jubei walks onto the stage and boy does he look furious.
Jubei: Harvey, enough! This was supposed to be an honorary show. Yet you insisted that we would be compensated for allowing you to put together another of your expensive Christmas specials. Well not this year because it seems as though you’ve not only squandered company money, but embezzled it for lavish parties at your Chelsea estate. We, sir, are not finished. For now… allow me to address the monkeys that paraded on screen and put into harm’s way for no purpose.
I am here to address multiple matters of critical attention. Firstly, we had three matches tonight that were unaffiliated with the consistent brand of Alpha Pro Wrestling. And Edwards, get out of that damn tree already. Because this part pertains to you.
Unlike Mr. Berlin, who has led all of you through flaming hoops for nothing more than his punch-drunk bemusement, I am here with tangible rewards. You, Edwards, after surviving this ridiculous event will have a future title shot at our newly revamped Strong Style Championship.
Next, we have Kaybe who could have died—alongside veteran of the sport, Derek Wellings—who as I understand has filed both a formal complaint and tendered his resignation because of Mr. Berlin’s audacious race-to-the-finish jamboree in Lake Tahoe. The cost alone has me wanting to wring his old chicken neck. Regardless… I am awarding Hale Cassidy a future shot at our hardcore championship next year. Well deserved.
Then we come to this lumberjack tomfoolery in Secaucus. Why there? I don’t know, but I assume it has to do with Mr. Berlin’s overt love of large, hairy and sweaty men.
Harvey Berlin: Guilty!
Jubei: Someone shut off that screen.
The Alphatron goes black with a lasting blast of Harvey flipping off the camera.
Jubei: Good… now let me address that match too. We know what it means someone to challenge the best in all of wrestling. So I have devised something bigger and better for Felicity Ann Mason and America Jackson worthy of their brave display of athletic prowess. That’s right. Because our next supercard will be 2021 Ways to Die. And in that main co-main event, we will see Felicity Ann Mason. Lexi Hall who won number one contendership to the North American Title. And our longest reigning champion to date, America Jackson, in a triple for his coveted championship.
Lastly, heads are going to roll. I mean it. I’m also not possessed by this Western affront of Christmas values or forced niceness. I’ve always been immune to it. So when I say there will be multiple deletions from payroll—I mean it! And I’ll enjoy doing it too. Standby for those changes next week. And thank you for coming out on this horrendous day of holiday exploit. We appreciate your love, but know that APW will move forward no matter what you want. No matter what your little hearts desire because Adam Dante and I do not compromise. And we will not be denied. Happy. New. Year…. Alpha Pro-Wrestling.
[cut to end credits]
