Post by ππππππππππππ on Oct 20, 2020 20:50:13 GMT -5
| DEATHMACHINE, upon Addy's boot's impact with his nuts, leaves his body and rises up to a higher plane of consciousness. He floats up until he finds himself landing softly on a cloud. There, he sits before the last man to wear the mask of DEATHMACHINE, now known as mild mannered Brick Ramrock. Brick Ramrock: Ah yes, the kick in the nuts. Gnarly. How are you holding up? DEATHMACHINE: I actually feel nothing, other than being awesome, of course. Brick Ramrock: And youβre pretty high too, arenβt you? DEATHMACHINE thumbs his nose, DEATHMACHINE: I may have been taking to the slopes a bit. Brick pulls out a footlong sandwich, not from Subway, but from his own sub shop where not only do you get double meat every time, but the buns are also made of meat. Itβs basically a big slab of meat and itβs incredibly difficult to handle. Brick takes a big bite and chews softly. Brick Ramrock: This is a big opportunity for you, DEATHMACHINE. You can finally prove yourself to all of the DEATHMACHINES who came before you. You can earn your spot among them. All you have to do is beat up a woman. Cool, huh? Here, eat from the meat sandwich-slab of knowledge. Brick hands the huge meat sandwich-thing to DEATHMACHINE and once itβs in his grasp, he takes a hearty bite. He hands the sandwich back and nods knowingly. DEATHMACHINE: Thatβs a really good idea. But should I be scared? I think I saw some little crabs scurrying on her stool at the bar. Brick Ramrock: Oh thereβs no doubt that she has crabs. Burn your boot afterwards. And if it gets onto your crotch, a little bit of crab medicine will fix you right up. Donβt worry. Just donβt leave it on for more than two hours or it will burn your junk like a personal pizza left in the toaster oven overnight. Trust me, been there; ainβt pretty. DEATHMACHINE nods. DEATHMACHINE: Thank you for this knowledge, Brick. I know now what I must do. DEATHMACHINE stands up, but suddenly pauses and points at Brick. DEATHMACHINE: Wait, does this mean youβre dead? Brick Ramrock: Oh no, not at all. Iβm about as dead as Nathan Gust. Iβm actually in the middle of a layover and Iβve been working on my Meat Meditation. This is a happy accident. But if youβd leave, Iβm about to have the meat sweats and rub one out. DEATHMACHINE nods in approval, as it is custom for the DEATHMACHINE race to rub one out whilst experiencing the meat-sweats. Itβs how they do vision quests. DEATHMACHINE: Just donβt think about Addy and her boob sweat marks. DEATHMACHINE thinks about it. DEATHMACHINE: Or maybe do think about it? Might need a coin flip on that one. Kinda hot / kinda not. Brick Ramrock: Say no more! Brick pulls out the Blue Hair Weekly magazine βSara Pettis Specialβ issue and carefully opens it to his favorite look of hers (three looks ago) and carefully places it where he can see it and grabs his kleenex and lotion. He undoes his belt. DEATHMACHINE: One more request oh wise Brick Ramrock. Brick Ramrock: Lay it on me, Beefytits. DEATHMACHINE: Can I ride back to my body on the back of Falkor from Never Ending Story? Brick nods as he unzips his pants. Brick Ramrock: I thought youβd never ask! With that said, Falkor the Luck dragon from Never Ending Story swoops down and pulls up next to DEATHMACHINE. Falkor: Why hello there, young man. Fancy a ride? DEATHMACHINE canβt even process what heβs seeing. His mouth is agape and it seems like this is the point in his life where he could die and his bucket list would be completely checked. Falkor: Well? Ready to go? DEATHMACHINE: Am I?! DEATHMACHINE jumps onto Falkorβs back. Falkor: Oof, youβre a bit heavy for an old dragon like me, but here we GO! Woooooooossshhhhhh Falkor soars downwards from the clouds and DEATHMACHINE can see his body waiting for him. DEATHMACHINE throws a fist into the air and exclaims! Falkor: Are you ready DEATHY? DEATHMACHINE: I love you Falkor. Falkor: Seriously my boy, are you ready? DEATHMACHINE: I love you so much. DEATHMACHINE sobs. DEATHMACHINE: Maybe itβs the copious amount of cocaine I recently snorted or the fact that I never had a strong male role model, but I have to admit that Iβve loved you all of my life, Falkor. I pretended that you lived under my bed and protected me and loved me back.... DEATHMACHINE sobs more and Falkor makes that βtmiβ face and aims right for the irl DEATHMACHINE. Falkor: Weβre out of time! Falkor ejects DEATHMACHINE and he goes flying right smack into his body. The ethereal impact sends the flesh and blood DEATHMACHINE crashing into the jukebox. |
