Post by Derrick Vayden on Oct 12, 2020 21:30:24 GMT -5
Won't you accept
Your life and give up
This journey to nowhere...
I’m going to open this by saying I don’t know you, John. But don’t get it twisted. I’ve seen your film, I’ve watched your matches, I’ve heard the legend and the stories of the illustrious Big Match John Blade.
What I mean is I don’t know what you are. I can’t tell if you’re playing some kind of joke on everyone or if you’re just that fucking braindead to think you’re doing anything more than playing wrestler.
You’re on a winning streak. Typically, someone telling me that would impress me or something like that. But when I hear it said about you? I bust a gut. It would impressive if those victories came from actual competition. Instead… instead you came out on top of has-beens, literal farm animals, and whatever the fuck Chet Dakota is.
Casey Holiday, Adam Young, my old stalker Flop. No one in this unholy year of 2020 fears those names. Just like nobody fears you, John. They feel sorry for you. They toss you these no-names to boost your ego because nobody gives enough of a fuck about you to actually answer your pitiful challenge.
Well, I do. I care enough about kicking your teeth down your fucking throat and humbling you. So I stepped up to the plate. In your incredibly derivative words, I wanted some. So I’m coming to get some.
You have to realize you’re nothing but a comedy act, right? Why else would you get Junior Heavyweight title matches despite not being within the weight limit? Because you’re someone who looks like a max stackhouse but gets dropped real quick. Looks like Tarzan, fights like Jane.
You get these shots at titles you don’t deserve, you get a featured spot on the weekly shows not because you deserve them, but because you’re hilarious. You’re good for a quick, cheap laugh. A time filler. An inconsequential stepping stone for whoever you’re matched up against.
And as far as this so-called open challenge goes… your biggest competition was a goat. An honest to god goat. Him and everyone else are just as comical as you are. How coincidental that goat also has a connection to me, believe it or not. When you think about it, this has all been leading up to me, hasn't it? It's kinda funny if you ask me. You picking at the carcasses I left behind. Well now I'm here to run you off.
You’re nothing but a lame sideshow, John. Do you even realize you’re more of a sideshow than the fucking clown? The literal clown with his literal goddamn circus is less of a sideshow abomination than you are.
I come to Alpha Pro only because I have one of their tag belts around my waist. Despite the level of competition is significantly lower than that of Action, I was excited to face some fresh faces. I’m sure you can imagine my disappointment when I see John fucking Blade as one of the faces of the fed.
I mean really, John Blade? I’ve heard plenty about you but I figured it was just some sick joke. Maybe a promotion coming together to make some poor guy feel good about himself for a little bit. But here we are, however many months later. You’re still going, still getting shot after shot, none of which you’ve earned.
That’s why I’m here, John. That’s why I’m answering your challenge. I want to make sure you realize you’re nothing more than a cheap gimmick. A dedicated piss break for every episode of Metal.
You’re a paper champion, Blade. So to speak, of course. You don’t have the talent to be an actual champion. They trot you out against some pissant opponent to, I don’t know, boost your ego? But when shit gets serious, when you get yet another title shot, you crumble under pressure. When you go up against someone with actual talent, you roll over and die like a little bitch. You’re pathetic, you’re a fucking joke.
But the worst part? My biggest problem with you, John, is that it doesn’t matter what I do to you. I could beat you within an inch of your life, embarrass you in front of thousands of people, I could put you up in the hospital for months. It doesn’t matter. Because you’re just the face. Whenever you crawl back out from the pit I put you in, you’ll be right back in the spotlight. Not because you deserve it, rather because those in charge want to continue the John Blade game, see how long they can parade you like a bad circus act until the crowd gives up on you and subsequently them.
You don’t deserve to be in the main event. You don’t even deserve to be on Metal at all, but here we fucking are. You’re welcome, John. You’re welcome for elevating you to a spot that is normally far out of your reach. I hope you enjoy it. Soak in every last second of it before I kick you back down to the bingo hall dark matches where you fucking belong.
We are going to main event Metal. But don’t get ahead of yourself. This is my match. This is a showcase of my skills for those who don’t keep up with Action. You’re just the living punching bag for me to beat. You’re just the sacrificial lamb of sorts. In short, John, you’re just the poor fucker who gets his shit kicked in.
So allow me to rephrase it. I am going to main event Metal. You’re simply in charge of counting the lights for me.
You’re nothing but a fucking joke, John. You’re a parody. Not just a parody of a wrestler, but of a man. Well, I’m not laughing. I don’t even pity you anymore. Right now I simply want to put an end to the idiotic facade that is John Blade.
The Journey to Nowhere is a road we all walk alone. Sooner or later, everyone in APW will walk it one way or another. But you, John… You are the unfortunate one to pave the way.
