Post by ned on Oct 6, 2020 23:52:19 GMT -5
October 5ish, 2020
Live From: Bon Secours Wellness Arena / Greenville, SC
Seating capacity: 15,900
Exclusive to NETFLIX
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Alex Scott VS The Octopus
Theirs would be a match unlike any other on the card. It was to be a simple opening match, but Octopus and Alex Scott intended on making it so much more. The two exchanged shots early on where the younger and smaller Alex Scott kept up with the Octopus - impressing the fans greatly.
The Octopus took control of the match and after a series of vicious and powerful moves, he flattened Alex Scott with a military press slam. It looked like it was all over there, but Alex, being the rule breaker that he is, gouged the Octopus right in the eye and was out of the pin attempt in a flash.
The injury to the Octopus’ eye would play a role in the remainder of the match.
Alex Scott would take advantage of Octopus’ injury by landing a number of kicks to his blindside. Scott, however, had difficulties with Octopus’ size. The 150 weight advantage ruled out many of Alex Scott’s arsenal, so he was forced to take to the top turnbuckle.
Octopus regained control of the match when Alex Scott attempted a shooting star press and Octopus got his knees up. From there, the momentum swung Octopus’ way. Alex Scott saw stars when Octopus hoisted him up and sent him crashing down with snake-eyes in the corner. Scott was sent spinning in mid air by a lariat. Octopus had the match well in hand until once again Alex Scott attacked his bad eye.
Scott had learned from his past mistakes and decided to ground Octopus. Scott couldn’t quite tie in the sharpshooter submission, so he went for a one legged Boston crab, but Octopus, given his relationship with ‘crab’ as he’s ocean themed, was able to get out of the maneuver. But then Scott grounded Octopus with a DDT after a series of strikes.
For everything he tried, Scott could not score the pinfall. Despite beating down Octopus and using his age and his injured eye against him, he kept kicking out. At one point Scott got into the referee’s face and almost got himself disqualified for grabbing the referee by his zebra stripes. This distraction allowed for the Octopus to rise back up.
As he mounted some serious offense, the time seemed right for him to pull out his rarely seen moonsault. As he cautiously climbed the ropes in the corner, Scott grabbed ahold of the referee and shoved him into the ropes 'accidently' which caused Octopus to lose balance and fall to the mat with a mighty thud. Scott capitalized by covering him, just long enough for the referee to count to three.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -The Octopus took control of the match and after a series of vicious and powerful moves, he flattened Alex Scott with a military press slam. It looked like it was all over there, but Alex, being the rule breaker that he is, gouged the Octopus right in the eye and was out of the pin attempt in a flash.
The injury to the Octopus’ eye would play a role in the remainder of the match.
Alex Scott would take advantage of Octopus’ injury by landing a number of kicks to his blindside. Scott, however, had difficulties with Octopus’ size. The 150 weight advantage ruled out many of Alex Scott’s arsenal, so he was forced to take to the top turnbuckle.
Octopus regained control of the match when Alex Scott attempted a shooting star press and Octopus got his knees up. From there, the momentum swung Octopus’ way. Alex Scott saw stars when Octopus hoisted him up and sent him crashing down with snake-eyes in the corner. Scott was sent spinning in mid air by a lariat. Octopus had the match well in hand until once again Alex Scott attacked his bad eye.
Scott had learned from his past mistakes and decided to ground Octopus. Scott couldn’t quite tie in the sharpshooter submission, so he went for a one legged Boston crab, but Octopus, given his relationship with ‘crab’ as he’s ocean themed, was able to get out of the maneuver. But then Scott grounded Octopus with a DDT after a series of strikes.
For everything he tried, Scott could not score the pinfall. Despite beating down Octopus and using his age and his injured eye against him, he kept kicking out. At one point Scott got into the referee’s face and almost got himself disqualified for grabbing the referee by his zebra stripes. This distraction allowed for the Octopus to rise back up.
As he mounted some serious offense, the time seemed right for him to pull out his rarely seen moonsault. As he cautiously climbed the ropes in the corner, Scott grabbed ahold of the referee and shoved him into the ropes 'accidently' which caused Octopus to lose balance and fall to the mat with a mighty thud. Scott capitalized by covering him, just long enough for the referee to count to three.
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Brother Zeke VS Elliott Siscoe
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first, from Topeka, Kansas. He is Brother Zeke!
‘O Fortuna’ by André Rieu plays over the PA system and the arena goes dark. Once the arena goes dark, a single spotlight appears on the entrance ramp and out walks Zeke. The tron shows the words, He is risen with a cross behind them, then transitioning to Brother Zeke. Zeke slowly makes his way down the ring as the spotlight follows him.
Remi: This Brother Zeke is a true psychopath. No doubt about it.
Clearwater: But he’s had his fair share of success so far, so it must be working for him.
Halfway down the ramp, the lights suddenly flash on and the arena is light again showing Zeke's face as he smiles wickedly at the crowd. After he makes it to the end of the ramp, he walks over to the steel steps and then makes his way through the ropes and sits down in the corner as his music slowly fades.
Jessica Kaine: And his opponent, from San Diego California, Elliott Siscoe!
The arena dims down into darkness, upon the stage shines two blue spotlights. Over the speakers is heard the sound of heavy rainfall coinciding with a melodic piano playing. After a moment of the piano and rainfall playing, a female voice comes over. Soft, angelic, but a little freaky. She says…
Remi: Elliott Siscoe is looking to get back to his winning ways, but he’s got an uphill battle ahead of him in Brother Zeke
Clearwater: Not a doubt about that in my mind. Brother Zeke is a tough mountain to climb, but Siscoe is as good as anybody on the roster when he wants to be.
With a thunderous explosion of fire upon the stage, “Under and Over It” by Five Finger Death Punch roars across the speakers. From under the stage explodes Elliott Siscoe simultaneously with the start of the music. He looks out over the crowd on all sides while smiling. He then walks down the ramp to the ring. At the bottom of the ramp, he goes into a sprint and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. More pyro explodes on the stage as Elliott bounces around to each corner hyping up the crowd. After the fourth corner, he turns and sits on the top turnbuckle as the arena lights return to normal. The music fading to silence, he and Brother Zeke have a good old fashioned staredown.
The two men circle for a moment after the bell rings and it’s Elliott who charges in first like a Rhino looking to put out a fire, he takes a wild swing at Zeke that catches only air. He turns and tries for another one which Zeke is easily able to duck. Zeke takes a bow for the crowd who return only boos. Zeke brushes the lack of adoration off, but turns around right into a wild clothesline from Siscoe. Zeke eats shit - head first into the mat. Siscoe mocks him with a bow of his own which receives much more of a positive response.
Remi: Siscoe wants to follow up here, giving Zeke time on his back only allows him to rest.
Clearwater: Looks like he’s taking your advice!
Siscoe pulls up Zeke and goes for strikes, but Zeke blocks and the two end up trading lefts and rights until both of them are on spaghetti legs. Siscoe rallies a strike to a ‘yea!’ from the crowd, Zeke rallies a strike to a ‘boo!’ from the crowd. It goes back and forth like this until Zeke finally takes control with an eye rake and follows it up with a snap suplex. Siscoe hits like a rubber chicken and bounces up into a seated position. Siscoe looks like he’s half in the bag before he slumps over onto the mat. Zeke is right back to his knees and floats over to full mount on Siscoe and lands some hammer fists.
Remi: Siscoe is in big trouble here!
Clearwater: Zeke is going to town!
Siscoe blocks an elbow from Zeke and is able to roll over, but Zeke takes his back. Siscoe manages to get his knees under him and lifting Zeke with him, gets to his feet. Siscoe charges backwards into the corner and slams Zeke hard, but Zeke doesn’t let go! Zeke locks in a rear naked choke and Siscoe can’t rally and falls to his knees. Zeke’s got a vein popping out of his head looking like it’s threatening to burst. It’s ugly.
Remi: Zeke has Siscoe dead to rights here!
Clearwater: Yeah but he might burn his arms out if he can’t get the finish here.
Siscoe rallies and explodes out of the choke, he spins around and drives elbows into Zeke’s face repeatedly. At first Zeke manages some defense, but after the third elbow, Zeke goes flat, allowing Siscoe to gain separation. Both men are on their backs.
Remi: No time for stargazing here guys!
Both men slowly rise and now they’re back in the middle of the ring exchanging lefts and rights. The fans go crazy as Zeke tries to land a superkick, but Siscoe counters it with a modified powerbomb and goes for the pin!
ONE!
Siscoe pulls up Zeke, but on the way up, Zeke grabs the ref and pulls him into Siscoe and simultaneously lands a lowblow. Siscoe and the ref both go down and Zeke is allowed a moment to collect himself.
Remi: And even though the ref was barely touched, I’m sure he’ll be down for the rest of the match.
Clearwater: Refs are made out of paper mache.
Zeke plays it up for the fans, but they just boo. A 32oz soda flies into the ring and slams right into Zeke’s back, douching him with Mountain Dew. Zeke goes to the rope and points in the general direction of where the soda came from and yells.
Remi: Nice little distraction there from the fans to buy Siscoe some time.
Zeke pushes his Mountain Dew soaked hair back and turns around right into a spear from Siscoe! Both men go through the ropes and land onto the mat outside of the ring. It’s a goddamn mess of Mountain Dew and two broken assed wrestlers. The fans though, they’re loving it. There’s a chant of ‘holy shit’ going on, but it’s not quite catching on with the whole arena. Siscoe is the first one up and back into the ring.
Remi: There’s no count because there’s no ref. Just to keep those listening on old-timey radioes up to speed.
Siscoe grabs the soda off the mat and walks over to the ref and empties what’s left inside of it (roughly 3oz) onto the ref. The ref jerks and starts to stir as Zeke slides into the ring behind Siscoe. Siscoe turns around and he’s immediately tied up and thrown over by Zeke with a Northern Lights suplex. Zeke bridges, but there’s no one there to make a count because the ref is into Day-2 of coming out of his coma.
Clearwater: Zeke’s regretting taking out the ref right now!
Zeke gets off of Siscoe and pulls the ref to his feet and starts to tell the ref what he can do with himself. The ref looks like he might have forgotten some piano lessons and most of his happy childhood memories as Zeke points blindly behind him talking about a three count. Siscoe rises and comes up behind Zeke like a phantom and plants Zeke with the ‘Knucklehead’ lifting inverted DDT. Siscoe goes for the pin and it takes the ref a moment to fall back to the mat and beat out the count.
ONE!
Remi: DID HE KICK OUT!
Clearwater: Barely after the count... but it looks like the count stands!
The referee calls for the bell.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match... ELLIOTT SISCOE!!!!
Lights in the arena goes out then the titantron played a video being scared of someone is about break in her house and started panicking to find a place to hide. The criminal man begins to break in the women’s house then Jamo is standing behind the criminal man while Jamo hiding in the shadows carrying a sawed off shotgun and Jamo follows him. The police phone operator will say “911 what’s your emergency?” Then the women who replied back will say “someone is breaking in my house to kill me.... please help” and the police phone operator will reply back saying “where abouts inside the house are you, help will be on the way.” Women say “Please hurry I’m in my bedroom closet, hurry please I’m going to be dead soon.” Criminal man opens the bedroom closet with a evil smirk then the women screams and I appeared beside the criminal man loaded up the gun beside his head and say “Get f@&ked mate” then the shots echos the arena, Chin Check by N.W.A music hits the arena and the lights synced with the music. Walking down the ramp slowly, high five few fans and kids, slides in to get on the ring climbs up the turnbuckle and taunt bullet club.. Jamo then waits in the corner by the turnbuckle for his opponent. DEATHMACHINE'S sweet theme music starts playing and the audience is in awe of the whole thing. Some of the chicks are yelling 'omg DEATHMACHINE you're so hot' and even some dudes are yelling "WOW I'M LIKE SERIOUSLY INTIMIDATED BY YOU BRAH" and everyone else in between is also amazed as DEATHMACHINE walks out onto the entrance stage. YEA!
DEATHMACHINE stops midway down the ramp to bust a move. The fans are going crazy, especially the hot babes who just can't get enough of his moves. He busts out some pelvic thrusts that are like automatic machine gun fire, knocking people OUT.
Finally he continues walking to the ring. He climbs up the ring steps and enters the ring and here's some more lyrics:
Finally DEATHMACHINE is in the ring and while the fans are either crying, cheering, or getting motion sickness, he slaps his chest getting ready to bring doom to all those who dare cross him. This. Is. DEATHMACHINE.
DEATHMACHINE and JAMO grapple each other in the middle of the ring. He knocks Jamo down with a bodyslam and picks him up only to drive him back down again with a sidewalk slam. DEATHMACHINE then goes for a cover on his opponent, but JAMO knicks out before the referee can slap the mat. Jamo kicks DEATHMACHINE in the gut and hits him with a belly to belly suplex. Jamo then picks Death by the neck and whips into one of the turnbuckles. He then rolls outside of the ring and looks under the ring for a weapon. Jamo randomly throws weapons such as a ladder, steel chair, table from underneath the ring and onto the floor. While he is doing that, DEATHMACHINE gets the cob webs off and sneaks outside of the ring. Jamo then grabs the steel chair and is about to throw it in the ring, when DEATHMACHINE eye rakes him in the eyes. He screams as his opponent then clotheslines him to the floor. Jamo falls down on the floor as DEATHMACHINE grabs the nearby chair and puts it between one of his opponent’s legs. He stomps on it as Jamo screams in pain and starts holding his leg with one of his hands. DEATHMACHINE tries to go for another hairshot , but Jamo low blows him and falls down, putting his hands over his lower region as the steel chair drops on the floor. His opponent then knocks him down with a Superman Punch and picks him up again. Jamo turns DEATHMACHINE around, facing his back and knocks him down with a German Suplex. He covers his opponent as the referee starts the count.
ONE!
ONE!
Imagine a world where something existed on a computer that one has had for over a decade... and then all of a sudden... that computer no longer powered on. That's what happened this week, folks. Some dumb fuck over at... uhh... Netflix... feel asleep at his desk while editing this episode of Metal and the next day... his computer didn't power on. The little spinning thing stopped spinning and just... froze. He felt incredibly stressed because of the technical difficulty... but also incredibly angry that over a decade of shit was suddenly lost in an instant.
The match between Phoenix LeStrange and Jason Ryan was supershow quality. It may be something you'll see again in the near future. The two of them proved why they belong at the upper echelon of Alpha Pro Wrestling... and yet... there could be only one winner. After a grueling battle, the referee got himself caught in the middle of a scuffle and he went down hard. This gave someone the opportunity to interfere.
That someone was Brother Zeke. He recently targeted Lilianna Rose with horrible imagery, and this time his target was Phoenix LeStrange. As he appeared on the AlphaTron laughing, a horde of Phoenix LeStrange lookalikes trotted out onto the stage. When he snapped his fingers, they all fell down. As Phoenix was distracted by this, Jason Ryan snuck up from behind with an O'Connor roll... that was countered with one of her own by Phoenix. The referee came to just in time to count the three.
Brother Zeke vanished from the AlphaTron and Phoenix was just barely victorious in this contest. The match was more exciting to see in person... but... you know... computer problems.
Jason Ryan stands in the middle of the ring after his match with Phoenix LeStrange. He looks out to the crowd when suddenly the lights go out leaving the arena in pitch darkness.
Remi: What the!?! Did someone forget to pay the electric bill again?
The lights turn a blood red and "Judas" by Fozzy begins to play.
The music continues for almost a minute with no change as everyone including Jason Ryan look completely confused.
The screen on the AlphaTron flicks to life and begins displaying e bright red message.
Smoke and white lights bring the attention to the center of the stage where a man in all black begins to emerge..
Clearwater: That's Damon Warrens! Jason Ryan looks like he's seen a ghost!
Remi: Warrens was retired by Jason months ago! Why the hell is he here now?
Clearwater: I imagine he has some unfinished business with Jason Ryan who is clearly not thrilled that APW's longest reigning World Champion has made his presence known.
Jason Ryan seems to be preparing for a fight as he has his fists up, but Damon Warrens just stands stoically before the lights go out once more. When they return Damon is nowhere to be seen.
::::: U.S. OPEN CHALLENGE :::::
John Blade VS Flop
Jessica Kaine: The following match is a U.S. Open Challenge!
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… from Boston, Massachusetts… weighing in at two hundred and fifty one pounds… The Doctor of Thuganomicks… JOOOOOOOOOHHHNNNNN BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!~!
John Blade walks out on stage. He talks to the camera man and bounces a little. He talks to the camera man and bounces a little. He holds up his “Never Give Up” logo flag and tosses it to the fans. He salutes and runs straight down towards the ring.
Clearwater: BIG MATCH JOHN IS HERE!
Remi: Ugh…
He bounces off the ropes side to side and he holds up his “Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect” shirt. He takes off his hat and tosses his shirt to the fans and hands his chain to the ref.
Clearwater: I can't believe his opponent is Flop!
"Crazy Frog" by Axel F plays and Flop walks out from backstage.
Jessica Kaine: And his opponent… from wherever you imagine your mom to be from... FLOP!
He proudly walks to the ring while the fans mercilessly boo him and throw trash at him.
Remi: HOW DARE THEY! FLOP IS A LIVING LEGEND!
He gets in the ring and immediately goes for Blade. The bell rings. Blade ducks a clothesline and he hits the ropes. Blade takes him down with a flying shoulderblock, then a sitout hip toss, then a side-release spinout powerbomb. The fans go wild as Blade hits the ropes and connects with a fist drop.
Clearwater: FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE!
Remi: Ugh…
Flop pops to his feet after the fist drop and he gets scooped up onto Blade's shoulders.
John|Blade: YOU CAN'T SEE ME!
He emphatically slams Flop on the mat and goes for the cover.
ONE!
The bell rings.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match… JOOOOOOOOOHHHNNNNN BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!~!
Clearwater: HE'S DONE IT! JOHN BLADE HAS WON THE U.S. OPEN CHALLENGE!
Remi: Ugh…
His music plays and he celebrates with the people.
::::: SHOWCASE OF LEGENDS :::::
Dave Van Dam VS Johnny Legend
Remi: And this is the one everyone’s been waiting for.
Clearwater: Right you are, Remi. We’re once again joined on commentary by Shane Clemmens and I think everyone has the same question for him right now…
Clemmens: Like, why did I pay to watch this shit?
Clearwater: Well, not exactly.
Clemmens: Johnny Legend and Dave Van Dam in a ‘Showcase of Legends’ match. The only part they got right is the ‘showcase’ part - as in these two need to be in a goddamn museum.
The Lights throughout the entire Alpha Pro Wrestling auditorium dim simultaneously on out throughout the entire theater as it plunges into darkness as "X Gonna Give It To Ya" - by DMX begins to blare on out of the PA system, various screens throughout the theater come to life showing that of DAVE VAN DAM in the gorilla position. The auditorium camera focusing on his back and more so that of his name ("VAN DAM") which can be seen being stitched onto his custom jersey for the evening as a single pulsating light comes to life and shines down upon him.
As the pulsating light shines down upon Dave Van Dam, it can be seen lighting up the stitching on his back for all to see. As the stitching of his custom jersey he can be seen wearing for the evening is seen by the fans of Alpha Pro, he swings around to face the fans, a devilish Cheshire cat like grin can be seen on Van Dam’s face serving as the perfect statement.
Jessica Kaine: Ladies and gentlemen coming from Somewhere, he weighs in tonight at Something, he stands at some height... he is the one the only... DAVE VAN DAM!!!
As Van Dam's name is heard he slowly begins making his way on down the entrance aisle his ring attire can be seen consisting of a pair of custom made boxing shorts with his logo stitched at the bottom, echoing the color scheme of the jersey he can be seen wearing for the evening, along with that Van Dam can also be seen sporting a fitted or snap-back flat billed ball cap with the same logo embroidered on the front, a compression sleeve on his left arm, and a matching pair of basketball shoes matching the motif of his attire.
He can be seen slowly getting closer to the ring as he’s swarmed with various cheers chants, slowly he walks around to the black steel steps as he, methodically, walks on up them as the cheers and chants continue to be heard, as he slowly slithers on up the side of the nearest ring post like a snake as he does he throws out his arm, which hopefully isn’t an injury, as he continues to soak in the love he's receiving from the nearby fans and those around the arena showing their support for him as he awaits his opponent.
Clemmens: They’re both dildos, really. They had some success, but they’re mostly remembered for their names and their contributions that companies that no longer exist and one that can’t seem to die. The both have something in common with Nathan Gust though.
Remi: What’s that?
Clemmens: They’re alive.
The lights dim down to black with Destiny by Stratovarius(a shorter starting) starts to play over the speakers. With only a few seconds passing with the intro, the song stops for a moment and an unknown, deep male voice calls out, "The Last Legend" while it also appears on the screen in writing. The music comes back forty seconds into the song as it starts to pick up.
Jessica Kaine: Hailing from Detroit, Michigan. Weighing in at 225 pounds...Johnny Legend!!!
Johnny Legend appears from behind the curtain in his sleek black robe with "The Last Legend" on the back. The stitching on the back lettering is starting to come loose and some holes in the robe, he raises his arms in the air to a mixed crowd reaction. Sporting a smirk as he struts his way down the ramp, Johnny Legend keeps his distance from the fans as he hopes they don't put any more rips into his cheap robe. He climbs through the ropes and into the ring while his music slowly dies down.
Clemmens: Actually, after getting a good look at Johnny Legend in person, I might rescind the ‘he’s alive’ comment.
Remi: Well, then maybe this will be man versus zombie.
Clemmens: You’d be surprised how many zombies are running around here.
The ref checks both Legends in preparation for the showcase. Van Dam and Legend share a momentary staredown before the bell rings. Van Dam steps towards Legend and Legend gives him a step before slamming his head right into the bridge of Van Dam’s nose. Van Dam stumbles backwards as Legend shows his teeth, but responds by driving an elbow right into Legend’s face. Legend stumbles backwards, but both men then charge each other and do that ‘both grab each other’s heads and pound the living shit out of each other’.
Remi: We’re off to a good start here!
Clemmens: Both of these guys have something to prove and I think it should go back to the previous decade where it belongs.
Clearwater: Why are you so sour?
Clemmens: If it’s not clear to you yet, then you have a thick skull, Clearwater.
Van Dam takes control, but it’s clear now that he’s got a bloody nose. He holds Legend in a headlock and drives left handed upper cuts into Legend’s mush repeatedly. As he strikes Legend, it’s clear that Legend is also opened up - Van Dam’s fist is crimson red.
Remi: Both men are bloodied and this match is just beginning!
Clearwater: A true Showcase of Legends!
Clemmens: Slowcase. Look at these guys. They were done years ago. One of these guys lost to DEATHMACHINE for fuck’s sakes.
The two men exchange a few more strikes before they’re forced to go old school with a Greco-Roman knuckle lock. The fans swoon at the nostalgia in the ring as they go chest to chest, both men’s sweaty hot dog skin is tacky and sticks together as they both scream and groan. Finally Legend takes control of the hold and inverts Van Dam’s wrists and makes him scream out in pain. Legend breaks the hold and drives an elbow into Van Dam’s jaw. The impact sends Van Dam into the corner. Legend follows him into the corner with another elbow. Van Dam wilts out of the corner and Legend follows up with a knee drop to the back of Van Dam’s head.
Remi: What a succession of moves there!
Clearwater: A true Showcase of Legends!
Clemmens: I think Clearwater might be having a stroke.
Legend looks out of the ring at Clemmens and puts a thumb against one nostril and blows a booger vaguely near the announce desk. Legend says something unintelligible over the roar of the crowd.
Clemmens: Yeah, fuck you too buddy.
Remi: Now Legend is returning to Van Dam, what does he have planned?
Legend returns to the downed Van Dam and drives some serious boots into Van Dam’s legs, like he’s stomping on bugs. He falls to one knee and starts punching a defenseless Van Dam right in the mush. Blood pipes out of Van Dam’s nose as Legend works him over. Van Dam tries to brush Legend away but it’s soft-gloves as Van Dam is just about completely out of it. For all he knows, Legend is something in a dream or maybe his wife, if he has one, in the waking world, trying to wake him up.
Remi: Van Dam is on dream-street in the ring, right now.
Clearwater: All Legend has to do here is finish him!
Clemmens: What if we’re all bullshit and exist only in someone’s imagination?
Remi: What? Are you ok?
Clemmens: Eh, I had a couple blotters of acid in my pants pockets, forgot about them, and absorbed them into my leg. Think they’re kicking in.
Clearwater: Wow.
Clemmens: It’s all good man.
Legend pulls Van Dam to his feet, ready for something big, but Van Dam surprises him with a small package!
ONE!
Clemmens: Like anyone should be surprised by Dave Van Dam’s small package.
Legend rolls to his feet and goes for a follow up stomp, but Van Dam catches his foot and pushes him onto his ass. Legend hits hard and is noticeably angry. Van Dam and Legend scramble to their feet and Van Dam hits Legend right on the numbers with a stiff drop kick. Legend pops back up and goes for his own, much sloppier, drop kick, but Van Dam bats him out of the way. Van Dam falls to a knee and goes for a headlock.
Remi: What an exchange there!
Clearwater: Van Dam taking a moment here to make Legend carry his weight.
Clemmens: Call it what it is man, it’s a rest hold. It’s like this. Van Dam has all of the energy of a small gerbil. If he can’t finish somebody in like a move and a half - three moves max, he’s a dead man. Right now he’s thinking about how huge a mistake it was for him to return.
Remi: What do you think Legend’s thinking about right now?
Clemmens: About how Van Dam is a Blockhead.
Legend reaches up and rakes Van Dam’s face with his fingernails. Van Dam releases the headlock and Legend comes up, grabs both of Van Dam’s hands and stomps him right in the face repeatedly while still holding his hands. Legend is like a twelve year old girl and Van Dam is his goddamn pogo stick. Legend pulls Van Dam to his feet and Van Dam is basically out on his feet. Legend whips him to the ropes and Van Dam comes back right into a big clothesline from Legend. Van Dam does a theatrical flip in the air before eating shit hard, face first into the mat.
Remi: Dave Van Dam is in big trouble in there!
Clearwater: Johnny Legend has something to prove!
Clemmens: You know what guys, you’re both alright. I mean I think you’re both dorks, but seriously, for dorks, you’re alright. Is it just me or is Legend, like, smaller in person, than on posters?
Legend calls for the crowd, but it’s mostly boos. He goes after Van Dam again, but Van Dam surprises him with a desperation Dragon Suplex! Van Dam is quick back to his feet and follows up with an elbow drop onto the downed Legend. Van Dam settles into a head scissors. Blood spurts out of Legend’s head as he feels the pressure. Van Dam screams as he drives punches down into Legend’s forehead. Legend reaches for the nearby ropes, but he has to pull Van Dam with him.
Clemmens: Everything’s kind of swirly right now.
Remi: Van Dam could end it right here-Legend looks like he’s ready to pass out.
Clearwater: So what would you say to Nathan Gust right now, if he were here?
Clemmens: I’d call him a coward and punch him in the face. Then we’d have a beer or something? I feel like my chair is moving man. Let’s put on some music.
Clearwater: So it’s not really a war you want with Gust, just a punch and a beer?
Clemmens: I need payback for one he stole from me back when I was poor and working for SFT. Long story. Almost as long as Van Dam’s head scissors right now. It’s like it’s his fifteen minute smoke break right now and he refuses to miss out on it.
Legend muscles his way to his knees, then his feet and deadlifts Van Dam off the mat and powerbombs him into the turnbuckles. Legend falls over and leans to his right and pukes onto the ring apron. Legend rolls over to a seated position, chewing on something, before wiping his mouth. Van Dam rushes Legend, looking for a drop kick, but he slips on the vomit and gets caught in the ropes. Legend jumps up and runs to the far ropes and comes back with a shoulder tackle to Van Dam - forcing him out of the ring.
Remi: What the?
Clearwater: A true Showcase of Legends!
Clemmens: So was Legend puking there or just cutting a mid-match promo?
Legend slings himself over the top rope but misses Van Dam and crashes into the ground at his feet. Van Dam tries to ignore the horrible stench of Johnny Legend vomit - forcing himself to hold his own vomit in. Van Dam slings Legend back into the ring and follows him in. He goes for a cover... and the referee is hesitant to count because of the puke that is traveling into the ring now.
ONE!
Clearwater: That was too close!
Clemmens: Was it though?
Remi: You don't know shit about the ref's job, bro!
Dave gets to his knees and he wipes his hands on a clean spot on the mat. He gets to his feet and starts dragging Johnny up off of the mat, as Clemmens removes his headset and approaches the ring.
Clearwater: Where the Hell is he going?!
Remi: To the ring, bro! Duh-doy!
Clemmens climbs up on the apron and starts shouting at Van Dam, who pushes Legend aside. Van Dam shouts back and approaches Clemmens but slips in the puke again. Clemmens slaps his head and he gets into the ring, looking down and shouting at Van Dam. Legend then grabs Clemmens by the shoulder, only to get a kick straight to the dick from Clemmens. The referee immediately calls for the bell. Legend falls to the mat, holding onto his family jewels... or what's left of 'em. Clemmens laughs, only to be turned around by Van Dam. Clemmens goes for a kick to the dick but it is blocked by Van Dam, who scoops Clemmens up and delivers a death valley driver to him right onto the puke.
Clearwater: DVD BY DVD! HELL YEAH!
Remi: This whole thing is gross. THESE are the LEGENDS that are SHOWCASED?!
Clearwater: This is awesome!
Though defeated by disqualification, Dave Van Dam is the last man standing... and he flips off both Shane Clemmens and Johnny Legend as the show fades to something from Netflix probably.
When we return from our contractually obligated Netflix plug, the ring is covered with a red carpet.
Clearwater: Hold onto your butts. All of the APW champions are about to assemble for the groundbreaking announcement about our next supershow.
Remi: All of the APW champions, bro?
Clearwater: Uhh… yeah…
Remi: What about America Jackson? Nobody has seen him since World War Wrestling, bro.
Clearwater: Oh… right…
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… they are the APW Tag Team Champions… Sara Pettis and Derrick Vayden…
Marks: FUCK! THE! HANGMEN!
The lights go out. Fog fills the stage as a badass rock version of "Zombie" by The Cranberries starts up and the fans go bonkers.
It warps into "Save Me" by Skillet at the 0:50 mark as the lights strobe to the music.
Sara Pettis runs out onto the stage as Derrick Vayden takes his time following behind. The fans' fucking heads explode.
Remi: UGH!
They head down the ramp. Sara slaps as many hands as possible while Derrick gives a few knucks to the most badass fans along the way. Sara wastes no time and she slides into the ring. Derrick slides under the bottom rope and scans the arena before rising up to his knees in the center of the ring. He slowly pulls the hood down and quickly rips off the mask as the lights return to normal. He poses with his arms out wide while Sara does the same behind him. The music dies down and he stands up, turning to high five his energetic partner.
Clearwater: They had a hard fought ladder match last week to retain those titles.
Remi: And now we're stuck with 'em, bro.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next… she is the APW Hardcore Champion… ADELAIDE AINSWORTH!
The Arena is bathed in pink light as the opening bars of "Savage" by Jesswar start playing
Addy walks out to the stage in all her glory, she licks lips and plumps up her cleavage before completing a three hundred and sixty-degree spin, when she faces the ring she bends over and touches the floor with one hand and slaps herself twice on the ass with her other hand.
Remi: She is one baaaadd bitch, bro!
Addy stands up and smiles innocently and starts skipping to the ring. As the chorus kicks in, Adelaide licks her lips and picks an audience member, she grabs them by the hair and pulls their head all the way back before giving them a dirty sloppy kiss. She lets them go and slaps their face before continuing to skip along to the ring. She pulls herself onto the ring apron and does the splits to slides into the ring under the bottom rope.
Clearwater: I don't know how she's able to walk after that fall into the underworld last week. That was insane.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next… she is the APW Junior Heavyweight Champion… RENAISSANCE TAYLOR!
The throaty moan of an overly distorted guitar roars as ‘Royal Jelly’ by Deap Vally hits the speakers. The arena is dark as the music continues to play - ones the guitar and drums reach the height of their crescendo, spotlights hit the entrance as Renaissance Taylor steps out. She stands, momentarily, as the lead singer belts out the chorus:
The spotlight follows Renaissance as she makes her way down the ring ramp, ignoring the fans except for a few here and there, which she only affords a disdainful glance. As she makes it to the bottom of the ring ramp, she once again pauses.
Now the lights come up to find her making her way up the steps to the ring. She walks the ring apron towards the middle before gracefully entering the ring. She goes to the middle of the ring, still ignoring the fans and tilts her head back, absorbing the lights above her, before lowering a cold glare to no one in particular. As the music dies, she carefully avoids the other champions in the ring.
Remi: There should be a standing ovation for Ms. Taylor. She rid this company of that creepy sideshow freak.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next… he is the APW North American Champion… AMERICA JACKSON!
"Hot Girl Bummer" by Blackbear starts up and the fans turn their attention to the stage as… nothing… happens.
Remi: I knew he wasn't here. I hope he's okay.
The music dies down and Jessica nervously continues.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing last but not least… he is the APW World Champion… ANDREW BARNES!
"Demonheart" starts and Andrew Barnes walks out from the back in a white jacket, with "A Cut Above the Rest" on the back in gold lettering; he stops near the entrance and flashes a smile towards the crowd. Andrew makes his way down to the fans, high-fiving anyone with their hands out until he finally makes it to the ring. A very modest entrance as Andrew has no need to pose, he stands in the corner, making sure to show his championship prominently to the rest of the champions in the ring.
Remi: Okay... so... now what, bro?
With all available champions standing in the ring, the theme of Ned the Intern starts to play.
Ned the Intern cautiously walks out from backstage, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he looks out at the fans.
Remi: Look at that doofus, bro! He's got glasses! What a nerrrrrrrd!!!
Clearwater: Don't you wear glasses?
Remi: Naaahhh, bro! I wear contacts! Like a REAL man!!!
Ned makes his way down to the ring and he walks up the steps, then goes between the ropes and nearly trips into the ring. Derrick and Addy laugh at him while Sara looks on in awe, because he looks shockingly similar to her late husband. He turns on his headset and adjusts his microphone.
Ned the Intern: Testing. Testing. One.... two...
He taps the microphone.
Ned the Intern: Is this thing... uhh... on?
Ren nods her head and he gives her a thumbs up.
Ned the Intern: Thanks, Ms. Taylor. So... uhh... thanks for joining me here tonight. This is... uhh...
He shuffles some note cards in his hand, looking for the right one.
Ned the Intern: Sorry. I had these all in order but then... I kind of... dropped them... backstage...
He keeps shuffling until Barnes walks over and he slaps the note cards out of Ned's hands.
Andrew Barnes: You know why you called us all out here, man. Just get it over with.
Ned the Intern: Okay... right. So in just three weeks time... Alpha Pro Wrestling will be traveling to Flushing, New York for yet another huge, awesome, cool, fun supershow!
He pauses for applause but gets nothing from the champions.
Ned the Intern: All of you will be defending your championships in very... unique... circumstances. Ms. Taylor... your championship will be on the line against newcomer Elijah Dixon!
She shrugs her shoulders, not knowing who the fuck that is.
Ned the Intern: Ms. Ainsworth... your championship will be on the line against newcomer DEATHMACHINE!
Addy: Oh for fucks sake! That fuckin' guy?!
Ned the Intern: Mr. Vayden... Ms. Pettis... your championship will be on the line against... uhh... well... everyone.
They both look confused.
Ned the Intern: Everyone not already involved in the supershow will be thrown into a match where the partners will be determined by our friends at Random.org... and... uhh... that'll be... well... that.
Remi: That's fuckin' lame. Why aren't there any REAL tag teams here?
Clearwater: Because the only REAL tag team got chased off by some shitty recruiting tactics.
Remi: Ohhhh damn. Is this a shoot, bro?!
Clearwater: Yep...
Ned the Intern: Now would be the time where I reveal the opponent for America Jackson but... uhh... nobody has seen him since the conclusion of his match at World War Wrestling and---
Before he can finish, the lights go out in the arena.
Remi: Come on, bro! Again?!
The lights suddenly return and America Jackson is standing in the center of the ring, while the masked militants from the last few months surround the ring.
Clearwater: AMERICA IS HERE!
Remi: NO SHIT, BRO!
America is dressed similar to the militants and stares Ned the Intern directly in the eyes.
Ned the Intern: WOW! Mr. Jackson! You're here! I... uhh... well... at the next supershow... you will be defending your championship a-against... Daniel Christopher!
America smirks and then looks out to the masked men. He gives them the 'ok' sign with his hands and the lights suddenly go out again.
Remi: SERIOUSLY, BRO?!
When the lights return, America and the masked men are gone... as mysteriously as they arrived.
Ned the Intern: That was... something. So that's all we have for... oh wait! I'm so sorry, Mr. Barnes. I almost forgot about you. Your championship will be on the line in a very VERY special match that this supershow is actually named after. For the first time in APW history...
He points at the AlphaTron and a drum roll begins.
‘O Fortuna’ by André Rieu plays over the PA system and the arena goes dark. Once the arena goes dark, a single spotlight appears on the entrance ramp and out walks Zeke. The tron shows the words, He is risen with a cross behind them, then transitioning to Brother Zeke. Zeke slowly makes his way down the ring as the spotlight follows him.
Remi: This Brother Zeke is a true psychopath. No doubt about it.
Clearwater: But he’s had his fair share of success so far, so it must be working for him.
Halfway down the ramp, the lights suddenly flash on and the arena is light again showing Zeke's face as he smiles wickedly at the crowd. After he makes it to the end of the ramp, he walks over to the steel steps and then makes his way through the ropes and sits down in the corner as his music slowly fades.
Jessica Kaine: And his opponent, from San Diego California, Elliott Siscoe!
The arena dims down into darkness, upon the stage shines two blue spotlights. Over the speakers is heard the sound of heavy rainfall coinciding with a melodic piano playing. After a moment of the piano and rainfall playing, a female voice comes over. Soft, angelic, but a little freaky. She says…
“The fire never went out.
“He has been everywhere.
“Done everything.
“The itch needed to be scratched.
“Now your favorite knucklehead has returned.”
Remi: Elliott Siscoe is looking to get back to his winning ways, but he’s got an uphill battle ahead of him in Brother Zeke
Clearwater: Not a doubt about that in my mind. Brother Zeke is a tough mountain to climb, but Siscoe is as good as anybody on the roster when he wants to be.
With a thunderous explosion of fire upon the stage, “Under and Over It” by Five Finger Death Punch roars across the speakers. From under the stage explodes Elliott Siscoe simultaneously with the start of the music. He looks out over the crowd on all sides while smiling. He then walks down the ramp to the ring. At the bottom of the ramp, he goes into a sprint and slides into the ring under the bottom rope. More pyro explodes on the stage as Elliott bounces around to each corner hyping up the crowd. After the fourth corner, he turns and sits on the top turnbuckle as the arena lights return to normal. The music fading to silence, he and Brother Zeke have a good old fashioned staredown.
The two men circle for a moment after the bell rings and it’s Elliott who charges in first like a Rhino looking to put out a fire, he takes a wild swing at Zeke that catches only air. He turns and tries for another one which Zeke is easily able to duck. Zeke takes a bow for the crowd who return only boos. Zeke brushes the lack of adoration off, but turns around right into a wild clothesline from Siscoe. Zeke eats shit - head first into the mat. Siscoe mocks him with a bow of his own which receives much more of a positive response.
Remi: Siscoe wants to follow up here, giving Zeke time on his back only allows him to rest.
Clearwater: Looks like he’s taking your advice!
Siscoe pulls up Zeke and goes for strikes, but Zeke blocks and the two end up trading lefts and rights until both of them are on spaghetti legs. Siscoe rallies a strike to a ‘yea!’ from the crowd, Zeke rallies a strike to a ‘boo!’ from the crowd. It goes back and forth like this until Zeke finally takes control with an eye rake and follows it up with a snap suplex. Siscoe hits like a rubber chicken and bounces up into a seated position. Siscoe looks like he’s half in the bag before he slumps over onto the mat. Zeke is right back to his knees and floats over to full mount on Siscoe and lands some hammer fists.
Remi: Siscoe is in big trouble here!
Clearwater: Zeke is going to town!
Siscoe blocks an elbow from Zeke and is able to roll over, but Zeke takes his back. Siscoe manages to get his knees under him and lifting Zeke with him, gets to his feet. Siscoe charges backwards into the corner and slams Zeke hard, but Zeke doesn’t let go! Zeke locks in a rear naked choke and Siscoe can’t rally and falls to his knees. Zeke’s got a vein popping out of his head looking like it’s threatening to burst. It’s ugly.
Remi: Zeke has Siscoe dead to rights here!
Clearwater: Yeah but he might burn his arms out if he can’t get the finish here.
Siscoe rallies and explodes out of the choke, he spins around and drives elbows into Zeke’s face repeatedly. At first Zeke manages some defense, but after the third elbow, Zeke goes flat, allowing Siscoe to gain separation. Both men are on their backs.
Remi: No time for stargazing here guys!
Both men slowly rise and now they’re back in the middle of the ring exchanging lefts and rights. The fans go crazy as Zeke tries to land a superkick, but Siscoe counters it with a modified powerbomb and goes for the pin!
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
Siscoe pulls up Zeke, but on the way up, Zeke grabs the ref and pulls him into Siscoe and simultaneously lands a lowblow. Siscoe and the ref both go down and Zeke is allowed a moment to collect himself.
Remi: And even though the ref was barely touched, I’m sure he’ll be down for the rest of the match.
Clearwater: Refs are made out of paper mache.
Zeke plays it up for the fans, but they just boo. A 32oz soda flies into the ring and slams right into Zeke’s back, douching him with Mountain Dew. Zeke goes to the rope and points in the general direction of where the soda came from and yells.
Remi: Nice little distraction there from the fans to buy Siscoe some time.
Zeke pushes his Mountain Dew soaked hair back and turns around right into a spear from Siscoe! Both men go through the ropes and land onto the mat outside of the ring. It’s a goddamn mess of Mountain Dew and two broken assed wrestlers. The fans though, they’re loving it. There’s a chant of ‘holy shit’ going on, but it’s not quite catching on with the whole arena. Siscoe is the first one up and back into the ring.
Remi: There’s no count because there’s no ref. Just to keep those listening on old-timey radioes up to speed.
Siscoe grabs the soda off the mat and walks over to the ref and empties what’s left inside of it (roughly 3oz) onto the ref. The ref jerks and starts to stir as Zeke slides into the ring behind Siscoe. Siscoe turns around and he’s immediately tied up and thrown over by Zeke with a Northern Lights suplex. Zeke bridges, but there’s no one there to make a count because the ref is into Day-2 of coming out of his coma.
Clearwater: Zeke’s regretting taking out the ref right now!
Zeke gets off of Siscoe and pulls the ref to his feet and starts to tell the ref what he can do with himself. The ref looks like he might have forgotten some piano lessons and most of his happy childhood memories as Zeke points blindly behind him talking about a three count. Siscoe rises and comes up behind Zeke like a phantom and plants Zeke with the ‘Knucklehead’ lifting inverted DDT. Siscoe goes for the pin and it takes the ref a moment to fall back to the mat and beat out the count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Remi: DID HE KICK OUT!
Clearwater: Barely after the count... but it looks like the count stands!
The referee calls for the bell.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match... ELLIOTT SISCOE!!!!
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
::::: HARDCORE MATCH :::::
Jamo VS DEATHMACHINE
::::: HARDCORE MATCH :::::
Jamo VS DEATHMACHINE
You're taking a chance, risking it all
For the thrill of the party
Taking a stand, but you're gonna fall
You've always known it
They're dying to shake you,
They're going to break you
And though the going is rough, you're not strong enough to take it
DEATHMACHINE stops midway down the ramp to bust a move. The fans are going crazy, especially the hot babes who just can't get enough of his moves. He busts out some pelvic thrusts that are like automatic machine gun fire, knocking people OUT.
Finally he continues walking to the ring. He climbs up the ring steps and enters the ring and here's some more lyrics:
'Cause there's thunder in your heart
Every move is like a lightning
But the shadows in the dark, and you're to weak to break it
There's a fire gonna start
And you know they're going under
You can light the dark when they hear your heart of thunder.
Finally DEATHMACHINE is in the ring and while the fans are either crying, cheering, or getting motion sickness, he slaps his chest getting ready to bring doom to all those who dare cross him. This. Is. DEATHMACHINE.
DEATHMACHINE and JAMO grapple each other in the middle of the ring. He knocks Jamo down with a bodyslam and picks him up only to drive him back down again with a sidewalk slam. DEATHMACHINE then goes for a cover on his opponent, but JAMO knicks out before the referee can slap the mat. Jamo kicks DEATHMACHINE in the gut and hits him with a belly to belly suplex. Jamo then picks Death by the neck and whips into one of the turnbuckles. He then rolls outside of the ring and looks under the ring for a weapon. Jamo randomly throws weapons such as a ladder, steel chair, table from underneath the ring and onto the floor. While he is doing that, DEATHMACHINE gets the cob webs off and sneaks outside of the ring. Jamo then grabs the steel chair and is about to throw it in the ring, when DEATHMACHINE eye rakes him in the eyes. He screams as his opponent then clotheslines him to the floor. Jamo falls down on the floor as DEATHMACHINE grabs the nearby chair and puts it between one of his opponent’s legs. He stomps on it as Jamo screams in pain and starts holding his leg with one of his hands. DEATHMACHINE tries to go for another hairshot , but Jamo low blows him and falls down, putting his hands over his lower region as the steel chair drops on the floor. His opponent then knocks him down with a Superman Punch and picks him up again. Jamo turns DEATHMACHINE around, facing his back and knocks him down with a German Suplex. He covers his opponent as the referee starts the count.
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
DEATHMACHINE kicks out as Jamo screams at the referee and tells him that it was a three count. As this is going on, his opponent pulls out brass knuckles from underneath his ring gear and puts it on. Jamo turns around and gets knocked silly by the impact of DEATH MACHINEs brass knuckles. He falls down and his opponent then grabs the nearby ring bell. DEATHMACHINE then carries it to where Jamo is and drops it on to the floor. He then grabs one of the nearby tables and picks it up. DEATHMACHINE sets it up near one of the barricades as Jamo slowly gets up from the floor. As DEATHMACHINE turns around, He sidesteps a spear from Jamo and turns him around to hit him with another Sidewalk Slam onto the ringbell, causing his opponent’s back to land hard on the bell’s rough surface. DEATHMACHINE then picks his opponent up and throws some knife edge chop to the chest, before hitting the Giant Push. It causes Jamo to fall backwards and into the table, while also breaking it at the same time. He then motions one of the referees to come over and starts covering his opponent.ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Jessica Kaine: Here is your winner... DEATHMACHINE!- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
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Phoenix LeStrange VS Jason Ryan
Phoenix LeStrange VS Jason Ryan
The match between Phoenix LeStrange and Jason Ryan was supershow quality. It may be something you'll see again in the near future. The two of them proved why they belong at the upper echelon of Alpha Pro Wrestling... and yet... there could be only one winner. After a grueling battle, the referee got himself caught in the middle of a scuffle and he went down hard. This gave someone the opportunity to interfere.
That someone was Brother Zeke. He recently targeted Lilianna Rose with horrible imagery, and this time his target was Phoenix LeStrange. As he appeared on the AlphaTron laughing, a horde of Phoenix LeStrange lookalikes trotted out onto the stage. When he snapped his fingers, they all fell down. As Phoenix was distracted by this, Jason Ryan snuck up from behind with an O'Connor roll... that was countered with one of her own by Phoenix. The referee came to just in time to count the three.
Brother Zeke vanished from the AlphaTron and Phoenix was just barely victorious in this contest. The match was more exciting to see in person... but... you know... computer problems.
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THE RETURN
THE RETURN
Jason Ryan stands in the middle of the ring after his match with Phoenix LeStrange. He looks out to the crowd when suddenly the lights go out leaving the arena in pitch darkness.
Remi: What the!?! Did someone forget to pay the electric bill again?
The lights turn a blood red and "Judas" by Fozzy begins to play.
The music continues for almost a minute with no change as everyone including Jason Ryan look completely confused.
The screen on the AlphaTron flicks to life and begins displaying e bright red message.
The final nail in my coffin has rusted through.
A legend is not retired, only forgotten.
You will remember...
That when you speak of the Devil...
The Devil shall appear.
Smoke and white lights bring the attention to the center of the stage where a man in all black begins to emerge..
Clearwater: That's Damon Warrens! Jason Ryan looks like he's seen a ghost!
Remi: Warrens was retired by Jason months ago! Why the hell is he here now?
Clearwater: I imagine he has some unfinished business with Jason Ryan who is clearly not thrilled that APW's longest reigning World Champion has made his presence known.
Jason Ryan seems to be preparing for a fight as he has his fists up, but Damon Warrens just stands stoically before the lights go out once more. When they return Damon is nowhere to be seen.
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- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
::::: U.S. OPEN CHALLENGE :::::
John Blade VS Flop
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… from Boston, Massachusetts… weighing in at two hundred and fifty one pounds… The Doctor of Thuganomicks… JOOOOOOOOOHHHNNNNN BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!~!
Clearwater: BIG MATCH JOHN IS HERE!
Remi: Ugh…
He bounces off the ropes side to side and he holds up his “Hustle, Loyalty, and Respect” shirt. He takes off his hat and tosses his shirt to the fans and hands his chain to the ref.
Clearwater: I can't believe his opponent is Flop!
Jessica Kaine: And his opponent… from wherever you imagine your mom to be from... FLOP!
He proudly walks to the ring while the fans mercilessly boo him and throw trash at him.
Remi: HOW DARE THEY! FLOP IS A LIVING LEGEND!
He gets in the ring and immediately goes for Blade. The bell rings. Blade ducks a clothesline and he hits the ropes. Blade takes him down with a flying shoulderblock, then a sitout hip toss, then a side-release spinout powerbomb. The fans go wild as Blade hits the ropes and connects with a fist drop.
Clearwater: FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE!
Remi: Ugh…
Flop pops to his feet after the fist drop and he gets scooped up onto Blade's shoulders.
John|Blade: YOU CAN'T SEE ME!
He emphatically slams Flop on the mat and goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
The bell rings.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match… JOOOOOOOOOHHHNNNNN BLLLLAAAAAAAAAAADE!!!!!~!
Clearwater: HE'S DONE IT! JOHN BLADE HAS WON THE U.S. OPEN CHALLENGE!
Remi: Ugh…
His music plays and he celebrates with the people.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
::::: SHOWCASE OF LEGENDS :::::
Dave Van Dam VS Johnny Legend
Clearwater: Right you are, Remi. We’re once again joined on commentary by Shane Clemmens and I think everyone has the same question for him right now…
Clemmens: Like, why did I pay to watch this shit?
Clearwater: Well, not exactly.
Clemmens: Johnny Legend and Dave Van Dam in a ‘Showcase of Legends’ match. The only part they got right is the ‘showcase’ part - as in these two need to be in a goddamn museum.
The Lights throughout the entire Alpha Pro Wrestling auditorium dim simultaneously on out throughout the entire theater as it plunges into darkness as "X Gonna Give It To Ya" - by DMX begins to blare on out of the PA system, various screens throughout the theater come to life showing that of DAVE VAN DAM in the gorilla position. The auditorium camera focusing on his back and more so that of his name ("VAN DAM") which can be seen being stitched onto his custom jersey for the evening as a single pulsating light comes to life and shines down upon him.
As the pulsating light shines down upon Dave Van Dam, it can be seen lighting up the stitching on his back for all to see. As the stitching of his custom jersey he can be seen wearing for the evening is seen by the fans of Alpha Pro, he swings around to face the fans, a devilish Cheshire cat like grin can be seen on Van Dam’s face serving as the perfect statement.
Jessica Kaine: Ladies and gentlemen coming from Somewhere, he weighs in tonight at Something, he stands at some height... he is the one the only... DAVE VAN DAM!!!
As Van Dam's name is heard he slowly begins making his way on down the entrance aisle his ring attire can be seen consisting of a pair of custom made boxing shorts with his logo stitched at the bottom, echoing the color scheme of the jersey he can be seen wearing for the evening, along with that Van Dam can also be seen sporting a fitted or snap-back flat billed ball cap with the same logo embroidered on the front, a compression sleeve on his left arm, and a matching pair of basketball shoes matching the motif of his attire.
He can be seen slowly getting closer to the ring as he’s swarmed with various cheers chants, slowly he walks around to the black steel steps as he, methodically, walks on up them as the cheers and chants continue to be heard, as he slowly slithers on up the side of the nearest ring post like a snake as he does he throws out his arm, which hopefully isn’t an injury, as he continues to soak in the love he's receiving from the nearby fans and those around the arena showing their support for him as he awaits his opponent.
Clemmens: They’re both dildos, really. They had some success, but they’re mostly remembered for their names and their contributions that companies that no longer exist and one that can’t seem to die. The both have something in common with Nathan Gust though.
Remi: What’s that?
Clemmens: They’re alive.
The lights dim down to black with Destiny by Stratovarius(a shorter starting) starts to play over the speakers. With only a few seconds passing with the intro, the song stops for a moment and an unknown, deep male voice calls out, "The Last Legend" while it also appears on the screen in writing. The music comes back forty seconds into the song as it starts to pick up.
Jessica Kaine: Hailing from Detroit, Michigan. Weighing in at 225 pounds...Johnny Legend!!!
Johnny Legend appears from behind the curtain in his sleek black robe with "The Last Legend" on the back. The stitching on the back lettering is starting to come loose and some holes in the robe, he raises his arms in the air to a mixed crowd reaction. Sporting a smirk as he struts his way down the ramp, Johnny Legend keeps his distance from the fans as he hopes they don't put any more rips into his cheap robe. He climbs through the ropes and into the ring while his music slowly dies down.
Clemmens: Actually, after getting a good look at Johnny Legend in person, I might rescind the ‘he’s alive’ comment.
Remi: Well, then maybe this will be man versus zombie.
Clemmens: You’d be surprised how many zombies are running around here.
The ref checks both Legends in preparation for the showcase. Van Dam and Legend share a momentary staredown before the bell rings. Van Dam steps towards Legend and Legend gives him a step before slamming his head right into the bridge of Van Dam’s nose. Van Dam stumbles backwards as Legend shows his teeth, but responds by driving an elbow right into Legend’s face. Legend stumbles backwards, but both men then charge each other and do that ‘both grab each other’s heads and pound the living shit out of each other’.
Remi: We’re off to a good start here!
Clemmens: Both of these guys have something to prove and I think it should go back to the previous decade where it belongs.
Clearwater: Why are you so sour?
Clemmens: If it’s not clear to you yet, then you have a thick skull, Clearwater.
Van Dam takes control, but it’s clear now that he’s got a bloody nose. He holds Legend in a headlock and drives left handed upper cuts into Legend’s mush repeatedly. As he strikes Legend, it’s clear that Legend is also opened up - Van Dam’s fist is crimson red.
Remi: Both men are bloodied and this match is just beginning!
Clearwater: A true Showcase of Legends!
Clemmens: Slowcase. Look at these guys. They were done years ago. One of these guys lost to DEATHMACHINE for fuck’s sakes.
The two men exchange a few more strikes before they’re forced to go old school with a Greco-Roman knuckle lock. The fans swoon at the nostalgia in the ring as they go chest to chest, both men’s sweaty hot dog skin is tacky and sticks together as they both scream and groan. Finally Legend takes control of the hold and inverts Van Dam’s wrists and makes him scream out in pain. Legend breaks the hold and drives an elbow into Van Dam’s jaw. The impact sends Van Dam into the corner. Legend follows him into the corner with another elbow. Van Dam wilts out of the corner and Legend follows up with a knee drop to the back of Van Dam’s head.
Remi: What a succession of moves there!
Clearwater: A true Showcase of Legends!
Clemmens: I think Clearwater might be having a stroke.
Legend looks out of the ring at Clemmens and puts a thumb against one nostril and blows a booger vaguely near the announce desk. Legend says something unintelligible over the roar of the crowd.
Clemmens: Yeah, fuck you too buddy.
Remi: Now Legend is returning to Van Dam, what does he have planned?
Legend returns to the downed Van Dam and drives some serious boots into Van Dam’s legs, like he’s stomping on bugs. He falls to one knee and starts punching a defenseless Van Dam right in the mush. Blood pipes out of Van Dam’s nose as Legend works him over. Van Dam tries to brush Legend away but it’s soft-gloves as Van Dam is just about completely out of it. For all he knows, Legend is something in a dream or maybe his wife, if he has one, in the waking world, trying to wake him up.
Remi: Van Dam is on dream-street in the ring, right now.
Clearwater: All Legend has to do here is finish him!
Clemmens: What if we’re all bullshit and exist only in someone’s imagination?
Remi: What? Are you ok?
Clemmens: Eh, I had a couple blotters of acid in my pants pockets, forgot about them, and absorbed them into my leg. Think they’re kicking in.
Clearwater: Wow.
Clemmens: It’s all good man.
Legend pulls Van Dam to his feet, ready for something big, but Van Dam surprises him with a small package!
ONE!
TWO!
KICKOUT!
Clemmens: Like anyone should be surprised by Dave Van Dam’s small package.
Legend rolls to his feet and goes for a follow up stomp, but Van Dam catches his foot and pushes him onto his ass. Legend hits hard and is noticeably angry. Van Dam and Legend scramble to their feet and Van Dam hits Legend right on the numbers with a stiff drop kick. Legend pops back up and goes for his own, much sloppier, drop kick, but Van Dam bats him out of the way. Van Dam falls to a knee and goes for a headlock.
Remi: What an exchange there!
Clearwater: Van Dam taking a moment here to make Legend carry his weight.
Clemmens: Call it what it is man, it’s a rest hold. It’s like this. Van Dam has all of the energy of a small gerbil. If he can’t finish somebody in like a move and a half - three moves max, he’s a dead man. Right now he’s thinking about how huge a mistake it was for him to return.
Remi: What do you think Legend’s thinking about right now?
Clemmens: About how Van Dam is a Blockhead.
Legend reaches up and rakes Van Dam’s face with his fingernails. Van Dam releases the headlock and Legend comes up, grabs both of Van Dam’s hands and stomps him right in the face repeatedly while still holding his hands. Legend is like a twelve year old girl and Van Dam is his goddamn pogo stick. Legend pulls Van Dam to his feet and Van Dam is basically out on his feet. Legend whips him to the ropes and Van Dam comes back right into a big clothesline from Legend. Van Dam does a theatrical flip in the air before eating shit hard, face first into the mat.
Remi: Dave Van Dam is in big trouble in there!
Clearwater: Johnny Legend has something to prove!
Clemmens: You know what guys, you’re both alright. I mean I think you’re both dorks, but seriously, for dorks, you’re alright. Is it just me or is Legend, like, smaller in person, than on posters?
Legend calls for the crowd, but it’s mostly boos. He goes after Van Dam again, but Van Dam surprises him with a desperation Dragon Suplex! Van Dam is quick back to his feet and follows up with an elbow drop onto the downed Legend. Van Dam settles into a head scissors. Blood spurts out of Legend’s head as he feels the pressure. Van Dam screams as he drives punches down into Legend’s forehead. Legend reaches for the nearby ropes, but he has to pull Van Dam with him.
Clemmens: Everything’s kind of swirly right now.
Remi: Van Dam could end it right here-Legend looks like he’s ready to pass out.
Clearwater: So what would you say to Nathan Gust right now, if he were here?
Clemmens: I’d call him a coward and punch him in the face. Then we’d have a beer or something? I feel like my chair is moving man. Let’s put on some music.
Clearwater: So it’s not really a war you want with Gust, just a punch and a beer?
Clemmens: I need payback for one he stole from me back when I was poor and working for SFT. Long story. Almost as long as Van Dam’s head scissors right now. It’s like it’s his fifteen minute smoke break right now and he refuses to miss out on it.
Legend muscles his way to his knees, then his feet and deadlifts Van Dam off the mat and powerbombs him into the turnbuckles. Legend falls over and leans to his right and pukes onto the ring apron. Legend rolls over to a seated position, chewing on something, before wiping his mouth. Van Dam rushes Legend, looking for a drop kick, but he slips on the vomit and gets caught in the ropes. Legend jumps up and runs to the far ropes and comes back with a shoulder tackle to Van Dam - forcing him out of the ring.
Remi: What the?
Clearwater: A true Showcase of Legends!
Clemmens: So was Legend puking there or just cutting a mid-match promo?
Legend slings himself over the top rope but misses Van Dam and crashes into the ground at his feet. Van Dam tries to ignore the horrible stench of Johnny Legend vomit - forcing himself to hold his own vomit in. Van Dam slings Legend back into the ring and follows him in. He goes for a cover... and the referee is hesitant to count because of the puke that is traveling into the ring now.
ONE!
TWO!
THR-NOOOO!!!!
Clearwater: That was too close!
Clemmens: Was it though?
Remi: You don't know shit about the ref's job, bro!
Dave gets to his knees and he wipes his hands on a clean spot on the mat. He gets to his feet and starts dragging Johnny up off of the mat, as Clemmens removes his headset and approaches the ring.
Clearwater: Where the Hell is he going?!
Remi: To the ring, bro! Duh-doy!
Clemmens climbs up on the apron and starts shouting at Van Dam, who pushes Legend aside. Van Dam shouts back and approaches Clemmens but slips in the puke again. Clemmens slaps his head and he gets into the ring, looking down and shouting at Van Dam. Legend then grabs Clemmens by the shoulder, only to get a kick straight to the dick from Clemmens. The referee immediately calls for the bell. Legend falls to the mat, holding onto his family jewels... or what's left of 'em. Clemmens laughs, only to be turned around by Van Dam. Clemmens goes for a kick to the dick but it is blocked by Van Dam, who scoops Clemmens up and delivers a death valley driver to him right onto the puke.
Clearwater: DVD BY DVD! HELL YEAH!
Remi: This whole thing is gross. THESE are the LEGENDS that are SHOWCASED?!
Clearwater: This is awesome!
Though defeated by disqualification, Dave Van Dam is the last man standing... and he flips off both Shane Clemmens and Johnny Legend as the show fades to something from Netflix probably.
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CHAMPIONS! ASSEMBLE!
CHAMPIONS! ASSEMBLE!
Clearwater: Hold onto your butts. All of the APW champions are about to assemble for the groundbreaking announcement about our next supershow.
Remi: All of the APW champions, bro?
Clearwater: Uhh… yeah…
Remi: What about America Jackson? Nobody has seen him since World War Wrestling, bro.
Clearwater: Oh… right…
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… they are the APW Tag Team Champions… Sara Pettis and Derrick Vayden…
Marks: FUCK! THE! HANGMEN!
The lights go out. Fog fills the stage as a badass rock version of "Zombie" by The Cranberries starts up and the fans go bonkers.
♬ Another head hangs lowly
Child is slowly taken
And the violence caused such silence
Who are we mistaken? ♬
It warps into "Save Me" by Skillet at the 0:50 mark as the lights strobe to the music.
♬ HELP ME TONIGHT! ♬
Remi: UGH!
They head down the ramp. Sara slaps as many hands as possible while Derrick gives a few knucks to the most badass fans along the way. Sara wastes no time and she slides into the ring. Derrick slides under the bottom rope and scans the arena before rising up to his knees in the center of the ring. He slowly pulls the hood down and quickly rips off the mask as the lights return to normal. He poses with his arms out wide while Sara does the same behind him. The music dies down and he stands up, turning to high five his energetic partner.
Clearwater: They had a hard fought ladder match last week to retain those titles.
Remi: And now we're stuck with 'em, bro.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next… she is the APW Hardcore Champion… ADELAIDE AINSWORTH!
The Arena is bathed in pink light as the opening bars of "Savage" by Jesswar start playing
I'm a savage, I'm a cunt
Now all the bad bitches please move to the front
I want that ass bare, baby plump
Now all the bad bitches please move to the front
Addy walks out to the stage in all her glory, she licks lips and plumps up her cleavage before completing a three hundred and sixty-degree spin, when she faces the ring she bends over and touches the floor with one hand and slaps herself twice on the ass with her other hand.
Remi: She is one baaaadd bitch, bro!
Addy stands up and smiles innocently and starts skipping to the ring. As the chorus kicks in, Adelaide licks her lips and picks an audience member, she grabs them by the hair and pulls their head all the way back before giving them a dirty sloppy kiss. She lets them go and slaps their face before continuing to skip along to the ring. She pulls herself onto the ring apron and does the splits to slides into the ring under the bottom rope.
Clearwater: I don't know how she's able to walk after that fall into the underworld last week. That was insane.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next… she is the APW Junior Heavyweight Champion… RENAISSANCE TAYLOR!
The throaty moan of an overly distorted guitar roars as ‘Royal Jelly’ by Deap Vally hits the speakers. The arena is dark as the music continues to play - ones the guitar and drums reach the height of their crescendo, spotlights hit the entrance as Renaissance Taylor steps out. She stands, momentarily, as the lead singer belts out the chorus:
If you wanna be Queen Bee
Then you better make honey
If you wanna be Miss Thing
Then you better start hustling
The spotlight follows Renaissance as she makes her way down the ring ramp, ignoring the fans except for a few here and there, which she only affords a disdainful glance. As she makes it to the bottom of the ring ramp, she once again pauses.
Honey, so sweet, so sweet
Honey, so sweet, so sweet
Now the lights come up to find her making her way up the steps to the ring. She walks the ring apron towards the middle before gracefully entering the ring. She goes to the middle of the ring, still ignoring the fans and tilts her head back, absorbing the lights above her, before lowering a cold glare to no one in particular. As the music dies, she carefully avoids the other champions in the ring.
Remi: There should be a standing ovation for Ms. Taylor. She rid this company of that creepy sideshow freak.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next… he is the APW North American Champion… AMERICA JACKSON!
"Hot Girl Bummer" by Blackbear starts up and the fans turn their attention to the stage as… nothing… happens.
Remi: I knew he wasn't here. I hope he's okay.
The music dies down and Jessica nervously continues.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing last but not least… he is the APW World Champion… ANDREW BARNES!
"Demonheart" starts and Andrew Barnes walks out from the back in a white jacket, with "A Cut Above the Rest" on the back in gold lettering; he stops near the entrance and flashes a smile towards the crowd. Andrew makes his way down to the fans, high-fiving anyone with their hands out until he finally makes it to the ring. A very modest entrance as Andrew has no need to pose, he stands in the corner, making sure to show his championship prominently to the rest of the champions in the ring.
Remi: Okay... so... now what, bro?
With all available champions standing in the ring, the theme of Ned the Intern starts to play.
♬ Ned, he works the camera!
Ned, he knows what all those buttons do!
Ned, he'll clear the paper jam!
Ned, and he'll pick up the laundry, too! ♬
Ned the Intern cautiously walks out from backstage, pushing his glasses back up his nose as he looks out at the fans.
♬ He knows how to format, spellcheck, text, edit!
He's working the job just for college credit!
He's Ned the Intern! ♬
Remi: Look at that doofus, bro! He's got glasses! What a nerrrrrrrd!!!
Clearwater: Don't you wear glasses?
Remi: Naaahhh, bro! I wear contacts! Like a REAL man!!!
Ned makes his way down to the ring and he walks up the steps, then goes between the ropes and nearly trips into the ring. Derrick and Addy laugh at him while Sara looks on in awe, because he looks shockingly similar to her late husband. He turns on his headset and adjusts his microphone.
Ned the Intern: Testing. Testing. One.... two...
He taps the microphone.
Ned the Intern: Is this thing... uhh... on?
Ren nods her head and he gives her a thumbs up.
Ned the Intern: Thanks, Ms. Taylor. So... uhh... thanks for joining me here tonight. This is... uhh...
He shuffles some note cards in his hand, looking for the right one.
Ned the Intern: Sorry. I had these all in order but then... I kind of... dropped them... backstage...
He keeps shuffling until Barnes walks over and he slaps the note cards out of Ned's hands.
Andrew Barnes: You know why you called us all out here, man. Just get it over with.
Ned the Intern: Okay... right. So in just three weeks time... Alpha Pro Wrestling will be traveling to Flushing, New York for yet another huge, awesome, cool, fun supershow!
He pauses for applause but gets nothing from the champions.
Ned the Intern: All of you will be defending your championships in very... unique... circumstances. Ms. Taylor... your championship will be on the line against newcomer Elijah Dixon!
She shrugs her shoulders, not knowing who the fuck that is.
Ned the Intern: Ms. Ainsworth... your championship will be on the line against newcomer DEATHMACHINE!
Addy: Oh for fucks sake! That fuckin' guy?!
Ned the Intern: Mr. Vayden... Ms. Pettis... your championship will be on the line against... uhh... well... everyone.
They both look confused.
Ned the Intern: Everyone not already involved in the supershow will be thrown into a match where the partners will be determined by our friends at Random.org... and... uhh... that'll be... well... that.
Remi: That's fuckin' lame. Why aren't there any REAL tag teams here?
Clearwater: Because the only REAL tag team got chased off by some shitty recruiting tactics.
Remi: Ohhhh damn. Is this a shoot, bro?!
Clearwater: Yep...
Ned the Intern: Now would be the time where I reveal the opponent for America Jackson but... uhh... nobody has seen him since the conclusion of his match at World War Wrestling and---
Before he can finish, the lights go out in the arena.
Remi: Come on, bro! Again?!
The lights suddenly return and America Jackson is standing in the center of the ring, while the masked militants from the last few months surround the ring.
Clearwater: AMERICA IS HERE!
Remi: NO SHIT, BRO!
America is dressed similar to the militants and stares Ned the Intern directly in the eyes.
Ned the Intern: WOW! Mr. Jackson! You're here! I... uhh... well... at the next supershow... you will be defending your championship a-against... Daniel Christopher!
America smirks and then looks out to the masked men. He gives them the 'ok' sign with his hands and the lights suddenly go out again.
Remi: SERIOUSLY, BRO?!
When the lights return, America and the masked men are gone... as mysteriously as they arrived.
Ned the Intern: That was... something. So that's all we have for... oh wait! I'm so sorry, Mr. Barnes. I almost forgot about you. Your championship will be on the line in a very VERY special match that this supershow is actually named after. For the first time in APW history...
He points at the AlphaTron and a drum roll begins.
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Remi: WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK, BRO?!
Clearwater: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
Barnes looks at the logo in awe and he nods his head. He then turns back to Ned and walks up to him.
Andrew Barnes: I don't care what you call it... or who it's against. I'm walking out a cut above the rest.
Ned the Intern: You will be defending against multiple opponents, Mr. Barnes. Including John|Blade... Elliott Siscoe... and the 2020 iCUP Tournament Winner Max Ironside!
The fans pop for those three names. Barnes nods his head.
Andrew Barnes: You line 'em up, I'll knock 'em down. The same goes for any of you so-called champions.
He looks around at Derrick, Sara, Addy and Ren.
Andrew Barnes: If any of you want to step up to the plate... I'll knock your ass right outta the park.
He drops his microphone and exits the ring, proudly carrying the World Championship over his shoulder.
Ned the Intern: Well... uhh... thanks to all of you for coming out here. This is normally where we have some kind of exciting ending to the show---
The show fades to black.
Clearwater: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
Barnes looks at the logo in awe and he nods his head. He then turns back to Ned and walks up to him.
Andrew Barnes: I don't care what you call it... or who it's against. I'm walking out a cut above the rest.
Ned the Intern: You will be defending against multiple opponents, Mr. Barnes. Including John|Blade... Elliott Siscoe... and the 2020 iCUP Tournament Winner Max Ironside!
The fans pop for those three names. Barnes nods his head.
Andrew Barnes: You line 'em up, I'll knock 'em down. The same goes for any of you so-called champions.
He looks around at Derrick, Sara, Addy and Ren.
Andrew Barnes: If any of you want to step up to the plate... I'll knock your ass right outta the park.
He drops his microphone and exits the ring, proudly carrying the World Championship over his shoulder.
Ned the Intern: Well... uhh... thanks to all of you for coming out here. This is normally where we have some kind of exciting ending to the show---
The show fades to black.
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©XXXX Alpha Media Productions
