Post by ππππππππππππ on Oct 3, 2020 14:44:36 GMT -5
| World War Wrestling worked out great for DEATHMACHINE all up until the moment when he was attacked by a guy who couldnβt form a coherent sentence. Furthermore, the guy had all of the originality of a Shasta Soda Pop. That and the vocabulary of someone mostly drunk and half way into a full blown stroke. Incoherent or not, NOBODY fingers DEATHMACHINE! This Jamo guy better be prepared to have his head βJamoβedβ up his butt. Itβs coming. I mean, seriously, what a total dickbag. Or to put it in a way Jamo will understand, βWhat a dickbag Jamo doesnβt not think he could not be, pee in my mouth.β FADE into the bathroom where DEATHMACHINE is on the can, taking a dump. His tights are down around his ankles and heβs feeling a bit claustrophobic being so gigantic within a tiny bathroom stall. DEATHMACHINE I always tell myself that Iβm not going to eat Indian Food. I tell myself that Iβm going to clean up my act and stay away from it, and this always happens. ALWAYS. Itβs because I got fingered the other night. I get fingered and then I need comfort food and nothing says comfort like Veggie Korma and Butter Chicken. Oh yeah and then Goat Jamo. I love some good Goat Jamo with potatoes, but then it makes me think of the guy with the finger guns who fingered me! Then it gives me the shits. Thatβs right! Jamo gives DEATHMACHINE the shits and heβs not afraid to...oh god.DEATHMACHINE braces both hands against the sides of the stall and lets a shot of explosive diarrhea unleash. It sounds like a gallon of milk full of chewy tapioca balls getting hit by a Mack truck. DEATHMACHINE And just like that, I feel the FURY pouring out of me! Jamo, you are so incredibly dumb! Like, even extra dumb, especially if a guy like me can tell. I willingly ate something that gives me the blastumous shits, just to prove a POINT. You fingered the wrong man and then you could barely speak the language!Again, he unleashes another round, but it finishes sounding more like a bottle rock misfiring. He breathes out. DEATHMACHINE Thatβs one of my big big problems with this guy who fingered me. Jamo. Must be some kind of foriegn guy name, am I right? Heβs one of these guys coming here to steal our jobs! Now heβs stealing our wrestling matches. On top of that he canβt speak English. English is the official language of FREEDOM. Understand me? Anybody who speaks a different language hates freedom and my whole life is made of FREEDOM. Like, the freedom to eat food that triggers my IBS, for example. Get it? Now this Jamo guy, who might be a terrorist, wants to come out and teach kids that guns are cool, that fingering people is cool, and most of all, that talking like a dumbbell is cool! DEATHMACHINE is having none of it! Iβm about to...DEATHY bites his lip as he damn near blows a hole through the bottom of the toilet. DEATHMACHINE Oh god please protect me sweet baby Jesus. I have eaten the food of the Hindi and I have grown proud. My mouth, my stomach, my butt has been punished by pride of life, pride of flesh, pride of taking a dump. Forgive me lord and forgive me for what Iβm about to do to this JAMO guy!DEATHY wipes his brow with one ply public bathroom make-your-ass-bleed toilet paper - even though it seems pointless as he is wearing his mask. DEATHMACHINE I should send his monkey ass to English class. I mean seriously, he made me somehow dumber. But I guess this is what itβs come to, even I, one of the greatest Americans in the world, DEATHMACHINE can get fingered by someone who probably entered this country illegally. We need a wall and I need some Pepto.CUT to aptly placed Pepto Bismol commercial. |
