Post by ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ on Sept 23, 2020 13:16:31 GMT -5
| Hell yeah, last week went GREAT. Donโt tell DEATHMACHINE any different. We/He canโt even remember who he faced. Probably some loser who deserved the DEATH handed to him. Now ole DEATHY faces Apokalypse (spelled with a K, goddamnit) Johnny Legend, and a goddamn Octopus. This is fucking Amazing. Fade into Sea World. Actually, letโs not do the Sea World thing. Thatโs a lot of work to set up. It was going to be this big โBlackfishโ reference. You know - highlight cruelty to animals, compare DEATHY to an Orca because heโs fat, and then of course heโs facing an Octopus. But then weโd have to fit Apokalypse and Johnny Legend in there... Yeah, cancel that. Too much work. Fade into Subway where DEATHMACHINE is doing curls with a delicious foot long all the meat and cheese 'constipator' sub. He asked them specifically not to cut it in half. At the end of each curl, he takes a bite out of it. The mouth hole of his mask is drenched in Southwest Chipotle sauce. DEATHMACHINE Iโve been thinking about how awesome I am at life. I mean, look at me - I can eat Subway sandwiches whenever I want. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner. I have that kind of money. Granted, I get the shits regularly, because some of this meat isnโt really meat, but still. You're looking at luxury. I think thatโs something Apokalypse and Johnny AMยน should take a good close look at for a minute. They probably canโt afford three squares of Subway a day. Maybe one or two but definitely not three. And Octopus, well OctoPieยฒ as theyโre called in plural, donโt eat Subway sandwiches. I mean how stupid would that be. Subs are like a natural enemy to the OctoPie with their torpedoes and stuff. BTW, several hot babes are watching DEATHMACHINE as he does his workout and talks to himself. They clearly want some of his โFootlong meatยณโ. DEATHMACHINE Apokalypse is going to die at my hands because his name sucks and Iโm going to lay a kicking on his fucking face the likes of which heโs never seen. Then Iโm going to travel back through time and Iโm going to punch his mama right in her mouth for having given him the name he has. His name is like a late 90โs Hotmail account. Or like add like oOApokalypseOo or xXxApokalypsexXx and itโd be an AOL IM name. Legal name changes cost a lot. What kind of monster is this guyโs mother? Itโs nature vs nurture and she nurtured him to hate everything. Especially signing his name. DEATHY pauses to look at one of the hot babes flashing her big fat boobs at him. He nods with approval before returning to talking to himself. DEATHMACHINE Speaking of big fat boobs, Johnny AMยน is also in this match. The Blockhead guy. How I yearn to steal that line for myself. Hey BlockHEAD! You stupid BLOCKHEAD! Charlie Brown is a BLOCKHEAD. Ok so thatโs where that came from. Johnny AMยน is that little girl from Peanuts, but Iโll tell you this much, when ole DEATHY goes to kick that football, heโs gonna aim for her head and not the ball, kick that dumb bitchโs head straight off her shoulders. Score three points and put this bitch into overtime. Yeah! Where was I? I think I was about to talk about how Johnny AMยน isnโt half the man I am and should probably jump into traffic cuz thatโs like way less than what heโs going to get from me when I find him and eat his fucking face like this sub I'm destroying presently. DEATHY stops short of his thought, simply because he's only got so many words left and has to fit Octopus into this rant... Too late. ยนHe knows that his opponent is Johnny Legend, but just had that other guy's name stuck in his head ยฒOctopi isn't plural for Octopus, but OctoPie sounds delicious ยณSurprisingly, he has a wicked huge schlong |
