Post by Renaissance on Sept 20, 2020 21:13:51 GMT -5
| Father of the Year What an incredible transition. Last week I found myself facing a group of people who all had one thing in common - they were all offspring looking to prove themselves to their parents. Now, rather deliciously, I face the opposite. The Daddy. The Husband. The Wrestler. The father who desperately wants to prove to his son that he’s the be-all-end-all. Lovely. What a sincere luxury I have - the juxtaposition has me so worked up. When I complained about the APW’s booker previously, I take it all back. For the time being, at any rate. The booker has proven to be quite profound. Whether or not this is a coincidence? Time will tell. Now for the fun stuff: Those who grew up with strong father figures often take it for granted. When they grow up, they sometimes aren’t ‘all in’ on the concept of being a father. The full scope of the importance of a strong male role model is lost on them, because they never had to experience life without one. As a result, sometimes those who had good father figures turn out to be the worst fathers. But on the flip, those without strong father figures or male role models end up making it their mission to be that for their sons. But how does a man who grew up without a strong male role model know how to be one? I say: Who cares. It has to be exhausting to be a father. To contribute a thimble of semen while doing the thing you love doing the most. Then the father-to-be gets to sit on the sideline to wait. It’s a dirty business, this ‘being a father’ thing. Isn’t it? It’s nothing like being the mother. The good ones will help the mother to be along the way by pampering them, loving them, and maybe massaging their perineum. Right? The bad ones will think only of themselves while the mother-to-be struggles with all of the obstacles before her. Either way, the father-to-be does very little. Then, once the child is born, the father has to do even less. Why? Mothers are used to men who bail on them or turtle when faced with how selfless they must become, so all a man really has to do is ‘be there’. That’s really it. Bonus if they can change a diaper here and there and know how to burp the child without freaking out when the child regurgitates breast milk all over them. Just be there and clean up sometimes. That’s all a decent father has to do. But then there are the ones who have to announce it. ‘I’m a great father’ or ‘I’m so excited to be the dad’ or ‘I’m going to be a better father than mine was’. The answer is: No, they will not be a better father, because they’re going to act like a pussy and in doing so, turn their son into a pussy. And if by some miracle, by being this touchy-feely hands on ‘Dad’, doesn’t turn their son into a pussy, it will still blow up in the son’s face when the real world eats him up and shits him out. That’s what a true father is - a preview of the ‘real world’. Not some padded costumed mascot. No. A father gets his son ready for a world that wants to fuck his face right off of his skull. Bonus fucking if the son is white and cigender - in today’s world. So take ‘father of the year’ and carefully pack it away, because all it’s going to lead to is a disappointed son and another old wrestler who should have stayed retired making an imbecile out of himself on live television. But all I ask of my opponent is to do as any mother hopes of a father - at Metal, just ‘show up’. And prepare to have your house blown down. Blow Your House Down SMASHCUT to the same living room depicted in Elliott Siscoe’s last promo. It has been recreated meticulously, all the way down to the same brand of throw pillows resting on the rust colored Novogratz Brittany 81.5" Convertible Sofa purchased for an affordable price of $499 at Wayfair.com. Undoubtedly the same couch where Siscoe and his family sat and watched yet another wrestling show he didn’t appear on, despite him having promised to show up. Already teaching Dimitri bad habits… In the middle of this scene is a mannequin bearing a striking resemblance to Elliott Siscoe. The clothing is exact and the airbrushing on the mannequin itself gives his face haunting depth. The recreating is incredible and worth every penny. Ten grand all said and done, plus the cost of the house - all completely worth it. To his side is his wife Jesse Siscoe. Her mannequin is also well done. Her red-purple hair is very real and took hours to produce from real donated human hair. Her makeup is hand painted and her clothing is a direct recreation from the outfit she wore as she watched Elliott Siscoe beat Noah Hanson and Kiba Bunson to win the Fight One Outlaw Championship way back in 2016. Time flies. Give me flashbacks. Give me history. Give me the entire history of Fight One Wrestling. And finally, the finishing touch is the young boy, Dimitri. He’s dressed in jeans and a t-shirt bearing his father’s likeness - Elliott Siscoe merch. His hair is parted carefully and what’s most striking about Dimitri’s mannequin is the smile on his face - oh how it glistens. Give me Leave it to Beaver. Give me Make Room For Daddy. Give me Father Knows Best. And finally, Renaissance Taylor emerges from the dark recesses of the backdrop. She steps right up to Elliott’s mannequin and smiles knowingly. She turns and ruffles Dimitri’s perfect hair and reaches over to check how firm Jesse’s ass is. With a wink and a laugh, Renaissance pulls out an old school Sony tape recorder. She presses play. The sound is Dimitri saying, “I wish you were here daddy.” Then a reply from Elliott, “I wish I was there too son, but I’m too busy having a mid life crisis.” Click. Renaissance’s voice is throaty, but syrupy sweet as she offers, “This is your life Elliott. Why isn’t this good enough?” She flashes a cheshire grin as she presses play again, Now it’s Elliott asking, “Wanna play buddy?” Dimitri’s reply, “But you’re not here.” Elliott, “But I want to entertain you on TV.” Dimitri, “I miss you.” She clicks stop on the tape player and reaches behind Elliott’s mannequin and pulls out a replica of the Fight One Outlaw Championship and tosses it over her shoulder. “This is it, isn’t it? Your life is so boring that it has you wishing for the glory days to return. Your family isn’t good enough anymore, so you’re abandoning them to go try to be young again.” she laughs, “But this isn’t the Fight One Championship. It isn’t the Fury Championship either. It’s not even one half of the United Tag Team Championships. This is the bottom of the barrel Championship. The one meant for the Losers. Losers like you.” She holds the title up, “This title is as immaterial to me as you are.” She drops it onto the ground and walks out the front door of the house and moves to stand in front of the picture window, showing what looks like a framed Siscoe family portrait inside the house. Her eyes are cold and dark and her teeth show like wolf fangs as she sneers, “More than just your career is on the line now.” TRANSITION to an aerial view of the house as the blinding white flash of a nuclear weapon detonation can be seen. SMASHCUT to a view of the family of Mannequins as their clothing is singed and their faces begin to melt right before the blast wave hits - flattening the happy little home. CUT to Renaissance standing amongst the debris with that same toothy smile on her face, “If you continue down this path, your whole family could be destroyed.” FADE Elliott Disappoints Dimitri Are we really going to give Elliott Siscoe credit for defeating Apocalypse? Does such an accomplishment beg bragging rights? Perhaps. Either way, it has allowed for Elliott’s ego to soar. Now Dimitri is eating right out of Elliott’s hand. He really believes his father is capable of anything. But now the doting father finds himself at an impasse-there is no way forward for him that doesn’t end in Dimitri’s disappointment. The only place to find Elliott Siscoe’s highlight reel is by searching the depths of Maffew’s Botchamania archives. JEEZUS! But first, I have to touch on Elliott’s impossible backstory: First, which civil war in Germany? You’re certainly not in your early 100’s, are you Elliott? Even if you're referring to the period of time before reunification, you were born in Hamburg which was part of the British Zone of Occupation. You might have been a little hungry, but you were definitely safer than in the east. So if you were six during that period of time, you're nearly in your 60s right now? These numbers still don’t add up. So then you joined the military and became a bare knuckle fighter? Which army? The Bundeswehr was formed in 1955 with strict rules, you know, because of the whole 'they used to be Nazis' thing, right? You wouldn't have been old enough to serve, unless you’re in your 60’s again. Also, German Special Forces? What we know as 'modern' German Special Forces weren't established until 1996 and the group you're referring to didn't exist until 6 years ago. Furthermore, why would you work as a 'double agent' pitting Germany against the United States, when Germany and the USA have been allies since Reunification in 1989? Also, you worked ‘black ops’ for the CIA and you’re bringing it up like you’re putting a reference on a job resume? If you were seriously working black ops missions, you wouldn’t exist right now. That’s why they’re called ‘ghosts’. Specially skilled soldiers are marked KIA and their existence is denied by the CIA. Fuck, read a Tom Clancy book, it’s all in there. Anyone with an internet connection could fact check this and expose you as the liar you are. (Like I just did.) Give me a real fucking opponent. Give me someone who doesn’t make shit up. Give me a xanax and a nap. Elliott Siscoe ‘The Master of the Dark CIA Assassin Guy’ is proud of his past accomplishments and likes to see his reflection in championships that no one thinks about anymore. The Fight One Outlaw Championship being the top of that heap. Sad. Elliott Siscoe won that championship right before Fight One went bankrupt and Aidan Morag ran away with what little money there was left under one arm and his suitcase of toupees under the other. Give me truth. When Dimitri looks at Elliott, he sees an unbeatable man who wins top prizes, but now he’s going to see ‘Daddy’ get destroyed by a woman who hates children. This is Dimitri’s fault. Dimitri, your father is leaping head first into a wood chipper because he wants to impress you. He’s no longer a ‘trainer’ or an ‘executive’ (whatever that means) so when he comes home with brain damage and permanent hearing loss, that’s on you. You couldn’t just leave well enough alone, could you? Couldn’t be happy that you actually had your father at home with you. Couldn’t leave that dynamic alone, you little wretch. Your father had no strong male role models, so he’s done everything he could to be that man for you. Now you’re pushing him away because you want to be entertained? You’re a monster, Dimitri. When your dad dies, that’s your fault. Remember that you insufferable little runt. Goodbye. |
