LEGEND IS A BASTARD MAN! (Johnny Legend v. DC)
Sept 20, 2020 8:58:22 GMT -5
ដានីយ៉ែល and Rumpke like this
Post by Andrew Barnes on Sept 20, 2020 8:58:22 GMT -5
(OOC - I'll make a different account for Legend later on.)
Hi!
I'm Johnny Legend.
I use to be a Legend in the business... Not here. The federation is in Canada; so I couldn't prove it if I tried, sorry.
Just believe me!
Not like I would lie or anything. Not like I would say Nathan Gust is a piece of shit and I'm glad he's dead for kicking my ass in that Ozone Park match back in the day!
Or that Alexander Hayes isn't really a Indian.
SHANE CLEMMENS LIKES WOMEN!
I LOOOOOOOO..
The camera snaps on to show Johnny Legend standing inside a closet somewhere, yelling at the top of his lungs into a carrot.
Johnny Legend: ...VVVVVEEEE STEP-MOTHER PORN!
A break of light flashes upon Johnny, as his eyes adjust while holding the carrot to block some of it.
Andrew Barnes: What the fuck!? Johnny? What are you doing here!?
Johnny Legend: Humph. Simple Andrew doesn't know that I recently discovered the powers of invisibility.
Johnny mentions to himself, as he stares into a stack of boxes with fancy men's shoes inside. Only the fanciest.
Johnny Legend: Wait... This isn't right...My promos don't go like this! Only losers shoot like this!
Johnny Legend snaps his fingers and a black and white filter sweeps across the screen, turning everything into...Black and White. Like I just said for fucks sake.
Johnny smirks, "Much better." He stares at Andrew Barnes; who stands in front of THE. LEGEND. Johnny Legend.
"Dude. Get the fuck out." Andrew grabs hold of Johnny Legend by the arm and leads him out of his apartment and into the hallway. "Get help." He mentions and slams the door in Johnny's face.
Johnny snickers, "We really got him good this time, kiddos." He gives a thumbs up into the camera.
"We'll find a better hiding spot next week. Until then..." Johnny turns to another camera with a serious look upon his face, "It's DC time."
"Daniel Christopher. If that really is your real name. I know for a fact that you're not the TRUE mindless one!"
"Everyone knows that in this business...THIS INDUSTRY! I AM THE ONE THAT IS..."
"Wait.."
"What were we talking about?" Johnny stares at the ground for a moment.
"OH! My opponent for XWF! This...This is XWF, right?"
"Because Johnny Legend ONLY wrestles in the best federations. Now.. DC. First off, I want you to drop the C and put a Z there because Discovery Zone was such a cool place for adults without kids. Back in the day, as I wasn't this fat tub of lard; I use to push kids down those slides and follow like Superman flying, with my fists forward, and WHAMMM! Deck those kids in the ball-pit below. Blood everywhere. It. Was. Orgasmic."
"Huh?"
"Wha?"
Johnny shrugs, "Look. I gotta finish this promo before my brain goes out the window. Daniel, I'm sure all the pip and vinegar got you far here, but now you're facing against a man that lost count of how many matches he los. Won... I mean won. I won tons of matches. Like, the best matches you've ever seen. Believe me. I meet this guy. GREAT GUY. Only the best guys I talk to. So anyways, he was talking about great I was at matches. Only the best for Johnny. He said. Anyways, this guy also said that people... People like Daniel, they only want to watch the world burn. He's mindless. Reckless. OUT OF CONTROL!"
"I gotta say, AW... APW. Do you want this man as your World champion?"
One of the camera-crew rushes up to Johnny and whispers something into his ear.
"WHAT!? This is for nothing?"
Johnny stares back at the camera and says, "Uhm.. What am I doing here?"
Johnny sighs, "Alright. I guess a check is a check. And Johnny needs to swiss cake rolls to keep rolling into this gut heeera!" He shakes his belly as lint from the bellybutton flows out.
"Alright...We done?" Johnny asks the camera crew, "Because I need a ride.."
The camera starts to run away from Johnny Legend, leaving him standing in the hallway of Andrew Barnes' apartment building. His bewilder look is all that's left as the scene fades to black.
WAIT!!!!!
I STILL GOT THINGS TO SAY!
I don't have time to yell at myself in abandoned rooms like some nutjobs.. He didn't even have a carrot! How does he think we can hear him!?
No matter.
I'll use this lucid period of the day to tell you, Daniel. That you are not GOOD.
No! Not that you're bad. Not like that. Actually, with a little training you could be the next Muffin man! If you didn't know... He was the best superstar in a little federation called Strike Towers. Ever heard of it? I thought not. Blockheads like you only stick to ONE federation, I bet. Not me. Not Johnny. I move around this biz as if my home was nuked by Kim Jon Gun. He's the dictator of East Korea.
Keep up.
Anywho, Daniel. I enjoy your promos and all. But you need to get out of the era of standing in dark rooms, speaking as if you're about to rape my grandma. Not cool.
I mean.. How old are you? Let's look this up, shall we?
OH.. Wait... We can't because this place can't even figure out their own talents age!?
What kind of Bush league federation is this!?
Well, at least I was told by Ned that there will be a nice plate of beef jerky waiting for me. So that's good.
...
Well, I really don't have anything else to say. I guess I am here in APW now?
WHICH MEANS I CAN FINALLY AFFORD TO PAY OF MY SHOWTIME DEBT!
I can finally catch up on Ray Dinovan!
YES!
