APW Presents ALPHA SHOWDOWN (08/31/20)
Aug 31, 2020 15:11:26 GMT -5
The Very Big Supervillains, Andrew Barnes, and 2 more like this
Post by ned on Aug 31, 2020 15:11:26 GMT -5
August 31, 2020
Live From: MGM Grand / Las Vegas, Nevada
Seating capacity: 17,157
Exclusive to NETFLIX
"LET THE SHOWDOWN BEGIN!"
Smith Jones comes walking out onto the stage dressed in a black suit and tie over a white button-down. He has the XHW X-Core World Championship slung casually over his shoulder. Smith stands at the top of the ramp and looks out across the Vegas crowd. They chant to the beat of his theme music.
Clearwater: “Classic” Smith Jones is here tonight in Las Vegas!!!!! We haven’t seen Smitty since, what, April?
Remi: And, my, how the landscape has changed here in APW since he left! This crowd has come unglued for the first-ever two-time Alpha World Champion!!!!
Marks: WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK!
Smith holds a hand up to stop their chanting. The crowd continues to make noise.
Marks: CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC!
Jones grins and then waves both hands wildly. He pulls out a microphone as the music begins to fade out. As he raises the mic to his lips, the crowd becomes silent.
Smith Jones: I'm... right... here!
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Smith Jones: I am the only superstar on Earth ever to have won an Alpha Showdown Match. I won the inaugural Alpha Showdown Match last year at the very first Alpha Showdown PPV. That means that I am the only one who can give this year’s field of competitors any sort of useful advice on how to survive to the end of this match. But…
He begins to slowly walk towards ringside.
Smith Jones: ...I am not going to do that. I would rather watch you all suffer. I want to see you struggle and fight and claw your way through half the roster and try to win an Alpha World Title shot the way I did. I want to see the agony on your face when you get blindsided by yet another unseen opponent. I want to enjoy the shock in your eyes when you get eliminated and have your dreams crushed.
He arrives at ringside and mounts the steel steps, wiping his feet on the apron before he parts the ropes and takes centre.
Smith Jones: Winning the Showdown Match last year was, for me, the first step towards my first World Title reign. It was the moment that I stepped out of the shadows and became THE guy in this company for months and months and months!!! It all started the night I won Showdown.
He begins to pace back and forth as he scowls deeply, remembering those epic battles that got him to the top of APW.
Smith Jones: You are about to witness twenty... TWENTY... of Alpha Pro Wrestling's top superstars compete in the with contendership to ALL APW championships on the line... including Addy Ainsworth... Andy Barnes... Dave Van Dam... John|Blade... Vonn Richter... and my uncle by marriage, the unstoppable former North American Champion... Lex Collins! They will all go through Hell in the 2020 Penultimate Showdown Match!
The fans cheer.
Smith Jones: Six of them will come through it with a shot at a Championship here in Alpha Pro. None of them will leave the same. What happens in Vegas...
Dramatic pause.
Smith Jones: ... will damned near kill ou!
The fans cheer. The arena lights cut to black. When they normalize, Smith Jones is gone.
Smith Jones: LET THE SHOWDOWN BEGIN!
An elaborate pyrotechnic show is put on display for the thousands of screaming APW fans here in MGM Grand in Las Vegas. The camera pans around the building to show various signs:
We go to Jonah St. Remi and Mike Clearwater, who are looking dapper as ever for tonight's festivities.
Clearwater: Goooooood evening! You are tuned in to APW Alpha Showdown! Tonight we have---
Remi: I think they know what show they're watching. Why bother plugging it now?
Clearwater: Because It's my job. Anyway... tonight we---
All of the arena lights fade to darkness as every spotlight in the joint floods the stage with bright light.
GIGGLEZ IZ MY FRIEND! FLEX COLLINS!
DON'T TREAD ON ME! SHITFIRE!
NED 4 CEO! MERRY ME, JAICE! <3
DON'T TREAD ON ME! SHITFIRE!
NED 4 CEO! MERRY ME, JAICE! <3
We go to Jonah St. Remi and Mike Clearwater, who are looking dapper as ever for tonight's festivities.
Clearwater: Goooooood evening! You are tuned in to APW Alpha Showdown! Tonight we have---
Remi: I think they know what show they're watching. Why bother plugging it now?
Clearwater: Because It's my job. Anyway... tonight we---
All of the arena lights fade to darkness as every spotlight in the joint floods the stage with bright light.
Smith Jones comes walking out onto the stage dressed in a black suit and tie over a white button-down. He has the XHW X-Core World Championship slung casually over his shoulder. Smith stands at the top of the ramp and looks out across the Vegas crowd. They chant to the beat of his theme music.
Clearwater: “Classic” Smith Jones is here tonight in Las Vegas!!!!! We haven’t seen Smitty since, what, April?
Remi: And, my, how the landscape has changed here in APW since he left! This crowd has come unglued for the first-ever two-time Alpha World Champion!!!!
Marks: WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK! WEL-COME BACK!
Smith holds a hand up to stop their chanting. The crowd continues to make noise.
Marks: CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC! CLAS-SIC!
Jones grins and then waves both hands wildly. He pulls out a microphone as the music begins to fade out. As he raises the mic to his lips, the crowd becomes silent.
Smith Jones: I'm... right... here!
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Smith Jones: I am the only superstar on Earth ever to have won an Alpha Showdown Match. I won the inaugural Alpha Showdown Match last year at the very first Alpha Showdown PPV. That means that I am the only one who can give this year’s field of competitors any sort of useful advice on how to survive to the end of this match. But…
He begins to slowly walk towards ringside.
Smith Jones: ...I am not going to do that. I would rather watch you all suffer. I want to see you struggle and fight and claw your way through half the roster and try to win an Alpha World Title shot the way I did. I want to see the agony on your face when you get blindsided by yet another unseen opponent. I want to enjoy the shock in your eyes when you get eliminated and have your dreams crushed.
He arrives at ringside and mounts the steel steps, wiping his feet on the apron before he parts the ropes and takes centre.
Smith Jones: Winning the Showdown Match last year was, for me, the first step towards my first World Title reign. It was the moment that I stepped out of the shadows and became THE guy in this company for months and months and months!!! It all started the night I won Showdown.
He begins to pace back and forth as he scowls deeply, remembering those epic battles that got him to the top of APW.
Smith Jones: You are about to witness twenty... TWENTY... of Alpha Pro Wrestling's top superstars compete in the with contendership to ALL APW championships on the line... including Addy Ainsworth... Andy Barnes... Dave Van Dam... John|Blade... Vonn Richter... and my uncle by marriage, the unstoppable former North American Champion... Lex Collins! They will all go through Hell in the 2020 Penultimate Showdown Match!
The fans cheer.
Smith Jones: Six of them will come through it with a shot at a Championship here in Alpha Pro. None of them will leave the same. What happens in Vegas...
Dramatic pause.
Smith Jones: ... will damned near kill ou!
The fans cheer. The arena lights cut to black. When they normalize, Smith Jones is gone.
Smith Jones: LET THE SHOWDOWN BEGIN!
- A - L - P - H - A - S - H - O - W - D - O - W - N -
:: PENULTIMATE SHOWDOWN ::
Aaron Blaze, Adelaide Ainsworth, Alexander Hayes, Alex Scott, Andrew Barnes, Dave Van Dam, Gavin Drake, Harvey Berlin, John Blade, Lex Collins, Lilianna Rose, Link Rexx, Renaissance Taylor, Tsukiko, Victoria Sabin, Vonn Richter
Clearwater: Can you believe it’s already time for Penultimate Showdown? What a wild way to start of this event!
Remi: It’s an abomination!
Clearwater: Huh?!
Remi: The first APW pay per view last year was Alpha Showdown! The main event was called Ultimate Showdown! THAT is where contenders are supposed to be decided! Not in this… this… ABOMINATION!
Clearwater: Okay, I see your point… but things change. You either adapt… or you die.
Remi: GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH!
Clearwater: Okay. Well, no matter what we think about the lineup… Penultimate Showdown runs very similar to last year’s match… but with twice as many competitors. The match will start off as a battle royal with twenty competitors. Once it’s down to six, the match will be decided by elimination by pinfall or submission.
Remi: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Then the contenders for next month’s supershow World War Wrestling will be determined!
Clearwater: That’s right. The first two eliminated will be number one contenders for the Tag Team Championship… then Junior Heavyweight Championship… then Hardcore Championship… and finally North American Championship.
Remi: The winner gets a guaranteed shot at the APW World Championship at World War Wrestling! SHITFIRE!
Clearwater: Again, Remi… wrong show…
Remi: DAMNIT! I NEED A CATCH PHRASE!
“The Metal” by Tenacious D hits and a cavalcade of characters comes out from backstage, on their way to the ring for Penultimate Showdown. All twenty of them… one by one by one by one…
Jessica Kaine: Introducing the competitors… Link Rexx… Victoria Sabin… Vonn Richter… Gavin Drake… John|Blade… Andrew Barnes… Lilianna Rose… Aaron Blaze… Alex Scott… Adelaide Ainsworth… Renaissance Taylor… Alexander Hayes… Tsukiko… Harvey Berlin… Dave Van Dam… Lex Collins
Clearwater: This match is going to be insane!
Remi: THIS MATCH IS AN ABOMINATION!
Clearwater: Would you just calm down already?
Remi: DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE!
The competitors file into the ring in their own way and fill the ring, trying to keep distance from one another.
Clearwater: By my count… there are only sixteen competitors in the ring…
Remi: OHHHH! Look at you with the-the-the MATH!!!
Clearwater: There are supposed to be twenty competitors, Remi.
Remi: So that means… five or six people are missing?!
Clearwater: Four. Just… four…
Jessica Kaine: And introducing the surprise entrants… Vinny… Scott Slayer… and…
She pauses, looking mortified at her notecard.
Jessica Kaine: DAGVALD RIDDIK?!
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Those three superstars file out one by one and make their way to the ring. Once there, Dagvald stands in the center of the ring and the rest of them stare at them with ill intent in their eyes.
DING! DING! DING!
Remi: This is a battle royal?!
Clearwater: Until it’s down to six competitors, yes.
A brawl ensues in the ring.
Clearwater: Wait a second. Ms. Kaine only introduced three more. That means…
Remi: ONE TOO MANY!
Clearwater: Noooo. One two few.
Remi: Same difference!
Clearwater: Not… uhh… okay.
Remi: TOLD YA!
There’s too much going on to note it all right now… but Harvey Berlin is in a corner by himself, as they’re all afraid to hit a seventy-six year old man. Well, Vonn Richter isn’t afraid. Once he clears his corner, he approaches Berlin… who lets out an awful shriek and starts climbing over the top rope. John|Blade hits Vonn with a mighty shoulder tackle to keep him away from Berlin, then he assists the elderly entertainer over the top rope and assists him in sitting down. Berlin then steps to the floor below and thanks Blade for his help.
Remi: John|Blade just eliminated Harvey Berlin!
Clearwater: I mean… kind of...
Blade salutes Berlin, only to be jumped from behind by Hayes and Rexx. The brawl in the ring continues until…
~~ GLASS BREAKS ~~
Remi: WHO?!
Clearwater: THIS CAN’T BE?!
Remi: WHY?!
Jessica Kaine: And the final competitor in the 2020 Penultimate Showdown… HOT SHOT WAAAAAAYNE AAAAAAUUUUUSTIIINNNN!!!!!!1
The action packed action in the ring comes to a standstill as the baddest son of a bitch on the planet walks out from backstage to a thunderous pop from the marks in attendance. He heads down the ramp, talking shit the entire way. Once he gets to the ring, he slides in and stands in the cleared center of the ring, then yells to the time keeper, who throws him two ice cold cans of Keystone. He cracks them open and chugs them quick as Scott Slayer approaches.
Clearwater: I wouldn’t do that…
Slayer asks Austin for a beer.
Hot Shot: UR NOT OLD ENOUGH, KID! DO UR PARENTS KNOW UR HERE?!
There are some chuckles from inside the ring for that inside joke. Austin kicks Slayer in the gut and hits him with a stunner. As Slayer falls back, Blade grabs ahold of him and tosses him over the top rope. The brawl continues as Austin goes after everyone. Across the ring, DVD and Lilianna are fighting in the corner, trying to one up each other. Vonn Richter sneaks up from behind and scoops them both up over the same rope. They land on the apron together, holding on for dear life. Vonn charges at them and then pull down the top rope. Vonn spills right over and to the floor.
Remi: WHAT THE FUDGE?!
Clearwater: I don’t think you meant to say fudge.
Remi: I spilled hot fudge all over my junk!
Clearwater: Why do you have a chocolate fountain?!
Remi: DON’T TELL ME HOW TO LIVE MY LIFE!
DVD and Lilianna get back into the ring as Vonn slams his fists on the apron. He argues with a referee at ringside over his elimination and then---
Several people dressed all in black with black masks jump the guardrail and they attack Vonn Richter.
Remi: WHEN THE HELL?!
Clearwater: THOSE ARE THE SAME MEN WHO JUMPED SPARTAN FIVE WEEKS AGO AFTER METAL!
Remi: I hope he’s okay.
Clearwater: Nobody’s seen Spartan in five weeks, Remi. I doubt Vonn Richter will be okay.
The brawl continues. Vinny goes to work on Lex, raining down hammers on the longest reigning [and undefeated] North American Champion in APW history. Lex doesn’t take it lying down and he fights Vinny back to the ropes. As he goes to put him over the top, he is jumped by Tsukiko and Victoria, who have formed an alliance for the time being. They light him up with chops… and John|Blade capitalizes by clotheslining Vinny over the top rope.
DJ Khaled: ANOTHER ONE!
Remi: HUH?!
Clearwater: What?
Another ruckus is caused as Hot Shot lays in boots to Gavin in the corner, stomping a mudhole and walking it dry. He flips Gavin off and backs up right into…
Clearwater: TURN AROUND!
Remi: NO! DON’T!
Hot shot turns around and comes face to face with Andrew Barnes. Hot Shot talks all kinds of shit until Barnes wrecks him--
Clearwater: MENDACIUM!
Remi: GESUNDHEIT!
Hot Shot is nearly decapitated by Barnes and the marks go wild. Barnes drags him up off of the mat and sends him over the top rope, crashing to the floor. Elsewhere, the alliance between Sabin and Tsukiko has dissipated and they start fighting with one another. Addy and Renny break up their fight and they eliminate Sabin and Tsukiko, respectively. The two share a brief nod of encouragement before engaging in fistacuffs. Elsewhere, Drake and Hayes are working together against John|Blade in the corner. One has arms and one has legs, pushing him up and over onto the apron.He never gives up. He never surrenders. Up from behind come Blaze and Rexx, who inadvertently save Blade from being eliminated. Blade gets back into the ring just as Drake breaks free from the fight, only to get the top rope pulled down by Blade. Drake tumbles right over the rope and crashes to the floor.
DJ Khaled: ANOTHER ONE!
Remi: WHERE IS THAT COMING FROM?!
Clearwater: What are you talking about?
Remi: DJ KHALED!
Clearwater: What are you talking about?
Blaze and Rexx work over Hayes by the ropes. Blaze goes for a high five and Rexx slaps it away and clotheslines him instead. While Hayes is on the ropes, a wild Alex Scott appears and he clotheslines Hayes over. Hayes lands on the apron and gets to his feet, struggling with Scott, who drops down and catches Hayes’ throat on the top rope, shooting him off of the apron and to the floor. Scott has no time to celebrate as Rexx grabs him from behind and tosses him over the top rope. Rexx has no time to celebrate as Blaze grabs him from behind and tosses him over the top rope. Blaze has no time to celebrate as Blade grabs him from behind and tosses him over the top rope.
DJ Khaled: ANOTHER ONE!
Remi: SERIOUSLY?! WHAT IS THAT?!
Clearwater: What is what?
John|Blade stands in the center of the ring, watching everyone else fighting.
John|Blade: STOP!
Confused, they stop fighting. He calls for a mic and one is tossed to him… because okay...
John|Blade: Everyone, take a knee.
Nobody does. Obviously. He nods his head.
John|Blade: Sometimes you can try so hard at something. Sometimes you can be so prepared and still fail. And when everytime you fail, it’s painful. It causes sadness. And especially as I saw last night, it causes disappointment. I’ve often said a man’s character is not judged after he celebrates a victory but by what he does when his back is against the wall.
Remi: That’s beautiful.
Clearwater: Are you crying?
Remi: NO U!
John|Blade: So no matter how great the setback, how severe the failure, you never give up. You pick yourself up, you brush yourself up, you push forward, you move on, you adapt, you overcome. That is what I believe.
He expects an applause for that little speech, but gets eliminated by Lex Collins instead.
Clearwater: There he goes. John|Blade somehow had FIVE eliminations in Penultimate Showdown… and now he’s gone. Now we’re down to the final six!
Remi: Impossible! I see at least nine people!
Clearwater: Taylor… Ainsworth… Barnes… Collins… Rose… Van Dam. That’s six, Remi.
Remi: I’m not wearing my glasses.
Clearwater: You wear glasses?
Remi: No… but I probably should...
Clearwater: All six of these competitors are already winners. That's important to remember.
Remi: THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
Clearwater: But each of them will challenge for a championship at World War Wrestling!
Remi: Whatever.
The battle takes a pause as they start to realize they are the main six, not to be confused with the Mane Six from My Little Pony. Three separate fights break out: Barnes/Collins, Addy/Renny, DVD/Rose. Barnes and Collins spill between the ropes and continue to fight outside of the ring. Back inside, Addy and Renny are intricately countering holds while Rose is lighting DVD up with kicks in the corner. DVD gouges her eyes and t-bone suplexes her into the corner, dropping her on her head. The referee rushes over to check on her.
Clearwater: EEEEESSSHHH!!!
DVD turns around and extends both arms out, letting out a mighty roar. He breaks up the super indy spot battle between Addy and Renny, slamming their heads together. He then pulls them both into front facelocks, looking for a dichlorodiphenyltrichloroethane… but they have the same idea as they deliver a Northern Lights Suplex with a bridge pin. The referee drops down to count!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Clearwater: Dave Van Dam has been eliminated, and thus becomes a contender for the Tag Team Championship!
Remi: I don't get it.
Addy and Renny get up, sharing a brief moment of peace before Lilianna spears the shit outta Addy. On the way down, she seems to jar her neck a bit. She is slow to get to her feet only to be caught with--
Clearwater: USHIRO MAWASHI GERI!
Remi: GESUNDHEIT!
Lilianna drops fast from the reverse roundhouse kick and Renny covers her.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Remi: Lemme guess. She's also a contender for the Tag Team Championship?
Clearwater: Now you're getting it! Now we're down to the final four!
Remi: Where'd Collins and Barnes go?
The camera catches up to their fight, which spilled into the crowd and back. As they brawl by the announce table, Renaissance Taylor wastes no time in drilling them with a suicide dive through the ropes. The impact sends all three of them into the table, smashing it to pieces.
Clearwater: OH MY GOD!
Remi: THE CARNAGE!
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Back on the ring, Addy is up and realizes she's the only one in the ring. She asks the ref if she won, and he points outside of the ring to the other three.
Addy: OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!
Addy slides out of the ring and she catches Lex with a running punt to the dick. She tries for one to Barnes but he clenches her leg with his massive thighs. He shakes his finger at her, releases her leg… and plows her with a pounce, sending her violently into the guardrail. Barnes turns right into a standing side thrust kick from Renny. He staggers to the ring and she rolls him in, then slides in and makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NO!
Clearwater: BARNES KICKED OUT!
Remi: ObViOuSlY!!!1
She gets up and backs up, pulling down her right knee pad.
Clearwater: Looks like she's about to Zero In!
With Barnes to his feet, she shoots in for a jumping knee strike. He dodges it and locks on a standing sleeperhold.
Marks: ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR!
Clearwater: RENAISSANCE TAYLOR IS FADING! COULD THIS BE IT?!
The referee desperately asks if she gives up. She keeps shaking her head no… no… but then she's gone. He calls it.
Clearwater: OH WOW!
Remi: THAT'S IT?!
Clearwater: She refused to quit but that sleeperhold was just too much.
Remi: And now she's the number one contender for… the... uhh… help me out...
Clearwater: Junior Heavyweight Championship.
Remi: Yeah! That's what I was going to say!
Barnes releases Taylor and lets her down slowly. He looks down and sighs, then turns right into a superkick to the heart from Addy.
Clearwater: HEARTLESS!
Addy covers Barnes.
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NOOOO!!!!!
Remi: HOW DID HE KICK OUT?!
Addy gets to her knees as Barnes clenches his chest, rolling to safety by the ropes. She gets up and stomps her feet in frustration. The fans start to cheer… but only because Lex Collins is getting back into the ring. She backs up into him, realizing she's about to get got. She turns around and kicks him square in the dick. He drops to his knees and she warms up the band for another superkick.
Clearwater: Adelaide Ainsworth is about to put away the longest reigning North American Champion in APW history… in her APW debut! Unbelievable! I cannot believe that--
Remi: OH SHIT!
Clearwater: MENDACIUM FROM BARNES TO ADDY! BRICKS FROM COLLINS TO BARNES!
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Collins falls down, still reeling from that shot to his nether-region.
Marks: THIS IS AWESOME! 👏 👏 👏 👏 👏 *repeated*
Lex pushes up to his knees, feeding off of their energy. He reaches down and pulls Addy up next to him, underneath his arm. Now both standing, he looks ready to--
Clearwater: ABSOLUTE ZERO!
Remi: −273.15° CELSIUS OR −459.67° FAHRENHEIT!
Clearwater: THERE'S THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Clearwater: ADDY IS ELIMINATED!
Remi: And so she will…
Clearwater: She'll challenge for the Hardcore Championship!
Remi: DUUHHH!
Clearwater: Now we're down to Lex Collins and Andrew Barnes. The past and present of this industry but which one will challenge for the APW World Championship in the near future?!
Collins and Barnes both rise to their feet, both feeling the lasting effects of Addy's wrath. They meet up in the center of the ring, privately exchanging words. Maybe threats… maybe compliments… maybe tuna casserole recipes. Nobody knows. They do exchange a fist bump before exchanging punches. Collins gets the upper hand (pun intended) and he rocks Barnes back to the corner. He shoots Barnes to the opposite corner and charges in with a knee strike, followed by a running bulldog.
Clearwater: SYSTEMATIC BREAKDOWN TWO POINT OOOOOHHHHH!!!!!
Remi: THERE'S THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NOOOO!!!
Remi: WHAT?!
Barnes kicked out within an inch of the referee's hand slapping the mat, as the replay shows. Collins is spent but keeps on truckin'. He pushes up to his feet, keeping an eye on Barnes. He reaches down and pulls Barnes into a headlock. As they are both up, Collins goes for Absolute Zero… but Barnes pushes him out. Collins turns right into--
Clearwater: MENDACIUM!!!
Remi: GESUN--
Clearwater: ENOUGH!
Collins gets turned inside out by the clothesline and Barnes is slow to go for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NOOOO!!!!
Remi: OH COME ON! GET IT OVER WITH ALREADY!
Both combatants lie motionless, side by side. The fans shake the building with their excitement for this match.
Clearwater: What more do they have to do to win?!
Both men slowly push their way up, grabbing on and helping each other up. Once standing, they push away and stare into each other's eyes. The wear and tear… the struggles they've endured to make it to this moment… everything that has brought them to stand before each other. Collins uses all he has left to throw--
Clearwater: BRICKS! BARNES DODGED IT! HE LOCKS COLLINS WITH ERROR!
Marks: ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR! ERR-OR!
Remi: COLLINS IS FADING! IS IT ENOUGH?!
Barnes keeps the hold on tight and then Collins up, turns him sideways and slams him with authority in the middle of the ring.
Clearwater: THERE'S THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING! DING! DING!
Jessica Kaine: The winner of 2020 Penultimate Showdown… AAAAAAANDREWWW BAAAAAAARRRRNESSSSSSS!!!!!
Order of elimination:
1. Dagvald Riddik by everyone
2. Harvey Berlin by John|Blade
3. Scott Slayer by John|Blade
4. Vonn Richter by DVD/Rose
5. Vinny! by John|Blade
6. Hot Shot by Andrew Barnes
7. Victoria Sabin by Adelaide Ainsworth
8. Tsukiko by Renaissance Taylor
9. Gavin Drake by John|Blade
10. Alexander Hayes by Alex Scott
11. Alex Scott by Link Rexx
12. Link Rexx by Aaron Blaze
13. Aaron Blaze by John|Blade
14. John|Blade by Lex Collins
15. Dave Van Dam by Ainsworth/Taylor
16. Lilianna Rose by Renaissance Taylor
17. Renaissance Taylor by Andrew Barnes
18. Adelaide Ainsworth by Lex Collins
19. Lex Collins by Andrew Barnes
Winner: Andrew Barnes
1. Dagvald Riddik by everyone
2. Harvey Berlin by John|Blade
3. Scott Slayer by John|Blade
4. Vonn Richter by DVD/Rose
5. Vinny! by John|Blade
6. Hot Shot by Andrew Barnes
7. Victoria Sabin by Adelaide Ainsworth
8. Tsukiko by Renaissance Taylor
9. Gavin Drake by John|Blade
10. Alexander Hayes by Alex Scott
11. Alex Scott by Link Rexx
12. Link Rexx by Aaron Blaze
13. Aaron Blaze by John|Blade
14. John|Blade by Lex Collins
15. Dave Van Dam by Ainsworth/Taylor
16. Lilianna Rose by Renaissance Taylor
17. Renaissance Taylor by Andrew Barnes
18. Adelaide Ainsworth by Lex Collins
19. Lex Collins by Andrew Barnes
Winner: Andrew Barnes
- A - L - P - H - A - S - H - O - W - D - O - W - N -
NEXT WEEK ON #APWMETAL!
JOHN|BLADE'S
U.S. OPEN CHALLENGE
YOU WANT SOME?
COME GET SOME?
- A - L - P - H - A - S - H - O - W - D - O - W - N -
William the Behemoth* VS ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎
Click here to read all the crazy shit that you missed this past week.
~~~ THUNDERCLAP ~~~
Clearwater: What an adventure between the Very Big Supervillains.
Remi: I'm so confused.
Clearwater: What's wrong?
Remi: Aren't they a tag team? Where are their opponents at?
Clearwater: William has been defending the Hardcore Championship against Travis for what seems like a lifetime. It's been exhausting to watch. I'm sure both mean are nearly dead.
Remi: This has all been very confusing. I'ma take a nap.
Remi removes his head set and gets up, walking in a circle next to the announce table like a puppy before lying down on the floor.
Clearwater: Neither man is stirring inside the ring... but at least this match hasn't been transported to a Hell dimension or whatever this time. It was interesting seeing appearances by Harvey Berlin and Gavin Drake. Spanky’s involvement might have been the hardest he’s worked in years.
~~~ WHOOSH ~~~
William: GHOST OF SARAH LACKLAN?! Y U DED?!
Ghost Lacklan: I’m not dead, William. I’m just a figment of your imagination.
William: A FIG NEWTON OF MY IMAGINATION?! GROSS!!!!1
Ghost Lacklan: No, no. I’m… nevermind. William, how much longer can you keep this up with ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎? When will enough be enough?
William: Enough will be enough when the TRAITOR is vanquished!!!
Ghost Lacklan: What if… deep down… you’ve been the traitor all along?
William: No… NO! That’s not true! That’s imPOSSIBLE!!!!!
Ghost Lacklan: Search your feelings. You know it to be true!
William is overwhelmed and crying.
William: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOOO...!!
~~~ WHOOSH ~~~
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎: What is going on? Why is any of this… HEY!
He touches his mouth.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎: I can… speak English?!
He lets out a gasp.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎: Is this what my life would be like… without William?!
He looks to his left and there are half a dozen beautiful blondes. He looks to his left and there are half a dozen beautiful brunettes. He looks forward and sees Chad Kroeger, lead singer of a little Canadian rock band called Nickelback.
Chad Kroeger: Hey there, buddy. You’ve had one hoot of a match there, eh. Are you aboot done?
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎: I don’t want to be done. I want… this life! All of this could be mine if I beat William! I know I’m good enough!
Chad Kroeger: Well, you’re pretty good, old son. Well sit your old ass in that chair right there. Let me show you how the fuck it’s done!
~~~ THE DEVIL WENT DOWN TO GEORGIA ~~~
William the Behemoth and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ come back to reality and they somehow magically kip up at the same moment.
Clearwater: WHAT THE WHAT?!
William and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ stare deep into each other’s souls, and they hate what they see inside. They start trading thunderous strikes. Each blow further wearing the two mammoths out. William gets the upper hand and he closes his eyes, winding back for---
Clearwater: HERE COMES THE INSAAAANE PUNCH!!!!!1
~~~ BANG ~~~
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
The bell sounds and “Glazgow Mega Snake” by Mogwai starts to play.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match and STIIIIILLLLL APW Hardcore Champion… WILLIAM THE BEHEMOTH!!!!!1
Remi: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!
Clearwater: SOMEONE JUST SHOT TRAVIS WITH A CANNONBALL!
Remi: I was having a wet dream about… uhh.... NOTHING!
William the Behemoth is handed his championship and he raises it high in the air, then looks toward the AlphaTron where smoke is settling on the stage to reveal--
Remi: ADELAIDE AINSWORTH!
Clearwater: SHE SHOT TRAVIS WITH A CANNONBALL!
Addy and William have a long-distance stare down as the scene fades.
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Giggles!* VS Von Vagabond
Jessica Kaine: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Marks: ONE FALL!
Jessica Kaine: … and is for the APW Junior Heavyweight Championship!
Marks: YAY!
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… the challenger… weighing in at one hundred and seventy-five pounds… VON VAGABOND!
"Highway Star" by Deep Purple plays over the PA system and Von Vagabond runs to the ring, full spring, sliding under the bottom rope. He pops up and whips off the ropes, jogging and keeping loose in the ring before the match starts.
Remi: This guy's got a ton of energy. Hopefully he doesn't get gassed too soon.
Clearwater: Speaking of too soon… what's up with this title match anyway?
All of the lights go out, casting the arena into total darkness.
Remi: I hate this part.
Clearwater: Oh yeah! I forgot you're afraid of clowns!
Remi: I'm not afraid of clowns! I just think they're creepy and they give me nightmares!
Suddenly, a lone, white spotlight appears on the stage, illuminating a man, wearing a red overcoat and a black tophat. He raises a microphone to his lips.
Isaac Barnum: Ladies and gentlemen... My name is Ringmaster Isaac Barnum. I do hope you are enjoying the show so far, because it’s only going to get better from here…
A sinister smile forms on Barnum’s face.
Isaac Barnum: So sit back, relax, and please, stay in your seats. Kick your feet up and grab some popcorn. Because it is my great and humble pleasure to introduce to you… he will one day be the longest reigning Junior Heavyweight Champion in APW history... Your Favorite Clown and Mine… Giggles!
The strings of “Welcome to the Freakshow” by The Protest begins to play as the spotlight goes out again. The arena lights slowly come back to life. Standing behind Barnum is Giggles himself. He is hunched over slightly yet still towers over the Ringmaster.
Clearwater: Look at him!
Remi: Nope! Not gonna do it!
Remi removes his headset and exits the ringside area, heading behind the time keeper and soon he's gone.
Clearwater: Well… okay…
Barnum begins walking to the ring, Giggles shuffling along behind him. He smiles and laughs at the children in the front row, who all shy away from him in fear.
Clearwater: Giggles is an enigma… but his methods equate to success. Let's see if he can make it past this relatively unknown challenger.
Giggles reaches up with his unnaturally long arms and pulls himself up onto the apron and over the top rope. He waves out into the crowd, only to be met with nervous boos from the crowd.
Clearwater: An interesting match here where neither man is particularly loved by the crowd.
? ? ? ? ?: Then neither of them will waste time pandering to the fans. Leave that to me. Hi, I'm Max Ironside!
Clearwater: Oh wow! We've got another newcomer to APW joining me at the table. Welcome, Max!
Ironside: Thank you, good sir. As soon as Remi left… I sprinted from the back. I guess you could say this is my APW debut. The Penultimate Showdown was fully loaded by the time I put pen to paper.
Back in the ring, Vagabond doesn't seem phased at all by Giggles and he walks right up to the clown. Von kicks Giggles' knee, hunching the slenderman over and then headbutts him right between the eyes. The opening bell sounds and Giggles is shook.
Ironside: His eyes are crossed. That can't be good
Clearwater: I think his eyes always look like that.
Ironside: Ooohhh. Carry on.
Giggles plugs his nose and pops his ears, which also straightens out his eyes. He charges at Vagabond and the two engage in fistacuffs in the center. Giggles gets the upper hand and puts Vagabond in a headlock. After some struggle, Vagabond shoots him to the ropes and clobbers him with a stiff clothesline on the way back. Giggles gets up and runs into another. Giggles gets up more slowly and gets tossed out of the ring, crashing near Barnum.
Marks: YAY!
Clearwater: Are they cheering for… Von Vagabond?!
Ironside: It appears so.
Vagabond slides out and is met with a size eighteen big boot from Giggles.
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Giggles notices a heckler wearing an Eli Beazley t-shirt. He pulls out a horn and blows it in the fan's face. When he turns back, Vagabond is pulling up on the ring to get up. Giggles rolls him in and follows, going for the cover.
ONE!
NO!
Ironside: Too soon to put a guy like Vagabond away.
Clearwater: What do you know about Vagabond?
Ironside: Just his name.
Clearwater: That's all any of us know.
Giggles slinks up to his feet and goes to stomp Vagabond, who rolls out of the way.
Ironside: Giggles looks like he jarred his knee on that stomp somehow.
Vagabond gets to his feet and starts throwing wild strikes at Giggles, then whips him off the ropes and nails him with a high dropkick.
Ironside: Helluva dropkick! I have a feeling Vagabond has been that high before!
Giggles gets to his knees and Vagabond nails him with a knee to the back of the head.
Clearwater: Giggles goes down hard!
Ironside: There's the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Ironside: I thought he had it!
Clearwater: You haven't seen how resilient Giggles can be.
Vagabond briefly argues with the referee.
Marks: BOO THE REF! BOO THE REF! BOO THE REF!
Vagabond turns around and he eats a cartwheel kick from Giggles. Vagabond falls to the mat and slides out of the ring from the impact. He stumbles over to the announcers' table, leaning up against it as Giggles exits the ring.
Clearwater: Not my table!
Barnum cheers Giggles on as he grabs ahold of Vagabond and slams his head on the table. He looks right at Ironside and offers to shake his hand.
Clearwater: Don't do it, Max. It's a---
Ironside: It'll be fine.
Ironside shakes his hand and he's instantly shocked by Giggles, who laughs as he reveals the joy buzzer in his hand. He then slams Vagabond's head on the table several more times before laying the challenger on the table.
Clearwater: I have a bad feeling about this.
Ironside: I can feel my heartbeat in my brain.
Nearly in a single bound, Giggles leaps onto the apron and then recklessly jumps off backwards, landing on top of Vagabond.
Clearwater: OH MY GOD! THEY'RE BROKEN IN HALF!!!
Ironside: VERTICALLY OR HORIZONTALLY?!
The arena is roaring with emotion at that dangerous display of affection for the APW Junior Heavyweight Championship. Giggles very slowly gets back to his feet while Vagabond is still lying on the floor. Giggles reaches down and drags Vagabond out of the rubble.
Ironside: The hard part will be getting him back on the ring to pin him.
Clearwater: Any man with two hands has a fighting chance.
Ironside stares at Clearwater blankly.
Clearwater: Oh no! I'm so sorry, Max! I didn't mean to---
Ironside: It's fine, Mike! Reeeeelax!
Barnum cheers Giggles on as he drags Vagabond up and rolls him back into the ring. Giggles crawls in and makes the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THR--NOOOOOOO!
Clearwater: HE KICKED OUT!
Ironside: UN-BE-LIEVABLE!
~~~HONK HONK~~~
Ironside: VAGABOND FALLS LIKE THE BIG TOP AT THE END OF THE CIRCUIT! THERE'S THE COVER!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
The bell sounds.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match... and SSSTIIIILLLL APW Junior Heavyweight Champion... GIIIIIGGLLLLLESSSS!!!!
Clearwater: WHAT A MATCH!
Ironside: Von Vagabond did great in his second ever APW match... and... equally important... I got a chance to scout Giggles' strengths and weaknesses!
Clearwater: Oh! Hey, Remi!
Remi: Out of my chair, kid.
Ironside: With pleasure, sir! Have a great night, guys!
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Man Made Gods* VS The Hangmen
Jessica Kaine: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
She pauses, waiting for the marks, but they don't speak up.
Jessica Kaine: … and it is for the APW Tag Team Championship!
Marks: ONE FALL!
Remi: A little delayed… but we ARE in Las Vegas… so I don't expect much from these people.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… the challengers…
Marks: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
AC/DC's "Big Balls" starts and the silhouette of three men appears on the AlphaTron along with a Hangmen logo.
Clearwater: Where are they?
Remi: I don't---
Clearwater: LOOK!
The AlphaTron shows us backstage where Frank Lowe and The Hangmen have jumped Corey Black and Frank Patrick Venable in their locker room. Shooter and Noose are stomping away at FPV while Lowe chokes Black with a belt.
Clearwater: OH MY GOD! PURE CHAOS!
Remi: WHERE'S THEIR BOY GRAHAM BAKER NOW?! HUH?!
Clearwater: He doesn't even go here though…
Frank Lowe: Okay, boys! Let's take these fuckers to the ring!
She pauses, waiting for the marks, but they don't speak up.
Jessica Kaine: … and it is for the APW Tag Team Championship!
Marks: ONE FALL!
Remi: A little delayed… but we ARE in Las Vegas… so I don't expect much from these people.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… the challengers…
Marks: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
AC/DC's "Big Balls" starts and the silhouette of three men appears on the AlphaTron along with a Hangmen logo.
♬ I'm upper, upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
All the social papers say I've got the biggest balls of all ♬
Clearwater: Where are they?
Remi: I don't---
Clearwater: LOOK!
The AlphaTron shows us backstage where Frank Lowe and The Hangmen have jumped Corey Black and Frank Patrick Venable in their locker room. Shooter and Noose are stomping away at FPV while Lowe chokes Black with a belt.
Clearwater: OH MY GOD! PURE CHAOS!
Remi: WHERE'S THEIR BOY GRAHAM BAKER NOW?! HUH?!
Clearwater: He doesn't even go here though…
Frank Lowe: Okay, boys! Let's take these fuckers to the ring!
The Hangmen nod in unison. Shooter goes over and takes Black out in a fireman's carry while Noose pulls FPV up in a bear hug. The camera follows as Lowe leads them down the hall and out next to the stage.
Clearwater: THERE THEY ARE!
Once out in the arena, the obnoxious FPV chants begin, infuriating Lowe. The chants breathe life into FPV and he fights his way out of the bear hug. He then rocks Noose with an elbow smash, a jumping front kick… and finally a standing dropkick. He gets up and ducks a clothesline fron Lowe, before kicking Shooter's knee out. Black slips off of his back and shoves him into Lowe. Shooter takes his boss down with a shoulder tackle on the concrete. He looks remorseful, then gets a hefty helping of a sandwich elbow smash from Man Made Gods.
Clearwater: THE CHAMPS ARE CLEANING HOUSE!
Remi: Who cares?! They can't win outside of the ring!
FPV and Black high five, then they turn to the Hangmen. FPV grabs Noose and Black grabs Shooter, and they head toward the ring.
Remi: It looks like Frank Lowe is being officially left out of this match.
Clearwater: Good riddance.
As they get near the end of the ramp, Shooter elbows Black in the ribcage and then turns the table by ramming him into the guardrail. FPV lets go of Noose and charges, only to take a sloppy as fuck back body drop from Shooter.
Remi: EEESSSHHH!!!
Clearwater: FPV took most of that on his shoulder.
Shooter and Noose look back as their boss Lowe makes his way to them finally.
Frank Lowe: Well! What are you waiting for?! I'm not going to hold your fuckin' hands!
They drag FPV to the ring and roll him in, then turn back to get Black, who gets slammed into the guardrail again by Lowe.
Frank Lowe: What are you doing?! Beat up the shitty Frank! JEEZUS!!!
Shooter and Noose get in the ring and surround FPV. The referee tries to get control so the match can officially begin but the Hangmen ignore his warnings. Noose pulls FPV up in a reverse bear hug and Shooter starts laying in some snug shots to FPV's face… chest… legs… wherever is available. The ref pulls him back and threatens to disqualify him. Shooter laughs and charges in.
Clearwater: OOHH NOOO!!!
FPV spidey senses danger and he back elbow Noose in the jaw, forcing him to release the hold. He rolls out of way and Shooter lariats the fuck out of Noose. FPV makes it to the nearest corner to catch his breath.
Remi: The match hasn't even started yet, right?
Clearwater: Nope!
Lowe is screaming at Shooter to turn around. When he does, Black is already in the air and takes him down with a leaping double stomp to his chest. The fans go bananas for the APW Tag Team Champions. Black goes back to help FPV up and they set their sights on the challengers, as they help each other up. The champs head into battle and catch the challengers off guard, pushing them to opposite corners. They lay in some quick strikes to the Hangmen, then climb to the second rope together. The fans count along as Man Made Gods hammer down punches.
Marks: ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!
Clearwater: FRANK LOWE IS LOSING HIS SHIT RIGHT NOW!
Marks: FIVE! SIX! SEVEN!
Remi: DO SOMETHING, REF! THIS HAS TO BE ILLEGAL!
Marks: EIGHT! NINE! ! TENNNNN!!!!!
They climb down and look back at each other, then Northern Irish Whip the Hangmen, who reverse and send MMG toward one another… but they lucha pass each other and shotgun dropkick the Hangmen back into the corners.
Frank Lowe: YOU SONS A BITCHES!
Frank Lowe jumps up to the apron… only to get a deadly superkick from Frank Patrick Venable!
Clearwater: BOOM! HEADSHOT!
FPV stomps away at Shooter and pushes him under the rope, shoving him off the apron. He then climbs out onto the apron. Noose pulls himself up in the corner and the referee calls for the bell, officially starting this match.
Remi: FINALLY!
Black charges in and goes for a jumping high knee but Noose sidesteps and grabs Black in a waistlock, then delivers the most gruesome German Suplex in history. Black lands in such a bad way that the referee drops down immediately to check on him. Noose pulls him away and the ref insists he backs up. Black reaches out his hand and barely makes it to FPV, who connects with a springboard dropkick.
Clearwater: THAT'S ONE HOT TAG!
Noose bumps decent for being an amateur and the fans start that fucking chant again.
Marks: FPV! FPV! FPV! FPV! FPV! FPV! FPV! FPV!
FPV starts stomping his foot as Noose slowly gets to his feet. Before he can get anywhere, Lowe reaches in the ring and grabs FPV's foot. The referee rushes over to scold Lowe as Shooter tosses in a chain to Noose, who wraps it around his fist and he clobbers the back of FPV's head. Noose tosses the chain outta the ring and Lowe finally backs up, allowing the referee to return to the match.
Clearwater: THOSE SONS OF BITCHES ARE STEALING THIS MATCH!
With FPV down, Noose drags him away from the ropes and covers him… as Black gets pulled violently off of the apron by Shooter.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
The bell sounds and "Big Balls" starts to play.
Clearwater: Unbelievable! We've got new champs?!
Jessica Kaine: The winners of this match… and NEEEEWWWWWW APW Tag Team Champions… THE HAAAAAAANGMENNNN!!!!!!!
Lowe snatches the belts from the referee and he holds both of them close as Shooter and Noose gather across from him.
Remi: It looks like Frank Lowe is hogging all of the spotlight… as well he should… being the boss and all…
The Hangmen approach Lowe, who sighs and tosses the belts to his subordinates. They raise the belts high as we head backstage.
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"MAKE ALPHA PRO GREAT AGAIN"
There's a wet spot on the concrete floor, darker than the rest. Water drips down on it, almost rhythmically before the camera pans out to show Lex Collins sitting there, head bent. The room is otherwise barren – white wall behind him that's stark and blank and it's a mystery where this even is amid the opulence of the MGM Grand. Water drips from his soaked hair again, making that stain grow a little larger before he lifts his hand to push it from his face. There's a half-empty bottle of water next to him that he gently moves aside, the tape residue across the backs of his hands visible for a moment before he lifts the bottle to his lips, taking a small sip. Finally, he breaks the silence, his voice hoarse.
Lex Collins: Hey.
A wan smile curves his lips, there and gone in a second before one hand lifts up to rub across his lips.
Lex Collins: I'd say it felt like I never left, but I'd be completely full of shit. Mean, there's a given, right? The more things change, the more they stay 'xactly the same. Familiar faces. Worn out places. All that jazz. Don't even ask me to process what just happened out there 'cause... can't. I need a little time. Catch my breath, y'know?
His dark eyes are bloodshot, half-closed when he starts talking again and although there's no emotion in his voice, he seems almost sad.
Lex Collins: It feels weird. Being back here – like ridin' a bike, though. Never really forget how. Just a little wobbly for the first few seconds. Gotta find that balance again. Gotta remember how to hold yourself, how fast you need to go before you can shift gears smoothly. But hey, didn't fall. So that's something, right?
He chuckles, shaking his head.
Lex Collins: Is that what you're after here? Promises made to be broken an' the like? I'm back. That's... I guess that's all I can commit to right now. I'm here. Gonna see this through, help make Alpha Pro great again.
Wincing, he shakes his head and takes another pull from that bottle of water.
Lex Collins: Poor choice of words. Fuck. Havin' a hard time findin' words right now. I just...
He chuckles softly, closing his eyes for a second as he breathes slowly and evenly, just a little flicker around his mouth serving as a tell of how much pain he's in.
Lex Collins: I made it out alive. Mostly intact. So that's... I guess we see where the chips fall through the rest of the night. Go from there. I'm gonna be here. Watching. Pinchin' myself to make sure this isn't a dream. The pain tells me it's real, reminds me who I used to be before it all got twisted up an' tainted. That part still makes sense. Never stopped, really. Gonna be feelin' this tomorrow, that's for sure. See, I don't bend an' snap right back. Never been flexible like that new blade of grass'at pops back after bein' trampled down hundreds of times. I bend an' I stay bent. That's what this is all about: survival songs in the key of adaptation. Let the scar tissue form. Walk it off. As long as you can still move, can still get back up, it's never gonna be a loss. Continued existence is victory in and of itself... an act of defiance. Always been a rebel that way. Maybe now, I've finally found myself a worthy cause.
There's a flash of a grim smile before he shakes his head.
Lex Collins: Gettin' ahead of myself, though. Gotta let the chips fall where they may, first. Let that shit suss itself out. So, I'll leave you with a simple proclamation: I'm here. I'm ready to reclaim my spot – like I never left. Onward. Upward. Fearlessly – Pony Boy always stays GOLD. Always.
We head back to the ringside area for the North American Championship Match between America Jackson and Phoenix LeStrange...
Lex Collins: Hey.
A wan smile curves his lips, there and gone in a second before one hand lifts up to rub across his lips.
Lex Collins: I'd say it felt like I never left, but I'd be completely full of shit. Mean, there's a given, right? The more things change, the more they stay 'xactly the same. Familiar faces. Worn out places. All that jazz. Don't even ask me to process what just happened out there 'cause... can't. I need a little time. Catch my breath, y'know?
His dark eyes are bloodshot, half-closed when he starts talking again and although there's no emotion in his voice, he seems almost sad.
Lex Collins: It feels weird. Being back here – like ridin' a bike, though. Never really forget how. Just a little wobbly for the first few seconds. Gotta find that balance again. Gotta remember how to hold yourself, how fast you need to go before you can shift gears smoothly. But hey, didn't fall. So that's something, right?
He chuckles, shaking his head.
Lex Collins: Is that what you're after here? Promises made to be broken an' the like? I'm back. That's... I guess that's all I can commit to right now. I'm here. Gonna see this through, help make Alpha Pro great again.
Wincing, he shakes his head and takes another pull from that bottle of water.
Lex Collins: Poor choice of words. Fuck. Havin' a hard time findin' words right now. I just...
He chuckles softly, closing his eyes for a second as he breathes slowly and evenly, just a little flicker around his mouth serving as a tell of how much pain he's in.
Lex Collins: I made it out alive. Mostly intact. So that's... I guess we see where the chips fall through the rest of the night. Go from there. I'm gonna be here. Watching. Pinchin' myself to make sure this isn't a dream. The pain tells me it's real, reminds me who I used to be before it all got twisted up an' tainted. That part still makes sense. Never stopped, really. Gonna be feelin' this tomorrow, that's for sure. See, I don't bend an' snap right back. Never been flexible like that new blade of grass'at pops back after bein' trampled down hundreds of times. I bend an' I stay bent. That's what this is all about: survival songs in the key of adaptation. Let the scar tissue form. Walk it off. As long as you can still move, can still get back up, it's never gonna be a loss. Continued existence is victory in and of itself... an act of defiance. Always been a rebel that way. Maybe now, I've finally found myself a worthy cause.
There's a flash of a grim smile before he shakes his head.
Lex Collins: Gettin' ahead of myself, though. Gotta let the chips fall where they may, first. Let that shit suss itself out. So, I'll leave you with a simple proclamation: I'm here. I'm ready to reclaim my spot – like I never left. Onward. Upward. Fearlessly – Pony Boy always stays GOLD. Always.
We head back to the ringside area for the North American Championship Match between America Jackson and Phoenix LeStrange...
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America Jackson* VS Phoenix LeStrange
Clearwater: Last month, Eli Beazley won a fatal four way to earn a championship match tonight. During that match, he sustained a serious injury to his lower back. Following his match last week against Phoenix LeStrange, it was decided that he was unable to compete tonight.
Remi: Call it like it is. He took the coward's way out of this match.
Clearwater: That's not at all what happened.
Remi: Whaaaaatever! In his place will be Phoenix LeStrange… who has been red hot since returning to Alpha Pro Wrestling!
Jessica Kaine: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Marks: ONE FALL!
Jessica Kaine: ...and it is for the APW North American Championship!
Marks: YAY!
The lights go out as "Flesh" by Simon Curtis plays.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… the challenger… she… is… PHOENIX LESTRAAAAAANGE!!!!!
Phoenix walks out to a red strobe light as she walks down the ramp seductively matching the rhythm. Her fangs glow in the red light as she gets in the ring and awaits her opponent.
Marks: YAY!
Jessica Kaine: And her opponent… he is the current… reigning… defending APW North American Champion…
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
"Don’t Tread” by Damn Yankees plays as America Jackson makes his way out onto the stage with the Troops. They line up and salute as he raises his championship high. Red, white, blue fireworks rain down from above the AlphaTron.
Jessica Kaine: Weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds… from Glen Rose, Texas…
America Jackson marches proudly down the ramp as the Troops exit the stage.
Jessica Kaine: AAAAAAAMERRRRIIICCAAAA……. JJAAAAAAAAAAAACCKSSSSSSOOONNNN!!!!!
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
He looks perturbed by the reaction but continues to bravely enter the ring. As Jessica goes to leave the ring, America grabs her wrist and then the microphone.
Remi: SHUT UP, CLEARWATER!!!
Clearwater: I wasn't talk---
Remi: SHUT UP!
The music dies down.
Remi: Call it like it is. He took the coward's way out of this match.
Clearwater: That's not at all what happened.
Remi: Whaaaaatever! In his place will be Phoenix LeStrange… who has been red hot since returning to Alpha Pro Wrestling!
Jessica Kaine: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Marks: ONE FALL!
Jessica Kaine: ...and it is for the APW North American Championship!
Marks: YAY!
The lights go out as "Flesh" by Simon Curtis plays.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first… the challenger… she… is… PHOENIX LESTRAAAAAANGE!!!!!
Phoenix walks out to a red strobe light as she walks down the ramp seductively matching the rhythm. Her fangs glow in the red light as she gets in the ring and awaits her opponent.
Marks: YAY!
Jessica Kaine: And her opponent… he is the current… reigning… defending APW North American Champion…
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
"Don’t Tread” by Damn Yankees plays as America Jackson makes his way out onto the stage with the Troops. They line up and salute as he raises his championship high. Red, white, blue fireworks rain down from above the AlphaTron.
Jessica Kaine: Weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds… from Glen Rose, Texas…
America Jackson marches proudly down the ramp as the Troops exit the stage.
Jessica Kaine: AAAAAAAMERRRRIIICCAAAA……. JJAAAAAAAAAAAACCKSSSSSSOOONNNN!!!!!
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
He looks perturbed by the reaction but continues to bravely enter the ring. As Jessica goes to leave the ring, America grabs her wrist and then the microphone.
Remi: SHUT UP, CLEARWATER!!!
Clearwater: I wasn't talk---
Remi: SHUT UP!
The music dies down.
America Jackson: Excuse me, Ms. Kaine. I believe you misspoke. Even the simple townies here in Las Vegas know that I am NOT the North American Champion.
Clearwater: HUH?!
America Jackson: You and the rest of Alpha Pro Wrestling incorrectly call me the North American Champion... when we all know that the only America that matters is the United States of America. To my knowledge... this championship has not been defended in Canada or Mexico. Even if it was... those matches would not come close to the five stars that my championship matches are rated. Tonight will be no different as I defend against Ms. LeStrange here. In honor of this upcoming successful defense... I would like to dedicate this match to the greatest American hero of this or any generation... Chet Dakota!!
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Marks: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!
DING! DING! DING!
Clearwater: Umm…
Remi: Yes, Mike?
Clearwater: I don’t the title was named after him.
Remi: I’m pretty sure it was.
Clearwater: I’m pretty sure you’re wrong.
Remi: Ya mom’s wrong.
Clearwater: That doesn’t even make sense.
Remi: Your face doesn’t make sense.
Clearwater: Ok Remi.
Remi: What?
Clearwater: Nothing.
Remi: You're strange, bro
Clearwater: Am Jax has the challenger in a hammerlock, and LeStrange is fighting to escape.
Remi: Oh, we’re calling the match, now.
Clearwater: Phoenix breaks the holds by dropping down with a quick jawbreaker.
The vamp from HAVEN proceeds to drive her advantage by kicking Jackson in the chest as he rests on his knees. He leans backward, and LeStrange tries to kick him again, but he grabs her foot and spins her around. Following it up with a chop blocks her down to the canvas. He takes a back mount.
Remi: That looks my dogs.
Clearwater: What?
Remi: My dogs, Am Jax mounting LeStrange from behind looks my like dogs.
Clearwater: Ok Remi.
Remi: What?
Clearwater: Nothing.
Remi: You're strange, bro.
Clearwater: America Jackson lifts Phoenix from the mat and sending her crashing back down with a back suplex.
Jackson floats over and applies a front face lock onto the challenger, lifting her to her feet, he tries to suplex her again, but she blocks it with a leg hook. He tries again, but she is able to block it again, and then counters the move with a suplex of her own. Both hit the mat, LeStrange kips up quickly, as does America Jackson. She goes to kick him in the ribs, but he catches her foot, she tries for an enzugiri, but he ducks under the kick and turns her around with a leg whip and sits down, locking her in a single crab.
Clearwater: Jackson wrenching on the submission hold here.
Remi: Like pulling weeds.
Clearwater: What are you on about now?
Remi: When you grab a leg like that it’s like trying to pull weeds from the garden.
Clearwater: Ok Remi.
Remi: What?
Clearwater: Nothing.
Remi: You're strange, bro.
Clearwater: LeStrange reaches the ropes, forcing Jax to release the hold.
Jackson backs up, as Phoenix pulls herself up using the ropes. Once she has regained her vertical base, he runs at her, but she is able to dodge whatever he was trying to hit her with and connects with a drop toe hold. He catches his throat across the top rope as he falls. Seeking to press home her advantage, she runs the ropes quickly and WHACKS him in the back of the head with a shining wizard as he knelt on the mat. Jackson CRUMPLES to the ground from the force of the connection.
Clearwater: LeStrange with the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Clearwater: Kickout by the champion.
Phoenix slaps the mat in frustration and pulls America Jackson to his feet before dropping him into the mat with a snap DDT, the top of his skull hits with a THUD. LeStrange goes to the corner and scales the turnbuckles and comes FLYING off the top with a moonsault.
Clearwater: KNEES UP!
Remi: OH!
Clearwater: LeStrange saw America Jackson gets his knees up and corrected her flight to land on her feet.
Splitting her feet either side of the Champion, she drops to her feet and slams her fist into the nuts of America Jackson.
Remi: Reminds me of time I got a vasectomy
Clearwater: Well that one actually makes sense.
Remi: What?
Clearwater: Nothing.
Remi: You're strange, bro
Clearwater: LeStrange with the cover after the low blow.
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NO!
Remi: KICKOUT!
Clearwater: Am Jax won’t walk right for two days but he’s still in the match.
LeStrange rolls off and gets to her feet, bringing Am Jax with her. He shoves her away and then whips her flying towards the ropes and waits for her to come back, DRILLING her with a brutal front kick stalling all of her momentum, sending her crashing into the canvas. Jackson comes after LeStrange, mounting her and throwing punches into her face as she covers up with her forearms, deflecting as many of the blows as possible.
Clearwater: Don’t say anything about your dogs.
Remi: Why would I do that?
Clearwater: I don’t know, Remi, why would you?
Remi: No idea.
Clearwater: Ok Remi.
Remi: What?
Clearwater: Nothing.
Remi: You're strange, bro
Clearwater: Jackson still reigning fists down on the vamp from HAVEN.
Eventually, Am Jax drags Phoenix back to her standing base and chops at her throat, being whipping her into the corner and immediately coming after her and CRASHING into her with a WICKED leaping back elbow, as Am Jax backs away, She stumbles out of the corner. He locks her in a front facelock and runs up the turnbuckle before DELIVERING her into the canvas with a BRUTAL tornado DDT, he rolls her over and hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NO!
Remi: KICKOUT!
Clearwater: Jackson almost put LeStrange away there.
Remi: I don’t think so, bro
Clearwater: You don’t think what?
Remi: Phoenix clearly playing possum, bro.
Clearwater: Am I going to hear an anecdote about possums now?
Remi: What’s an anecdote?
Jax pulls LeStrange back to her feet and whips her into the ropes, but Phoenix reverses the move, slingshotting America Jackson into the ropes, she runs off the opposite ropes and LAUNCHES HERSELF HEADFIRST INTO HIS GUT.
Remi: BROOOOOOOOOOO!!
Clearwater: HUGE GAME CHANGER BY PHOENIX LESTRANGE!!!
Both wrestlers collapse on the canvas. Eddie’s daughter checks on them before beginning to count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
America Jackson starts to stir.
FIVE!
Lestrange begins stirring.
SIX!
SEVEN!
Both wrestlers on their knees.
EIGHT!
NINE!
Clearwater: They beat the count!!
America Jackson swings a wild clothesline as he close to his challenger. LeStrange gets under it and takes him down to the mat with a reverse neckbreaker, both are quickly to their feet and Phoenix turns and leaps onto the shoulders of America Jackson and FLINGS him across the ring with a huricanrana. He crashes into the turnbuckles, pulling himself in the corner, LeStrange follows and JUMPS onto his shoulders again and tries another huricanrana, but he holds and SLAMS her down into the canvas with a powerbomb AND HOLDS ON!
Clearwater: Am Jax looks to inflict punishment.
Remi: I had a girl that…
Clearwater: Don’t Remi, just don’t.
Remi: What?
Clearwater: Nothing.
Remi: You're strange, bro.
Clearwater: He goes for another powerbomb… OH MY!
LeStrange flicks her weight under Am Jax and takes him down with another huricanrana into a pinning predicament.
ONE!
TWO!
THR -- NO!
Remi: SHOULDER UP!
Clearwater: HOW CLOSE WAS THAT!!
Remi: IT WAS CLOSE, BRO!
Phoenix screams out! Frustrated at the situation. She climbs off Am Jax, and gets to her feet. He gets up groggy and she kicks him in the gut.
Remi: TEASE! TEASE!
Clearwater: NO! Am Jax shoves her away.
She turns around and comes at Jackson.
Clearwater: INVERTED ATOMIC DROP!
Remi: That’s staggered Phoenix, bro.
Clearwater: RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP!
Remi: LeStrange has crashed to the mat, bro.
Clearwater: BACKBREAKER!
Remi: America Jackson is climbing to the second turnbuckle.
Clearwater: ELBOW DROP!
Remi: The champion is stalking the challenger here.
Clearwater: AMERICA FIRST!!!
Remi: NOOOOO!!
Clearwater: SHE COUNTERED!!!
Lestrange slips down America’s back and counters with a sunset flip type move pinning the champion to the mat.
ONE!
Remi: WHOA, BRO!
TWO!
Clearwater: Big move by LeStrange.
THR -- NO!
Clearwater: JACKSON KICKED OUT!!
Lestrange pushes Jackson away and he rolls through to his feet. She stands up - kick to the gut!
Clearwater: TEASE!
Remi: SHE HIT IT!! SHE HIT IT!!
ONE!
TWO!
THR --
Clearwater: Eddie’s daughter is pointing to the ropes.
Remi: NO!!!
Clearwater: America Jackson had his foot on the bottom rope and it was noticed just as the referee counted three.
Phoenix is arguing with Jasmine Silk. She’s really getting into it here, all the while America Jackson recovers.
Clearwater: LeStrange has back Jasmine clear across the ring.
America Jackson is back to his feet.
Clearwater: America FIRST!!!
ONE!
TWO!
THR --
Clearwater: Eddie’s daughter is pointing to the ropes.
Remi: NO!!!
Clearwater: Wow! America knocks LeStrange’s foot off the rope and covers again.
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Remi: KICKOUT!!
Clearwater: The challenger lives to fight another day!
Jackson rolls off LeStrange and crouches, waiting for her to get to her feet. As she gathers herself up he connects with a LEAPING KNEE STRIKE!
Remi: America SECOND!!
Clearwater: That’s not the name of the move, Remi.
ONE!
Remi: What is then?
TWO!
Clearwater: A second America First!
THREE!
Clearwater: THAT’S IT!
DING! DING! DING!
- A - L - P - H - A - S - H - O - W - D - O - W - N -
WORLD WAR WRESTLING
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 28
BB&T CENTER / ORLANDO, FLORIDA
ANDREW BARNES CHALLENGES FOR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP!
LEX COLLINS CHALLENGES FOR NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP!
ADELAIDE AINSWORTH CHALLENGES FOR HARDCORE CHAMPIONSHIP!
RENAISSANCE TAYLOR CHALLENGES FOR JUNIOR HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!
DVD AND LILIANNA ROSE CHALLENGE FOR TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!
STIPULATIONS DECIDED VIA FAN POLLS!
- A - L - P - H - A - S - H - O - W - D - O - W - N -
:: MAIN EVENT // ULTIMATE SHOWDOWN ::
Zaigon Carter VS America Jackson VS William the Behemoth VS Giggles! VS The Hangmen
Clearwater: What an incredible night it’s already been! All of the contenders for World War Wrestling have been set! Nearly all of our champions have retained! Now it’s time for Zaigon Carter’s Ultimate Showdown! Will he overcome the odds and remain APW World Champion? Let’s find out!
Jessica Kaine: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Marks: ONE FALL!
Jessica Kaine: … and it is the Ultimate Showdown for the APW World Championship!
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first…
All of the lights go out, casting the arena into total darkness.
Remi: OH COME ON! THIS AGAIN?!
Suddenly, a lone, white spotlight appears on the stage, illuminating a man, wearing a red overcoat and a black tophat. He raises a microphone to his lips.
Isaac Barnum: Ladies and gentlemen... My name is Ringmaster Isaac Barnum. I do hope you are enjoying the show so far, because it’s only going to get better from here…
Remi: I was until right now. I’m outta--
Clearwater: Sit your ass down and do your damn job!
A sinister smile forms on Barnum’s face.
Isaac Barnum: So sit back, relax, and please, stay in your seats. Kick your feet up and grab some popcorn. Because it is my great and humble pleasure to introduce to you… the reigning APW Junior Heavyweight Champion and FUTURE APW World Heavyweight Champion… Your Favorite Clown and Mine… Giggles!
The strings of “Welcome to the Freakshow” by The Protest begins to play as the spotlight goes out again. The arena lights slowly come back to life. Standing behind Barnum is Giggles himself. He is hunched over slightly yet still towers over the Ringmaster.
Remi: My favorite clown is no clown!
Barnum begins walking to the ring, Giggles shuffling along behind him. He smiles and laughs at the children in the front row, who all shy away from him in fear… just like Remi is doing form afar…
Clearwater: You’ll be fine.
Giggles reaches up with his unnaturally long arms and pulls himself up onto the apron and over the top rope. He waves out into the crowd, only to be met with nervous boos from the crowd.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next...
AC/DC's "Big Balls" starts and the silhouette of three men appears on the AlphaTron along with a Hangmen logo.
Jessica Kaine: They are the current APW Tag Team Champions… THE HANGMEN!
The Hangmen walk out from backstage, all three of them.
Clearwater: What… the… hell…
Remi: OH NO!
Noose is in a wheel chair, half wrapped up like a mummy.
Remi: WHAT TRAGIC ACCIDENT OCCURED TO MAKE HIM UNABLE TO COMPETE IN THIS MATCH I WONDER?!!?!!?!1
Clearwater: Oh please…
Frank Lowe gives him fake sympathy before turning the wheelchair around and shoving him backstage.
Remi: What a noble gentleman to step in for his truest friend! Thoughts and prayers go out to--
Clearwater: He’s not really hurt. He’s just--
Remi: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!
Lowe and Shooter saunter down the ramp, getting all kinds of shade thrown their way from the fans in attendance. Once they reach the ring, Shooter slides in and Lowe casually walks up the steps to get into the ring. They raise their titles together before Lowe flips off Giggles.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next…
A dozen or so stagehands rolls out a yellow tarp all the way down the ramp.
Clearwater: What the hell is this?
Once it’s straightened out, a truck backs up to the side of the entrance and a man in a jumpsuit climbs out of the truck. He climbs up the ladder in the back and grabs a hose, then lets loose and covers the yellow tarp with--
Clearwater: IS THAT BUTTER?!
Remi: SHITFIRE! IT’S BUTTER!
Clearwater: Wrong show, Remi. You’re going to get a cease and desist from Action Wrestling if you keep that shit up.
Indeed… the man is spraying butter on the tarp and it’s running all the way down to the ring. The Hangmen look on confused as Giggles slides out of the ring. He snatches a bucket of popcorn from a fan in the front row and soaks the popcorn up with his hands.
Clearwater: I have no idea what’s happening right now.
Remi: It looks delicious!
“Glazgow Mega Snake” by Mogwai blares throughout the building.
Clearwater: Oh no…
Jessica Kaine: From Miami, Florida… weighing in at five hundred and seventy-nine pounds… he is your APW Hardcore Champion… WILLIAM THE BEHEMOTH!!!!!1
William the Behemoth slides out head first from backstage and coasts down the ramp on the tarp of butter. Hot butter splashes the fans along the ramp like a Gallagher show. Once he reaches the bottom of the ramp, he desperately rolls around in the butter some more as he tries to get up. He reaches up and grabs the ring apron, but tears it off of the ring with his mighty strength.
Clearwater: Maybe move on to the next one so he can figure out where he went wrong?
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next...
"Don’t Tread” by Damn Yankees plays as America Jackson makes his way out onto the stage with the Troops. They line up and salute as he raises his championship high. Red, white, blue fireworks rain down from above the AlphaTron.
Jessica Kaine: Weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds… from Glen Rose, Texas…
America Jackson marches proudly down the ramp, being careful to not step on the buttery tarp, as the Troops exit the stage.
Jessica Kaine: AAAAAAAMERRRRIIICCAAAA……. JJAAAAAAAAAAAACCKSSSSSSOOONNNN!!!!!
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
He looks perturbed by the reaction but continues to bravely enter the ring. He looks around at the other champions, formulating how to best achieve his mission tonight.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing last… but certainly not least…
The lights in the arena go totally dark, as the crowd sits in anticipation. Through the silence, the booming voice of Ronald Reagan emerges.
At the end of President Reagan's words, the loud drums of Metallica's "Don't Tread On Me" blare. The lights turn white and begin to dance around before the first line cuts through the arena.
A single spotlight activates at the top of the entryway, showing Zaigon Carter standing alone.
The lights continue to flash, and out from behind Mr. Carter comes Prosperity the eagle carrying his title belt in his talons. He soars through the air as Mr. Carter begins his walk down the ramp, which has since had the tarp removed.
Mr. Carter climbs into the ring, standing in the middle of the ring with a single spotlight on him. Prosperity swoops down dropping his title on his shoulders before taking off for the nearest turnbuckle, spreading his mighty swings as a second spotlight illuminates him.
Jessica Kaine: Entering the arena from Billings, Montana by way of Chicago, Illinois. He weighs in at 240 pounds. He is the current, reigning, defending APW World Heavyweight Champion… ZAIIIIGOONNNN… CAAAAARTERRRRRRR!!!!!1
Remi: All six champions are ready for action packed action!
Clearwater: It’s disgusting to call The Hangmen ‘champions’. They don’t deserve to share the ring with the great champions of Alpha Pro Wrestling.
Remi: A loss is a loss is a loss is a loss.
Frank Lowe steps to the middle of the ring and he shouts at the other champions.
Frank Lowe: YOU PUNKS MIGHT AS WELL WALK AWAY NOW! I’M ABOUT TO BURY ALL OF YOUR FUCKIN’ BELTS WITH THAT PIECE OF SHIT RAGING DEAD! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK Y--
Before he can finish his tirade, Zaigon Carter clobbers him from behind. A brawl ensues between Shooter and America. That leaves us with an awkward staredown between Giggles and William the Behemoth.
Clearwater: It was only a few short weeks ago when Giggles defeated William the Behemoth.
Remi: VIA COUNTOUT!
Clearwater: A loss is a loss is a loss is a loss… right?
Remi: SHUT UP!
Giggles strangely offers to shake William’s hand. William, not being afraid of a joy buzzer, grabs ahold of Giggles hand and… nothing happen. They just shake hands. Then William goes to pull away and--
Remi: HE TOOK OFF GIGGLES’ HAND! OH MY GOD!
Clearwater: It’s a fake hand… obviously…
Giggles screams out in agony, pulling back his sleeve to reveal that William indeed removed his hand.
Clearwater: OH GROSS!
Disgusted, William projectile vomits all over Giggles, who slips and rolls out of the ring to safety by Isaac Barnum. William throws the hand in the crowd and it gets crowd surfed right back to Barnum, who does some sort of weird magic with a handkerchief to re-attach Giggles’ hand to his write.
Clearwater: I don’t understand anything anymore.
William looks down in horror as Giggles’ legs extend so he steps up onto the apron. William headbutts Giggles and he crashes onto Barnum. William drops down and rolls out of the ring, going after the Junior Heavyweight Champion. The two most oddly shaped wrestlers in Alpha Pro Wrestling history brawl on the outside, all while Isaac Barnum is probably dead. Vinny runs out from backstage to help Barnum. Sensing that it is a sneak attack on William, ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ runs out from backstage as well.
Remi: The band is getting back together again!!!
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ cuts Vinny off at the bottom of the ramp and William sees their scuffle. He chops Giggles so hard that he may be paralyzed, then gorilla presses the Junior Heavyweight Champion and launches him through the air like a lawn dart, taking down both Vinny and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎. William approaches the mess of bodies and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ looks up, distraught.
Clearwater: Looks like there's still trouble in paradise for Very Big Supervillains.
William reaches down and helps ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ up. The two embrace.
Marks: AAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
Then someone bumps into the two men as they hug and it's... it's... it's...
Remi: ADDY FUCKIN' A?!
Addy has ahold of the Hardcore Championship, which shocks William.
Addy A: Watch where ya'r goin', fuckface!
Clearwater: But... she was the one who... bumped into him...
The throws the title over her shoulder and--
Addy takes off with the Very Big Supervillains chasing after her. She doesn't have to run fast because... you guessed it... VBS can't run fast. They go around the ring once and then up the ramp, careful not to step on Giggles... who is probably definitely maybe paralyzed.
Clearwater: Can we get some help out here for Giggles? He hasn't moved since William chopped him... like... five minutes ago...
Back in the ring, The Hangmen are still fighting with The Storm. The Hangmen get the upper hand with some dirty tactics and they whip The Storm off the ropes. Their whip is reversed with another whip and The Hangmen go speeding toward the ropes. Lowe hangs onto the ropes as Shooter bounces off of them, then eats a powerful double clothesline from The Storm. They go after Lowe, who rolls drops down and rolls underneath the rope.
Clearwater: AND THEN THERE WAS THE STORM!
We get a split screen of the locker room area where Andrew Barnes, Lex Collins, Renaissance Taylor, Dave Van Dam and Lilianna Rose are watching and reacting to the match as it happens. America and Zaigon meet in the middle of the ring, locking horns like a couple of... you know... animals... who lock horns. They are equally matched in strength and neither man can get anywhere with their collar and elbow struggle. They release the hold simultaneously and give each other a nod, then Zaigon is shoved into America by Shooter, who is being commanded by the outside by Lowe.
Frank Lowe: FUCK EM UP, SHOOTER! FUCK EM UP REAL BAD!
Shooter turns Zaigon around and lifts him up for a bodyslam, but America pulls his friend's legs and thus off of Shooter's shoulder. Shooter turns around and gets kicked in the gut, then The Storm hooks him and hoists him up for a suspended double vertical suplex. Despite being impressively strong, Shooter gives shit for leverage and they don't hold him up as long as they intended.
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Remi: I told you The Storm were babyfaces all along!
Clearwater: Or they just don't like The Hangmen.
Remi: SHUT UP!
Clearwater: THERE'S FRANK LOWE!
Lowe clobbers America from behind and then clotheslines Zaigon. He stomps away at both champions and the fans are boooooing this man. Then they start… cheering?!
Remi: SOMEONE JUMPED THE RAIL! WHO IS IT?!
Clearwater: THAT'S DERRICK VAYDEN!
Indeed. Action Wrestling superstar Derrick Vayden has arrived and he's made his way into the ring to brawl with arch nemesis Frank Lowe. Vayden lays in such heavy hands that he breaks open the stitches on Lowe's head. Blood pours down Lowe's face.
Remi: CRIMSON FUCKING MASK!
Vayden tears his Raging Dead t-shirt and chokes the fuck out of Lowe, then pitches him between the ropes. Vayden looks at the blood on his hands and a sadistic smile takes over. He smears the blood across his chest and goes after Lowe, who is crawling up the ramp. Vayden goes after Lowe, stomping his face into the steel ramp.
Clearwater: LISTEN TO THESE FANS!
Remi: IT'S THE BIGGEST POP IN ACTION WRESTLING HISTORY!
Clearwater: Wrong show, Remi.
Remi: DAMNIT!
Vayden drags Lowe up and pitches him from the ramp to the concrete, then follows after and drags him up again. He clutches the back of Lowe's neck and walks him all the way to the back, as the cameraman follows. The folks in the hall separate and let Vayden through as he makes it to the end of the hall and kicks the door wide open.
Clearwater: WHAT IS THAT?!
They head into a loading area where a car is backed up and the trunk is wide open. Vayden mercilessly tosses Lowe into the trunk and slams it shut. He takes a deep breath and gets into the driver's seat before starting the car and peeling outta there.
Remi: I can't believe we just witnessed an abduction!
Clearwater: I can't believe this is a crossover episode!
Remi: I can’t believe Shooter is all on his own!
Shooter slides back into the ring and looks down at The Storm, ready to take them both on. He goes to work on Zaigon first, nailing him with some vicious strikes. America pulls Shooter back and the two have an epic staredown. Shooter gets the first shot in, busting America’s lip. He goes a step back and touches his lip, noticing the blood. He nods his head and there’s a brief smile before he’s off to the races. The fans yay/boo as the two men trade strikes and then--
Marks: AMERICA! OH AMERICA! MAY GOD THY GOLD REFINE!
Clearwater: WHAT THE HELL?!
Marks: TILL ALL SUCCESS BE NOBLENESS AND EVERY GAIN DEVINES!
Clearwater: How much did he pay to get them to sing that?!
Back and forth they go. Shooter winds back and goes for the big ‘ne but America ducks. America shoots forward with a knockout headbutt. Shooter falls so hard and practically had Xs over his eyes. America drops down on top of him and the referee goes to count.
ONE!
Remi: THERE’S ZAIGON!
Clearwater: HE DIDN’T MAKE IT IN TIME!
The bell rings and “Don’t Tread” by Damn Yankees starts to play.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match and NNEEEEEWWWWW APW World Heavyweight Champion… AAAAAAAMERRRICAAAAAA JAAAAAACKSSSSOOOOONNN!!!!!!!
America Jackson gets to his feet and he is handed both of his championships. He holds them close as his eyes well up with emotion. Then he notices Zaigon Carter on his knees, disappointed in the loss to his friend. He looks up at America and gives him a nod, then gets to his feet and offers his hand. The Storm shake hands and Zaigon raises the arm of the new champion. He drops the arm and claps for America before graciously passing the spotlight to his friend.
Jessica Kaine: The following match is scheduled for one fall…
Marks: ONE FALL!
Jessica Kaine: … and it is the Ultimate Showdown for the APW World Championship!
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Jessica Kaine: Introducing first…
All of the lights go out, casting the arena into total darkness.
Remi: OH COME ON! THIS AGAIN?!
Suddenly, a lone, white spotlight appears on the stage, illuminating a man, wearing a red overcoat and a black tophat. He raises a microphone to his lips.
Isaac Barnum: Ladies and gentlemen... My name is Ringmaster Isaac Barnum. I do hope you are enjoying the show so far, because it’s only going to get better from here…
Remi: I was until right now. I’m outta--
Clearwater: Sit your ass down and do your damn job!
A sinister smile forms on Barnum’s face.
Isaac Barnum: So sit back, relax, and please, stay in your seats. Kick your feet up and grab some popcorn. Because it is my great and humble pleasure to introduce to you… the reigning APW Junior Heavyweight Champion and FUTURE APW World Heavyweight Champion… Your Favorite Clown and Mine… Giggles!
The strings of “Welcome to the Freakshow” by The Protest begins to play as the spotlight goes out again. The arena lights slowly come back to life. Standing behind Barnum is Giggles himself. He is hunched over slightly yet still towers over the Ringmaster.
Remi: My favorite clown is no clown!
Barnum begins walking to the ring, Giggles shuffling along behind him. He smiles and laughs at the children in the front row, who all shy away from him in fear… just like Remi is doing form afar…
Clearwater: You’ll be fine.
Giggles reaches up with his unnaturally long arms and pulls himself up onto the apron and over the top rope. He waves out into the crowd, only to be met with nervous boos from the crowd.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next...
AC/DC's "Big Balls" starts and the silhouette of three men appears on the AlphaTron along with a Hangmen logo.
♬ I'm upper, upper class high society
God's gift to ballroom notoriety
And I always fill my ballroom
The event is never small
All the social papers say I've got the biggest balls of all ♬
Jessica Kaine: They are the current APW Tag Team Champions… THE HANGMEN!
The Hangmen walk out from backstage, all three of them.
Clearwater: What… the… hell…
Remi: OH NO!
Noose is in a wheel chair, half wrapped up like a mummy.
Remi: WHAT TRAGIC ACCIDENT OCCURED TO MAKE HIM UNABLE TO COMPETE IN THIS MATCH I WONDER?!!?!!?!1
Clearwater: Oh please…
Frank Lowe gives him fake sympathy before turning the wheelchair around and shoving him backstage.
Remi: What a noble gentleman to step in for his truest friend! Thoughts and prayers go out to--
Clearwater: He’s not really hurt. He’s just--
Remi: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS!
Lowe and Shooter saunter down the ramp, getting all kinds of shade thrown their way from the fans in attendance. Once they reach the ring, Shooter slides in and Lowe casually walks up the steps to get into the ring. They raise their titles together before Lowe flips off Giggles.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next…
A dozen or so stagehands rolls out a yellow tarp all the way down the ramp.
Clearwater: What the hell is this?
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Clearwater: IS THAT BUTTER?!
Remi: SHITFIRE! IT’S BUTTER!
Clearwater: Wrong show, Remi. You’re going to get a cease and desist from Action Wrestling if you keep that shit up.
Indeed… the man is spraying butter on the tarp and it’s running all the way down to the ring. The Hangmen look on confused as Giggles slides out of the ring. He snatches a bucket of popcorn from a fan in the front row and soaks the popcorn up with his hands.
Clearwater: I have no idea what’s happening right now.
Remi: It looks delicious!
“Glazgow Mega Snake” by Mogwai blares throughout the building.
Clearwater: Oh no…
Jessica Kaine: From Miami, Florida… weighing in at five hundred and seventy-nine pounds… he is your APW Hardcore Champion… WILLIAM THE BEHEMOTH!!!!!1
William the Behemoth slides out head first from backstage and coasts down the ramp on the tarp of butter. Hot butter splashes the fans along the ramp like a Gallagher show. Once he reaches the bottom of the ramp, he desperately rolls around in the butter some more as he tries to get up. He reaches up and grabs the ring apron, but tears it off of the ring with his mighty strength.
Clearwater: Maybe move on to the next one so he can figure out where he went wrong?
Jessica Kaine: Introducing next...
"Don’t Tread” by Damn Yankees plays as America Jackson makes his way out onto the stage with the Troops. They line up and salute as he raises his championship high. Red, white, blue fireworks rain down from above the AlphaTron.
Jessica Kaine: Weighing in at two hundred and sixty-five pounds… from Glen Rose, Texas…
America Jackson marches proudly down the ramp, being careful to not step on the buttery tarp, as the Troops exit the stage.
Jessica Kaine: AAAAAAAMERRRRIIICCAAAA……. JJAAAAAAAAAAAACCKSSSSSSOOONNNN!!!!!
Marks: BOOOOOOOO!!!!!
He looks perturbed by the reaction but continues to bravely enter the ring. He looks around at the other champions, formulating how to best achieve his mission tonight.
Jessica Kaine: Introducing last… but certainly not least…
The lights in the arena go totally dark, as the crowd sits in anticipation. Through the silence, the booming voice of Ronald Reagan emerges.
"IT'S TIME TO REALIZE I THINK THAT WE NEED GOD MORE THAN HE NEEDS US"
♬ DON’T TREAD ON ME ♬
♬ I SAID DON’T TREAD ON ME ♬
♬ LIBERTY OR DEATH, WHAT WE SO PROUDLY HAIL
ONCE YOU PROVOKE HER, RATTLING OF HER TAIL
NEVER BEGINS IT, NEVER, BUT ONCE ENGAGED
NEVER SURRENDERS, SHOWING THE FANGS OF RAGE
I SAID DON'T TREAD ON ME ♬
Mr. Carter climbs into the ring, standing in the middle of the ring with a single spotlight on him. Prosperity swoops down dropping his title on his shoulders before taking off for the nearest turnbuckle, spreading his mighty swings as a second spotlight illuminates him.
Jessica Kaine: Entering the arena from Billings, Montana by way of Chicago, Illinois. He weighs in at 240 pounds. He is the current, reigning, defending APW World Heavyweight Champion… ZAIIIIGOONNNN… CAAAAARTERRRRRRR!!!!!1
Remi: All six champions are ready for action packed action!
Clearwater: It’s disgusting to call The Hangmen ‘champions’. They don’t deserve to share the ring with the great champions of Alpha Pro Wrestling.
Remi: A loss is a loss is a loss is a loss.
Frank Lowe steps to the middle of the ring and he shouts at the other champions.
Frank Lowe: YOU PUNKS MIGHT AS WELL WALK AWAY NOW! I’M ABOUT TO BURY ALL OF YOUR FUCKIN’ BELTS WITH THAT PIECE OF SHIT RAGING DEAD! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK Y--
Before he can finish his tirade, Zaigon Carter clobbers him from behind. A brawl ensues between Shooter and America. That leaves us with an awkward staredown between Giggles and William the Behemoth.
Clearwater: It was only a few short weeks ago when Giggles defeated William the Behemoth.
Remi: VIA COUNTOUT!
Clearwater: A loss is a loss is a loss is a loss… right?
Remi: SHUT UP!
Giggles strangely offers to shake William’s hand. William, not being afraid of a joy buzzer, grabs ahold of Giggles hand and… nothing happen. They just shake hands. Then William goes to pull away and--
Remi: HE TOOK OFF GIGGLES’ HAND! OH MY GOD!
Clearwater: It’s a fake hand… obviously…
Giggles screams out in agony, pulling back his sleeve to reveal that William indeed removed his hand.
Clearwater: OH GROSS!
Disgusted, William projectile vomits all over Giggles, who slips and rolls out of the ring to safety by Isaac Barnum. William throws the hand in the crowd and it gets crowd surfed right back to Barnum, who does some sort of weird magic with a handkerchief to re-attach Giggles’ hand to his write.
Clearwater: I don’t understand anything anymore.
William looks down in horror as Giggles’ legs extend so he steps up onto the apron. William headbutts Giggles and he crashes onto Barnum. William drops down and rolls out of the ring, going after the Junior Heavyweight Champion. The two most oddly shaped wrestlers in Alpha Pro Wrestling history brawl on the outside, all while Isaac Barnum is probably dead. Vinny runs out from backstage to help Barnum. Sensing that it is a sneak attack on William, ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ runs out from backstage as well.
Remi: The band is getting back together again!!!
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ cuts Vinny off at the bottom of the ramp and William sees their scuffle. He chops Giggles so hard that he may be paralyzed, then gorilla presses the Junior Heavyweight Champion and launches him through the air like a lawn dart, taking down both Vinny and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎. William approaches the mess of bodies and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ looks up, distraught.
Clearwater: Looks like there's still trouble in paradise for Very Big Supervillains.
William reaches down and helps ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ up. The two embrace.
Marks: AAAAAAAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
Then someone bumps into the two men as they hug and it's... it's... it's...
Remi: ADDY FUCKIN' A?!
Addy has ahold of the Hardcore Championship, which shocks William.
Addy A: Watch where ya'r goin', fuckface!
Clearwater: But... she was the one who... bumped into him...
The throws the title over her shoulder and--
Addy takes off with the Very Big Supervillains chasing after her. She doesn't have to run fast because... you guessed it... VBS can't run fast. They go around the ring once and then up the ramp, careful not to step on Giggles... who is probably definitely maybe paralyzed.
Clearwater: Can we get some help out here for Giggles? He hasn't moved since William chopped him... like... five minutes ago...
Back in the ring, The Hangmen are still fighting with The Storm. The Hangmen get the upper hand with some dirty tactics and they whip The Storm off the ropes. Their whip is reversed with another whip and The Hangmen go speeding toward the ropes. Lowe hangs onto the ropes as Shooter bounces off of them, then eats a powerful double clothesline from The Storm. They go after Lowe, who rolls drops down and rolls underneath the rope.
Clearwater: AND THEN THERE WAS THE STORM!
We get a split screen of the locker room area where Andrew Barnes, Lex Collins, Renaissance Taylor, Dave Van Dam and Lilianna Rose are watching and reacting to the match as it happens. America and Zaigon meet in the middle of the ring, locking horns like a couple of... you know... animals... who lock horns. They are equally matched in strength and neither man can get anywhere with their collar and elbow struggle. They release the hold simultaneously and give each other a nod, then Zaigon is shoved into America by Shooter, who is being commanded by the outside by Lowe.
Frank Lowe: FUCK EM UP, SHOOTER! FUCK EM UP REAL BAD!
Shooter turns Zaigon around and lifts him up for a bodyslam, but America pulls his friend's legs and thus off of Shooter's shoulder. Shooter turns around and gets kicked in the gut, then The Storm hooks him and hoists him up for a suspended double vertical suplex. Despite being impressively strong, Shooter gives shit for leverage and they don't hold him up as long as they intended.
Marks: YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!
Remi: I told you The Storm were babyfaces all along!
Clearwater: Or they just don't like The Hangmen.
Remi: SHUT UP!
Clearwater: THERE'S FRANK LOWE!
Lowe clobbers America from behind and then clotheslines Zaigon. He stomps away at both champions and the fans are boooooing this man. Then they start… cheering?!
Remi: SOMEONE JUMPED THE RAIL! WHO IS IT?!
Clearwater: THAT'S DERRICK VAYDEN!
Indeed. Action Wrestling superstar Derrick Vayden has arrived and he's made his way into the ring to brawl with arch nemesis Frank Lowe. Vayden lays in such heavy hands that he breaks open the stitches on Lowe's head. Blood pours down Lowe's face.
Remi: CRIMSON FUCKING MASK!
Vayden tears his Raging Dead t-shirt and chokes the fuck out of Lowe, then pitches him between the ropes. Vayden looks at the blood on his hands and a sadistic smile takes over. He smears the blood across his chest and goes after Lowe, who is crawling up the ramp. Vayden goes after Lowe, stomping his face into the steel ramp.
Clearwater: LISTEN TO THESE FANS!
Remi: IT'S THE BIGGEST POP IN ACTION WRESTLING HISTORY!
Clearwater: Wrong show, Remi.
Remi: DAMNIT!
Vayden drags Lowe up and pitches him from the ramp to the concrete, then follows after and drags him up again. He clutches the back of Lowe's neck and walks him all the way to the back, as the cameraman follows. The folks in the hall separate and let Vayden through as he makes it to the end of the hall and kicks the door wide open.
Clearwater: WHAT IS THAT?!
They head into a loading area where a car is backed up and the trunk is wide open. Vayden mercilessly tosses Lowe into the trunk and slams it shut. He takes a deep breath and gets into the driver's seat before starting the car and peeling outta there.
Remi: I can't believe we just witnessed an abduction!
Clearwater: I can't believe this is a crossover episode!
Remi: I can’t believe Shooter is all on his own!
Shooter slides back into the ring and looks down at The Storm, ready to take them both on. He goes to work on Zaigon first, nailing him with some vicious strikes. America pulls Shooter back and the two have an epic staredown. Shooter gets the first shot in, busting America’s lip. He goes a step back and touches his lip, noticing the blood. He nods his head and there’s a brief smile before he’s off to the races. The fans yay/boo as the two men trade strikes and then--
Marks: AMERICA! OH AMERICA! MAY GOD THY GOLD REFINE!
Clearwater: WHAT THE HELL?!
Marks: TILL ALL SUCCESS BE NOBLENESS AND EVERY GAIN DEVINES!
Clearwater: How much did he pay to get them to sing that?!
Back and forth they go. Shooter winds back and goes for the big ‘ne but America ducks. America shoots forward with a knockout headbutt. Shooter falls so hard and practically had Xs over his eyes. America drops down on top of him and the referee goes to count.
ONE!
TWO!
Remi: THERE’S ZAIGON!
THREE!
Clearwater: HE DIDN’T MAKE IT IN TIME!
The bell rings and “Don’t Tread” by Damn Yankees starts to play.
Jessica Kaine: The winner of this match and NNEEEEEWWWWW APW World Heavyweight Champion… AAAAAAAMERRRICAAAAAA JAAAAAACKSSSSOOOOONNN!!!!!!!
America Jackson gets to his feet and he is handed both of his championships. He holds them close as his eyes well up with emotion. Then he notices Zaigon Carter on his knees, disappointed in the loss to his friend. He looks up at America and gives him a nod, then gets to his feet and offers his hand. The Storm shake hands and Zaigon raises the arm of the new champion. He drops the arm and claps for America before graciously passing the spotlight to his friend.
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"WHAT THE HELL?!"
Clearwater: What a show we have just witnessed!
Remi: And there is the APW World Champion standing proud as is their right!
Clearwater: They defied the odds and---
Clearwater: WHAT THE HELL?!
"Dear Lord, the battles we go through life,
We ask for a chance that's fair,
A chance to equal our stride,
A chance to do or dare,
If we should win, let it be by the code,
Faith and Honor held high,
If we should lose, we'll stand by the road,
And cheer as the winners go by.
Day by Day, we get better and better!
The team that can't be beat, WON'T BE BEAT!"
"Skeleton Key" by Calisus starts up at 0:40 and a man slowly walks out onto the stage. At first, there is little reaction... until they realize it is former APW World Champion Jason Ryan!
Remi: OH MY GOD! IT'S JASONN RYAN!
Clearwater: HOPEFULLY THEY'VE GOT INSURANCE BECAUSE THE ROOF IS ABOUT TO BLOW OFF THIS PLACE!
Remi: We haven't seen him since Bulletproof, when Zaigon Carter made Masuda Jubei tap out to win the title!
Clearwater: Rumor has it he's a changed man. Is this even the SAME Jason Ryan?! The man who ended Damon Warrens' APW career? The man who terrorized the company for the better part of a year?!
Remi: I HEARD HE FOUND GOD!
Clearwater: OR IS THE SCOURGE STILL THERE, WAITING TO BE UNLEASHED?!
Jason Ryan gets in the ring with a microphone in hand and he circles the World Champion. He stops in front of the champ and nods his head as the music dies down.
Jason Ryan: Congratulations, champ!
Jason extends his hand and they reluctantly shake it.
Jason Ryan: I want my rematch!
Jason lets go of the champ's hand and drops the mic, then turns to exit the ring.
Clearwater: A man of few words but he has made his intentions clear.
Remi: He should go to the back of the line! He bailed after he lost the belt two months ago!
Clearwater: He was not pinned or made to submit though... so he has a legit claim to be the next challenger. We'll have to wait to find out. Tune in next week for another metal episode of Monday Night Metal!
The camera pans back to the APW World Champion, who continues to celebrate their monumental victory.... and the show goes off the air...
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