Post by ned on Aug 17, 2020 16:09:43 GMT -5
How can a motherfucker as big and bad as me be oh-and-four in APDub?!
OH! THAT'S RIGHT!
Because I just LOVE to attack zebras!
WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM THE KING OF THE FUCKIN' JUNGLE?!
John Blade and I were unsuccessful in our quest to become Tag Team Champions.
SO FUCKIN' WHAT!
I have yet to be beaten in APDub… and I don't plan on startin' anytime soon. Spartan ain't beat me. DJF ain't beat me. John Blade ain't beat me.
MER MAID GOONS DEFINITELY AIN'T BEAT ME!
Who's next for Big Kev to dominate the fuck outta? Some nerd named Victoria Sabin. She's some kind of Warrior Queen… and if this is her kingdom… I'ma catapult fireballs at the gates. Next week on Metal… there will be a new ruler at the end of this war… and his name is Apokalypse.
Unlike most men… I was NOT raised to not hit women. Then again… I was raised by a monster. Nonetheless… I'm perfectly comfortable punching her in the face repeatedly until I am victorious. My wife disapproves of my methods… but she cannot deny that they are effective.
She caught Metal this week and gave me some thoughts on the show, since I don't bother watching it. She was momentarily impressed by Victoria Sabin… until she ultimately did nothing important and then lost to Giggles.
HOW DID THAT LOSER EVEN GET A TITLE SHOT?!
She LOST to Giggles' pall Vinny. Then somehow got a shot at Giggles. I guess I don't follow the logic here, folks. Are you telling me if I lose to America that I would get a shot at Zaigon?
THAT SHIT DOESN'T TRACK!
I don't know how APDub operates but they keep paying me… so… fuck it. I'ma keep showing up to Metal to stack them bodies in the street. Victoria Sabin is next on my shitlist… and our match might could be the main event!
Of course… we're leaving that decision up to the dumbass smarks for some reason. Vote for me. Don't vote for me. I don't give a fuck. If I'm not main, that means I get to whoop ass and get outta there early… so that's fine with me. Any good bars in Salt Lake City? That's what I'm more interested in. Last time I was there… the bar I was at mysteriously burned to the ground… and nobody knows who done it.
Faaaaaast forward to next week.
I'm comin' for blood. Specifically that of my enemy.
What was her name again?
OH!
Victoria Penelope Sabin…
You're short.
You're weak.
You come from a long line of pigs.
You dated some nerd who dumped you via text.
Your black cloak is stupid.
Your golden crown is plastic.
Your flippies are going to flop.
You won't get close enough for a warning shot.
KILL ON SIGHT?!
HAH!
UNLIKELY!
Once YOUR dreams are shattered… you will be back for vengeance… but there will be no opportunity for the Basturdizer.
You're going to lose faster to me than you could possibly imagine.
Why?
BECAUSE FUCK YOU!
That's why!
Also… while we're at it… fuck Montana.
I should be fighting someone important like Zaigon Carter or Jaice Wilds or Jason Ryan. Not Victoria Dumpsterfire Sabin. But... here I am... a week out from another dumb match. Only a matter of time before I open some eyes to the potential of Apokalypse as World Champion.
For now... Victoria Raquel Sabin is in my immediate future.
When we meet in that ring for the first time… it'll also be the last time… because I'm going to retire you. Best of luck in your future endeavors.
NOT!
