Post by Vonn Richter on Aug 16, 2020 16:16:54 GMT -5
Vonn Richtert is YELLING because Vonn Richter is MAD!
“Travis is a seven foot tall mummy who talks in heiroglyphics! If I were El Gran Diabolico I’d be having flashbacks but I ain’t but I won’t! Instead I will flash forward to our match Monday night where I destroy this pud-knocker!”
“What’s this about anyway? Ned, where you at? Is this a chance to get some payback? To send a message to Fat Fuck #1 by detroying Fat Fuck #2?! Because I’m down! Fat Fuck #1 cheated when you stole Little Bit’s Hardcore Title and he’s got to go down! I don’t know how you cheated- that match lasted longer than The Marsupials of Mayhem’s APW career! Or is it the Marsupials’ of Mayhem APW career?! Or is it the Marsupials of Mayhem’s APW careers?! Or is it the Marsupials’ of Mayehm APW career?!?!? I DON’T KNOW!!!!! I’M PISSED NOW!!! AND THESE SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT BILLY! I MEANT NED!!”
Note: Vonn Richter is not currently wearing a shirt.
“What kind of shit are you spewing when you talk, Travis?!?!?!? You dodging Alpha Pro’s Code of Conduct?!? You slinging hate speech with that Wing Ding patter? You calling everyone ‘boudle’, Travis?! Admit it! You talk in WingDings so you can skirt the rules, and as the Czar of Swoll I am responsible for more than just making sure the wrestlers of Alpha aren’t dogging it when it comes to their bodies. Nope! It is my duty- ehahahahehaheh- ‘duty’ -to make sure you’re morals are strong too. That means laughing with, not at, Giggles during his promo. That means keeping your hands above the waist during a Lilanna Rose entrance. And that definitely means not surreptitiously throwing xenophobic slurs around disguised as digitized widgets and knick knacks. Travis, when we wrestle I’m bringing a bucket of soap and water to wash that foul mouth of yours! Yeah, you stink in general, you got that sour milk smell most fatties have, but I’m not going to go through the hassle of washing every pale, pasty, musty, dusty mummy inch of you, lardass. Get your tag partner to bathe you! It’s the least he can do given you helped him win the Hardcore Title vis a vis nefarious means. They should rename the belt now that he has it- call it the LARDcore Title! Ha!”
“So yeah, to summit up: you’re fat, you’re a mummy, you’re probably dog whistling through those wingdings, and you smell. Any one of those are a good enough reason to want to beat you to death. But you done did do worse than that, asshole. You cost the only friend I have in this business her belt, and for that I’m gonna punish you Travis! At Monday Night Metal, I’m going to do whatever you got to do to kill a mummy. Fire. Silver bullet. Garlic. I’m bringing it all. You heard of Van Helsing? Well at Metal you’re going to be facing Vonn Helsing, the fearless monster hunter! I’m stealing Alvara Rose’s gimmick just for this match, tubby. And then, THEN I’m coming for that tub of lard you call a tag team partner! RRRRAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!”
Vonn roars and beats his chest like a savage gorilla before assuming various body-building poses.
“Travis is a seven foot tall mummy who talks in heiroglyphics! If I were El Gran Diabolico I’d be having flashbacks but I ain’t but I won’t! Instead I will flash forward to our match Monday night where I destroy this pud-knocker!”
“What’s this about anyway? Ned, where you at? Is this a chance to get some payback? To send a message to Fat Fuck #1 by detroying Fat Fuck #2?! Because I’m down! Fat Fuck #1 cheated when you stole Little Bit’s Hardcore Title and he’s got to go down! I don’t know how you cheated- that match lasted longer than The Marsupials of Mayhem’s APW career! Or is it the Marsupials’ of Mayhem APW career?! Or is it the Marsupials of Mayhem’s APW careers?! Or is it the Marsupials’ of Mayehm APW career?!?!? I DON’T KNOW!!!!! I’M PISSED NOW!!! AND THESE SHIRTS ARE TOO TIGHT BILLY! I MEANT NED!!”
Note: Vonn Richter is not currently wearing a shirt.
“What kind of shit are you spewing when you talk, Travis?!?!?!? You dodging Alpha Pro’s Code of Conduct?!? You slinging hate speech with that Wing Ding patter? You calling everyone ‘boudle’, Travis?! Admit it! You talk in WingDings so you can skirt the rules, and as the Czar of Swoll I am responsible for more than just making sure the wrestlers of Alpha aren’t dogging it when it comes to their bodies. Nope! It is my duty- ehahahahehaheh- ‘duty’ -to make sure you’re morals are strong too. That means laughing with, not at, Giggles during his promo. That means keeping your hands above the waist during a Lilanna Rose entrance. And that definitely means not surreptitiously throwing xenophobic slurs around disguised as digitized widgets and knick knacks. Travis, when we wrestle I’m bringing a bucket of soap and water to wash that foul mouth of yours! Yeah, you stink in general, you got that sour milk smell most fatties have, but I’m not going to go through the hassle of washing every pale, pasty, musty, dusty mummy inch of you, lardass. Get your tag partner to bathe you! It’s the least he can do given you helped him win the Hardcore Title vis a vis nefarious means. They should rename the belt now that he has it- call it the LARDcore Title! Ha!”
“So yeah, to summit up: you’re fat, you’re a mummy, you’re probably dog whistling through those wingdings, and you smell. Any one of those are a good enough reason to want to beat you to death. But you done did do worse than that, asshole. You cost the only friend I have in this business her belt, and for that I’m gonna punish you Travis! At Monday Night Metal, I’m going to do whatever you got to do to kill a mummy. Fire. Silver bullet. Garlic. I’m bringing it all. You heard of Van Helsing? Well at Metal you’re going to be facing Vonn Helsing, the fearless monster hunter! I’m stealing Alvara Rose’s gimmick just for this match, tubby. And then, THEN I’m coming for that tub of lard you call a tag team partner! RRRRAARRRGGHHHHHH!!!!!”
Vonn roars and beats his chest like a savage gorilla before assuming various body-building poses.
