THE ROAD SO FAR… (3/3) (Apok)
Aug 13, 2020 18:24:03 GMT -5
ned and The Very Big Supervillains like this
Post by ned on Aug 13, 2020 18:24:03 GMT -5
THE ROAD SO FAR… (3/3)
MTV ROAD RULES
Lexi: Ope! Sorry!
Kevin: Watch you're going, kid!
Lexi: How are… umm… things?
Kevin: Good. RV's all set. The bros coming down?
Lexi: In a bit. They're taking down their bunk bed.
Kevin: I can't believe those dweebs still sleep on bunk beds. Did you know that was my room until I was abducted?
Lexi: ABDUCTED?!
Kevin: Long story.
Kevin heads inside the house to wash his hands and Lexi follows.
Lexi: How have I not heard about that yet?!
Kevin: You've been in the family for a year. There's a LOT of crazy shit you don't know. Like how many times my dad died. Or how your dad wore a mask to sneak into his dad's company to win a deathmatch tournament.
Lexi: WOW!
Kevin: Good thing you'll be spending so much time on the road with my brothers. They'll catch you up to speed.
Lexi: Why don't you come with us?
Kevin opens the fridge and pulls out fixings to make a sandwich.
Kevin: Me?! Hell no. I'm a grown ass man. I don't need to join your MTV Road Rules crap.
Lexi: What is MTV Road Rules?
Kevin: Exactly. I've been doing this a long time, kid. I'll fly from town to town. Like an adult. Enjoy the road while you can though. It's a good experience. Eventually you'll be tired of it. All of it, actually.
Lexi: I can't imagine that far ahead. Gotta stay focused on the present.
Kevin: Your dad was really enthusiastic about it all back in the day, too. Maybe five years ago he came to Japan and rolled with me on a tour of the islands. We made so many towns that month. It was pretty cool to see him out of his element. His Japanese was decent… and somehow got better the more sake he drank.
Lexi sighs.
Kevin: I know, kid. It's tough losing a parent. My mom died when I was a kid. I don't even remember her now. Not long after was the whole abduction thing and---
Lexi: Okay! You've got to tell me about that!
The bros come down the stairs and into the kitchen, as Kevin takes a seat at the table to eat his sandwich.
Ricky: Tell you about what?
Lexi: Kevin was abducted as a child?!
Chris: Oooohh yeeah! That was whaaaack!
Lexi: What happened?!
Ricky: It's a long story.
Lexi: Can you shorten it?!
The three brothers burst into laughter.
Lexi: You guys are jerks!
Ricky: We'll tell you about it on the way to Boulder. Plenty of time then.
Kevin: Don't leave out the part about the---
Chris: Don't worry, bro! We got youuuu!
The scene fades to black...
THE SHOOT
Enough of that bullshit. Let's get raw, huh?
Week after week you've seen the mighty Apokalypse dominating scrubs on Monday Night Metal. Spartan got his ass handed to him… and then masked men in a van abducted him. DJF got mauled by a grizzly bear… and he suspiciously went missing, too. Then I got relegated to some shitty pre-show against the most lifelike muppet I've ever seen.
John Blade.
Ugh.
After I beat him down… two lazy hacks stormed the ring to rain on the parade of fists I was dropping on John Blade. The ugly one said a bunch of dumb shot about how brave Blade was… and then they offered the dork a title shot. What the fuck was that?! These so-called champions were in vacation for like a month and then they stroll in to offer up a title shot against the least worthy in all of APW?! Where's my title shot?!
Oh… that's right! Probably concussed by yours truly… John Blade decided in that moment that he just needed the mighty Apokalypse to win the Tag Team Championship for him! Well shit! I guess that's what I'ma do at Monday Night Metal!
Man Made Gods?!
More like Mer Maid Goons!
😄
They don't know shit about gods! Not until they feel the unadulterated wrath of the unstoppable Apokalypse! You've only seen shades of the violence I'm prepared to unleash on my unsuspecting victims in APW! Imagine what it'll look like when I am the APW Tag Team Champions!
Sure… I'll carry John Blade as long as I need to. He won't be able to carry his own weight… but I'm strong as fuck so it won't matter. Whether it's Mer Maid Goons or Midget Mafia or Very Big Supervirgins or The Squirm… I'm going to dominate the FUCK out of APW's tag team division. APW will have to bring in a refrigerated truck for all the bodies I'll be tossing out in the street.
Corey Blech and Francis Venable are next on the chopping block. They made a fatal error by interjecting their bullshit into my dominant removal of John Blade from APW. Their little cavalry plan backfired and now they've got a date with destiny on Monday. That turd goblin Blade already went over his weekly rehashed mushmouth promo interview with Dani Applegate and I've got to admit that the guy brought some heat. I don't understand most of the sentences his peabrain tries to smash together… but there's no denying the guy has passion for this business.
The guy thinks we get to pick our opponents at Showdown once we beat Man. Bless his heart. When we are Tag Team Champions… that little punk will be damn lucky if I let him even touch the title belt, let alone make any decisions about our future. MMG will probably bitch and moan for a rematch… and they'll probably get whatever they want… as usual.
Can ya guess what the fuck would happen next?!
APOKALYPSE DOMINATES MER MAID GOONS!
AGAIN!
John Blade will be there, too.
I guess.
And now… a musical performance by Apokalypse…
DJ! GIMME A BEAT!
♬ Bores in this house
There's some bores in this house
There's some bores in this house
There's some bores this house (Hol' up)
I said certified sheik, eight days a week
Mer Maid Goons are pussies, make that kickout game weak, woo (Ah) ♬
BIG FUCKIN' NOPE!
♬ The battle raged on and on
Fuelled by the venom of hatred for man
Consistently, without the eyes to see
By those who revel in sewer equally
We, the prosperity of the future seal
Cloaked by the thunders of the north wind
Born to capture the essence of
The trails of our kind
Zero tolerance must be issued forth
Behind the enemy's line
So it shall be written
And so it shall be done
Discover and conceive the secret wealth
And pass it unto your breed
Become your own congregation
Measure the sovereignty of it's invigoration
We, who not deny the animal of our nature
We, who yearn to preserve our liberation
We, who face darkness in our hearts with a solemn fire
We, who aspire to the truth and pursue it's strength
Are we not the undisputed prodigy of warfare
Fearing all the mediocrity that they possess
Should we not hunt the bastards down with our might
Reinforce and claim the throne that is rightfully ours
Consider the god we could be without the grace
Once and for all
Diminish the sub principle and leave it's toxic trace
Once and for all ♬
THAT SHIT IS SUCH GOOD SHIT!
Monday Night Metal at CU Events Center in Boulder, Colorado! Mer Maid Goons defend them APW Tag Team Belts against Apokalypse!
… and John Blade.
You already know who's walkin' out with the gold!
Corey Blech… Francis Venable… even you, John Blade…
FUCK OFF AND HAVE A FUCKING NICE DAY!
THE OLD MAN
Kevin: What's in there?
Will: Just some stuff I've been holding onto forever.
Kevin opens the box and his eyes widen.
Kevin: Oh… wow. Are… you sure?
Will: I am.
Inside the box are items from when Kevin was a child, including photos with his mom.
Kevin: I… uhh… wow…
His dad pats him on the back.
Will: Have a safe trip, son. Good luck at Metal.
He turns to leave and Kevin pulls him back in for a hug. This might be their first hug in years… possibly decades. Powerful stuff, folks. Then the scene finally and conclusively fades to black.
THE FUCKING END!
