Post by soulreaver on Aug 9, 2020 15:02:40 GMT -5
Monday Night: After Metal
A roar explodes through catering at the FargoDome arena. A flying table sends several APW employees scattering away. The table smashes into the wall and a flying chair follows it. Soul Reaver appears to be the hurler. He picks up another chair but ‘Quick Wit’ Johnny Class steps in front of the giant.
Class: “Reaver, I know you’re upset. I am too. Believe me! But let’s put the chair down. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Good.”
Johnny continues to run Reaver through breathing exercises and Reaver lowers the chair but still has it in his grasp..
Class: “That match was bullshit. You didn’t lose to Barnes. Anyone with an eyeball and half a brain can understand that. I just talked to management. I demanded that the ref be fired right away. I also demanded that they strike that loss from your record and that they give us a title shot next week. I was very persuasive.”
Soul Reaver finally puts the chair back on the ground and nods. Fade out.
Present Day: First Class Cars
Johnny and Soul Reaver are inside Johnny’s office at one of his numerous used car lots. Johnny is behind a desk and Reaver is taking up almost all of a sofa in the corner of the room. Johnny is on the phone ranting and raving about the cost of ‘good help’. A knock is heard at the door. Johnny ends his conversation and then yells out a ‘come in’. The door open and an incredibly attractive blonde woman in her mid twenties saunters in.
Woman: “Mr. Class, here is everything I could find on Mr. Reaver’s opponents this week.”
Johnny nods approvingly as he motions for the woman to set the stack of papers, pictures and an external hard drive down on the desk.
Class: "This is everything? Every match? Every promo? Everything?”
Woman: “Everything, sir. I scoured the internet and I even have a friend that is a huge wrestling fan. He had some old DVDs with matches that you can’t even find on YouTube. Will there be anything else, Mr Class?”
Johnny smiles as he shakes his head. The young woman turns and leaves the office and Johnny smirks like a dawg as he intently watches her leave. Johnny finally turns back to the pile of stuff on the desk. He briefly thumbs through it and then shrugs his shoulders and turns back around. For the first time he looks directly into the cameras.
Class: “I know what you’re all thinking. Yes, Brittany was absolutely stunning. That tight body and that ass… Woooo,... I’d marry her in an instant if I weren’t worried about a wife taking half of everything I own during an inevitable divorce. The thing is, Brittany isn’t even close to the hottest employee we’ve got. Here at First Class Cars we place a premium on selling smoking hot used cars and having even hotter employees. 87% of our employees are straight up 10s. Eleven percent are solid 9’s and we do have an 8. But don’t worry, if you come to First Class Cars you won’t have to see him. He cleans up the place at night when no one is around. So what are you waiting for? Come on down!”
Johnny clears his throat. He picks up a few of the pictures from the pile. We can clearly see pictures of Eli Beazley and Andrew Barnes. Johnny looks them over and then smirks as he holds up the pictures.
Class: “Neither of these schmucks could work here. Eli’s a five at best and Andrew is a low 4 if you ask me. But after Monday night the only money either one of those two will make each month is when their disability checks roll in. Actually acquiring a life long disability is a best possible outcome for Andrew Barnes. If he escapes with that he should go to Vegas and bet on black because he’ll be the luckiest dude alive. You see Andrew, you stole that match from Reaver. I don’t know if you paid the ref in cash or jerked him off after the match, but clearly you did something. Because you did not beat Soul Reaver. That ref should never step foot in a wrestling ring again and if he does then I will give Soul Reaver my blessing to do as he wishes. You see Andrew we know that a shot at the North American title is on the line this week. That’s fine and dandy. But what we’re more concerned with is making you pay for last week. Soul Reaver will win the match. He can deal with Beazley and Oblivion AFTER he’s done toying with you.”
Johnny smirks as he looks over at Soul Reaver who is clearly pissed. He’s grunting and flaring his nostrils with every breath. Johnny reminds him to breathe and then he turns back to the cameras.
Class: “Andrew, I know that it’s not actually your fault that the referee had a stroke mid match and ended the thing. I know that you’re not to blame. But on Monday night you will become the one that Reaver sacrifices on the altar. You will be the one that Soul Reaver takes out all of his anger on. Andrew you’re in for a bad night. But Andrew you’re not the only one that Reaver has to worry about, are you?”
Johnny turns back to the pile of research on his desk and lifts the entire stack up. 8-10 inches worth of research with a hard drive on top.
Class: “This is a big match on Monday night. There is a shot at the North American Championship on the line afterall. And if Reaver wins this match at the PPV then he will have a shot at the Heavyweight Championship. Conventional wisdom says that is is important to hunker down and study ones opponents. It makes sense. You want to be aware of your opponents’ strengths and weaknesses so that you can finely tune your approach. I’m sure, Barnes, Beazley and Oblivion are all doing their research this week. Soul Reaver and I? Well let me show you how much I value research.”
Johnny turns around and drops the documents into a mental trash can next to his desk. Class looks back at the camera and smirks. He turns so that his back is to us. We hear the familiar sound of a zipper being unzipped and then a stream of urine can be seen flowing into the garbage. We watch as Johnny empties his bladder on the stack of papers. 18 seconds went by before the stream trickled to a stop. Johnny zips up and then slowly turns back to the camera.
Class: “That is how much I care about research. When you’re the biggest professional wrestler in the world it doesn’t matter what your opponents strengths and weaknesses are. Watching Oblivion’s past matches won’t bring anything of value to Soul Reaver. Oblivion has never battled someone of Soul Reaever’s size. Watching Oblivion destroy some six foot tall nobody doesn’t mean anything. You have to throw your gameplan out the window when that man is coming at you.”
Johnny points across the room at Reaver and as the cameraman panss over Soul Reaver lunges forward causing the cameraman to stumble backwards. Johnny and Reaver think this is hilarious and both laugh. The camera stabilizes and the laugh fades from Johnny.
Class: “And Oblivion is the only one that Soul Reaver has never crossed paths with. He’s the wild card in this match. He’s also the only one big enough to hold his own against Soul Reaver. Even that is somewhat of a stretch. 6’5 and 325 is big compared to your average human. But Soul Reaver is far from average. And look I know that Oblivion is crazy. I have been around the sport long enough to know his backstory. I know he killed a woman. I know he spent time in the looney bin. I know he’s what most would call ‘psychotic.’ But that doesn’t mean much when your opponent can manhandle you. Oblivion can have a full on psychotic break on Monday night and Reaver can deal with that faster than an orderly in the looney bin with a syringe full of night night juice. And Oblivion is truly the only one that stands even a small chance against Reaver. Barnes and Beazley…”
Johnny and Soul Reaver break into laughter again.
Class: “Andrew Barnes, We’ve already touched on you but I did want to say one more thing about you. You have a chance in this thing. You do. You didn’t exactly impress us last week, but I saw enough to know that you do have a chance. A slim chance. But a chance. You are more likely to get struck by lighting while winning the lottery than you actually winning on Monday night. But those odds, as terrible as they are, go out the window when we remember that Soul Reaver is out for revenge. Ain’t no one in the world that is able to stop Soul Reaver when he is in that mindset. And that brings us to you Mr. No Chance.”
Another pause from Johnny Class as he shakes his head.
Class: “Eli Beazley. I don’t know how a joke like you ended up in this match. They must have picked your name out of a hat or something because no sane individual would think that you belong anywhere near the North American championship. Eli, I am sure you’re going to blabber on and on this week about being the longest reigning Jr. Heavyweight champion. I am sure you will try real hard to convince yourself that you have a shot this week. But Beazley I assure you that you wouldn’t stand a chance if it were just Barnes and Oblivion in the match. This isn’t Alex Scott, Flop or Giggles. You’re flirting with the big leagues now. And Eli you ain’t ready now and you won’t ever be. Go back to the juniors division. Go back to being the big fish in a tiny pond. You’re messing the sharks now and Eli. Sure Andrew is like a docile zebra shark but he’ll still bite you. Oblivion is like a Great White and he would definitely devour you. But Soul Reaver. He’s like a Megalodon. The biggest shark ever known to exist. He will devour anything that crosses his path. You’ve got no chance Eli. So why even bother. Let the big boys fight over the belt. You stay in the back and don’t waste our time.
Johnny looks over at Soul Reaver.
Class: Can you tell I’m just a little pumped up about Shark Week?”
Johnny laughs as he walks behind his desk and sits down in the executive chair. He starts sniffing around and then remembers the garbage can. He reaches over to the phone and pushes the intercom button.
Class: “Brittany, can you get in here and take this garbage out. It smells like piss.”
Class smirks as the screen slowly fades to black.
