Post by ned on Jul 30, 2020 17:26:17 GMT -5
Some fuckin' dive bar
Portland, Oregon
Sunday, July 26 @ 10:15pm
This has got to be the longest show I've ever seen. Is it midnight yet? Christ! Get this shit over with already. Ohhh good. The only match I wanted to see. The one I came all the way to Portland to see in person… only for the fuckin' shitshow to he moved to Miami for no reason at all. This shit better be good.
Look at these two jamokes! One chubby fat lard fuck and one bla---
Uhh.
Bland guy.
Of course Nate's out first. Gotta pop the marks. Stupid. Good song though. I hope he gets---
OH DAMN!
Frank isn't fuckin' around!
Nate stole his wife. He has every right to take liberties on the old man. He deserves everything coming his way.
"Aye barkeep! Two more shots of whatever that shit was… then leave the bottle!"
This Benny Franklin should cover it.
Okay. What's happening? A fan got hurt?!
GOOD! Fuckin' mark has something to Twitter about now!
Shit. Nate is gettin' mollywhopped. This is a burial. Now Nate is bleeding. Typical garbage wrestler.
Frank has the high ground? Is that a Star Trek reference?
Fuck Mork.
More fans hurt. Serves 'em right for humping the barricade. What more dumb shit is going to---
Ugh. Wasting a perfectly good camera. And for what?! You can't beat the guy without burying alive, dummy!
Oh sure. Now ya wanna take him to the shitty looking graveyard! This is dumb. Should've been on the kickoff---
HAH! DIRT IN THE EYES AND A LOW BLOW!
GOOD SHIT, FRANK!
Toss his ass in the casket already! I really don't---
Uh oh. Lacey looks like she whacked her head pretty hard on the tombstone. Why does this match even have a ref anyway?
WATCH YOUR BACK, FRANK! YOU---
GROSS!
You don't turn your back on some nerd who cosplays as a zombie, man.
Good call gettin' the goons involved.
Maybe hangin' the guy with a chain is too much… but ehh…
There's the cavalry. Frank should've known the Deadpac would get involved. Even if I had made it to the show… I doubt they'd let me just waltz back into the group. I would've at least kept my little brothers from getting squashed by those goons.
Poor Sara. Poor… dumb… Sara. She should've stayed retired. She had a good life before deciding on a second act. Fighting with Frank is not a good idea.
At all.
What's that kid doing with a shovel?
OH SHIT!
That was actually a great idea. Denny Vayden isn't so bad after all.
Turn around, dude.
Frank just stomped on my sister's wrist. Fuckin' brutal!
HELL OF A JUMPIN' KNEE!
Get my sister outta there already. She doesn't need them doctor bills.
The fans are really feelin' Nate right now. Not like that actually helps 'cause he can't even get ol' Frank in the grave.
Ohhhhh! You son of a bitch! Still using my dad's finish after all this---
HAH!
YOU'RE TOO WEAK, NATE! JUST GIVE UP! GO ON---
FUCK!
THAT BIIIIIITCH!
YOU NEVER KICK YOUR HUSBAND IN THE DICK! HOW ELSE YA GONNA GET KNOCKED UP?!
Oh sure. Nate needs a woman to fight his battles… just like dad helped Christina last year. This is stupid. Now they're rolling around in a closed casket. Probably playin' grabass in there.
Oh.
Well played, Frank. I didn't even see your goon throw the chain in there. The casket is already shut though. Isn't locking it a bit much? Oh, I guess for the visual of swallowing the key. That's creative. Really puts ya over as a heel.
Surprising finish. I didn't think Nate would put Frank over. Seemed like it would---
Oh.
…
No.
…
That's not…
…
Fuck.
...
You already won the match, Frank. This is too much. This is---
SARA! NO! STAY AWAY FROM---
GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF MY SISTER!
…
This can't be… real…
...
Fuck.
That was…
Fuck.
"How's he supposed to get to Seattle if he's dead?"
"Huh?"
Also, fuck you for talking to me.
I'm having a moment.
"He's on APW Metal tomorrow. Gonna sign a contract and---"
"A contract, you say? How far away is Seattle?"
"Maybe three hour drive."
Well shit.
Lemme get another shotski right quick and take this party on the road.
Some fuckin' arena
Portland, Oregon
Monday, July 27 @ 11:05pm
Fuckin' great time at Metal tonight.
Show up.
Steal a contract.
Beat up Spartan.
Leave.
Leaving was the weirdest part. We were throwing hands when the lights went out. We brawled to the back and made it out to the loading area. No cameras around… but fuck it. The guy wanted a fight… and he got one!
Then he was taken away in an unmarked van. Some dudes in heavy gear and helmets jumped his ass… threw a hood on him… and hauled his ass away. It was fuckin' bizarre. You see that shit on the fake news but then… damn.
No idea where they took him.
Good riddens.
Now I look forward to bigger and better things. Big Kev is back from Japan and I managed to snag a contract right out of my brother-in-law's clutches.
It's not like he can wrestle anymore.
Shit.
That came out really bad. Of course I'm gutted that Nate is dead. We didn't always see eye to eye… but at the end of it all… we're family. While everyone is out doing stupid tribute shows for him… I'm going to beat the shit out of everyone in APW… like he should've been doing all year.
I kept watch of things while I was overseas. I had never heard of APW before Nate did that rumble in January. He'd never stepped foot in APW… and he was over as fuck with the fans. Then he got eliminated by some tiny broad… and nobody heard from him here again. He had them eating out of the palm of his hands… and he could've been a top guy in no time. Then he crawled back to AW to be their top job guy.
Fuckin' stupid.
He was a disgrace to this family. My dad was a stone cold monster back in the day. Sara's mom was a technical wizard. Sara showed promise early on but then she got herself knocked up. Ricky and Chris are coasting on dad's name… and not doing dick over in AW. Nate used to be hard as fuck… but he got limp and couldn't keep it up anymore toward the end. Now I'm here to pick up the pieces of this broken family and be the fuckin' hero they didn't know they needed.
"My name is Kevin Schorg. I am the Child of Hate."
What a stupid nickname.
"You can call me Apokalypse. If you dare call me anything else… I'll rip your spine out through your asshole and beat your children with it. Think I'm fuckin' playin'? Try me! I made a surprising and dominant debut at Metal… and I ended the career of Spartan. Where did he go off to? Nobody knows and nobody fuckin' cares! That juicebox had his last squeeze and this is my fuckin' territory now!"
"It's been a long time since I've fought someone as big as Spartan. For a fraction of a second… I was intimidated. Over in Japan… they called me Akakaiju… and I was a big fuckin' deal. I towered over everyone and mauled everyone like a bear at a beet buffet. Back on the sweet soil of freedom… there are average sized humans. APW is littered with big dudes for me to put in the ground. There's also a Junior Heavyweight Division for some reason."
Filled with vanilla midgets.
"One of them is a guy by the name of Dakota James Franco. That's who they got penciled in to be sent to the hospital when Big Kev rolls into Fargo for the first time in… shit… ten years? I had this one particular rat who used to frequent the Würst Bier Hall after whatever shitshow I was working for back in the day. I think her name was Sheila. Maybe it was Martha. They all blend together after a while."
I've been down a lot of ratholes in my day.
"If she shows up with some brat kid… it ain't mine. I got snipped right outta high school. I ain't havin' no damn kids follow me around, brother."
Where the fuck was I?
"Oh! Danny Joe Franco is the poor, dumb kid who will be fed to the almighty Apokalypse like a sacrifical lamb at Metal. I don't know much about the kid, other than a few times I saw him on TV. Honestly… his matches end up piss breaks… so that puts me in a weird place. Ya know? How am I supposed to beat the kid up AND take a piss break at the same time? I been on some weird shows in Japan where… uhh… both happened at the same time… but those videos aren't widely available."
Thank Gods.
"What I know about the kid is that he's fast… he's flashy… and he's got abs for days. I think they call him The Lost Soul. Makes sense. Kid probably traded in his soul for all them abs. The devil went down to Brownsville, Texas on his way to Georgia. It was fucked up… but he doesn’t know how to use MapQuest. Do people still use MapQuest?”
What year is this?!
“Dakota Jean Fanning needs to wake the hell up! There ain’t no grabass or tickle taint in his near future when the most dangerous man on the planet! He’s not mentally or physically prepared for the war he’s about to get drafted into! The best thing he can do right now is to fake bone spurs to get out of the slaughterhouse he’s walking into! After I’m done beating him down to a pool of goo… I’m going to scoop up all that goo… and put it back into that finely tuned machine. Then I’ma dismantle that machine gear by gear until there ain’t nothin’ left!"
"I'm a baaaaad motherfucker, Diana Jasmine Francine! You're 'bout to get got by the one man army known as Apokalypse! What I need you to do is to bring those fancy abs... bring all of your flippies and floppies... bring all your good spirits and sunshine! I'm going to tear you into fucki'---"
~~~~~BUZZZZZ~~~~~
Who the fuck is calling me at this time of the night?
Oh...
"Heyyyy, Janey. How's it---"
"Don't you Janey me, Kevin! Why haven't you called me back?! I left you fifteen messages in the---"
"Yeah... sorry, sis. I was busy with---"
"Yeah, with APW, I know. Your brother-in-law just fucking died on television... and your first reaction was to go steal his job?!"
Well... it's not like he was going to sign the contract...
"And now... everyone is together except for you... like always."
"I don't know what to say. I just---"
"You're a part of this family, Kevin! Whether you like it or not! Sara needs us! ALL of us!"
Sara has never needed anyone but Nathan---
Oh.
Fuck.
"How can I make it up to her?"
"Just... show up. We're all getting together on Saturday at the academy. I'm sure it would mean the world to her. The past is in the past, Kev. It shouldn't take the death of a loved one to bring us all together... but that's where we're at, I guess."
"Okay. I'll see you---"
~~~~~CLICK~~~~~
Actually... nah... that checks out. I've been a real piece of shit to my family for... well... forever. That's a tale for another day. For now... I guess I'm headed home on Saturday to grieve with my sister over the death of her husband.
Then two days later I'ma whoop some poor nerd's ass in Fargo.
Fuck that DJF nerd.
