Post by The Very Big Supervillains on Jul 30, 2020 6:35:31 GMT -5
"Raging Dead... Err.. he was a very good man? Yeah.. good man.
As the only person he ever faced in APW, I though he uh.. was a lot of things.
He was Ultimo!!
He was-.. err.. Extremo!
He was Raging!!
He was-..
N-..
No-.. I guess back then he wasn't, but.."
"You're a insensitive jerk, William,"
"No! No-! I-.. well, yeah.. yeah I guess."
William's the Behemoth's potato of a body lay on the man's only couch, a gross, poorly patched creation that barely supported his weight whilst his cameraman filmed The Horrorhemoth's crap attempt at a Facebook Live.
William is in a bad mood, but a different sort of bad mood this time. Not exactly a villainous one.
He had lost another match, he had danced with a creepy clown and he had shouted at his partner, ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, in the middle of catering.
"This is your fault, Travis!! We're upset at each other now!!" William had loudly shouted before screaming at Travis to go away.
He was proud of the worried and wayward looks he had received afterwards, only for all that to be ruined when ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ not only came back to hand William his glasses but also pat him on the back, which he always did after a loss.
Internally he screamed like a feral ferret on a rollercoaster. (Externally he just mumbled a thank you, because it was kinda nice,)
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ had informed him that a load of Chicken Nuggets were missing. He didn't do this by speaking, he aggressively pointed at a printed picture of Mike Zybala and William instantly knew he was talking about chickens.
That is absolutely the truth.
Certainly not a lie, simply to cover up the fact that William had told the Ref he was taking a time-out without realising that had literally never been a thing in the century old history of wrestling.
But ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ seemed so urgent! Whilst not showing any facial expressions, or gestures, or words, he did seem mildly sentient. Which was pretty rare for him.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ hadn't spoke- well, hadn't been around him in days! William thought ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ was mad at him, especially after that unfortunate incident involving the taser and a certain Behemoth's loud, obnoxious laughter as a result of that.
But now, they were officially fighting. William had said so before! This would make APW vs The World even more unpredictable!
William was representing his own company against invaders that had ILLEGALLY been booked in matches! By the same people that booked the matches regularly, like but..
BUT THEY WEREN'T FROM HERE!!
William tutted. He knew he shouldn't have tried a heartfelt memoriam video for a person he knew for two weeks, just so he see if he gets the Luchabowl championship now, when he had such viscious feelings of aggression inside. Especially since William was a sociopathic elephant seal when it came to human emotions and how to handle them.
And elephant seals were notoriously territorial.
"Let's say mean words about Zybala and that other old guy. Raging Dead was probably a good, tall thing but I can't focus with all this villaniousness inside me."
William the Behemoth rises, standing up around his low-rate apartment. Alone. Again.
Well, his cameraman was right there, but pretty much alone.
"It recording? Alright.
You know, I've done a lot of thinking recently. About APW. APW's somehow managed to piss off the entire world and now I have to fight the world, because it'd too much of an insentient corporate entity to fight for itself.
Now I have fought many things. I've always secretly despised the world. The World's the kinda guy to talk shit behind your back, in like- Norway! And just, be really sneaky about it.
But you can't be sneaky in a wrestling ring! Because they are VERY small! Speaking of very small, my opponents.
Zybala and Van Darn,"
"Dam,"
"Indeed, Jared! Damn, they must be dumb. Especially if they think that they're gonna beat APW's most veteran representatives in VBS!!
I remember my first day in APW, back in 2009,"
"You joined when you were 12 years old?"
"I was bigger at 12 than most Tortoise's are at 500, Jared. No lies.
And the Booker at the time, a man called APeterW, said to me "one day Mike Zybala's stupid, old, stupid ass is gonna try and fight the entirety of APW so you gotta beat him up like you're John Wick." and that's exactly what I plan to do,"
"John Wick came out in 2014, William,"
"I didn't ask him many questions!
But! I should've. Because now I have an issue.
Here I am, The Horrorhemoth. Facing you Mike Zybala, the man I just made up some crap about so I could have some backstory to this match.
I have been destined to defeat you.
And that's a problem.
Because I have literally no idea who you are,"
The Cameraman let's out a annoyed nouse and something is thrown at William from offscreen, something he makes probably too much effort in dodging. Unaware of how much of a weirdo he looks like, jogging on the spot as if the subway wrapper will get back up and fight him. He speaks again, not taking his eyes off the paper.
"And that's-! That's- That's not me being mean!
That's me being ignorant.
There's a difference!
Me being ignorant is actually a very important aspect of this match. I'm a villain, ignorance is one of my greatest strength. And yes, I am talented at being ignorant but there's a lot of training and hard work that goes into it as well!
I practice my ignorance.
Every morning, at 11:59, I wake up and specifically research ways to devalue other people and the things they love.
So you? And this majestic history you speak of?
More like badistory.
There's a saying us Very Big Supervillains like to use, "If it exists, it sucks,".
And while I do have special hatred for certain things, midgets, Referees, the IRS, I have a much more general, tame dislike of all things that ever were and ever shall be.
So it doesn't matter what you've done! It doesn't matter if you've been to GCW or PIW or OOW or even TSWF, the Toe Suckin Wrestling Federation, because no matter how good or amazing that is, I CHOOSE to ignore it.
That is why I'm going to beat you and you friend Dean van Darn."
"Dave,"
"Dean van Dave, then, whatever! I don't even care about your fricking names!!
So all I have to go off is that backstage segment you guys did. And you didn't even fight anyone there, what the freak was that?
If I'm in that interview, Dani Applegate is getting STO outta nowhere and then I'll hit her with my classic "William's" 450 splash". That's how you make an impact.
Not talking about Andrew Barnes father!! "This is your fault, Travis!! We're upset at each other now!!"
I-!
I-! Andrew Barnes Father is-! He's a fricki-! I-!
Andrew Barnes Senior will get 450 splashed too!! Yeah! I said it!!
Is that morally despicable? Yeah!!
But do I caaaaaaare?
No.
That's the underlying theme for this. That's the blood that goes through these word veins.
Me not caring.
Zybala you could've suplexed Jupiter into the fricking moon, and I still wouldn't care.
Because everytime I care about something it either backfires completely or it gets mad because I laughed at them getting tazed.
So I'm a nihilist now! Evil, villainous nihilist and I will destroy you guys, not because I care about APW, not because I want to make a statement about old people wrestling, not because I want to make a statement of aggression towards Andrew Barnes' father, but because I can!!
Beating you two will be easy, because you're all the same. Your main claim to fame is something that I've intentionally accepted doesn't exist, and so to me, you're just crazy people taking about your nonexistent fantasies where you USED to be good.
I've deluded myself into believing everything you've ever done doesn't exist and so all you are to me is two nerds that are gonna get absolutely demolished by the Very Big Supervillains because, in case you haven't been watching APW lately, that is the status quo. VBS beat APW Wrestlers up. We beat up APW in general!
If you went to Wall Street, and asked about APW stockholders, you will literally find VBS there, beating up Wall Street.
I CAN POWERBOMB BULDINGS!
We win! And we win! And we win! And we lose sometimes but it doesn't really count because, come on, how can someone who's 579 pounds actually lose? Lets be serious. It ain't happening.
And incase you were wondering, about my weight? Being like "oooooh faaaat" I got 2 things for you.
1: It's not fat. I have very heavy bones, around about 250 pounds and the rest is made up of my gigantic pectoral muscles among other giant muscles.
And 2 or 3 or whatever number we're on: I don't just eat for no reason! I'm a Gluton. I eat wastefully. I eat so other people can't eat. It's actually a very concrete, very difficult strategy in order to make Midgets feel famished and you disrespecting that makes me want to disrespect you even more!!
So I will! Zybala!! Dave van Dave! I don't care for either of you or your legacies!! Even if they are great!
Come Metal, I will powerbomb you so hard that you bounce off the ground, into the moon and then go through moon and then into space and then into the sun!
I don't care!!! And we will win!!"
"So you're apathetic now?"
"I-! I'M NOT PATHETIC!!
WHAT'S PATHETIC IS ME CONSTANTLY TRYING TO CARE ABOUT STUFF! DO NICE THINGS, BE KIND TO WINGDINGS PEOPLE WHEN I'M A BEHEMOTH VILLAIN AND I D- I DON'T- UGH!!!!"
William rushes towards the camera and the feed abruptly ends after William's enraged, kinda small fist is flung directly towards it.
-
--
--
-
The cold air of the Leicester town centre brushes across the facs of Jared the cameraman, cameraless and covering his face in front of the Leciester Courts.
He doesn't normally agree to quests like this, too William-y (read: dumb) but he is a little intrigued to say the least.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ only ever spoke in Wingdings. Couldn't hurt anybody to do a little digging? Even if William thought ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ was annoyed at him.
Speaking off, the large man rushes out the courtroom, running as fast as he can (read: walking speed) with a grin on his face, one that strikes dread into Jared as what makes William happy is never really any good.
"Midgets gave it right to me. I'm gonna find out about this Wingdings situation. And it all starts with visiting Travis' hometown, no matter how creepy or cult-y they may be,"
"Cult-y?"
"It's off the maps. Completely unknown. A land of mystery and deceit, one where the secrets of our dear Travis shall be revealed to us. No matter how gruesome they may be,"
"... where?
"The ancient, forgotten land of the sunken bird."
William moves closer, stone-faced and looking across the sky, towards the clouded horizon.
"Swansea's in Wales, you fucking moron,"
"Oh! So he's been speaking Welsh, dumbass?!"
"No! You have a match in like 24 hours, why aren't you focusing?"
"Dave Dan Dan sucks! He sucks! I just-They both-!"
"Not even his name!!"
Jared says rhythmically, shouting as he storms off down the foggy streets.
William growls, frustrated, annoyed but also determined. So much for apathy. He'll find out the secret of ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, for better or for worse. But before then? He'll beat up some old people.
Between his opponents and trying to reconcile with his partner, he realises he cares more then he's letting on. William simply tuts, and searches for the nearest McDonalds.
As the only person he ever faced in APW, I though he uh.. was a lot of things.
He was Ultimo!!
He was-.. err.. Extremo!
He was Raging!!
He was-..
N-..
No-.. I guess back then he wasn't, but.."
"You're a insensitive jerk, William,"
"No! No-! I-.. well, yeah.. yeah I guess."
William's the Behemoth's potato of a body lay on the man's only couch, a gross, poorly patched creation that barely supported his weight whilst his cameraman filmed The Horrorhemoth's crap attempt at a Facebook Live.
William is in a bad mood, but a different sort of bad mood this time. Not exactly a villainous one.
He had lost another match, he had danced with a creepy clown and he had shouted at his partner, ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, in the middle of catering.
"This is your fault, Travis!! We're upset at each other now!!" William had loudly shouted before screaming at Travis to go away.
He was proud of the worried and wayward looks he had received afterwards, only for all that to be ruined when ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ not only came back to hand William his glasses but also pat him on the back, which he always did after a loss.
Internally he screamed like a feral ferret on a rollercoaster. (Externally he just mumbled a thank you, because it was kinda nice,)
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ had informed him that a load of Chicken Nuggets were missing. He didn't do this by speaking, he aggressively pointed at a printed picture of Mike Zybala and William instantly knew he was talking about chickens.
That is absolutely the truth.
Certainly not a lie, simply to cover up the fact that William had told the Ref he was taking a time-out without realising that had literally never been a thing in the century old history of wrestling.
But ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ seemed so urgent! Whilst not showing any facial expressions, or gestures, or words, he did seem mildly sentient. Which was pretty rare for him.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ hadn't spoke- well, hadn't been around him in days! William thought ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ was mad at him, especially after that unfortunate incident involving the taser and a certain Behemoth's loud, obnoxious laughter as a result of that.
But now, they were officially fighting. William had said so before! This would make APW vs The World even more unpredictable!
William was representing his own company against invaders that had ILLEGALLY been booked in matches! By the same people that booked the matches regularly, like but..
BUT THEY WEREN'T FROM HERE!!
William tutted. He knew he shouldn't have tried a heartfelt memoriam video for a person he knew for two weeks, just so he see if he gets the Luchabowl championship now, when he had such viscious feelings of aggression inside. Especially since William was a sociopathic elephant seal when it came to human emotions and how to handle them.
And elephant seals were notoriously territorial.
"Let's say mean words about Zybala and that other old guy. Raging Dead was probably a good, tall thing but I can't focus with all this villaniousness inside me."
William the Behemoth rises, standing up around his low-rate apartment. Alone. Again.
Well, his cameraman was right there, but pretty much alone.
"It recording? Alright.
You know, I've done a lot of thinking recently. About APW. APW's somehow managed to piss off the entire world and now I have to fight the world, because it'd too much of an insentient corporate entity to fight for itself.
Now I have fought many things. I've always secretly despised the world. The World's the kinda guy to talk shit behind your back, in like- Norway! And just, be really sneaky about it.
But you can't be sneaky in a wrestling ring! Because they are VERY small! Speaking of very small, my opponents.
Zybala and Van Darn,"
"Dam,"
"Indeed, Jared! Damn, they must be dumb. Especially if they think that they're gonna beat APW's most veteran representatives in VBS!!
I remember my first day in APW, back in 2009,"
"You joined when you were 12 years old?"
"I was bigger at 12 than most Tortoise's are at 500, Jared. No lies.
And the Booker at the time, a man called APeterW, said to me "one day Mike Zybala's stupid, old, stupid ass is gonna try and fight the entirety of APW so you gotta beat him up like you're John Wick." and that's exactly what I plan to do,"
"John Wick came out in 2014, William,"
"I didn't ask him many questions!
But! I should've. Because now I have an issue.
Here I am, The Horrorhemoth. Facing you Mike Zybala, the man I just made up some crap about so I could have some backstory to this match.
I have been destined to defeat you.
And that's a problem.
Because I have literally no idea who you are,"
The Cameraman let's out a annoyed nouse and something is thrown at William from offscreen, something he makes probably too much effort in dodging. Unaware of how much of a weirdo he looks like, jogging on the spot as if the subway wrapper will get back up and fight him. He speaks again, not taking his eyes off the paper.
"And that's-! That's- That's not me being mean!
That's me being ignorant.
There's a difference!
Me being ignorant is actually a very important aspect of this match. I'm a villain, ignorance is one of my greatest strength. And yes, I am talented at being ignorant but there's a lot of training and hard work that goes into it as well!
I practice my ignorance.
Every morning, at 11:59, I wake up and specifically research ways to devalue other people and the things they love.
So you? And this majestic history you speak of?
More like badistory.
There's a saying us Very Big Supervillains like to use, "If it exists, it sucks,".
And while I do have special hatred for certain things, midgets, Referees, the IRS, I have a much more general, tame dislike of all things that ever were and ever shall be.
So it doesn't matter what you've done! It doesn't matter if you've been to GCW or PIW or OOW or even TSWF, the Toe Suckin Wrestling Federation, because no matter how good or amazing that is, I CHOOSE to ignore it.
That is why I'm going to beat you and you friend Dean van Darn."
"Dave,"
"Dean van Dave, then, whatever! I don't even care about your fricking names!!
So all I have to go off is that backstage segment you guys did. And you didn't even fight anyone there, what the freak was that?
If I'm in that interview, Dani Applegate is getting STO outta nowhere and then I'll hit her with my classic "William's" 450 splash". That's how you make an impact.
Not talking about Andrew Barnes father!! "This is your fault, Travis!! We're upset at each other now!!"
I-!
I-! Andrew Barnes Father is-! He's a fricki-! I-!
Andrew Barnes Senior will get 450 splashed too!! Yeah! I said it!!
Is that morally despicable? Yeah!!
But do I caaaaaaare?
No.
That's the underlying theme for this. That's the blood that goes through these word veins.
Me not caring.
Zybala you could've suplexed Jupiter into the fricking moon, and I still wouldn't care.
Because everytime I care about something it either backfires completely or it gets mad because I laughed at them getting tazed.
So I'm a nihilist now! Evil, villainous nihilist and I will destroy you guys, not because I care about APW, not because I want to make a statement about old people wrestling, not because I want to make a statement of aggression towards Andrew Barnes' father, but because I can!!
Beating you two will be easy, because you're all the same. Your main claim to fame is something that I've intentionally accepted doesn't exist, and so to me, you're just crazy people taking about your nonexistent fantasies where you USED to be good.
I've deluded myself into believing everything you've ever done doesn't exist and so all you are to me is two nerds that are gonna get absolutely demolished by the Very Big Supervillains because, in case you haven't been watching APW lately, that is the status quo. VBS beat APW Wrestlers up. We beat up APW in general!
If you went to Wall Street, and asked about APW stockholders, you will literally find VBS there, beating up Wall Street.
I CAN POWERBOMB BULDINGS!
We win! And we win! And we win! And we lose sometimes but it doesn't really count because, come on, how can someone who's 579 pounds actually lose? Lets be serious. It ain't happening.
And incase you were wondering, about my weight? Being like "oooooh faaaat" I got 2 things for you.
1: It's not fat. I have very heavy bones, around about 250 pounds and the rest is made up of my gigantic pectoral muscles among other giant muscles.
And 2 or 3 or whatever number we're on: I don't just eat for no reason! I'm a Gluton. I eat wastefully. I eat so other people can't eat. It's actually a very concrete, very difficult strategy in order to make Midgets feel famished and you disrespecting that makes me want to disrespect you even more!!
So I will! Zybala!! Dave van Dave! I don't care for either of you or your legacies!! Even if they are great!
Come Metal, I will powerbomb you so hard that you bounce off the ground, into the moon and then go through moon and then into space and then into the sun!
I don't care!!! And we will win!!"
"So you're apathetic now?"
"I-! I'M NOT PATHETIC!!
WHAT'S PATHETIC IS ME CONSTANTLY TRYING TO CARE ABOUT STUFF! DO NICE THINGS, BE KIND TO WINGDINGS PEOPLE WHEN I'M A BEHEMOTH VILLAIN AND I D- I DON'T- UGH!!!!"
William rushes towards the camera and the feed abruptly ends after William's enraged, kinda small fist is flung directly towards it.
-
--
---3 days later. Leicester, England---
-
The cold air of the Leicester town centre brushes across the facs of Jared the cameraman, cameraless and covering his face in front of the Leciester Courts.
He doesn't normally agree to quests like this, too William-y (read: dumb) but he is a little intrigued to say the least.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ only ever spoke in Wingdings. Couldn't hurt anybody to do a little digging? Even if William thought ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ was annoyed at him.
Speaking off, the large man rushes out the courtroom, running as fast as he can (read: walking speed) with a grin on his face, one that strikes dread into Jared as what makes William happy is never really any good.
"Midgets gave it right to me. I'm gonna find out about this Wingdings situation. And it all starts with visiting Travis' hometown, no matter how creepy or cult-y they may be,"
"Cult-y?"
"It's off the maps. Completely unknown. A land of mystery and deceit, one where the secrets of our dear Travis shall be revealed to us. No matter how gruesome they may be,"
"... where?
"The ancient, forgotten land of the sunken bird."
William moves closer, stone-faced and looking across the sky, towards the clouded horizon.
"Swansea."
"Swansea's in Wales, you fucking moron,"
"Oh! So he's been speaking Welsh, dumbass?!"
"No! You have a match in like 24 hours, why aren't you focusing?"
"Dave Dan Dan sucks! He sucks! I just-They both-!"
"Not even his name!!"
Jared says rhythmically, shouting as he storms off down the foggy streets.
William growls, frustrated, annoyed but also determined. So much for apathy. He'll find out the secret of ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, for better or for worse. But before then? He'll beat up some old people.
Between his opponents and trying to reconcile with his partner, he realises he cares more then he's letting on. William simply tuts, and searches for the nearest McDonalds.
