Post by Giggles! on Jul 25, 2020 13:11:22 GMT -5
The scene begins with a black screen. Or so we think. A bright spotlight shines to life, illuminating a white pillar pedestal with a red velvet cloth and the APW Junior Heavyweight championship belt displayed on top.
Everything is quiet, aside from the quiet buzzing of the old light fixture overhead...
Suddenly a dirty hand shoots up from the middle of the title belt, coinciding with an abrupt jumpscare sound effect.
The hand in the air reaches around until it finds the side of the belt. A second hand reaches up and clutches the other side of the belt. Some struggling grunts are heard before the smiling face of Giggles pops through the opening. He looks around like he has never seen the world before, laying eyes on his surroundings for the first time ever. He gazes in wonder until he catches notice of the camera for the first time.
OH! Hello!
Giggles squeezes the rest of his rail-thin body through the opening, it being a far bigger effort than it should be, ignoring the fact that it is impossible for such a big man to fit in the small space, but such is typical for the giggly clown man.
Giggles is so so SO happy to see you again! It’s been so long!!!
Giggles climbs down the pedestal like a spider. When he reaches the ground, he handsprings to his feet with a “boing” sound effect. When he lands, he poses with his freakishly long arms out to his sides and yells
Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
He holds the note until the shot abruptly cuts to an exact copy, only Giggles is now quiet. Instead, he is simply staring wide-eyed into the camera, into the viewer’s soul. His eerie smile is ever-present.
He opens his mouth to speak but the only sound that comes out is a screech similar to the AOL dial-up tone.
Another quick cut and Giggles is still standing in the same spot. He speaks…
GiGgLeS iS yEs!!!!!
With everything back to normal, he finally continues.
Giggles has been in cryosleep. Giggles was dreaming of seeing his bestest friends again! And the day is here!!!!!!
Today, Giggles wants to show the little boys and girls a very valuable lesson! How to build a bo-
Giggles pauses when he sees Tina, one half of the Bloom Twins hurry into shot. He crouches down so she can whisper in his ear.
Bomb building next week?
More whispering.
No bomb-building?
More whispering.
Okie! Giggles will save that for Giggles After Dark! For now, he will talk about a more… serious… topic...
A puff of smoke slowly rises, filling the entire frame with opaque grey smoke. When it clears, Giggles is dressed like a college professor, complete with fake glasses with no lenses in them. He stands in front of a black chalkboard with a yardstick in his hand. He speaks with a high, nasally voice.
Today’s lesson is on-
Giggles smacks the yardstick against the board as hard as he can, producing a loud CRACK. When he does, letters written in white chalk appear one by one.
M
E
A
N
I
E
S
MeAnIeS!!! Write this down!!!
The camera turns to Tina and Timothy Bloom sat at desks, writing diligently into notebooks. Also sat at his own desk is Tina’s pet dove Pedro, as well as a watermelon with a crude smiley face drawn with Sharpie, is sat at a desk next to the twins.
The camera turns back to Giggles, who’s professor outfit is now gone.
Meanies are mean people who are not nice for no reason. Giggles gives them cupcakes and hugs but they still do not like Giggles! They call Giggles names and make him into a sad clown…
The Bloom Twins “awww” for the sad Giggles. But he perks up real quick.
That’s why Giggles loves all of his friends!!! Giggles friends love the things he does for them! Isn’t that right, friends???
Yes, Giggles!
*dove noises*
Yay! And Giggles is so so so excited to play with his newest friend! Mr. Thebehemoth!!! Giggles knows they are friends because he said it himself on the internet machine!
Friends are very helpful when dealing with meanies. All you need to do is ignore them! Giggles doesn’t like to ignore anyone but like mama Giggles always says…
Giggles’ voice turns into that of an old woman with a bad smoking habit.
If you ain’t got nothin’ nice to say, don’t say nothin’ at all!
His voice returns to normal.
And the bestest thing about Mr. Thebehemoth is how funny he can be! Mr. Will I Am pretends to be a big scary man! Oh, it makes Giggles just giggle! He is so silly and fun. Giggles likes silly and fun! So Giggles likes Mr. Thebehemoth!!! He just knows the two of them will have oodles and oodles of fun!!!
Yes, yes. Mr. Will I Am will be a dutiful soldier in the fight against the bubonic plague of meanies!
Quiet giggling can be heard off-camera from the Bloom Twins, followed by a quiet “hehe duty”
Meaniebobeanies are not nice people! But Mr. Thebehemoth and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ are nice people! They are funny!
But bullying is never funny no no!
Giggles wags an impossibly long finger.
People like to bully Giggles. They say he is scary clown… It makes Giggles a sad clown…
Giggles buries his face in his hands as he says “boo hoo”. Another round of “Awwws” comes from the Twins off camera.
But then Giggles looks up at the camera again, his eyes wide with excitement.
But then Giggles just ignores the mean people! He gives them a big smile and goes on his Giggly way! And it’s that simple! That is all the little kiddies have to do is ignore them and they will go away! That’s what Giggles did and look at Giggles now! He is a champeen!!!
Giggles whistles a little toon. Some commotion is heard off-camera as Pedro flies into frame. He lands on the Junior Heavyweight title belt and tries to lift it. Of course, a tiny bird is not able to lift the heavy belt into the air so Tina rushes in to help. She lifts the belt so it seems like the bird is carrying it until it is over Giggles’ head. The pair let go and the belt falls around Giggles, hanging loosely from his waist.
And so! Be sure to take it from your bestest friend five ever Giggles! Don’t be a meanie! It is all right if you were a meanie before, it is never too late to learn how to be a good boy and slash or girl! And always remember, kiddies! Learning is half-
The shot quickly cuts to static…
When the feed returns, Ringmaster Isaac Barnum is now standing in the frame. Instead of The Basement™, Barnum stands in front of construction workers as they build some kind of structure.
Alpha Pro Wrestling faithful, it brings me immense joy to finally speak with you again. As you know, my name is Ringmaster Isaac Barnum and I am the representative of your Junior Heavyweight Champion, Giggles.
The winds of change are blowing here in APW but one thing remains a constant. Your Favorite Clown and Mine is still as dominant as ever and that will not change any time soon.
My Giggles made an attempt to explain how to deal with “meanies” as he put it. While he had good intentions, as always, he went about it in the wrong way. You see, the world is an unfair place. There will be… ah… “villains” who will never play on a level playing field.
Mr. William, I have been closely observing you since you arrived in this company. If I may say so, please, son, drop the act. You are not evil. You are not diabolical, you are nothing of the sort.
Believe me, son. You have not seen evil. I have seen true evil… I can show you true evil…
But that is for another time. For now, I must address you specifically, William. You see, people like you try so desperately to be something they’re not, to be something they think others want them to be. You try so hard you lose sight of what you truly are. Well, allow me to fill you in.
You do not contribute to anything. You have no purpose. You simply are. Admit it, William. You are random for randomness sake, aren’t you? You just walk around, being silly, completely disconnected from everything else. Do you want to know what I think? I am not impressed. You are a pointless gimmick. You are nothing to the overall plot of your own story. You are a punchline in search of a joke. You are irrelevant. Please, William. Get out of here. Come back when you actually have a real reason to be here.
You have been competing in this wide world of wrestling for quite a while now. You have adopted a number of asinine nicknames for yourself and your ever-increasing number of partners. Though one thing has always remained the same, a constant throughout your long career. Whatever partner you have, whatever name you go by, you are always a Very Big Disappointment.
The acronym of VBS has stood for many things over the years. Well, come Monday Night Metal, it will not stand for Security or Supervillains, no. You will simply be a Very Big Stain on the mat once my sadistic clown is finished with you.
I would love to compliment you on your wrestling ability, but you have none. I have a soft spot for good showmanship, but you lack in that field as well. If I may be frank with you, son, the only feat of note I can see you accomplishing is emerging victorious in a food eating contest.
Mr. William, you have made it very clear before that you are afraid of clowns. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Coulrophobia is a very common fear. But, as a man who has done business with many of them in his life, I can personally tell you that a clown is nothing to be afraid of. Clowns are all lovely individuals…
It is the mind of a clown that should worry you. You must question the psyche of a man who is willing to make a fool of himself for the entertainment of others. I have witnessed those crazy jesters do some incredible things, unspeakable things. I personally find them fascinating. Riveting, even. But I can see why others would be horrified.
So, all of that. That mighty roundabout way of saying… You should be afraid of Giggles. I have said this to anyone who will listen and no one quite understands. His mind is a twisted maze. Around some corners will lead you to dead end after dead end. There are traps hidden in the maze. Dangers, as sparse as they may be, are lethal. They spring from out of nowhere and ensnare you forevermore.
You are smart to be wary of my Giggles, William. I hope you proceed with that same caution when you step into the ring with him. Maybe you will escape relatively unscathed. But as a word of warning, don’t overthink it. That has been everyone’s mistake so far. I ask you to buck the trend, do not fall into Giggles’ trap. You will still lose, but perhaps it will not be as embarrassing.
Good luck, William. I mean that. I hope you prepare well. Giggles needs any sort of challenge. I do hope you become that challenge.
Do take care…
Barnum’s attention shifts to just behind the camera, where footsteps in the gravel could be heard.
Ah, good to see you, Vince!
The camera pans upwards to a white sign with “The Carnival is coming to town” spray-painted on it as the scene fades to black.
Everything is quiet, aside from the quiet buzzing of the old light fixture overhead...
Suddenly a dirty hand shoots up from the middle of the title belt, coinciding with an abrupt jumpscare sound effect.
The hand in the air reaches around until it finds the side of the belt. A second hand reaches up and clutches the other side of the belt. Some struggling grunts are heard before the smiling face of Giggles pops through the opening. He looks around like he has never seen the world before, laying eyes on his surroundings for the first time ever. He gazes in wonder until he catches notice of the camera for the first time.
OH! Hello!
Giggles squeezes the rest of his rail-thin body through the opening, it being a far bigger effort than it should be, ignoring the fact that it is impossible for such a big man to fit in the small space, but such is typical for the giggly clown man.
Giggles is so so SO happy to see you again! It’s been so long!!!
Giggles climbs down the pedestal like a spider. When he reaches the ground, he handsprings to his feet with a “boing” sound effect. When he lands, he poses with his freakishly long arms out to his sides and yells
Ta-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-
He holds the note until the shot abruptly cuts to an exact copy, only Giggles is now quiet. Instead, he is simply staring wide-eyed into the camera, into the viewer’s soul. His eerie smile is ever-present.
He opens his mouth to speak but the only sound that comes out is a screech similar to the AOL dial-up tone.
Another quick cut and Giggles is still standing in the same spot. He speaks…
GiGgLeS iS yEs!!!!!
With everything back to normal, he finally continues.
Giggles has been in cryosleep. Giggles was dreaming of seeing his bestest friends again! And the day is here!!!!!!
Today, Giggles wants to show the little boys and girls a very valuable lesson! How to build a bo-
Giggles pauses when he sees Tina, one half of the Bloom Twins hurry into shot. He crouches down so she can whisper in his ear.
Bomb building next week?
More whispering.
No bomb-building?
More whispering.
Okie! Giggles will save that for Giggles After Dark! For now, he will talk about a more… serious… topic...
A puff of smoke slowly rises, filling the entire frame with opaque grey smoke. When it clears, Giggles is dressed like a college professor, complete with fake glasses with no lenses in them. He stands in front of a black chalkboard with a yardstick in his hand. He speaks with a high, nasally voice.
Today’s lesson is on-
Giggles smacks the yardstick against the board as hard as he can, producing a loud CRACK. When he does, letters written in white chalk appear one by one.
M
E
A
N
I
E
S
MeAnIeS!!! Write this down!!!
The camera turns to Tina and Timothy Bloom sat at desks, writing diligently into notebooks. Also sat at his own desk is Tina’s pet dove Pedro, as well as a watermelon with a crude smiley face drawn with Sharpie, is sat at a desk next to the twins.
The camera turns back to Giggles, who’s professor outfit is now gone.
Meanies are mean people who are not nice for no reason. Giggles gives them cupcakes and hugs but they still do not like Giggles! They call Giggles names and make him into a sad clown…
The Bloom Twins “awww” for the sad Giggles. But he perks up real quick.
That’s why Giggles loves all of his friends!!! Giggles friends love the things he does for them! Isn’t that right, friends???
Yes, Giggles!
*dove noises*
Yay! And Giggles is so so so excited to play with his newest friend! Mr. Thebehemoth!!! Giggles knows they are friends because he said it himself on the internet machine!
Friends are very helpful when dealing with meanies. All you need to do is ignore them! Giggles doesn’t like to ignore anyone but like mama Giggles always says…
Giggles’ voice turns into that of an old woman with a bad smoking habit.
If you ain’t got nothin’ nice to say, don’t say nothin’ at all!
His voice returns to normal.
And the bestest thing about Mr. Thebehemoth is how funny he can be! Mr. Will I Am pretends to be a big scary man! Oh, it makes Giggles just giggle! He is so silly and fun. Giggles likes silly and fun! So Giggles likes Mr. Thebehemoth!!! He just knows the two of them will have oodles and oodles of fun!!!
Yes, yes. Mr. Will I Am will be a dutiful soldier in the fight against the bubonic plague of meanies!
Quiet giggling can be heard off-camera from the Bloom Twins, followed by a quiet “hehe duty”
Meaniebobeanies are not nice people! But Mr. Thebehemoth and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ are nice people! They are funny!
But bullying is never funny no no!
Giggles wags an impossibly long finger.
People like to bully Giggles. They say he is scary clown… It makes Giggles a sad clown…
Giggles buries his face in his hands as he says “boo hoo”. Another round of “Awwws” comes from the Twins off camera.
But then Giggles looks up at the camera again, his eyes wide with excitement.
But then Giggles just ignores the mean people! He gives them a big smile and goes on his Giggly way! And it’s that simple! That is all the little kiddies have to do is ignore them and they will go away! That’s what Giggles did and look at Giggles now! He is a champeen!!!
Giggles whistles a little toon. Some commotion is heard off-camera as Pedro flies into frame. He lands on the Junior Heavyweight title belt and tries to lift it. Of course, a tiny bird is not able to lift the heavy belt into the air so Tina rushes in to help. She lifts the belt so it seems like the bird is carrying it until it is over Giggles’ head. The pair let go and the belt falls around Giggles, hanging loosely from his waist.
And so! Be sure to take it from your bestest friend five ever Giggles! Don’t be a meanie! It is all right if you were a meanie before, it is never too late to learn how to be a good boy and slash or girl! And always remember, kiddies! Learning is half-
The shot quickly cuts to static…
When the feed returns, Ringmaster Isaac Barnum is now standing in the frame. Instead of The Basement™, Barnum stands in front of construction workers as they build some kind of structure.
Alpha Pro Wrestling faithful, it brings me immense joy to finally speak with you again. As you know, my name is Ringmaster Isaac Barnum and I am the representative of your Junior Heavyweight Champion, Giggles.
The winds of change are blowing here in APW but one thing remains a constant. Your Favorite Clown and Mine is still as dominant as ever and that will not change any time soon.
My Giggles made an attempt to explain how to deal with “meanies” as he put it. While he had good intentions, as always, he went about it in the wrong way. You see, the world is an unfair place. There will be… ah… “villains” who will never play on a level playing field.
Mr. William, I have been closely observing you since you arrived in this company. If I may say so, please, son, drop the act. You are not evil. You are not diabolical, you are nothing of the sort.
Believe me, son. You have not seen evil. I have seen true evil… I can show you true evil…
But that is for another time. For now, I must address you specifically, William. You see, people like you try so desperately to be something they’re not, to be something they think others want them to be. You try so hard you lose sight of what you truly are. Well, allow me to fill you in.
You do not contribute to anything. You have no purpose. You simply are. Admit it, William. You are random for randomness sake, aren’t you? You just walk around, being silly, completely disconnected from everything else. Do you want to know what I think? I am not impressed. You are a pointless gimmick. You are nothing to the overall plot of your own story. You are a punchline in search of a joke. You are irrelevant. Please, William. Get out of here. Come back when you actually have a real reason to be here.
You have been competing in this wide world of wrestling for quite a while now. You have adopted a number of asinine nicknames for yourself and your ever-increasing number of partners. Though one thing has always remained the same, a constant throughout your long career. Whatever partner you have, whatever name you go by, you are always a Very Big Disappointment.
The acronym of VBS has stood for many things over the years. Well, come Monday Night Metal, it will not stand for Security or Supervillains, no. You will simply be a Very Big Stain on the mat once my sadistic clown is finished with you.
I would love to compliment you on your wrestling ability, but you have none. I have a soft spot for good showmanship, but you lack in that field as well. If I may be frank with you, son, the only feat of note I can see you accomplishing is emerging victorious in a food eating contest.
Mr. William, you have made it very clear before that you are afraid of clowns. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Coulrophobia is a very common fear. But, as a man who has done business with many of them in his life, I can personally tell you that a clown is nothing to be afraid of. Clowns are all lovely individuals…
It is the mind of a clown that should worry you. You must question the psyche of a man who is willing to make a fool of himself for the entertainment of others. I have witnessed those crazy jesters do some incredible things, unspeakable things. I personally find them fascinating. Riveting, even. But I can see why others would be horrified.
So, all of that. That mighty roundabout way of saying… You should be afraid of Giggles. I have said this to anyone who will listen and no one quite understands. His mind is a twisted maze. Around some corners will lead you to dead end after dead end. There are traps hidden in the maze. Dangers, as sparse as they may be, are lethal. They spring from out of nowhere and ensnare you forevermore.
You are smart to be wary of my Giggles, William. I hope you proceed with that same caution when you step into the ring with him. Maybe you will escape relatively unscathed. But as a word of warning, don’t overthink it. That has been everyone’s mistake so far. I ask you to buck the trend, do not fall into Giggles’ trap. You will still lose, but perhaps it will not be as embarrassing.
Good luck, William. I mean that. I hope you prepare well. Giggles needs any sort of challenge. I do hope you become that challenge.
Do take care…
Barnum’s attention shifts to just behind the camera, where footsteps in the gravel could be heard.
Ah, good to see you, Vince!
The camera pans upwards to a white sign with “The Carnival is coming to town” spray-painted on it as the scene fades to black.
