Good and Evil and Ronald McDonald
Jul 24, 2020 3:05:49 GMT -5
Breezy, Giggles!, and 1 more like this
Post by The Very Big Supervillains on Jul 24, 2020 3:05:49 GMT -5
A camera that is, for whatever reason, filming a Nokia phone that is giving very poor quality footage of a Twitch stream, one which opens to a way too close view of some a bruised, angry but somehow still kind of preubescent face messing with the camera.
They breathe heavy, and as the back off it's clear that of only are they Behemoth sized, but they're wearing a t-shirt that says "giggles more liKE crap-gulls" in bright blue, improperly capitalised font.
Eventually the large man runs backwards, falling onto a couch that has two other men on it, who were previously obscured by the gigantic frame.
Said giangtic frame belongs to APW wrestler and AP-ssed off giant William the Behemoth. The other two men are his tag team partner ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ (pronounced ❄︎❒︎♋︎♒︎📫︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎⬧︎) and his cameraman. Their voice comes out as poor quality as the room they're currently staying in.
"Uh-! Hello! It's Wilum- Wi- William the Behemoth here!! In my house! With the first ever "cuss word livestream" including several cuss words.
I am beyond anrgy right now. My partner Travis equally as angry, if not more, show them, Travis,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ stays completely still. He actually looks kind of upset, even though he's showing negative emotion at the moment.
William looks at his partner for a second before awkwardly beginning to speak again.
"Y-yeah! Exactly! He's so mad he's not even speaking! Because our last match? My last couple matches? Very, very enraging.
They have EN-ed my rage!
Not end- they haven't ended my rage. Because en-rage so- that wouldn't make any sense!
I'm angry! Ok?! So this whole livestream is gonna be about dealing with that healthily by calling both Lacklans and Ultimo Extremo, who isn't even a luchador, really mean stuff!
First off, the fricking 5 feet frickers match. Let's watch that,"
Most of the screen is taken up by the Netflix video of last weeks Metal, specifically VBS vs the 5 foot 2 mafia.
"See! See, already these two are being pathetic, midget jerks. They're whispering! Whispering being the most midgety way to talk to someone. Oh- all, "ooooh, look at my hand!! It's in front of my mouth!" Think- thinking that it'd stop me from being able to hear them. Nah! I have super hearing.
I have heard literally everything that has ever been said to me in my life.
So I can say, with proof, that Sarah Lacklan said 'Oh, I'm a dumb, dumb 5 foot- 5 foot small wrestler and I'm gonna cheat to win because I'm so dumb,'
Which you will want to keep in mind because it's a great deal of foreshadowing of the match itself, where they cheat 439 times.
You can count it! 439! And-
And bear in mind, you're not even allowed to do it once!
439,"
"It couldn't have been 439-"
"It was, Jared!!! I counted during the match!"
"It was like a 15 minute match, that's-"
"That's shows how much they cheated!!
Now during this match, I was in a good mood. I-.. as everyone knows I am the smartest, most healthy guy on the roster. Which immensely helps when I have to be the worst, most evil person on the roster. Gives me the positive outlook I need.
So- so I was in a good mood! I trusted my villainous comrade Travis, say hi, Travis,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ stays completely silent as his tall frame just leans further back into the patchwork, damaged couch.
"Ha- ha, yeah a- an- and we were having a good time.
There was a moment in the match where I saw Travis slipped. I laughed.
But not because I found it funny!
Laughter is proven to be an emotion of joy. Science told me that laughter makes people feel better. That was my intention-that was all I was trying-"
"You laughed because he got tazed, William,"
"I-!! I DID NOT KNOW HE GOT TAZED!! I THOUGHT HE FELL!! AND YOU CAN- AND YOU GUYS CAN STARE AT ME!! ALL YOU WANT- I AM INNOCENT!!
I HAVE LAUGHED AT TAG PARTNERS OF MINE GETTING TAZED BEFORE, AND THAT WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE LAUGHS-"
The screen freezes. Stays completely still for a couple of moments before a paragraph of text pops up on the screen.
The text continues on in the regular copyright ban fashion. As regular and as illegal as all William the Behemoth's other schemes. The screen fades to black.
--
The new scene opens with another camera feed, this one much more high quality, although that doesn't necessarily mean much.
The scene itself could he mistaken for a childrens TV show, with bright colours, nice paintings and other childish appealing things decorating the room, if said room did not look like a metaphysical polyamorous marriage between broken dreams, loneliness and the local Home Depot being out of cleaner.
Dead centre sit VBS. Both William and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ sit, far apart enough to be noticed but close enough to not have to touch the gross walls of the tiny room.
William begins to speak.
"Last week was bad.
For me, for us. Which makes it bad in general. For everybody.
I'm not sure if APW fully realises what me being pissed of means on a danger scale, so I'm gonna use this episode to describe it.
'First Episode of what?' Your dumb, midget face asks, APW fans, dumb because I can't even hear you because the only other person in this room is Travis and he doesn't speak-
Not that there's anything wrong with that!! We're cool!
-so you guys just falking to screens like fucking weirdos. But I'll explain, because as I discussed in my 21 hour Twitch Stream, my hearing does reach across all 25 continents. I am NATO.
This is the first episode of William's Show! A show for children! The greatest show of all time, probably. On Netflix, Sky, HBO, it's even considered Chinese propaganda. It's everywhere. It's getting a live action movie!
But it's actually a super EVIL show!!
Mwahahaha!! Tricked again! I will be teaching all children EEEEEEVIL THINGS!!! Like how to kick over garbage cans and how to join SubReddits.
It's the most E-
Although I should mention that only big children are allowed to watch this. So if you're a kid and you're not taller then 6 foot 4 and at least 450 pounds, you will have to switch this off. That's my beliefs, which makes disagreeing with them a hate crime.
This is like Giggles' show, but like ten hundred times more compelling, more culturally important and more better.
Better.
Replace the eh with an ah, and you get batter.
Batter.
I am going to batter Giggles this week.
I am going to get Giggles face and make it clown makeup on a bloodied mesh of skin. I'm really feeling quite PISSED, Giggles. I will take it out on you whether that helps me win or not, that's just how Supervillains roll.
But not at you, Giggles.
Me and you, Giggles?
We are actually good friends. Edit it up, Jared!!"
Around William's face (and the large piles of old, damp towels behind him) pop up various Twitter posts between both the VBS leader and the sadistic clown.
"Look at that! Me and Giggles! Hitting it off!
I mean, the guy's 6 foot 9. Not only is that very tall, it also the sex number. My favourite number, because of all the intercourse I have with females.
So me and Giggles are friends! And friends are nice to each other.
They... they help each other out. They keep them safe, keep them happy. They forgive them for laughing at them when they get tazed."
William slowly turns his face until he's staring directly at ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, waiting patiently for any semblance of response. As per usual, the masked man stays completely still, completely silent.
Eventually, perhaps due to ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ simply finding the situation to awkward even for him, William's partner stands up and goes to leave the room, but not before saying "✋︎🕯︎❍︎ ⬧︎□︎❒︎❒︎⍓︎📪︎ ✋︎ ■︎♏︎♏︎♎︎ ⧫︎□︎ ●︎♏︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ❒︎□︎□︎❍︎📬︎".
William watches, eyes agape in concern as the 7 footer walks out of shot and for a moment William seems to try and shout out something.
But he says nothing.
Eventually a door slamming can be heard and William's face seems to go through several emotions, shock, regret, anger and mega fricking anger as he turns his face back to the camera.
"Friends. That's what I was talking about." William all but spits out, surprisingly not already forgotten what he was talking about.
"Friends. I had a therapist recently speak to me about friends. Said I had a couple. Just a couple. But we both knows that's a lie, don't we Giggles?
Seems like everywhere I go I'm met with annoying smurfs. Everything I do is somehow "wrong". Every time I chuckle at somebody getting tasered I'm somehow not "un-pathetic!!" whatever that means..
When the universe at large wants to kick you in the balls, you start to get a little paranoid.
And I am paranoid.
And we are friends, Giggles. You said that on Twitter, where everything that is said is true.
And, as a friend, I am asking you to just lie down and let me pin you because I really, really deserve to win!!"
William stands up (real slowly) and starts pacing up and down the room. Eventually be gins to scratch his head as he starts to rant at whatever wall he happens to be fa king.
"It's stupid, Giggles!! It's stupid!!
I mean- I'm a supervillain. As evil as can be, and I do take minor, MINOR, amusement in the suffering of innocents, but beneath all that?
I'm a good guy!!
At least in comparison to everyone else in this fricking company! APW is the land of the dicks and I REFUSE to believe that I don't deserve to instantly win this match, simply because I'm trying to be nice!!
You guys saw me try just then!!
I LOOKED at Travis. And he's mad at me! Upset because I ruined a gameplan of whatever.
Normally when somebody's upset at me I scream at them until they leave the premises. But I didn't scream!! I just LOOKED at him!!
I-..
I'm good."
William stops and turns to the camera, pointing. Hand a little bit bloodied
"I'm a good supervillain. I have morals. I pay taxes now, it's boring, but I do it.
And you, Giggles with an exclamation mark?
You are my friend.
You are the first person to ever properly confess their love to me.
Which is cool because not only does that make my Korean-Romanian stepfather seem dumb for saying nobody would ever do that, when everybody clearly does and is just being tsundere's, but also because it means I know that you will forfeit!!
I will be waiting, patiently, happily for your immediate forfeit. And I will also accept you vacating your Juniour Heavyweight Title and giving it to me. And I will also accept you vacating Lacklan's Hardcore Title and giving that to me as well.
See you soon, Giggles upside down I. Turn off the video."
William waits patiently after saying that, for approximately a minute or so, looking directly at the camera. He seems completely frozen.
Eventually he starts to move again, stealthily.
"Hey! Hey!
450 pound children watching this, you see that?
The show isnt over just yet! Go- go to the bottom line. It's not full yet! There's like 10 minutes or so left.
I'm actually deceiving my friend Giggles. He doesn't realise it but I've snuffed him out. Caught him red handed. And I-
He won't notice the video hasn't ended yet, in case you're wondering. He's my friend so he switched the video off when I asked him.
Okay?
So Giggles exclamation mark isn't here.
Giggles exclamation mark is a piece of shit and I going to kick him into the abyss.
He jumps around with his kids show, mention his fortnite, the jackass has punctuation in his name so he's clearly insane.
And you trick people.
You are a Nettle, Giggles. You enter you multi man matches and you play the clown, the jester, the Adam Sandler, and you become a sadistic maniac and choke people out and take what means the most to them.
Just like Adam Sandler.
But I have beaten Adam Sandler in a figh-
Okay, that's a lie. But it would definetly be close!
And this Ringmaster guy, this Sonic and the Secret Rings Issac guy. He tries to warn people. 'Take this clown seriously, he's mad, help me, help us all, he's mad, he has a punctuation in his name when names are supposed to just be for LETTERS AND, IN SOME ODD CASES, NUMBERS!!'
But don't be scared, Issac, you moron.
I'm not falling for this lipsticked venus fly trap.
I hate Clowns. I find them horrifying.
First time I ever saw a clown I was a Young Child the Behemoth. The guy gave me a cigarette and told me the Tooth Fairy wasn't real.
Didn't even know what a Tooth Fairy was at the time but it PISSED. ME. OFF.
Anger is a part of me, part of us all. I can't get rid of my anger because not only is me being angry cool, but because I am always correct.
And I'm working on my anger. I looked at Travis, remember? So I have to get rid of this anger in good ways.
Last week I was being chased down by a shit mountain and when I told the shit mountain I had a anti-shit repellent spray to kill it, it brought a shit mountain .44 Revolver, popped me in my fucking kneecap and then called me a cuckold.
That's a metaphor kids. It basically means something that happened, but technically didn't.
I had a bad week, pissed me off.
It pisses me off that 5 foot frickers beat by fucking DQ!!
If pisses me off that Ultimo Extremo wrestled 3 matches in the past 3 weeks and won when I wrestled 5 and still lost!!
It pisses me off that Travis gets offended because I LAUGHED AT HIM GETTING TAZED WHEN IT WASN'T THE TAZING I WAS LAUGHING AT, BUT THE WAY HE FELL!!
I'm not the one that has to be wary, Onion Ring Master Issac. You're freak of a pet needs to be wary of me!
Because he's my friend. And friends don't fight. Friends forfeit wrestling matches so that their much smart and much more 579 pound friends can win.
And when you don't forfeit,
because by now I know better than to assume you won't,
I'm going to feel betrayed,"
William eventually sits back down on the floor, seemingly exhausted by his own pacing.
"Isn't what this is all about? Betrayal.
I've been betrayed before. People not forgiving me for kind of betraying them. It was heartwrenching.
But my heart is tough as nails. The Doctors can complain all they want, but my hearts too cool to obey the rules. And even if it is a little overworked, human beings have two, so I'll be fine.
At the end of the day Giggles, this isn't the Hero vs Villain DC film it may seem like.
This is the good guy, me, being the good guy simply because you're a gross jerk who beats people up and makes creepy posts on Twitter where you're like "GigglesGigglesGigg-" see- se- I can't even do it, I creep myself out.
But you're gonna walk into this match thinking I'm gonna underestimate you, I'm gonna be lazy, because even if I didn't try I'd probably still have a 90-10 chance of winning. Simply because I'm the best Behemoth on the planet.
But that's just the thing.
I am the best behemoth in the world. I have the best punches, I do the best walking.
So I can't underestimate you, like everybody else does, because not only do I think EVERYBODY is a piece of crap that can't beat me, but I have a phobia of Ronald McDonald. And not to be clownist, but you all look the same.
And Giggles? If I can spend 87 percent of my weekly income at McDonalds when I'm dealthy afraid of Ronald McDonald, the guy who owns McDonalds?
What hope do you have?
...
This is a turning point for me. A turning point that all supervillains have, everywhere. Where they do the badass thing where they beat ANOTHER bad guy, and everyone thinks their cool and forgives them for the laughing at them getting-
Just forgive me for laughing at you, Travis. Okay? It's not like it was me that did it. I was a victim of circumstance.
And I'm changing. I may be a supervillain, and the worst human in a world, but I'm also becoming the best human in the world, especially when I powerbomb Giggles into the Tahj Mahal.
This shit mountain may have shot my knee, but I've a secret shit mountain molotov that I'm gonna throw right into it's face!
And then, after I beat that creep Giggles, and rub it into that metaphorical shit mountain's face, I'm going to sleep with his metaphorical shit mountain husband and prove that the shit mountain was the cuck all along.
Boom. Message over.
....
..
Wh- what the fuck?! What the fuck was that last bit?!
Why- why am I talking about shit mountains? This is supposed to be a kids show- I can't swear, Wha-!
Why did I instantly go to Shit Mountains husband? Why didn't I metaphorically sleep with his shit mountain wife?! What the fuck?!?!
I mean- why- why the-!
Man, I gotta burn this footage, good gosh.."
They breathe heavy, and as the back off it's clear that of only are they Behemoth sized, but they're wearing a t-shirt that says "giggles more liKE crap-gulls" in bright blue, improperly capitalised font.
Eventually the large man runs backwards, falling onto a couch that has two other men on it, who were previously obscured by the gigantic frame.
Said giangtic frame belongs to APW wrestler and AP-ssed off giant William the Behemoth. The other two men are his tag team partner ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ (pronounced ❄︎❒︎♋︎♒︎📫︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎⬧︎) and his cameraman. Their voice comes out as poor quality as the room they're currently staying in.
"Uh-! Hello! It's Wilum- Wi- William the Behemoth here!! In my house! With the first ever "cuss word livestream" including several cuss words.
I am beyond anrgy right now. My partner Travis equally as angry, if not more, show them, Travis,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ stays completely still. He actually looks kind of upset, even though he's showing negative emotion at the moment.
William looks at his partner for a second before awkwardly beginning to speak again.
"Y-yeah! Exactly! He's so mad he's not even speaking! Because our last match? My last couple matches? Very, very enraging.
They have EN-ed my rage!
Not end- they haven't ended my rage. Because en-rage so- that wouldn't make any sense!
I'm angry! Ok?! So this whole livestream is gonna be about dealing with that healthily by calling both Lacklans and Ultimo Extremo, who isn't even a luchador, really mean stuff!
First off, the fricking 5 feet frickers match. Let's watch that,"
Most of the screen is taken up by the Netflix video of last weeks Metal, specifically VBS vs the 5 foot 2 mafia.
"See! See, already these two are being pathetic, midget jerks. They're whispering! Whispering being the most midgety way to talk to someone. Oh- all, "ooooh, look at my hand!! It's in front of my mouth!" Think- thinking that it'd stop me from being able to hear them. Nah! I have super hearing.
I have heard literally everything that has ever been said to me in my life.
So I can say, with proof, that Sarah Lacklan said 'Oh, I'm a dumb, dumb 5 foot- 5 foot small wrestler and I'm gonna cheat to win because I'm so dumb,'
Which you will want to keep in mind because it's a great deal of foreshadowing of the match itself, where they cheat 439 times.
You can count it! 439! And-
And bear in mind, you're not even allowed to do it once!
439,"
"It couldn't have been 439-"
"It was, Jared!!! I counted during the match!"
"It was like a 15 minute match, that's-"
"That's shows how much they cheated!!
Now during this match, I was in a good mood. I-.. as everyone knows I am the smartest, most healthy guy on the roster. Which immensely helps when I have to be the worst, most evil person on the roster. Gives me the positive outlook I need.
So- so I was in a good mood! I trusted my villainous comrade Travis, say hi, Travis,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ stays completely silent as his tall frame just leans further back into the patchwork, damaged couch.
"Ha- ha, yeah a- an- and we were having a good time.
There was a moment in the match where I saw Travis slipped. I laughed.
But not because I found it funny!
Laughter is proven to be an emotion of joy. Science told me that laughter makes people feel better. That was my intention-that was all I was trying-"
"You laughed because he got tazed, William,"
"I-!! I DID NOT KNOW HE GOT TAZED!! I THOUGHT HE FELL!! AND YOU CAN- AND YOU GUYS CAN STARE AT ME!! ALL YOU WANT- I AM INNOCENT!!
I HAVE LAUGHED AT TAG PARTNERS OF MINE GETTING TAZED BEFORE, AND THAT WAS NOT ONE OF THOSE LAUGHS-"
The screen freezes. Stays completely still for a couple of moments before a paragraph of text pops up on the screen.
-This video contains property from Alpha Professional Wrestling who have blocked it on copyright grounds. To gain further info..-
The text continues on in the regular copyright ban fashion. As regular and as illegal as all William the Behemoth's other schemes. The screen fades to black.
--
The new scene opens with another camera feed, this one much more high quality, although that doesn't necessarily mean much.
The scene itself could he mistaken for a childrens TV show, with bright colours, nice paintings and other childish appealing things decorating the room, if said room did not look like a metaphysical polyamorous marriage between broken dreams, loneliness and the local Home Depot being out of cleaner.
Dead centre sit VBS. Both William and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ sit, far apart enough to be noticed but close enough to not have to touch the gross walls of the tiny room.
William begins to speak.
"Last week was bad.
For me, for us. Which makes it bad in general. For everybody.
I'm not sure if APW fully realises what me being pissed of means on a danger scale, so I'm gonna use this episode to describe it.
'First Episode of what?' Your dumb, midget face asks, APW fans, dumb because I can't even hear you because the only other person in this room is Travis and he doesn't speak-
Not that there's anything wrong with that!! We're cool!
-so you guys just falking to screens like fucking weirdos. But I'll explain, because as I discussed in my 21 hour Twitch Stream, my hearing does reach across all 25 continents. I am NATO.
This is the first episode of William's Show! A show for children! The greatest show of all time, probably. On Netflix, Sky, HBO, it's even considered Chinese propaganda. It's everywhere. It's getting a live action movie!
But it's actually a super EVIL show!!
Mwahahaha!! Tricked again! I will be teaching all children EEEEEEVIL THINGS!!! Like how to kick over garbage cans and how to join SubReddits.
It's the most E-
Although I should mention that only big children are allowed to watch this. So if you're a kid and you're not taller then 6 foot 4 and at least 450 pounds, you will have to switch this off. That's my beliefs, which makes disagreeing with them a hate crime.
This is like Giggles' show, but like ten hundred times more compelling, more culturally important and more better.
Better.
Replace the eh with an ah, and you get batter.
Batter.
I am going to batter Giggles this week.
I am going to get Giggles face and make it clown makeup on a bloodied mesh of skin. I'm really feeling quite PISSED, Giggles. I will take it out on you whether that helps me win or not, that's just how Supervillains roll.
But not at you, Giggles.
Me and you, Giggles?
We are actually good friends. Edit it up, Jared!!"
Around William's face (and the large piles of old, damp towels behind him) pop up various Twitter posts between both the VBS leader and the sadistic clown.
"Look at that! Me and Giggles! Hitting it off!
I mean, the guy's 6 foot 9. Not only is that very tall, it also the sex number. My favourite number, because of all the intercourse I have with females.
So me and Giggles are friends! And friends are nice to each other.
They... they help each other out. They keep them safe, keep them happy. They forgive them for laughing at them when they get tazed."
William slowly turns his face until he's staring directly at ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, waiting patiently for any semblance of response. As per usual, the masked man stays completely still, completely silent.
Eventually, perhaps due to ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ simply finding the situation to awkward even for him, William's partner stands up and goes to leave the room, but not before saying "✋︎🕯︎❍︎ ⬧︎□︎❒︎❒︎⍓︎📪︎ ✋︎ ■︎♏︎♏︎♎︎ ⧫︎□︎ ●︎♏︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ❒︎□︎□︎❍︎📬︎".
William watches, eyes agape in concern as the 7 footer walks out of shot and for a moment William seems to try and shout out something.
But he says nothing.
Eventually a door slamming can be heard and William's face seems to go through several emotions, shock, regret, anger and mega fricking anger as he turns his face back to the camera.
"Friends. That's what I was talking about." William all but spits out, surprisingly not already forgotten what he was talking about.
"Friends. I had a therapist recently speak to me about friends. Said I had a couple. Just a couple. But we both knows that's a lie, don't we Giggles?
Seems like everywhere I go I'm met with annoying smurfs. Everything I do is somehow "wrong". Every time I chuckle at somebody getting tasered I'm somehow not "un-pathetic!!" whatever that means..
When the universe at large wants to kick you in the balls, you start to get a little paranoid.
And I am paranoid.
And we are friends, Giggles. You said that on Twitter, where everything that is said is true.
And, as a friend, I am asking you to just lie down and let me pin you because I really, really deserve to win!!"
William stands up (real slowly) and starts pacing up and down the room. Eventually be gins to scratch his head as he starts to rant at whatever wall he happens to be fa king.
"It's stupid, Giggles!! It's stupid!!
I mean- I'm a supervillain. As evil as can be, and I do take minor, MINOR, amusement in the suffering of innocents, but beneath all that?
I'm a good guy!!
At least in comparison to everyone else in this fricking company! APW is the land of the dicks and I REFUSE to believe that I don't deserve to instantly win this match, simply because I'm trying to be nice!!
You guys saw me try just then!!
I LOOKED at Travis. And he's mad at me! Upset because I ruined a gameplan of whatever.
Normally when somebody's upset at me I scream at them until they leave the premises. But I didn't scream!! I just LOOKED at him!!
I-..
I'm good."
William stops and turns to the camera, pointing. Hand a little bit bloodied
"I'm a good supervillain. I have morals. I pay taxes now, it's boring, but I do it.
And you, Giggles with an exclamation mark?
You are my friend.
You are the first person to ever properly confess their love to me.
Which is cool because not only does that make my Korean-Romanian stepfather seem dumb for saying nobody would ever do that, when everybody clearly does and is just being tsundere's, but also because it means I know that you will forfeit!!
I will be waiting, patiently, happily for your immediate forfeit. And I will also accept you vacating your Juniour Heavyweight Title and giving it to me. And I will also accept you vacating Lacklan's Hardcore Title and giving that to me as well.
See you soon, Giggles upside down I. Turn off the video."
William waits patiently after saying that, for approximately a minute or so, looking directly at the camera. He seems completely frozen.
Eventually he starts to move again, stealthily.
"Hey! Hey!
450 pound children watching this, you see that?
The show isnt over just yet! Go- go to the bottom line. It's not full yet! There's like 10 minutes or so left.
I'm actually deceiving my friend Giggles. He doesn't realise it but I've snuffed him out. Caught him red handed. And I-
He won't notice the video hasn't ended yet, in case you're wondering. He's my friend so he switched the video off when I asked him.
Okay?
So Giggles exclamation mark isn't here.
Giggles exclamation mark is a piece of shit and I going to kick him into the abyss.
He jumps around with his kids show, mention his fortnite, the jackass has punctuation in his name so he's clearly insane.
And you trick people.
You are a Nettle, Giggles. You enter you multi man matches and you play the clown, the jester, the Adam Sandler, and you become a sadistic maniac and choke people out and take what means the most to them.
Just like Adam Sandler.
But I have beaten Adam Sandler in a figh-
Okay, that's a lie. But it would definetly be close!
And this Ringmaster guy, this Sonic and the Secret Rings Issac guy. He tries to warn people. 'Take this clown seriously, he's mad, help me, help us all, he's mad, he has a punctuation in his name when names are supposed to just be for LETTERS AND, IN SOME ODD CASES, NUMBERS!!'
But don't be scared, Issac, you moron.
I'm not falling for this lipsticked venus fly trap.
I hate Clowns. I find them horrifying.
First time I ever saw a clown I was a Young Child the Behemoth. The guy gave me a cigarette and told me the Tooth Fairy wasn't real.
Didn't even know what a Tooth Fairy was at the time but it PISSED. ME. OFF.
Anger is a part of me, part of us all. I can't get rid of my anger because not only is me being angry cool, but because I am always correct.
And I'm working on my anger. I looked at Travis, remember? So I have to get rid of this anger in good ways.
Last week I was being chased down by a shit mountain and when I told the shit mountain I had a anti-shit repellent spray to kill it, it brought a shit mountain .44 Revolver, popped me in my fucking kneecap and then called me a cuckold.
That's a metaphor kids. It basically means something that happened, but technically didn't.
I had a bad week, pissed me off.
It pisses me off that 5 foot frickers beat by fucking DQ!!
If pisses me off that Ultimo Extremo wrestled 3 matches in the past 3 weeks and won when I wrestled 5 and still lost!!
It pisses me off that Travis gets offended because I LAUGHED AT HIM GETTING TAZED WHEN IT WASN'T THE TAZING I WAS LAUGHING AT, BUT THE WAY HE FELL!!
I'm not the one that has to be wary, Onion Ring Master Issac. You're freak of a pet needs to be wary of me!
Because he's my friend. And friends don't fight. Friends forfeit wrestling matches so that their much smart and much more 579 pound friends can win.
And when you don't forfeit,
because by now I know better than to assume you won't,
I'm going to feel betrayed,"
William eventually sits back down on the floor, seemingly exhausted by his own pacing.
"Isn't what this is all about? Betrayal.
I've been betrayed before. People not forgiving me for kind of betraying them. It was heartwrenching.
But my heart is tough as nails. The Doctors can complain all they want, but my hearts too cool to obey the rules. And even if it is a little overworked, human beings have two, so I'll be fine.
At the end of the day Giggles, this isn't the Hero vs Villain DC film it may seem like.
This is the good guy, me, being the good guy simply because you're a gross jerk who beats people up and makes creepy posts on Twitter where you're like "GigglesGigglesGigg-" see- se- I can't even do it, I creep myself out.
But you're gonna walk into this match thinking I'm gonna underestimate you, I'm gonna be lazy, because even if I didn't try I'd probably still have a 90-10 chance of winning. Simply because I'm the best Behemoth on the planet.
But that's just the thing.
I am the best behemoth in the world. I have the best punches, I do the best walking.
So I can't underestimate you, like everybody else does, because not only do I think EVERYBODY is a piece of crap that can't beat me, but I have a phobia of Ronald McDonald. And not to be clownist, but you all look the same.
And Giggles? If I can spend 87 percent of my weekly income at McDonalds when I'm dealthy afraid of Ronald McDonald, the guy who owns McDonalds?
What hope do you have?
...
This is a turning point for me. A turning point that all supervillains have, everywhere. Where they do the badass thing where they beat ANOTHER bad guy, and everyone thinks their cool and forgives them for the laughing at them getting-
Just forgive me for laughing at you, Travis. Okay? It's not like it was me that did it. I was a victim of circumstance.
And I'm changing. I may be a supervillain, and the worst human in a world, but I'm also becoming the best human in the world, especially when I powerbomb Giggles into the Tahj Mahal.
This shit mountain may have shot my knee, but I've a secret shit mountain molotov that I'm gonna throw right into it's face!
And then, after I beat that creep Giggles, and rub it into that metaphorical shit mountain's face, I'm going to sleep with his metaphorical shit mountain husband and prove that the shit mountain was the cuck all along.
Boom. Message over.
....
..
Wh- what the fuck?! What the fuck was that last bit?!
Why- why am I talking about shit mountains? This is supposed to be a kids show- I can't swear, Wha-!
Why did I instantly go to Shit Mountains husband? Why didn't I metaphorically sleep with his shit mountain wife?! What the fuck?!?!
I mean- why- why the-!
Man, I gotta burn this footage, good gosh.."
