Post by soulreaver on Jul 19, 2020 22:02:05 GMT -5
'Quick Wit' Johnny Class adjusts the microphone in front of him before looking out into the audience. Towering next to Johnny is the man that we know as Soul Reaver. A quick glance around the room reveals us to be inside some sort of church. Directly over Johnny's left shoulder is a giant portrait of Jesus with his arms outstretched.
Johnny Class: Ladies and gentlemen we are gathered here today to witness a truly beautiful event. An event that will go down in the annals of time. An event that is so big that every major new network decline to cover it for fear that they would never be able to cover anything bigger or more important. This is the single greatest moment in all of your lives. Today the man to my left will enter into the baptismal font and be cleansed of all his sins and past transgressions. His life up until this point will be washed away and he will start anew. This truly will be a magical moment and it is being made possible by one man. We would be amiss to not mention that beautiful bastard.
Johnny pauses as he nods his head and the audience turns their attention to the painting of Jesus.
Johnny Class: That man is, of course, 'Quick Wit' Johnny Class.
An audible groan comes from the audience and even Soul Reaver looks a tad uncomfortable. Johnny looks around.
Johnny Class: What? You thought I was talking about Jesus? What did he ever do? He's imaginary. Johnny Class is here in the flesh, baby.
Now people are pissed. They are shouting things at a Johnny. A group of men head for the pulpit with fire in their eyes. Soul Reaver steps in front of Johnny and the men immediately stand down. The crowd has turned into an angry mob now. This scene comes to a close and the next scene opens up with Johnny leading Soul Reaver down into the baptismal font. They are both dressed in all white and wade into a 10x10 room that resembles a giant bathtub. 7'5 Soul Reaver takes up most of the tub.
Johnny Class: Believe it or not, I have never performed one of these things. But I did a quick Google search while you were changing and I got the gist of it. Here you stand in the middle and I'll put one hand on your back and the other hand I think I just use to salute the flag or some bullshit like that. Alright. Here goes.
Johnny pauses, feigning reverence.
Johnny Class: Dearest Sky God. It is I, your greatest creation, 'Quick Wit' Johnny Class. Thank you for helping me find my lucky sock a while back. I would have never thought to check in the dishwasher. But anyway... Hi. We are gathered here in this lukewarm water to absolve Soul Reaver of his past sins. He made some questionable decisions before he met me, and he shouldn't be forced to live with those decisions for the rest of his life. There was his longtime girlfriend, Pearla. There was that World Record attempt. We all remember how that went. But by far the biggest mistake that Soul Reaver made was ever aligning with Jason Ryan and The Bloodline. Soul Reaver carried The Bloodline for months and months without help and or credit. Soul Reaver was the sole reason that Jason Ryan was ever APW Champion. But Mr. Lordy Lord, Soul Reaver has seen the error of his ways. He realizes now that The Bloodline was the reason for his failures in the ring. He wasn't allowed to spread his wings and fly like the beautiful, majestic three legged pterodactyl that he is.
Johnny pauses again as he looks up at Soul Reaver and asks him if he is ready. Reaver nods.
Johnny Class: Please let the water cleanse his body and his mind of The Bloodline funk. Let his be reborn a winner and like a Phoenix rising from the ashes please help him transform into the giant, killing machine that we know he is capable of becoming. Help guide him towards a bright future in APW. Help make Soul Reaver into the Destroyer of Men and the Reaver of Souls. Now in the water you go, big guy.
The baptism of Soul Reaver becomes a spectacle quickly. He tries to bend backwards and fall into the water but nearly crushes Johnny. He then tries to lay on his belly and starts doggy paddling in the shallow water. Johnny forces Reaver's head under the water and then tries to get his body under but is wildly unsuccessful. Finally they give up and that is where we leave them for now.
When we catch back up with them they are in the back of a limo. They are both back in their shits with damp hair.
Johnny Class: Well I feel better. About you?
Soul Reaver shoots Johnny a menacing glare.
Johnny Class: It was necessary, Reaver. We need a fresh start. The Bloodline kept you from every being as successful as you could have been. You lost matches. How does that happen? You are the largest professional wrestler in the world. There is no one in APW that should be able to stop you.
Soul Reaver's blood continues to boil.
Johnny Class: Simmer down, big man. You know me, I tell it like it is. That's why you hired me, remember? But none of that matters. You are born again. Today is the first day of the rest of your career. And Reaver we have an absolutely lay-up of a match this week. It is going to be a fantastic way to show the world the new and improved Soul Reaver.
Johnny leans back in his seat with his hands behind his head.
Johnny Class: Did you see whom they've got you up against?
Soul Reaver nods and grins from ear to ear.
Johnny Class: It should be a cakewalk. I mean I love Cray Mitchell as much as the next guy. Which is of course, not at all. But when is the last time he did anything of significance here? Seriously? There is always so much hype for him and it's always a letdown. He's the first one out of this match if you ask me. Hell, give him a chokeslam for me!
Reaver nods emphatically.
Johnny Class: And then this J.T. Walker kid. I will give him the fact that he is a snazzy dresser. You know how much I adore exquisite fashion. If you get a chance please tell him to have his clothes guy call my guy. You remember Kimm's number, right?
More head nodding from Soul Reaver.
Johnny Class: I also understand that his family has a rich history in real estate and entrepreneurship. You know I am all about that. First Class Cars is my baby. I'm all about the businessman life. But Reaver, after that Walker isn't much to write home about. He's a 4 dollar personality in a 100 dollar suit. And I'm not even sure he's worth that much as a wrestler. He hasn't exactly wooed anyone since he's been here. But remember to not overlook him. If you're going to embrace the killer instinct than you make sure you take him out. Don't give him a chance to catch you by surprise.
And again, more head nodding from Reaver.
Johnny Class: And then there is Mr. Needle. He didn't really think about that moniker before he picked it, right? There is no way. There are so many jokes to make. The easy one is to go after the steroids. You don't get as big as he is working out to Richard Simmons video in your garage at 3 in the morning. Believe me, I've tried. And there isn't enough weight in the weight room to look like that. He's definitely found something to add to his protein shakes that gets him Jacked. But you can also go the needle dick route. It's just so easy. Needle dick. HA!
Both men laugh as a brief moment of silence falls over them. Finally Johnny shifts in his seat so that he is looking at Soul Reaver.
Johnny Class: But all jokes aside, Vonn Richter is the man to watch in this match. I laughed when I first saw him backstage. Guys like that usually don't amount to much in this sport. But he has surprised me. I'll give him that. He finds ways to win. He definitely poses the biggest threat to our rebirth. But his biggest problem is that he can't out power you. All the roid's in the world can't get him the same size and strength you have. And he's a one trick pony. He uses his strength and size to force his way to victory. That ain't going to work against you. He's going to have to think outside the box, and Reaver I just can't see the few brain waves he does have coming up with a plan to stop you.
One final pause from Johnny Class.
Johnny Class: This is your match to win. We are done with the Bloodline bullshit. We're done being second fiddle to anyone, let alone Jason Fucking Ryan. It's our time now. That is behind us. I know you don't believe in baptism any more than I do but this was a symbolic day. Everything is in the past. This is match number one for you and me. And there ain't no way in hell that any of these three will be able to stop you. Now let's get some rest.
Johnny leans back in his seat and closes his eyes. Soul Reaver tries to lean back but his head hits the roof of the car so that he is forced to sit scrunched up and leaning forward.
