Post by The Very Big Supervillains on Jul 17, 2020 12:59:57 GMT -5
"There are generally times where I, the best wrestling behemoth in the world, have problems.
Big People problems! Not like those 5 foot 2 Mafia fuckheads have!
I have to worry about my muscles being so big they explode, my calves being so powerful that the ground is crushed beneath my feet, my brain being so tactics that I accidentally take over a country. Behemoth Problems.
The Lacklans, and whoever the feck the "Faithless" frick-fuckers are, have midget problems. Like hunger and dehydration and not being able to climb stairs because they're so small. Stuff that make them lose wrestling matches.
The Very Big Supervillains simply can't have actual problems.
We're too big.
Which is why this week is so surprising.
'Cause I just crawled out a metaphorical shit mountain and as soon as I escaped, it grew four giant shit-legs and now it's fucking chasing me."
William the Behemoth lays sat down, same patches of mud scattered across the scruffy, alleyway ground. Cheap, dirtier Very Big clothes covering the Very Big amounts of stress-having William.
Now William was always stressed, at least a little. William's brain, while piloting a gigantic body, was very much compensating for it's own size and even a small amount of thoughts could overwhelm and annoy William.
And whilst William did get annoyed by effectively anything, there was a specific list of things that pissed him off more than anything.
1. Midgets.
2. Midgets, just to emphasise.
And 3. This one scary guy back in WCF who would always beat the absolute shit out of him.
With the 5 foot 2 Mafia literally naming themselves after their lack of height, William's urge to beat them up was skyrocketing. Dangerously, so.
And William already had urges to beat a lot of other things up, too! The Faithless, One of the APW commentators, his cameraman, Weezer. He had a busy schedule!
It's not like William can just beat up everything, he thinks to himself.
He pauses for a second.
Oh wait, yes he can.
Well, he can't beat up everything without getting tired!! So there!!
It's only after William's finished explaining himself that he realises this entire thing is happening entirely within his head. He silently adds His Recognition of Reality to the list of things he's gonna beat up.
"Shit mountain?"
"It's a metaphor! Got a lot of crap on my plate this week! I'm supposed to be lazy, man! But I've had like 5 matches in 3 wee-
I mean no! Nah.. it's- it's.. like my.. my one-st?"
"Your first?"
"But like, what's the American word for it?"
The cameraman sighs, taking that and the the 5 minute silence that preceded it as reason enough to stop recording properly.
The camera flops down giving a shot of the barren house that VBS live in, as indicated by the spooooky Halloween decorations that are set up, as well as the acquariam that's in the corner.
As nonsensical as it is generally low quality. Just like VBS.
"Why're you so worried about people figuring you out? You're really not as stealthy as you think-"
"Because, Travis!! You moron!!"
Travis was William's partner ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎. Someone William did appreciate, and WANTED to trust, honestly. ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ hadn't said or done anything to garner William's ire or fear, he wasn't really the type of guy to speak actual.. words or do actual.. things.
But foundations, true foundations, like the ones William had, could not be moved. And it was in the very genes of big men to never, NEVER, under any circumstances, attempt a superkick.
And even though it was almost 4 weeks ago now, the memory of ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ superkicking Karnes and Mitchell burned like a thousand soldering irons.
They hadn't talked in quite a while. William had been stealthy in making up excuses during the time he'd been avoiding him (read: William told ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ he was going skydiving then ran out of the room whenever he saw him for the next 3 weeks) so they'd have to reunite.
Superkicking was the most midget move of all time. It was probably the Lacklan's finisher, William thought, as what kind of midget would avoid not only being boring, but also causing facial damage to innocent people?
But William wanted to reconcile with his partner. These were two of the other major tag teams in the division, a win would not only mean VBS'd be in the title picture but also that he could insult the other two teams on Twitter.
The highest of all wrestling privileges.
Although, saying that, he's probably gonna insult them if he loses anyway, so..
"What is it that Gandhi said? 'Don't be mad' or something?
I think I have to do that, right now. I have to find it in my heart to forgive Travis, teach him that superkicks are suckkicks,"
"It's just a move. Yokozuna d-"
"THAT WAS A THRUST KICK, AND YOU KNOW IT!!"
William yelped loudly before aggressively reaching into his pocket.
He pulls out his phone, dials the familiar number, and braces himself to perform an action he'd never thought he'd ever perform.
"Well.. I never thought it would've come to this but.. it's time.
It's time for me to be the new Gandhi,"
"Gandhi's not the only person who's forgiven someone, Wil-"
"SHUT UP!!"
-
-
The ringtone sounds out amongst the room and William does his best to steady his nerves for what's about to come.
It's necessary they're on the same page for this week's Metal, and while they have won a lot of matches, William has quite the busy, secretive, Latin American night on Monday.
About 2 steps away from William a flipphone begins to vibrate.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, his partner, still decked out in the weird mummified gear and creepy mask, walks into the room and picks the flipphone up. He looks at it, then turns his head to look at William.
"Yeah, I'm back. We need to talk,"
"Why'd you ring him if he was just outside?"
"SSH!!
Travis, there's no secret that we've had tensions these last couple of weeks. APW fans everywhere have been trembling in fear just thinking about what could happen if VBS fell out and we went on cool, but separate, rampages.
I'm sure you've been thinking about destroying the entire planet, to vent your rage at not being around me,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ shrugs.
"Quite frankly, I don't blame you. I am great.
Which is why we have to be on the same page. It's not fun being great on your own, I want you to be great with me. But that means I have to fully explain the way of Big Men,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ shrugs, again. William sighs, as if his next words are gonna be brutal.
"Let's talk about your superkicks, Travis,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ just continues to stare at The HorroHemoth.
"Your superkicks against Karnes and Mitchell? Remember? It may have won us the match but..
There are moves you're simply not allowed to do. Not only because they're midget moves but because, if you attempt them, you'll probably tear some sort of muscle.
The 5 foot 2 Mafia do those sorts of moves. They do fricking chaaaaaain wrestling. Which is basically just holding someone's wrist for 5 minutes. Those sad-o's. I don't need human contact!
And look at their name LACK-lan! LACK! You know what they lack? The ability to not suck dick!! Which-
I know they're lesbians and that's fine, and you best believe I can make a lot of jokes about the HARDCORE champion being a lesbian, but I meant suck dick metaphorically. When you're as villainous as I am, you gotta treat your own disrespect WITH respect.
There are rules! Like how 'no superkicks' is a rule.
So... where did this.. superkicking buisness start, man?"
"✋︎🕯︎❍︎ ⬧︎□︎❒︎❒︎⍓︎ ⬧︎●︎♓︎❍︎📬︎ ✋︎⧫︎ ⬥︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ♒︎♋︎◻︎◻︎♏︎■︎ ♋︎♑︎♋︎♓︎■︎📬︎"
"Oh... okay, I... I have no idea what you just said. What do-"
"Travis, thumbs up for 'Yes' thumbs down for 'No'"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ gives a very basic thumbs up.
"Okay... so, when you did that superkick, what did you feel?"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ pauses for a second, before giving a thumbs up.
"You felt 'Yes'...
Hmm...
Y- yeah, that makes no sense, you're gonna have to type this."
William tuts and reaches for his phone. After about 2 minutes of fiddling, William's eyes furrow and it's apparent that he's struggling with the small device.
"Stupid tiny... I can't even see this shit!! Freaking... 5 foot 2 fricking pho-"
William looks up to see a pair of glasses right in front of his face. And ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ is there again. With his beady, blue eyes, looking more earnest as than William's ever seen a person look.
This... kindness, this effort that ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ was putting in in regards to both being successful in APW and just generally not being completely horrible. It was all so
"MIDGETY!!"
William whacks the glasses out of his hand quickly.
"This midgety stuff has to stop!!
I've never been kind or nice to a fricking person in my entire life!!
Kindness is just fear!
Fear that some gigantic thing is gonna come around and ruin everything you've worked for.
The Lacklan's and Faithless are the same. Fear motivates them. That's why they work so hard getting all their midgety-moves, why they work hard in brutal hardcore title matches, why they always comment on Vonn Richter's Twitter Account, fear.
And for them that's fine. They have reason to fear.
But not me. Not VBS. VBS is the reason they work so hard. They'll work their lives to do what we could do when we were born. And then we'll just be like "oh, that was so eeeeasy" just to make them feel bad!!
I am the Shit Mountain.
I-
That sounds better in context, trust me.
I-! I'm no kind little bunny rabbit.
Neither are you!
I have a lot to do on Metal, you have to promise you'll be as lazy, as rude, as as gigantic a dick as you can be, Travis. To everyone! Even me! Can you? Please?"
William asks, surprisingly vulnerable and honest, even if still crude and clearly not thinking properly.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ walks forward and grabs William's phone.
He begins to type.
William audibly gasps, finally getting to hear his partner use actual words.
The typing noises stop, and the phone is handed back to William.
The cameraman walks close and both men stare at the phone, eyes wide open.
"This...
... it's...
This is just Wingdings.
Man, what the fuck-?"
"That's Notepad. How'd you get Wingdings on no-"
"Travis, what the fuck ARE you?"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ gives a nonchalant shrug, William just sighs and scratches his head.
"Alright well, I'm gonna assume you agree. So we're partners again! Nice! Pleased by that.
Remember, no fear! Only win!"
The members of VBS high five. The cameraman, while still thinking this is all horrendously stupid, does get a little smirk.
"You won't show any fear either. Will you, insane guy?"
"HAH!! NEVER!!
My name is William!! The strongest! Most smartest! Least stubborn man alive!! For all of time!!
5 foot 2 Mafia, ima call you guys the Ottoman Mafia because after we're finished with you, you're not even gonna exist!!
You two are proud, proud and healthy and confident and, fine! Fine! Why not?! If you guys wanna disrespect the entire world than fine!
But my mouth is far too high up for you guys to spit in.
And Travis? I mean, he wears a mask anyway.
We won't tolerate your disrespect!! And after we win, you WILL teach me the proper food to feed an adult octopus."
"⚐︎♍︎⧫︎□︎◻︎◆︎📫︎✍︎"
"Don't ask, it's complicated.
NO FEAR!! VBS FOREVER!!
....
...
I mean, except for maybe Oblivion. That guy's probably in jail by now though so, yeah, no fear.
...
...
...
I mean, that guy was horrifying. I never wanna see him again. Ever.
...
...
...
...
..
Why you guys looking at me-
Oh, he's the fucking Faithless isn't he?
...
...
FOR FUCKS SAK-!!"
Big People problems! Not like those 5 foot 2 Mafia fuckheads have!
I have to worry about my muscles being so big they explode, my calves being so powerful that the ground is crushed beneath my feet, my brain being so tactics that I accidentally take over a country. Behemoth Problems.
The Lacklans, and whoever the feck the "Faithless" frick-fuckers are, have midget problems. Like hunger and dehydration and not being able to climb stairs because they're so small. Stuff that make them lose wrestling matches.
The Very Big Supervillains simply can't have actual problems.
We're too big.
Which is why this week is so surprising.
'Cause I just crawled out a metaphorical shit mountain and as soon as I escaped, it grew four giant shit-legs and now it's fucking chasing me."
William the Behemoth lays sat down, same patches of mud scattered across the scruffy, alleyway ground. Cheap, dirtier Very Big clothes covering the Very Big amounts of stress-having William.
Now William was always stressed, at least a little. William's brain, while piloting a gigantic body, was very much compensating for it's own size and even a small amount of thoughts could overwhelm and annoy William.
And whilst William did get annoyed by effectively anything, there was a specific list of things that pissed him off more than anything.
1. Midgets.
2. Midgets, just to emphasise.
And 3. This one scary guy back in WCF who would always beat the absolute shit out of him.
With the 5 foot 2 Mafia literally naming themselves after their lack of height, William's urge to beat them up was skyrocketing. Dangerously, so.
And William already had urges to beat a lot of other things up, too! The Faithless, One of the APW commentators, his cameraman, Weezer. He had a busy schedule!
It's not like William can just beat up everything, he thinks to himself.
He pauses for a second.
Oh wait, yes he can.
Well, he can't beat up everything without getting tired!! So there!!
It's only after William's finished explaining himself that he realises this entire thing is happening entirely within his head. He silently adds His Recognition of Reality to the list of things he's gonna beat up.
"Shit mountain?"
"It's a metaphor! Got a lot of crap on my plate this week! I'm supposed to be lazy, man! But I've had like 5 matches in 3 wee-
I mean no! Nah.. it's- it's.. like my.. my one-st?"
"Your first?"
"But like, what's the American word for it?"
The cameraman sighs, taking that and the the 5 minute silence that preceded it as reason enough to stop recording properly.
The camera flops down giving a shot of the barren house that VBS live in, as indicated by the spooooky Halloween decorations that are set up, as well as the acquariam that's in the corner.
As nonsensical as it is generally low quality. Just like VBS.
"Why're you so worried about people figuring you out? You're really not as stealthy as you think-"
"Because, Travis!! You moron!!"
Travis was William's partner ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎. Someone William did appreciate, and WANTED to trust, honestly. ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ hadn't said or done anything to garner William's ire or fear, he wasn't really the type of guy to speak actual.. words or do actual.. things.
But foundations, true foundations, like the ones William had, could not be moved. And it was in the very genes of big men to never, NEVER, under any circumstances, attempt a superkick.
And even though it was almost 4 weeks ago now, the memory of ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ superkicking Karnes and Mitchell burned like a thousand soldering irons.
They hadn't talked in quite a while. William had been stealthy in making up excuses during the time he'd been avoiding him (read: William told ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ he was going skydiving then ran out of the room whenever he saw him for the next 3 weeks) so they'd have to reunite.
Superkicking was the most midget move of all time. It was probably the Lacklan's finisher, William thought, as what kind of midget would avoid not only being boring, but also causing facial damage to innocent people?
But William wanted to reconcile with his partner. These were two of the other major tag teams in the division, a win would not only mean VBS'd be in the title picture but also that he could insult the other two teams on Twitter.
The highest of all wrestling privileges.
Although, saying that, he's probably gonna insult them if he loses anyway, so..
"What is it that Gandhi said? 'Don't be mad' or something?
I think I have to do that, right now. I have to find it in my heart to forgive Travis, teach him that superkicks are suckkicks,"
"It's just a move. Yokozuna d-"
"THAT WAS A THRUST KICK, AND YOU KNOW IT!!"
William yelped loudly before aggressively reaching into his pocket.
He pulls out his phone, dials the familiar number, and braces himself to perform an action he'd never thought he'd ever perform.
"Well.. I never thought it would've come to this but.. it's time.
It's time for me to be the new Gandhi,"
"Gandhi's not the only person who's forgiven someone, Wil-"
"SHUT UP!!"
-
--RECONCILLIATION--
-
The ringtone sounds out amongst the room and William does his best to steady his nerves for what's about to come.
It's necessary they're on the same page for this week's Metal, and while they have won a lot of matches, William has quite the busy, secretive, Latin American night on Monday.
About 2 steps away from William a flipphone begins to vibrate.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, his partner, still decked out in the weird mummified gear and creepy mask, walks into the room and picks the flipphone up. He looks at it, then turns his head to look at William.
"Yeah, I'm back. We need to talk,"
"Why'd you ring him if he was just outside?"
"SSH!!
Travis, there's no secret that we've had tensions these last couple of weeks. APW fans everywhere have been trembling in fear just thinking about what could happen if VBS fell out and we went on cool, but separate, rampages.
I'm sure you've been thinking about destroying the entire planet, to vent your rage at not being around me,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ shrugs.
"Quite frankly, I don't blame you. I am great.
Which is why we have to be on the same page. It's not fun being great on your own, I want you to be great with me. But that means I have to fully explain the way of Big Men,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ shrugs, again. William sighs, as if his next words are gonna be brutal.
"Let's talk about your superkicks, Travis,"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ just continues to stare at The HorroHemoth.
"Your superkicks against Karnes and Mitchell? Remember? It may have won us the match but..
There are moves you're simply not allowed to do. Not only because they're midget moves but because, if you attempt them, you'll probably tear some sort of muscle.
The 5 foot 2 Mafia do those sorts of moves. They do fricking chaaaaaain wrestling. Which is basically just holding someone's wrist for 5 minutes. Those sad-o's. I don't need human contact!
And look at their name LACK-lan! LACK! You know what they lack? The ability to not suck dick!! Which-
I know they're lesbians and that's fine, and you best believe I can make a lot of jokes about the HARDCORE champion being a lesbian, but I meant suck dick metaphorically. When you're as villainous as I am, you gotta treat your own disrespect WITH respect.
There are rules! Like how 'no superkicks' is a rule.
So... where did this.. superkicking buisness start, man?"
"✋︎🕯︎❍︎ ⬧︎□︎❒︎❒︎⍓︎ ⬧︎●︎♓︎❍︎📬︎ ✋︎⧫︎ ⬥︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ♒︎♋︎◻︎◻︎♏︎■︎ ♋︎♑︎♋︎♓︎■︎📬︎"
"Oh... okay, I... I have no idea what you just said. What do-"
"Travis, thumbs up for 'Yes' thumbs down for 'No'"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ gives a very basic thumbs up.
"Okay... so, when you did that superkick, what did you feel?"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ pauses for a second, before giving a thumbs up.
"You felt 'Yes'...
Hmm...
Y- yeah, that makes no sense, you're gonna have to type this."
William tuts and reaches for his phone. After about 2 minutes of fiddling, William's eyes furrow and it's apparent that he's struggling with the small device.
"Stupid tiny... I can't even see this shit!! Freaking... 5 foot 2 fricking pho-"
William looks up to see a pair of glasses right in front of his face. And ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ is there again. With his beady, blue eyes, looking more earnest as than William's ever seen a person look.
This... kindness, this effort that ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ was putting in in regards to both being successful in APW and just generally not being completely horrible. It was all so
"MIDGETY!!"
William whacks the glasses out of his hand quickly.
"This midgety stuff has to stop!!
I've never been kind or nice to a fricking person in my entire life!!
Kindness is just fear!
Fear that some gigantic thing is gonna come around and ruin everything you've worked for.
The Lacklan's and Faithless are the same. Fear motivates them. That's why they work so hard getting all their midgety-moves, why they work hard in brutal hardcore title matches, why they always comment on Vonn Richter's Twitter Account, fear.
And for them that's fine. They have reason to fear.
But not me. Not VBS. VBS is the reason they work so hard. They'll work their lives to do what we could do when we were born. And then we'll just be like "oh, that was so eeeeasy" just to make them feel bad!!
I am the Shit Mountain.
I-
That sounds better in context, trust me.
I-! I'm no kind little bunny rabbit.
Neither are you!
I have a lot to do on Metal, you have to promise you'll be as lazy, as rude, as as gigantic a dick as you can be, Travis. To everyone! Even me! Can you? Please?"
William asks, surprisingly vulnerable and honest, even if still crude and clearly not thinking properly.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ walks forward and grabs William's phone.
He begins to type.
William audibly gasps, finally getting to hear his partner use actual words.
The typing noises stop, and the phone is handed back to William.
The cameraman walks close and both men stare at the phone, eyes wide open.
"This...
... it's...
This is just Wingdings.
Man, what the fuck-?"
"That's Notepad. How'd you get Wingdings on no-"
"Travis, what the fuck ARE you?"
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ gives a nonchalant shrug, William just sighs and scratches his head.
"Alright well, I'm gonna assume you agree. So we're partners again! Nice! Pleased by that.
Remember, no fear! Only win!"
The members of VBS high five. The cameraman, while still thinking this is all horrendously stupid, does get a little smirk.
"You won't show any fear either. Will you, insane guy?"
"HAH!! NEVER!!
My name is William!! The strongest! Most smartest! Least stubborn man alive!! For all of time!!
5 foot 2 Mafia, ima call you guys the Ottoman Mafia because after we're finished with you, you're not even gonna exist!!
You two are proud, proud and healthy and confident and, fine! Fine! Why not?! If you guys wanna disrespect the entire world than fine!
But my mouth is far too high up for you guys to spit in.
And Travis? I mean, he wears a mask anyway.
We won't tolerate your disrespect!! And after we win, you WILL teach me the proper food to feed an adult octopus."
"⚐︎♍︎⧫︎□︎◻︎◆︎📫︎✍︎"
"Don't ask, it's complicated.
NO FEAR!! VBS FOREVER!!
....
...
I mean, except for maybe Oblivion. That guy's probably in jail by now though so, yeah, no fear.
...
...
...
I mean, that guy was horrifying. I never wanna see him again. Ever.
...
...
...
...
..
Why you guys looking at me-
Oh, he's the fucking Faithless isn't he?
...
...
FOR FUCKS SAK-!!"
