Lucha Bowl Showdown: Night 2 (Complete)
Jul 15, 2020 11:24:15 GMT -5
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Post by Breezy on Jul 15, 2020 11:24:15 GMT -5
Lucha Bowl Showdown Night #2: A Terry Olsen Review
Night two of this crazy Lucha experiment is in the books. On the one hand I am absolutely psyched about the big final match that will take place next week on Monday Night Metal, but I am sad this has come to an end. It couldn’t replace APW but it was a good place holder while APW was on the break. And I for one have really enjoyed these Lucha’s. Chalupa de Guerra has become an instant favorite of mine. Ojo Loco has been incredible. Ultimo Extremo and Hurican mas Sexy have been top notch. Gran Diabolico has crazy interestersting. I have loved it. The only solace that I take from tonight is that it is not going to be the last time we see some of these faces. But more on that later.
If you didn’t see tonight’s show I definitely encourage you to stop reading this and to go watch the show now. It was a great night of TV. The two Lucha Bowl matches were effin’ fantastic. The battle royal was incredibly solid and the surprise match was pretty epic too. So go watch it! Now!
Alright. See? It was great, right?
Now before we get to the matches I have to clarify my match rating system. There were some nasty comments left after last weeks review. So here is how I review these matches. I Marie Kondo that shit. Did it spark joy for me? 3 stars. Was the match so epic that I was left with my brain fully erect? 4 stars. And if a match was off the hizzy for shizzy as the kids say. 5 stars. There isn’t much to it. I give them what I think they deserved. You may disagree. That’s cool. America. Freedom. Whatnot. Now onto the review.
Match #1: Lucha Bowl Battle Royale
It was announced that there was going to be 15 participants in this one. We get the various luchas making their entrances and also Eli Beazley on commentary. Y’all know I am not a huge fan of Mr. Breezy but this is his baby and the fans seem to like him so I will allow it this time. There are a handful of various luchas who we haven’t seen before and then we get the four losing competitors from the tourney; Chalupa de Guerra, La Princesa de Oro, El Coyote de Muerto, and El Gran Sol. The Great Miko makes her entrance and is accompanied by Arnold Cunningham and Shijiro Nakama from Xpress Fighting Systems. The last competitor in the match is Soul Reaver or Reaver de Souls of whatever they called him last week. Let’s just stick to Soul Reaver.
The bell sounds and the luchas all attack the giant,Soul Reaver. They beat on him for a bit and then in an impressive feat of strength/not selling Reaver is able to shove the masses away. We get big boot after big boot as Reaver is demolishing the entire field of the competitors. Reaver switches it up to clotheslines and then headbutts until everyone is down in the ring. Reaver starts bending down and picking up luchas by their tights. He throws his first Lucha out as Lincoln Parka goes up and over the top rope. Reyna de Hielo is the next to go after a massive head butt. We get a tiny version of Ultimo Extremo standing up to Soul Reaver which brings a big respond from the crowd. He throws some punches at the big man and Soul Reaver laughs. Kick from Pequeño Ultimo Extremo to the knee and Reaver continues to laugh. Reaver lifts Pequeno up and tosses him a good fifteen feet or so over the top rope.
Soul Reaver mows down the rest of the unfamiliar. We are finally left with Coyote, Chalupa, Miko, El Gran Sol and La Princesa de Oro. No one wants to go at the big man right away. Chalupa de Guerra is the first to step forward but he is stopped by The Great Miko who wants to take out the big man. Now Chalupa stops Miko. His idea is to work together and he convinces Miko of this. The two charge at Soul Reaver. Reaver was ready and had them in position for a double chokeslam. Miko with a kick to the groin and Reaver lets her go. Chalupa kicks the groin and he is released. Miko and Chapula rock Reaver’s world with punches and kicks.
They knock Reaver back to the ropes and try to lift him up but he shoves them away. Reaver turns his attention to Chalupa and may have eliminated him but Miko dives at the big guy’s knee. Here come La Princesa, El Gran Sol and Coyote. Together the five of them are eventually able to get Soul Reaver up and over the top rope.
The five luchas turn their sights on each other. Chalupa and Miko continue to work together to take on Coyote as Princesa and El Gran Sol square off. Coyote couldn’t do much against the double team and get gets thrown over the top rope and is out. We’re down to four. Miko and Chalupa briefly talk and then they turn their attention to El Gran Sol and La Princesa de Oro. Miko and Princesa collide and Chalupa goes for El Gran Sol. The Chalupa and El Gran Sol was a pretty good battle. Sol had the upper hand for a while but Chalupa reversed a hurricanrana into a powerbomb and that changed the tide. They continued to battle and Chalupa nearly got himself eliminated when he went up top. Sol lunged at the top rope and Chalupa lost his balance and fell from the top. He was *just* able to grab the bottom rope and keep his feet from hitting the ground. El Gran Sol through Chalupa was eliminated and had his back turned when Chalupa entered the ring and grabbed Sol by the back of his head. He ran forward and tossed Sol over the top rope eliminated Sol.
While that was going La Princesa de Oro and The Great Miko were having an epic battle of their own. La Princesa de Oro was in control for much of their duel. At one point she had thrown Miko up and over the top and was trying to push Miko off the apron with her foot but Miko was able to survive. The spot of the match happened when the women were up top. La Princesa de Oro was going for the top rope hurricanrana when Miko caught her. Princesa was dangling upside down and showing some impressive strength and agility Miko was able to get Princesa in position for a Styles Clash. Instead of jumping forward and both competitors landing chest first, Miko spun them over in midair and connected with what ended up looking like a sitout powerbomb. Moments later Miko had thrown Princesa over the top rope. We were down to two.
The fans, like this journalist, were pumped for these two to end the match and they put on quite a show. Chalupa had things under control at first. He connected with a dropkick as Miko leapt from the top rope and then planted Miko with a reverse DDT. Chalupa was looking for the running knee strike but when he hit the ropes Miko’s associate, Shijiro Nakama, grabbed Chalupa’s leg. This bought Miko a little bit of time and she connected with a huge Lungblower/Backstabber. Miko took control of things. She connected with a snap suplex, springboard moonsault and then went up top and drilled a double foot stomp onto Chalupa’s chest. It looked like Chalupa was in serious trouble but as Miko pulled him towards the ropes he exploded forward and tossed Miko up and over the top rope. Miko landed on the ring apron. Her momentum nearled carried her forward and out of the ring. She caught the top rope and managed to stand on the apron. Chalupa tries to knock her off the apron but she slams her elbow into his chin knocking him back. Miko gets back in the ring as Chalupa is running at her. She pulls down the rope and Chalupa is ELIMINATE…. NO! Somehow, someway Chalupa was able to hang from the middle rope and keep his feet from hitting.
He gets back in the ring and we get a little bit more of a fight. Chalupa is up top but Miko follows him up. They exchange punches before Miko leaps up out of no where and connects with a dropkick that hits Chalupa square in the chest. He is knocked backwards off of the top rope and much to the chagrin of the fans he falls to ringside and this one is over.
Winner: The Great Miko
Rating: 4.98748 Stars
After the match Eli Beazley is in the ring and tells both Chalupa and Miko to wait. “Bring it out, boys.” Eli says as two employees start wheeling out a giant statue. The statue is covered by a giant tarp. Eli has them stop at the bottom of the ramp.
Eli Beazley: The Great Miko, on behalf of APW and the millions of Breeziacs around the world I would like to congratulate you on your win. This is a massive accomplishment. Your win tonight comes with two prizes. The first prize you can’t actually receive tonight, but your win tonight guarantees you a first round bye in next years Lucha Bowl Showdown.
Cheers from the crowd and Miko looks unimpressed. If she was unimpressed by that…
Eli Beazley: Your second prize will be one of the most coveted prizes in all of wrestling. I present to you the Eli Beazley Statue of Lucha Excellence!!!!
The men pull back the tarp to reveal a giant bronze statue not of Andre the Giant but of Eli Beazley. That’s right the man made the prize a giant statue of himself. Miko is pissed she climbs out of the ring and nods at Shijiro Nakama. The mammoth of a man runs and knocks over the statue. Eli watches in horror as the monster beats the statue until the head pops off. He tosses the head into the crowd and then the trio leave. We are left with a distraught Eli and Chalupa de Guerra.
Chalupa awkwardly tries to console the former Jr. Heavyweight Champ. Finally Eli composes himself enough to move on to the second part of his announcement.
Eli Beazley: After that, I think we all need some good news. Mr. Chalupa de Guerra, the fans have made their voices heard loud and clear. They love Chalupa. In the last two weeks you have become a viral video sensation and you have wowed us both in the ring and out of the ring. Everywhere I went this week fans were asking me to get you an APW contract.
Big response from the crowd as Eli nods as if to say ‘see’.
Eli Beazley: Chalupa, I have that contract! I do! But…I was told that I could only give it to you if you won tonight. So...
Boos from the crowd as Eli nods.
Eli Beazley: I know. I know. I was devastated when Miko won. But then it hit me… the deal was that I could give you a contract if you won tonight. But I was never told what match you had to win.
Chalupa looks confused.
Eli Beazley: How about you and I give these fans a match to remember. Chalupa versus Beazley. If you win you get the contract?
Chalupa nods as the fans go crazy.
Match #2: Eli Beazley vs Chalupa de Guerra
This was a great match For what it was. Beazley came out hot and controlled the match at the beginning. The fans were firmly behind Chalupa on this one and actually booed their hero. Chalupa took control of the match and hit a beautiful bridging Northern Lights suplex. In the middle of the match we had some great back and forth. Beasley look to hit the Breezy bomb but Chalupa slipped out of his grasp, and countered with a hip toss into a standing leg drop. Chalupa missed a springboard cross-body block which opened the door for a huge swinging neckbreaker 4 Beazley. Beazley then followed that up with a flying hurricanrana from the top.
Fatigue looked to catch up to Chalupa and the fans were getting a bit desperate. But just as all hope of seeing Chalupa on the APW roster was fading, Beasley stood Chalupa up and instructed him to hit him. Chalupa threw a rather soft looking punch which apparently incapacitated Eli Beasley because he fell to the mat in a dramatic fashion. Beazley then encouraged Chalupa to make the pin. Chalupa obliged. And after a 3-count we now have Chalupa de Guerra as a member of the APW roster.
Winner: Chalupa de Guerra
Match Rating: 3 Stars for the match. 1 million stars for Chalupa de Guerra in APW!!!
Look, it was a great segment. Anything that gets Chalupa on the main roster is a win in my book. I would love to see some other competitors get those contracts but only time will tell. For now we must await the official arrival of the greatest wrestler in the history of the world Chalupa de Guerra.
Match #3: El Gran Diabolico vs. Ultimo Extremo
We’re finally into the tourney matches here and this promised to be a good one. These two couldn’t be more different stylewise. Ultimo Extremo brings a wild, frenetic energy to every match and El Gran Diabolico always has a size advantage and prefers to slow things down and grind out win after win. The match started with Ultimo Extremo trying to speed things up. He ran right at Diabolico and ducked under a punch attempt. Ultimo hit the ropes and then came right back at the big man. Another punch thrown from Diabolico and another duck came from Ultimo. This pattern repeated until Ultimo hit all four ropes. After the 4th attempt Diabolico has seen enough and he charged at Ultimo like a rhino. Baseball slide through Diabolico’s legs. Extremo popped up and leapt onto the big man’s back. Extremo locked in the sleeper. Diabolico tried to pry him off but he couldn’t break up the hold. Diabolico showed off some impressive athleticism when he ran forward and flipped over so that he came crashing down ontop of Ultimo Extremo. This broke the hold up immediately and left Extremo feeling like a pancake.
As per usual, El Gran Diabolico looked to slow things down. We got an abdominal stretch from Diabolico and he made sure to throw in a few shots to the ribs for good measure. Diabolico hit a big shoulder block after sending Extremo to the ropes. He then locked in the abdominal stretch again. The fans were firmly behind Ultimo and try to cheer him on. Extremo did get a brief moment of offense when Diabolico began bickering at the ref about something. Extremo caught him with a hip toss and then a dropkick but Diabolico absorbed the dropkick and then clotheslines the damn hell out Extremo. Extremo flipped all the way over and landed on his feet in a dazed state. Diabolico immediately followed this with another visicious clothesline but this time to the back of Extremo’s head. We got a pin attempt here but Extremo kicked out just after two.
El Gran Diabolico was in complete control for a while as he brought a very methodical attack. The main target of his attack was Extremo’s ribs. This paid off when Extremo was able to turn a back body drop attempt into a running DDT but was remained down on the mat holding said ribs. Extremo and Diabolico both got to their feet at the same time. Wild punches were thrown from Extremo. He sent a kick at Diabolico but it was caught. Diabolico spun Extremo around and looked to hit a huge clothesline, but Extremo ducked. Enzurguri from Extremo and then knocked Diabolico back and into the ropes. He ended up with the middle rope across his chest with his arms and head dangling outside the ring (think 619 set up). Ultimo Extremo had a huge moment here as he ran towards the corner and in one fluid motion he jumped up on the top rope. Extremo walked along the top rope and then leapt off with a dropkick. His leg connected with the back of Diabolico’s neck. We got a pin but Diabolico kicked out just before three.
Ultimo Extremo decided to head up top. Diabolico was damn near in the middle of the ring but that didn’t stop Ultimo from attempting a moonsault. Diabolico rolled out of the way. Diabolico got up and lifted Ultimo up into a gorilla press. Diabolico dropped his opponent down onto his shoulder and then hit a massive running powerslam. We got another pin attempt and this time it was very close to a three count. Ultimo was just able to get his shoulder up. El Gran Diabolico was pissed at what he thought was a slow count. As he was complaining to the ref Ultimo Extremo caught him off guard with the roll up. 1……………….2……………..THREENOOOOOOOO. Diabolico was able to kickout. Both men shot to their feet, Extremo went for a spinning heel kick but Diabolico rushed forward and shoved him away. Diabolico set Ultimo in position for a torture rack. Before he could lock it in completely Extremo rolled off his shoulder. Diabolico turned to find Ultimo and ate a superkick. Diabolico hit the ropes and stumbled forward and got drilled with a second superkick. Diabolico fell to the mat and Ultimo Extremo went up top. We got a BEAUTIFUL moonsault from Ultimo. He hooks the leg 1………………..2…………...3
Winner: Ultimo Extremo
Rating 5 Stars and 2 Moons
It was a great match. Diabolico but put up a great fight and looked incredibly impressive. Diabolico teased unmasking in the middle of the ring. The fans were cheering him for the reveal but he shook his head dismissively. He made it all the way to the top of the ramp before he finally peeled off the mask to reveal. Vonn Richter. Based on the mans size alone it should have been obvious. Iit was pretty great to see the Man Who Moves the Needle in this type of environment. The fans even cheer him as he heads to back!
Main event time…
Main Event: Hurican Mas Sexy vs Ojo Loco
This is the match that many have been waiting for. Both men had great matches last week. Ojo Loco even had two of them. Hurican Mas Sexy looked good in a great match with Chalupa de Guerra. Before we get started we have to once again acknowledge the size difference between these two. Ojo Loco is by far the biggest luchador in the contest. He is well over 7 feet tall and has to tip the scales at over 5 hundo pounds. Hurican Mas Sexy isn’t even close. The size advantage is a massive one for Ojo Loco, but Hurican Mas Sexy does have a pretty impressive resume.
Hurican Mas Sexy had all ten of his belts on display on a table at ringside as this one started. In an effort to find his inner insanity, Ojo Loco was having a full-blown conversation with himself in the corner of the ring. The bell sounded and his conversation continued. Sexy waited patiently for a few seconds but the convo didn’t seem to be coming to an end anytime soon. He cautiously approached Ojo Loco and when he got close enough Ojo Loco threw his arm around his shoulder as if he was seeing an old friend. He then tried to involve Sexy in the conversation.
Ojo Loco: Dalmations or corgis?
Sexy stands there without speaking.
Ojo Loco: Which one makes better hunting dogs? My go to is always cor…
All of a sudden it was as if Loco finally saw Sexy and realized where he was for the first time. He suddenly grabbed Sexy on both sides of his head and started squeezing. His force was enough to drop Sexy to a knee. Ojo continued to apply pressure and it could have ended right there but Sexy started swinging wildly. His strikes connected with Ojo’s ribs, legs, arm. The strikes did just enough to loosen Ojo’s grip and sexy slipped away. Sexy somersaulted forward and lunged for the ropes. Sexy had to duck a huge fist from Ojo. Sexy hit the ropes and rolled under a big boot attempt from the big man. This continued a time or two more and then finally Ojo Loco is able to get a hold of Sexy. Ojo had Sexy by the throat but Ojo wasn’t going down without a fight he threw some shots at Ojo’s chin. Two of the shots connected and Sexy followed that with a club to the wrist that was holding him and Sexy was free.
Sexy followed that up with some quick kicks to both legs. He moved on to the left knee and was able to inflict enough damage to drop the giant down to a knee. Sexy connected with a running forearm smash. He then hit another one but the big man was firmly planted on a knee. Sexy hit the ropes and was headed for another forearm when Ojo stood up and grabbed Sexy by the neck. Ojo spun Sexy around two or three times and then tossed him towards the ropes. Sexy flew through the ropes and ended up at ringside. Ojo let out a primal scream that started everyone in attendance. “MMMMIIIIIIDDDDDGGGGEEEETTTTTSSSSSS” Ojo then climbed out of the ring and it is worth noting that he had a noticeable limp.
At ringside, Sexy was on the run. The big man followed him across the ring. Ojo Loco was nearing the steel steps. Sexy turned and sprinted forward. He leapt and dropkick the top portion of the stems. It shot forward and right into the hurt knee of Ojo Loco. This stopped Ojo but he remained on his feet. Sexy got up, took a few steps back and then ran and sprung off of the bottom piece of steps. He spun in mid-air and connected with an INSANE butterfly kick. He hit Loco in the face and this was enough to knock the big man back. Ojo would have fallen but he ended up leaning against the ring. Sexy saw a big opportunity here as he quickly got into the ring and then ran and hit a baseball slide right into the middle of Ojo’s back. This shot Ojo forward and he collided into the guard rail. The entire rail shifted a few feet and the fans in the front row definitely got up close and personal with Ojo. We caught a funny moment when Sexy plead with the ref to disqualify Ojo Loco for not social distancing from the fans.
Sexy was faced with a big problem. He had to get Ojo back in the ring for the pin. Ojo was beginning to stir and we watched as Sexy tried to pull him towards the ring. He eventually gave up and delivered some punches and kicks Ojo moves towards the rings and the kicks help motivate him to roll into the ring. Sexy made the cover but didn’t even get to the two count before Ojo straight up tossed him up and into the air. Over the next minute or so Ojo was battling back up to his feet. He blocked some punches from Sexy and then pushes away a kick and finally the big man was up. Sexy hit him with a dropkick and then pushes Ojo back to the corner. We had a pretty great spot here as Sexy ran forward and ‘ran’ up Ojo Loco like those parkour dudes to do a wall. He flips pushed hard off of Ojo and did a back flip. After landing, Sexy ran forward and obviously had something in mind but Ojo explodes out of the corner with a hockey-esqu hip check. This sends Sexy flying backwards to the other side of the ring.
Ojo then took control of the match and had it for several minutes. There was an intense 45 seconds or so where Ojo had sexy in a bear hug and was growling as he swung Sexy back and forth like a dog does with a chew toy. Ojo got a little overzealous and ended up swinging Sexy close enough to the ropes that Sexy was able to grab the rope and hold on for dear life. Our ref was pretty terrified as he tried to convince Ojo to break the hold. After that we got Ojo had Sexy in the corner and was slamming his head repeatedly on the top turnbuckle pad. Once again the ref broke that up. Finally we had a moment that had me convinced that Sexy was dead. Sexy leapt up on the back of Ojo and was able to lock in a sleeper hold. Ojo tried to fight for ten seconds or so and then he brought his hand to his forehead and saluted the crowd and then yelled TIMBER. He then just fell backward and every single pound in his massive body landed on top of sexy. In a huge missed opportunity Ojo did not go for a pin. Instead he started digging around on the inside of his tights for something. We never found out what that was because he quickly moved to the ropes and started gnawing on the top rope. He really didn’t handle the sane diagnosis he received well, did he?
Sexy was able to fight back and we saw some impressive offense from him. He hit a missile dropkick off the top. He attempted to lock in an armbar after that but Ojo was too strong and he couldn’t get it locked in. We then saw Sexy once again go to that knee. At one point he tackled the knee and then straight up stomped on it until Ojo grabbed onto the bottom rope. The most damage came when Sexy had that leg stretched out and up on the middle rope. Sexy went up top and hit a senton bomb to the leg. Ojo was never the same after that. But Ojo was able to fight back. Sexy went for an ill-advised hurricanranna and Ojo caught him and hit a jackknife powerbomb that shook the ring. He pinned Sexy but only got the two count as Sexy was able to get his shoulder up just before the three.
After a few midsections kicks Sexy was able to get Ojo doubled over. Sexy ran behind him, bounced off the rope and was looking for a bulldog. Ojo saw it coming and caught Sexy in midair. Ojo stomped forward and straight-up tossed Sexy forward so that Sexy was landed on the top turnbuckle but he was facing the crowd. Ojo pulled him back and got him in the Tree of Woe position. Ojo runs forward and connects with a massive splash. Sexy fell to the mat. Ojo dragged him to to the middle of the ring and fell ontop of him with the pin. 1……………………2…………………...3
Winner: Ojo Loco
Rating: 5 Stars
What an incredible match. My recap can’t even capture how epic this match was. I just hit the highlights. After the match Ultimo Extremo appeared at the top of the stage to ‘stare down’ his opponent in the finals. Ojo Loco saw him and immediately began waving wildly and then he left the ring in friendly pursuit. Ultimo Extremo didn’t know what to make of this and stumbled backwards. Ojo followed and we were left with Hurican Mas Sexy in the middle of the ring. He was slowly pushing himself to his feet to a standing ovation from the crowd. The credits for the show began rolling as Hurican Mas Sexy finally reached his feet. He looked around at the crowd as they chanted ‘Sexy-Sexy-Sexy!’. Sexy reaches back and slowly utilities the laces holding his mask in place. Sexy grabbed the bottom of his mask and had just begun to peel it off when the screen went to black and we heard a loud gasp from the crowd.
What an incredible night. I have to go get a burrito and contemplate life after that finish.
I’ll see you next time. Thanks for reading.
Night two of this crazy Lucha experiment is in the books. On the one hand I am absolutely psyched about the big final match that will take place next week on Monday Night Metal, but I am sad this has come to an end. It couldn’t replace APW but it was a good place holder while APW was on the break. And I for one have really enjoyed these Lucha’s. Chalupa de Guerra has become an instant favorite of mine. Ojo Loco has been incredible. Ultimo Extremo and Hurican mas Sexy have been top notch. Gran Diabolico has crazy interestersting. I have loved it. The only solace that I take from tonight is that it is not going to be the last time we see some of these faces. But more on that later.
If you didn’t see tonight’s show I definitely encourage you to stop reading this and to go watch the show now. It was a great night of TV. The two Lucha Bowl matches were effin’ fantastic. The battle royal was incredibly solid and the surprise match was pretty epic too. So go watch it! Now!
Alright. See? It was great, right?
Now before we get to the matches I have to clarify my match rating system. There were some nasty comments left after last weeks review. So here is how I review these matches. I Marie Kondo that shit. Did it spark joy for me? 3 stars. Was the match so epic that I was left with my brain fully erect? 4 stars. And if a match was off the hizzy for shizzy as the kids say. 5 stars. There isn’t much to it. I give them what I think they deserved. You may disagree. That’s cool. America. Freedom. Whatnot. Now onto the review.
Match #1: Lucha Bowl Battle Royale
It was announced that there was going to be 15 participants in this one. We get the various luchas making their entrances and also Eli Beazley on commentary. Y’all know I am not a huge fan of Mr. Breezy but this is his baby and the fans seem to like him so I will allow it this time. There are a handful of various luchas who we haven’t seen before and then we get the four losing competitors from the tourney; Chalupa de Guerra, La Princesa de Oro, El Coyote de Muerto, and El Gran Sol. The Great Miko makes her entrance and is accompanied by Arnold Cunningham and Shijiro Nakama from Xpress Fighting Systems. The last competitor in the match is Soul Reaver or Reaver de Souls of whatever they called him last week. Let’s just stick to Soul Reaver.
The bell sounds and the luchas all attack the giant,Soul Reaver. They beat on him for a bit and then in an impressive feat of strength/not selling Reaver is able to shove the masses away. We get big boot after big boot as Reaver is demolishing the entire field of the competitors. Reaver switches it up to clotheslines and then headbutts until everyone is down in the ring. Reaver starts bending down and picking up luchas by their tights. He throws his first Lucha out as Lincoln Parka goes up and over the top rope. Reyna de Hielo is the next to go after a massive head butt. We get a tiny version of Ultimo Extremo standing up to Soul Reaver which brings a big respond from the crowd. He throws some punches at the big man and Soul Reaver laughs. Kick from Pequeño Ultimo Extremo to the knee and Reaver continues to laugh. Reaver lifts Pequeno up and tosses him a good fifteen feet or so over the top rope.
Soul Reaver mows down the rest of the unfamiliar. We are finally left with Coyote, Chalupa, Miko, El Gran Sol and La Princesa de Oro. No one wants to go at the big man right away. Chalupa de Guerra is the first to step forward but he is stopped by The Great Miko who wants to take out the big man. Now Chalupa stops Miko. His idea is to work together and he convinces Miko of this. The two charge at Soul Reaver. Reaver was ready and had them in position for a double chokeslam. Miko with a kick to the groin and Reaver lets her go. Chalupa kicks the groin and he is released. Miko and Chapula rock Reaver’s world with punches and kicks.
They knock Reaver back to the ropes and try to lift him up but he shoves them away. Reaver turns his attention to Chalupa and may have eliminated him but Miko dives at the big guy’s knee. Here come La Princesa, El Gran Sol and Coyote. Together the five of them are eventually able to get Soul Reaver up and over the top rope.
The five luchas turn their sights on each other. Chalupa and Miko continue to work together to take on Coyote as Princesa and El Gran Sol square off. Coyote couldn’t do much against the double team and get gets thrown over the top rope and is out. We’re down to four. Miko and Chalupa briefly talk and then they turn their attention to El Gran Sol and La Princesa de Oro. Miko and Princesa collide and Chalupa goes for El Gran Sol. The Chalupa and El Gran Sol was a pretty good battle. Sol had the upper hand for a while but Chalupa reversed a hurricanrana into a powerbomb and that changed the tide. They continued to battle and Chalupa nearly got himself eliminated when he went up top. Sol lunged at the top rope and Chalupa lost his balance and fell from the top. He was *just* able to grab the bottom rope and keep his feet from hitting the ground. El Gran Sol through Chalupa was eliminated and had his back turned when Chalupa entered the ring and grabbed Sol by the back of his head. He ran forward and tossed Sol over the top rope eliminated Sol.
While that was going La Princesa de Oro and The Great Miko were having an epic battle of their own. La Princesa de Oro was in control for much of their duel. At one point she had thrown Miko up and over the top and was trying to push Miko off the apron with her foot but Miko was able to survive. The spot of the match happened when the women were up top. La Princesa de Oro was going for the top rope hurricanrana when Miko caught her. Princesa was dangling upside down and showing some impressive strength and agility Miko was able to get Princesa in position for a Styles Clash. Instead of jumping forward and both competitors landing chest first, Miko spun them over in midair and connected with what ended up looking like a sitout powerbomb. Moments later Miko had thrown Princesa over the top rope. We were down to two.
The fans, like this journalist, were pumped for these two to end the match and they put on quite a show. Chalupa had things under control at first. He connected with a dropkick as Miko leapt from the top rope and then planted Miko with a reverse DDT. Chalupa was looking for the running knee strike but when he hit the ropes Miko’s associate, Shijiro Nakama, grabbed Chalupa’s leg. This bought Miko a little bit of time and she connected with a huge Lungblower/Backstabber. Miko took control of things. She connected with a snap suplex, springboard moonsault and then went up top and drilled a double foot stomp onto Chalupa’s chest. It looked like Chalupa was in serious trouble but as Miko pulled him towards the ropes he exploded forward and tossed Miko up and over the top rope. Miko landed on the ring apron. Her momentum nearled carried her forward and out of the ring. She caught the top rope and managed to stand on the apron. Chalupa tries to knock her off the apron but she slams her elbow into his chin knocking him back. Miko gets back in the ring as Chalupa is running at her. She pulls down the rope and Chalupa is ELIMINATE…. NO! Somehow, someway Chalupa was able to hang from the middle rope and keep his feet from hitting.
He gets back in the ring and we get a little bit more of a fight. Chalupa is up top but Miko follows him up. They exchange punches before Miko leaps up out of no where and connects with a dropkick that hits Chalupa square in the chest. He is knocked backwards off of the top rope and much to the chagrin of the fans he falls to ringside and this one is over.
Winner: The Great Miko
Rating: 4.98748 Stars
After the match Eli Beazley is in the ring and tells both Chalupa and Miko to wait. “Bring it out, boys.” Eli says as two employees start wheeling out a giant statue. The statue is covered by a giant tarp. Eli has them stop at the bottom of the ramp.
Eli Beazley: The Great Miko, on behalf of APW and the millions of Breeziacs around the world I would like to congratulate you on your win. This is a massive accomplishment. Your win tonight comes with two prizes. The first prize you can’t actually receive tonight, but your win tonight guarantees you a first round bye in next years Lucha Bowl Showdown.
Cheers from the crowd and Miko looks unimpressed. If she was unimpressed by that…
Eli Beazley: Your second prize will be one of the most coveted prizes in all of wrestling. I present to you the Eli Beazley Statue of Lucha Excellence!!!!
The men pull back the tarp to reveal a giant bronze statue not of Andre the Giant but of Eli Beazley. That’s right the man made the prize a giant statue of himself. Miko is pissed she climbs out of the ring and nods at Shijiro Nakama. The mammoth of a man runs and knocks over the statue. Eli watches in horror as the monster beats the statue until the head pops off. He tosses the head into the crowd and then the trio leave. We are left with a distraught Eli and Chalupa de Guerra.
Chalupa awkwardly tries to console the former Jr. Heavyweight Champ. Finally Eli composes himself enough to move on to the second part of his announcement.
Eli Beazley: After that, I think we all need some good news. Mr. Chalupa de Guerra, the fans have made their voices heard loud and clear. They love Chalupa. In the last two weeks you have become a viral video sensation and you have wowed us both in the ring and out of the ring. Everywhere I went this week fans were asking me to get you an APW contract.
Big response from the crowd as Eli nods as if to say ‘see’.
Eli Beazley: Chalupa, I have that contract! I do! But…I was told that I could only give it to you if you won tonight. So...
Boos from the crowd as Eli nods.
Eli Beazley: I know. I know. I was devastated when Miko won. But then it hit me… the deal was that I could give you a contract if you won tonight. But I was never told what match you had to win.
Chalupa looks confused.
Eli Beazley: How about you and I give these fans a match to remember. Chalupa versus Beazley. If you win you get the contract?
Chalupa nods as the fans go crazy.
Match #2: Eli Beazley vs Chalupa de Guerra
This was a great match For what it was. Beazley came out hot and controlled the match at the beginning. The fans were firmly behind Chalupa on this one and actually booed their hero. Chalupa took control of the match and hit a beautiful bridging Northern Lights suplex. In the middle of the match we had some great back and forth. Beasley look to hit the Breezy bomb but Chalupa slipped out of his grasp, and countered with a hip toss into a standing leg drop. Chalupa missed a springboard cross-body block which opened the door for a huge swinging neckbreaker 4 Beazley. Beazley then followed that up with a flying hurricanrana from the top.
Fatigue looked to catch up to Chalupa and the fans were getting a bit desperate. But just as all hope of seeing Chalupa on the APW roster was fading, Beasley stood Chalupa up and instructed him to hit him. Chalupa threw a rather soft looking punch which apparently incapacitated Eli Beasley because he fell to the mat in a dramatic fashion. Beazley then encouraged Chalupa to make the pin. Chalupa obliged. And after a 3-count we now have Chalupa de Guerra as a member of the APW roster.
Winner: Chalupa de Guerra
Match Rating: 3 Stars for the match. 1 million stars for Chalupa de Guerra in APW!!!
Look, it was a great segment. Anything that gets Chalupa on the main roster is a win in my book. I would love to see some other competitors get those contracts but only time will tell. For now we must await the official arrival of the greatest wrestler in the history of the world Chalupa de Guerra.
Match #3: El Gran Diabolico vs. Ultimo Extremo
We’re finally into the tourney matches here and this promised to be a good one. These two couldn’t be more different stylewise. Ultimo Extremo brings a wild, frenetic energy to every match and El Gran Diabolico always has a size advantage and prefers to slow things down and grind out win after win. The match started with Ultimo Extremo trying to speed things up. He ran right at Diabolico and ducked under a punch attempt. Ultimo hit the ropes and then came right back at the big man. Another punch thrown from Diabolico and another duck came from Ultimo. This pattern repeated until Ultimo hit all four ropes. After the 4th attempt Diabolico has seen enough and he charged at Ultimo like a rhino. Baseball slide through Diabolico’s legs. Extremo popped up and leapt onto the big man’s back. Extremo locked in the sleeper. Diabolico tried to pry him off but he couldn’t break up the hold. Diabolico showed off some impressive athleticism when he ran forward and flipped over so that he came crashing down ontop of Ultimo Extremo. This broke the hold up immediately and left Extremo feeling like a pancake.
As per usual, El Gran Diabolico looked to slow things down. We got an abdominal stretch from Diabolico and he made sure to throw in a few shots to the ribs for good measure. Diabolico hit a big shoulder block after sending Extremo to the ropes. He then locked in the abdominal stretch again. The fans were firmly behind Ultimo and try to cheer him on. Extremo did get a brief moment of offense when Diabolico began bickering at the ref about something. Extremo caught him with a hip toss and then a dropkick but Diabolico absorbed the dropkick and then clotheslines the damn hell out Extremo. Extremo flipped all the way over and landed on his feet in a dazed state. Diabolico immediately followed this with another visicious clothesline but this time to the back of Extremo’s head. We got a pin attempt here but Extremo kicked out just after two.
El Gran Diabolico was in complete control for a while as he brought a very methodical attack. The main target of his attack was Extremo’s ribs. This paid off when Extremo was able to turn a back body drop attempt into a running DDT but was remained down on the mat holding said ribs. Extremo and Diabolico both got to their feet at the same time. Wild punches were thrown from Extremo. He sent a kick at Diabolico but it was caught. Diabolico spun Extremo around and looked to hit a huge clothesline, but Extremo ducked. Enzurguri from Extremo and then knocked Diabolico back and into the ropes. He ended up with the middle rope across his chest with his arms and head dangling outside the ring (think 619 set up). Ultimo Extremo had a huge moment here as he ran towards the corner and in one fluid motion he jumped up on the top rope. Extremo walked along the top rope and then leapt off with a dropkick. His leg connected with the back of Diabolico’s neck. We got a pin but Diabolico kicked out just before three.
Ultimo Extremo decided to head up top. Diabolico was damn near in the middle of the ring but that didn’t stop Ultimo from attempting a moonsault. Diabolico rolled out of the way. Diabolico got up and lifted Ultimo up into a gorilla press. Diabolico dropped his opponent down onto his shoulder and then hit a massive running powerslam. We got another pin attempt and this time it was very close to a three count. Ultimo was just able to get his shoulder up. El Gran Diabolico was pissed at what he thought was a slow count. As he was complaining to the ref Ultimo Extremo caught him off guard with the roll up. 1……………….2……………..THREENOOOOOOOO. Diabolico was able to kickout. Both men shot to their feet, Extremo went for a spinning heel kick but Diabolico rushed forward and shoved him away. Diabolico set Ultimo in position for a torture rack. Before he could lock it in completely Extremo rolled off his shoulder. Diabolico turned to find Ultimo and ate a superkick. Diabolico hit the ropes and stumbled forward and got drilled with a second superkick. Diabolico fell to the mat and Ultimo Extremo went up top. We got a BEAUTIFUL moonsault from Ultimo. He hooks the leg 1………………..2…………...3
Winner: Ultimo Extremo
Rating 5 Stars and 2 Moons
It was a great match. Diabolico but put up a great fight and looked incredibly impressive. Diabolico teased unmasking in the middle of the ring. The fans were cheering him for the reveal but he shook his head dismissively. He made it all the way to the top of the ramp before he finally peeled off the mask to reveal. Vonn Richter. Based on the mans size alone it should have been obvious. Iit was pretty great to see the Man Who Moves the Needle in this type of environment. The fans even cheer him as he heads to back!
Main event time…
Main Event: Hurican Mas Sexy vs Ojo Loco
This is the match that many have been waiting for. Both men had great matches last week. Ojo Loco even had two of them. Hurican Mas Sexy looked good in a great match with Chalupa de Guerra. Before we get started we have to once again acknowledge the size difference between these two. Ojo Loco is by far the biggest luchador in the contest. He is well over 7 feet tall and has to tip the scales at over 5 hundo pounds. Hurican Mas Sexy isn’t even close. The size advantage is a massive one for Ojo Loco, but Hurican Mas Sexy does have a pretty impressive resume.
Hurican Mas Sexy had all ten of his belts on display on a table at ringside as this one started. In an effort to find his inner insanity, Ojo Loco was having a full-blown conversation with himself in the corner of the ring. The bell sounded and his conversation continued. Sexy waited patiently for a few seconds but the convo didn’t seem to be coming to an end anytime soon. He cautiously approached Ojo Loco and when he got close enough Ojo Loco threw his arm around his shoulder as if he was seeing an old friend. He then tried to involve Sexy in the conversation.
Ojo Loco: Dalmations or corgis?
Sexy stands there without speaking.
Ojo Loco: Which one makes better hunting dogs? My go to is always cor…
All of a sudden it was as if Loco finally saw Sexy and realized where he was for the first time. He suddenly grabbed Sexy on both sides of his head and started squeezing. His force was enough to drop Sexy to a knee. Ojo continued to apply pressure and it could have ended right there but Sexy started swinging wildly. His strikes connected with Ojo’s ribs, legs, arm. The strikes did just enough to loosen Ojo’s grip and sexy slipped away. Sexy somersaulted forward and lunged for the ropes. Sexy had to duck a huge fist from Ojo. Sexy hit the ropes and rolled under a big boot attempt from the big man. This continued a time or two more and then finally Ojo Loco is able to get a hold of Sexy. Ojo had Sexy by the throat but Ojo wasn’t going down without a fight he threw some shots at Ojo’s chin. Two of the shots connected and Sexy followed that with a club to the wrist that was holding him and Sexy was free.
Sexy followed that up with some quick kicks to both legs. He moved on to the left knee and was able to inflict enough damage to drop the giant down to a knee. Sexy connected with a running forearm smash. He then hit another one but the big man was firmly planted on a knee. Sexy hit the ropes and was headed for another forearm when Ojo stood up and grabbed Sexy by the neck. Ojo spun Sexy around two or three times and then tossed him towards the ropes. Sexy flew through the ropes and ended up at ringside. Ojo let out a primal scream that started everyone in attendance. “MMMMIIIIIIDDDDDGGGGEEEETTTTTSSSSSS” Ojo then climbed out of the ring and it is worth noting that he had a noticeable limp.
At ringside, Sexy was on the run. The big man followed him across the ring. Ojo Loco was nearing the steel steps. Sexy turned and sprinted forward. He leapt and dropkick the top portion of the stems. It shot forward and right into the hurt knee of Ojo Loco. This stopped Ojo but he remained on his feet. Sexy got up, took a few steps back and then ran and sprung off of the bottom piece of steps. He spun in mid-air and connected with an INSANE butterfly kick. He hit Loco in the face and this was enough to knock the big man back. Ojo would have fallen but he ended up leaning against the ring. Sexy saw a big opportunity here as he quickly got into the ring and then ran and hit a baseball slide right into the middle of Ojo’s back. This shot Ojo forward and he collided into the guard rail. The entire rail shifted a few feet and the fans in the front row definitely got up close and personal with Ojo. We caught a funny moment when Sexy plead with the ref to disqualify Ojo Loco for not social distancing from the fans.
Sexy was faced with a big problem. He had to get Ojo back in the ring for the pin. Ojo was beginning to stir and we watched as Sexy tried to pull him towards the ring. He eventually gave up and delivered some punches and kicks Ojo moves towards the rings and the kicks help motivate him to roll into the ring. Sexy made the cover but didn’t even get to the two count before Ojo straight up tossed him up and into the air. Over the next minute or so Ojo was battling back up to his feet. He blocked some punches from Sexy and then pushes away a kick and finally the big man was up. Sexy hit him with a dropkick and then pushes Ojo back to the corner. We had a pretty great spot here as Sexy ran forward and ‘ran’ up Ojo Loco like those parkour dudes to do a wall. He flips pushed hard off of Ojo and did a back flip. After landing, Sexy ran forward and obviously had something in mind but Ojo explodes out of the corner with a hockey-esqu hip check. This sends Sexy flying backwards to the other side of the ring.
Ojo then took control of the match and had it for several minutes. There was an intense 45 seconds or so where Ojo had sexy in a bear hug and was growling as he swung Sexy back and forth like a dog does with a chew toy. Ojo got a little overzealous and ended up swinging Sexy close enough to the ropes that Sexy was able to grab the rope and hold on for dear life. Our ref was pretty terrified as he tried to convince Ojo to break the hold. After that we got Ojo had Sexy in the corner and was slamming his head repeatedly on the top turnbuckle pad. Once again the ref broke that up. Finally we had a moment that had me convinced that Sexy was dead. Sexy leapt up on the back of Ojo and was able to lock in a sleeper hold. Ojo tried to fight for ten seconds or so and then he brought his hand to his forehead and saluted the crowd and then yelled TIMBER. He then just fell backward and every single pound in his massive body landed on top of sexy. In a huge missed opportunity Ojo did not go for a pin. Instead he started digging around on the inside of his tights for something. We never found out what that was because he quickly moved to the ropes and started gnawing on the top rope. He really didn’t handle the sane diagnosis he received well, did he?
Sexy was able to fight back and we saw some impressive offense from him. He hit a missile dropkick off the top. He attempted to lock in an armbar after that but Ojo was too strong and he couldn’t get it locked in. We then saw Sexy once again go to that knee. At one point he tackled the knee and then straight up stomped on it until Ojo grabbed onto the bottom rope. The most damage came when Sexy had that leg stretched out and up on the middle rope. Sexy went up top and hit a senton bomb to the leg. Ojo was never the same after that. But Ojo was able to fight back. Sexy went for an ill-advised hurricanranna and Ojo caught him and hit a jackknife powerbomb that shook the ring. He pinned Sexy but only got the two count as Sexy was able to get his shoulder up just before the three.
After a few midsections kicks Sexy was able to get Ojo doubled over. Sexy ran behind him, bounced off the rope and was looking for a bulldog. Ojo saw it coming and caught Sexy in midair. Ojo stomped forward and straight-up tossed Sexy forward so that Sexy was landed on the top turnbuckle but he was facing the crowd. Ojo pulled him back and got him in the Tree of Woe position. Ojo runs forward and connects with a massive splash. Sexy fell to the mat. Ojo dragged him to to the middle of the ring and fell ontop of him with the pin. 1……………………2…………………...3
Winner: Ojo Loco
Rating: 5 Stars
What an incredible match. My recap can’t even capture how epic this match was. I just hit the highlights. After the match Ultimo Extremo appeared at the top of the stage to ‘stare down’ his opponent in the finals. Ojo Loco saw him and immediately began waving wildly and then he left the ring in friendly pursuit. Ultimo Extremo didn’t know what to make of this and stumbled backwards. Ojo followed and we were left with Hurican Mas Sexy in the middle of the ring. He was slowly pushing himself to his feet to a standing ovation from the crowd. The credits for the show began rolling as Hurican Mas Sexy finally reached his feet. He looked around at the crowd as they chanted ‘Sexy-Sexy-Sexy!’. Sexy reaches back and slowly utilities the laces holding his mask in place. Sexy grabbed the bottom of his mask and had just begun to peel it off when the screen went to black and we heard a loud gasp from the crowd.
What an incredible night. I have to go get a burrito and contemplate life after that finish.
I’ll see you next time. Thanks for reading.
