Post by Vonn Richter on Jun 28, 2020 7:53:35 GMT -5
After getting pinned by Jaice Wilds at Metal Vonn lost his shit. He destroyed his dressing room. He tore the locker doors off their hinges, rolled them into tubes, and shoved them through the drywall. He ripped the bench from its foundings and demolished every other piece of furniture with it. When arena staff tried to intervene Vonn laid them out like cordwood. APW security had to be called. Richter considered laying them out too but they had pepper spray and tasers, so he left the building but not before issuing an ultimatum.
“Tell the bookers If I don’t get Dakota Joseph Franco at Bulletproof I will beat him to death off camera and nobody is going to see a dime off it!”
He then got in his car and drove to the nearest McDonald’s. He ordered thirteen cheeseburgers (hold the pickles) and a large Coke Zero. He pulled his car into the parking lot and scarfed the burger patties. The buns were thrown out the window. He made a mess, but he didn’t give a fuck because the car was a rental.
Vonn was licking his fingers clean of ketchup, mustard, and reconstituted onions when his phone buzzed. Irina Ivanova texted him to say he had his match with DJF at Bulletproof. She also told him he’d have to pay for all the damage he caused backstage and was going to be fined for attacking the arena personnel. Vonn didn’t care though. He had gotten what he wanted. Dakota Joseph Franco was going to have to go one on one with the All Natural Disaster.
Dakota Joseph Franco was going to die.
TRANSITION! Vonn Richter is dressed in a kimono. It’s open at the waist so you can see his glistening pecs. His hair has been tied up into a topknot. He starts screaming.
“No earthquake puns this week because we’re in Japan and that would be culturally insensitive!!! Call me SAMURAI JACKED!!!! I am the RIPPED RONIN the BUSHIDO BEAST and one other nickname that I forgot because my MOM started nagging me when I was writing the script to my promo Thanks Mom!!!!! That’s cool though because I still got better aliases than my opponent at Bulletproof Daktoa James Fuckface!!! The “Lost Soul”?! Bro, that’s all the evidence I need to offer in this to show you suck! It’s right there: LOST! As in the past tense of LOSE! From which you conjugate the noun LOSER!!!!! Which is what you are! Have you won a match here in Alpha Pro Wrestling?!? Like at all? I’ve won every match that I’ve been in that was fair! That’s 4-0 if you want the numbers. I’ve beaten you already and when you had people backing you up! You think you got a chance - KOBE BEEFCAKE!!!! That was the other name- do you think you got a prayer of beating me when by yourself!?! Ha! Bro you are done! I’ve beaten Alex Scott your tag team partner over at InAction Wrestling! I don’t care if you’re a champion in that slum of a fed. That doesn’t impress me. Red, White, and Bruised were robbed anyway!! And during Pride Month even! That’s like a double indemnity!”
Vonn shrugs out of his kimono and tears away his hakama so everyone can see his Swollness. He undoes his chonmage too because it’s tugging at his scalp.
“The Japanese people are big into strong style wrestling but at Bulletproof they are going to be treated to what I do which is strongest style!! And I’ll even drop some spoilers: it won’t just be Dakota Jagoff Franco who will be feeling it. My strongest style will claim another “Ricthim” during the show! Don’t worry though it’s all for a good cause; ‘cause I was asked and ‘cause I can! Hahaha! Johnny, roll that footage of what’s coming for DJF and that other person who pissed me off because they wouldn’t let me borrow their spaceship.”
[/font]
Cutaways of Vonn putting several Japanese icons in the torture rack. These include:
A guy in a sumo suit
A guy in a Godzilla suit
Ninja
Robot Nurse Bear
A magic girl (complete with gratuitous upskirt shot)
An Itamae
Your favorite Pokemonster
The scene cuts back to Vonn.
“Since we’re in Japan and I don’t want to offend anybody just for Bulletproof I am renaming that move the “Seppuku Submission”! Clearwater, Remi, you better call it right! Don’t make a liar out of me or I’ll fuck you up just like Imma gonna fuck up Dakota James Franco. DJF, this all could have been avoided if you gave me what I wanted: my posedown! We might have even been bros. Little Bit agreed to do it and now we besties. Just think how awesome it could have been having a monster like me watching your back! But nooooooooo!!!! You thought you were too cool for that shit. You a serious wrestler. You ain’t got time for “fun and games”. Well, douchebag, now you gotta make time for me. But what I got planned only gonna be fun for one of us. Me! The Man Who Moves the Needle! For you, all you got to look forward to is weeks of halo-gravity traction. They’re going to have to recycle Robot Nurse Bear from the scrap heap I put it in and program it to carry your worthless ass around. At Bulletproof, Dakota, you going to earn yourself another nickname: Doorstop!!! RRRRRRAAAAARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!”
Vonn’s promo ends as they always do: with him screaming and performing different bodybuilding poses.
“Tell the bookers If I don’t get Dakota Joseph Franco at Bulletproof I will beat him to death off camera and nobody is going to see a dime off it!”
He then got in his car and drove to the nearest McDonald’s. He ordered thirteen cheeseburgers (hold the pickles) and a large Coke Zero. He pulled his car into the parking lot and scarfed the burger patties. The buns were thrown out the window. He made a mess, but he didn’t give a fuck because the car was a rental.
Vonn was licking his fingers clean of ketchup, mustard, and reconstituted onions when his phone buzzed. Irina Ivanova texted him to say he had his match with DJF at Bulletproof. She also told him he’d have to pay for all the damage he caused backstage and was going to be fined for attacking the arena personnel. Vonn didn’t care though. He had gotten what he wanted. Dakota Joseph Franco was going to have to go one on one with the All Natural Disaster.
Dakota Joseph Franco was going to die.
TRANSITION! Vonn Richter is dressed in a kimono. It’s open at the waist so you can see his glistening pecs. His hair has been tied up into a topknot. He starts screaming.
“No earthquake puns this week because we’re in Japan and that would be culturally insensitive!!! Call me SAMURAI JACKED!!!! I am the RIPPED RONIN the BUSHIDO BEAST and one other nickname that I forgot because my MOM started nagging me when I was writing the script to my promo Thanks Mom!!!!! That’s cool though because I still got better aliases than my opponent at Bulletproof Daktoa James Fuckface!!! The “Lost Soul”?! Bro, that’s all the evidence I need to offer in this to show you suck! It’s right there: LOST! As in the past tense of LOSE! From which you conjugate the noun LOSER!!!!! Which is what you are! Have you won a match here in Alpha Pro Wrestling?!? Like at all? I’ve won every match that I’ve been in that was fair! That’s 4-0 if you want the numbers. I’ve beaten you already and when you had people backing you up! You think you got a chance - KOBE BEEFCAKE!!!! That was the other name- do you think you got a prayer of beating me when by yourself!?! Ha! Bro you are done! I’ve beaten Alex Scott your tag team partner over at InAction Wrestling! I don’t care if you’re a champion in that slum of a fed. That doesn’t impress me. Red, White, and Bruised were robbed anyway!! And during Pride Month even! That’s like a double indemnity!”
Vonn shrugs out of his kimono and tears away his hakama so everyone can see his Swollness. He undoes his chonmage too because it’s tugging at his scalp.
“The Japanese people are big into strong style wrestling but at Bulletproof they are going to be treated to what I do which is strongest style!! And I’ll even drop some spoilers: it won’t just be Dakota Jagoff Franco who will be feeling it. My strongest style will claim another “Ricthim” during the show! Don’t worry though it’s all for a good cause; ‘cause I was asked and ‘cause I can! Hahaha! Johnny, roll that footage of what’s coming for DJF and that other person who pissed me off because they wouldn’t let me borrow their spaceship.”
[/font]
Cutaways of Vonn putting several Japanese icons in the torture rack. These include:
A guy in a sumo suit
A guy in a Godzilla suit
Ninja
Robot Nurse Bear
A magic girl (complete with gratuitous upskirt shot)
An Itamae
Your favorite Pokemonster
The scene cuts back to Vonn.
“Since we’re in Japan and I don’t want to offend anybody just for Bulletproof I am renaming that move the “Seppuku Submission”! Clearwater, Remi, you better call it right! Don’t make a liar out of me or I’ll fuck you up just like Imma gonna fuck up Dakota James Franco. DJF, this all could have been avoided if you gave me what I wanted: my posedown! We might have even been bros. Little Bit agreed to do it and now we besties. Just think how awesome it could have been having a monster like me watching your back! But nooooooooo!!!! You thought you were too cool for that shit. You a serious wrestler. You ain’t got time for “fun and games”. Well, douchebag, now you gotta make time for me. But what I got planned only gonna be fun for one of us. Me! The Man Who Moves the Needle! For you, all you got to look forward to is weeks of halo-gravity traction. They’re going to have to recycle Robot Nurse Bear from the scrap heap I put it in and program it to carry your worthless ass around. At Bulletproof, Dakota, you going to earn yourself another nickname: Doorstop!!! RRRRRRAAAAARRRRGGHHHHHH!!!!”
Vonn’s promo ends as they always do: with him screaming and performing different bodybuilding poses.
