Urgent News regarding the Midget Conspiracy (William)

"Ladies and gentleman! Midgets and Midgetettes! 

Welcome to the spookiest, evilest, horrendous-est news show on Television! Welcome toooooo!!!

!!!!!

!!!

...

I forgot the fucking name ag-" 

"You haven't given it a name yet!!"

William the Behemoth, frequent wrestler for Alpha Pro Wrestling, large fellow, midget hater and frequent bellower of large amounts of hatred towards midgets, is sat in the basement of a Laundromat with a newsroom set so shoddily crafted it doesn't even look like a human creation.

Beside him sits the ever stoic ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, fiddling with the tie that's been scruffily tied around his face.

William lets out a angry noise that wouldn't be out of place coming from a chihuahua and straightens up the sheets of paper in front of him by hitting them against the table, in a way he's obviously copying off a news show he's seen. To seem honest.

However, he also wants to seem very badass and strong, so he presses them down so hard the paper ends up getting crushed anyway.

"Just-... call it the Cray Mitchell Sucks Show! I mean that's- that's 90% of what this is about, anyway," William mumbled.

"Read the script,"

"Oh, like some fucking.. eyeball midget guy? Like Cray "the phase" Mitchell? With the nerd glasses?! No!!

Besides, scriptwriting has been undergoing a development the past couple decades. Storyboarding is a much more effective way to plan the events of the show and make it more accessible and exciting to the audience,"

"You can't read can you?"

"MAYBE I'D BE ABLE TO READ IF YOU JUST USED MORE FUCKING PICTURES, JARED!!

Letters suck!! They're-! Most of these are lowercase letters!

THOSE ARE THE MIDGET LETTERS YOU-!!"

William's hand comes down hard onto the shoddy table beneath him and the entire thing falls to pieces. William and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ are left awkwardly staring at the camera. A large sigh is heard, as well as some footsteps and William's eyes dart of to the side. A door slams shut.

"You know, that wasn't a very powerful door slam. In some cultures that's a sign of weakness. I can slam door shut, I- I've broken doors, I'll fucking senton a door, Travis, don't doubt me," William says, scratching the back of his head in an aggressive way. Less like he's confused and more like he's actively trying to peel of his giant egg of a head, for whatever reason.

Such was the heavy rage that layed inside William. William liked to think he was like an edgy, manipulative villain. Cold, badass saying like regular non-scary things and making midgets, small pathetic midgets like Cray Midget and Jake "The ReallySmallvenant" Karnes. And then eventually, once they'd pushed him far enough he'd snap. Erupting in rage, getting pissed off, destroying everything in the entire room and maybe even then entire continent in an epic, evil and morally reprehensible way. Morally reprehensible ways were always the most cool.

Instead he's the opposite.

If you push him too much, he'll get really pissed, and if you push a him a tiny bit he'll get really pissed, and sometimes when you don't even push him at all he'll get really pissed.

William didn't have any logicity behind his anger.

While he did respect tall people and heavy people he was still riddled with distrust. His days getting the shit kicked out of him in tapei deathmatches and being betrayed by his bosses by not forgiving him for betraying them.

People could lose weight. People could shrink.

It was safer to just be wary of everyone.

Yet, ever since his stint in prison he'd been feeling different.

He looked to his tag partner, ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, who was still just looking at the weakly slammed door shut. ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ had made no comment on the weakness of the slamming of the door.

Nor did he share William's beliefs about crushing midgets just for existing and throwing them at walls, and throwing them into toothbrushes and they think it's a forest be ause they're THAT small, and then throwing the toothbrush into a wall, cor good measure.

And yet still ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ did odd things. He made sure to properly tie his boots during a match and he shook people's hands and he knew how to apply submissions! Those weren't things Very Big Supervillains did.

He helped William when the Behemoth had cuts or bruises, he even patted him on the back sometimes. There was that one time they both bumped chests in the middle of the ring. These where-.. these-..

William just couldn't comprehend why.

Everybody knew that ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ had no emotion and was a sociopathic, genocidal maniac. There must've been some reason for all the weird acts. Something evil and spooky, just like William.

"Do you think by patting me on the back that my spine would be weakened enough for you to snap it?"

❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ pauses for a second. He turns his head very slowly and looks at William, speechless. Well, he's always speechless but how he looks the part.

"You know cause you're like only 312 pounds?"

❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ slowly shakes his head, saying "☠︎□︎✍︎ 🕈︎♓︎●︎●︎♓︎♋︎❍︎📪︎ ⬥︎♒︎⍓︎ ⬥︎□︎◆︎●︎♎︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎■︎🙵 ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎✍︎" with another weird look that William can't decipher.

Probably because he's not an ancient Egyptian from Jupiter like his partner is.

"F-forget it! I didn't-.. mean that,"

"🕈︎♓︎●︎●︎♓︎♋︎❍︎📫︎"

"No! Seriously, that was... ugh.

We gotta be focusing on Cray Mitchell! The Guru of Greatness! Guru's are those guys that protect the small field goals during soccer.

Now I know what you're thinking, Travis and Video Camera still viewing us  "since this guy plays professional soccer, doesn't that automatically confirm that he has no muscles and is a moronic, dumb son of a bitch?"

And yes! It does! But you know me.

I cannot trust anything,"

William stands up, marches off screen and then returns holding a large sign. It's completely white.

"This is the first part of our- my Very Big show! I know that this sign is so rude, so completely insulting, so absolutely destroying for a person's confidence that it probably shouldn't be on the bootleg YouTube we'll upload this to, but I don't obey the rules!" William shouts., unaware he's holding the being backwards.

"That's the thing with Cray "The Bad" Midget-ell, he's way too arrogant.

Sure this sign is probably the most horrific insult he's ever heard or seen, but the tadpole fricking deserves it!"

"☟︎♏︎⍓︎📪︎ 💧︎●︎♓︎❍︎📪︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎■︎♑︎🕯︎⬧︎📫︎"

"You're right, Travis. What's caused all this arrogance from a wrestler so delusional and stupid that he can still be gleeful when his hair looks like someone passed a kidney stone on top of him? Probably by someone named fricking.. Jonas, or something.

I'll tell you what! The Midget Conspiracy,"

William places the sign on the table he just broke, not even realising it's fallen off while he goes to grab another one.

He comes back with a large map of the entire world.

He passes it to ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ and then picks up a large pointer.

"As you can see, this is the map of America. Now it may come as a tragic realisation for all my big, 500 pound amigos out there but midgets unfortunately make up roughly around 120% of the human population.

Cray Mitchell is a leader of these midget bastards. He normalises it, makes it seem cool as opposed to horrendous on a planetary scale.

He does the fun, midgety horseshit. He talks about his midget penis. He does the weird belly dancing. He talks more about his midget penis, which everybody knows is 3.4 inches at best, ya know. He somehow avoids being sued for sexual harassment. And then he talks more about his midget penis.

And the midgets like him!

They ignore the fact he loses to midgets like Breezy and Tsukiko and America Jackson. And yeah, I also lost to America Jackson but that was a tag team match so I only lost 50%, as opposed to Cray who lost 200,000% in accord with his bring a coked up salmon piece of garbage with aggravated dwarfism.

I mean, come on he's 6 foot 2. He can't actually win a wrestling match.

It's this midget conspiracy, that's so prominent in the wrestling business.

They pretend that if they want to be small they can be.

In the ideal world, if they wanted to be small they can't, because I would find them and throw them into NASA Satellite.

Cray, you just can't beat us. Biologically speaking.

I win so much I don't even remember matches! I don't even remember my last match! Did I win? Did I lose?

It doesn't matter! Because when the Horrorhemoth steps into the ring, you can be sure that VBS dominates!!

And eeeeeeevil domination! There's nothing gleeful about us! You may be an asshole, Cray, but you're a small asshole.

I am the largest asshole is history, you dick.

I insult the wrestlers I'm against, I insult the crowd, I do rest holds for 14 minutes at a time, sometimes I even toss the steel steps over!

I don't even use them I just toss them over!

We are horrible, horrible people you're dealing with!!

My boy Travis over here? Straight up monster. Look at his eyes. He's probably thinking of strangling me to death right now, look at him!"

❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ jumps up and turns to the side. He looks at William with confusion as the big man mimics the pointer slicing his own throat.

"☠︎□︎📪︎ ■︎□︎ ✋︎🕯︎❍︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎📬︎ 🕈︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ⧫︎♋︎●︎🙵♓︎■︎♑︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎📫︎"

"See?! He's basically just told me that he's gonna chop my head with a rusty butcher knife, he's hard-"

❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ taps William on the shoulder.

"✋︎🕯︎❍︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎ ♑︎□︎■︎■︎♋︎ ♎︎□︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎📬︎"

"Nevermind, it seems he's gonna cut off my shoulder first. That way he can hear my screams. Excellent Very Big Supervillain move.

How many shoulders have you cut off, Cray "The Bitch" Mitchell? I bet you haven-"

❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ taps again on the shoulder, more urgently this time. He shakes his head, firmly.

"What? So you're only gonna cut off other people's shoulders?"

❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ nods his head.

"What so you think I can't take it?

Is that it?

I'M A FUCKING SUPER HEAVYWEIGHT!!

I'LL CUT MY OWN FUCKING SHOULDER OFF, YOU HUNGARIAN BAS-!!"

William pauses for a second. The two members of VBS just stare at each other for a long amount of time, each second adding to the awkwardness.

William scratches his head even more.

"Listen.. Travis," William murmurs. He makes a pained expression and looks away, obviously upset he has to say this.

"I get, what you're trying to do. I am the best person in the world so you want to be all... you know, nice.

But that's a waste of energy, bug. Big people aren't nice. Very Big Supervillains aren't nice in the slightest.

They're tough, badass, and they brood in a dark corner for 29% of their week.

Heck, even if you did cut off my shoulder, I'm 6 foot 11!

It would probably just grow back.

So don't be polite. Especially not to me, because that's not how this goes. We are Supervillains.

I accept you for the murderous, horrific monstrosity that you are. And if you ever want to steal my blood to summon an otherworldly monster to do your vile bidding, that's cool with me too.

It's good blood. Very high pressure.

If I donated it you could house an Angler Fish inside the blood bag.

It's good shit.

So... yeah.

I'm gonna go throw rocks at a Little Caesars."

With that, William walks away. Not slamming the door shut as he leaves.

❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ just stares out into space for 2 solid minutes. Eventually he looks down at his hands and then back up at the camera, eyes wide open.

"🕈︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♍︎❒︎♋︎◻︎ ⬥︎♋︎⬧︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ♋︎●︎●︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎◆︎⧫︎✍︎"