Post by The Very Big Supervillains on Jun 5, 2020 15:56:05 GMT -5
The silent night and the cool, spring breeze was naught more than a deceptive break from reality for the locals of Ackwroth, Iowa.
They knew, they had to know.
A horrowsome invader had debauched itself onto their innocent soil.
The beast wasn't an entity heard, or seen. Simply one that was felt, in waves upon waves of fear, of paranoia, of pain.
But, for the one's more resistant to the prospect of such a petrifying being, they could just about make out it's figure.
An inhuman creature, walking down the smooth pavements of the fearful city.
Constant steps, one by one. It knows its purpose, it knows its desires. It knows exactly what he has to do to satisfy it's bloodlust.
The Beast can now be seen kicking open the door of a dilapidated house, decades from it's last proper visitor. Perhaps The Beast feels some odd sense of calm finding a place that matches his character, one broken and horrifying to the common eye. That is, if The Beast feels anything at all.
It sits down at this broken table, stares directly at the other side of the wall. A mirror, slowly being overcome with some abhorrent mould.
It begins to speak, to itself."
"Nope, still Wingdings. Gosh darnit-"
The Beast turns around and faces William the Behemoth, who's awkwardly sat near wrecked furniture and a crummy mattress while trying to film ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ with a Samsung.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ responds by slamming the table he's next to in frustration.
"Wha- well, don't get pissed off, Travis. We got all the cool shots of you walking around Bumfuck, Iowa, looking all scary. With my intense, badass voice over it all, we won't even need to shoot on Jubei.
It's not like they can beat us next week anyway. The guy's 5 foot fricking 9!
All we need to do is call him "The Master" at Baiting, therefore calling him a masturbaiter, and he'll be so discouraged he'll probably just forfeit!"
William shouts loudly, as if that was obvious. After (once again) not realising Tag Team matches didn't just mean VBS could beat up one guy for 5 minutes, William had instructed ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ to "Insult the shit of Masuda Jubei while I order some Papa John's".
That was 3 days ago. They'd both failed, one because William had actually ordered 4 orders of Papa John's Pizza, only getting 3 as he decided to throw rocks at the last delivery person, and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ still couldn't actually speak human words.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ never seemed to fully acknowledge anything that ever happened but it was obvious that something was getting to him. If all the pieces of paper scattered across the abandoned shack was any indication, ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ had at least tried to learn something.
Then again, William thought, knowing Travis, it's probably some occult stuff about trying to summon an 12 foot Octopus from outer space to do his bidding.
Thankfully, that was also a cause William supported.
But still, behind the constant white fabrics that made up his partner's mask (or maybe it was his face, William had no idea,) there was little bit of irked-ness.
William's not a dumb fricking midget asshole, so he's not gonna "comfort" his partner because Big People simply don't feel sadness.
But if there's one thing he learnt from his last run it's that he shouldn't just a be a dick to his tag partner, only to midgets. So William walks over and taps him on the shoulder.
"Hey, listen. I get how you feel.
I'm gonna order some more Papa John's. Wanna help me find find some rocks so we can both throw rocks at the delivery people?" William says in a voice so earnest it makes everything about the statement weird, most notably the fa t that he managed to seem like he didn't despise everything in the world for once.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ simply shook his head.
William tutted, before marching out the door to look for some rocks.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ sat emotionless for an impressive 12.5 minutes before standing back up and finding his notepad.
Sat on a floor that most maggots would consider to gross to be near, with a pen that's about to run out and the sounds of his tag team partner shouting at what sounds like an adult goose, he begins to write.
---
5th of June 2002
Hello. It is Travis, the wrestler.
It's not 2002 ignore that. I've been making a lot of errors lately. Trying to not let it get me down but I lost the VBS undefeated streak.
William was quite upset about it, he started blaming England and what have you. Which may sound dumb, but I think it's just grief. William may spend most of his paychecks on food deliveries but he got me a job and he's one of the nicer homeless people I know.
And I let him down. I booted him right in the chest. And then I got pinned. And J have to bear responsibility for that, not the Queen. The Queen isn't a professional wrestler.
So I'm gonna really go hard and mean on Masida Jubei soon. Like very mean stuff. Normally that's not my style, but I'm gonna try. For William.
I'm gonna go full scary, full evil. I'm actually gonna go ahead and drop some tomato juice in this page, so it looks like blood watch.
○
Oh dear, that's not red. The colours messed up.
Oh dear! Oh no! Off topic again!
That is my problem, that is my character flaw. I get off track too much.
The truth is, Masuda Jubei is a submission specialist, a man who's won countless championships over a bunch of places.
I mean, he died!!
Double exclamation marks he literally died!
And now he's back. The former owner of New Blood Wrestling is now an old, beaten piece of sh$%#. That's the S-Word, I don't feel comfortable writing it.
Seems like everything Jubei's ever done is in the past. If Jubei was a time of day, it'd be a late sunset.
Very late though. Instead of seeing this artifact in one last moment of glory, I see it just as it falls beneath the horizon. Not shining any light, just waiting to fall.
I would be disappointed but I want to win, and the sun is like a metaphor for Jubei being a good wrestler.
I could use this metaphorical stuff but it seems a little corny.
I'm a villain! I should be shouting and stuff, hurting innocents. This guy's a former APW world champion!
He only managed one defence but still, I should be calling him the S-Word!
But...
I put an ellipse to indicate me taking a pause.
...
I'm pausing. Imagine me sighing or something.
...
I forgot where I was going.
Okay, ths point is that Masuda Jubei is a talker, a negotiator. He got into the first world title match, he got his own PPV, he's a shady business guy and that's great, I like Masuda Jubei.
But I can't negotiate. Due to this curse, I can never speak again.
So this is purely from a fighting standpoint, and Jubei hasn't had the most clean record for that lately.
Most people would say Jubei held the world title hostage, not just hold it. Held it. Not sure how that works grammatically.
And even recently after his death (that's odd to say) he hasn't had the most triumphant return. Sure he just about crawled his way a victory at Kingdom Come, but is that what he's gonna do here? Just scrounge something up?
There's nobody for him to leech off of to get the win, I think, Osbourne seems like the same kind of cheeky, opportunist as Jubei seems like.
But to be fair, it's that roll up-y approach that made me lose last week.
I forgot about how pins worked, I didn't raise my shoulder in time and I kicked my partner off the ropes. So we lost. Fair and square.
William said that he was okay with that part, since he considered it "midget-y" to not accidentally hit your partner at least once, but I still feel a little bad.
A 1 win streak may seem a little.. preternatural (real weird) but it meant a lot to William.
Again, the dots I'm using are pauses. If you're imagining me saying this, imagine me pausing.
And I get we're up against two people who are very good, experienced wrestlers. They've been with APW since almost the beginning.
But I really, really wanna win this. I've been practicing my big boots all week and I think I'm gonna be able to keep all that "schoolboy" "sneaky pin stuff away".
I didn't mean to put the speech mark after away. Arguably I shouldn't even of put it behind "stuff" it should've just been written as ""sneaky pin" stuff away".
Two speechmarks, what a mess.
So when I do my promo it's gonna sound like this:
"Jubei!
Osbourne!
You guys may be more experienced and better strategists than a rookie like myself but you know what I have?!
Very Big Power!
We're gonna use our immense strength, and immense size to destroy you two bugs! And don't go thinking your intelligence or agility will save you, because I've tried real hard to not let that be the case!
Roar!"
And then I'm gonna do one of them laughs, after my roar.
I'm not gonna say that. I'll ask William to.
And about the speaking thing, it's not just because of the Wingdings curse, I get stage fright easily. Not with fighting, but with talking I do.
Which is weird because nobody can understand me. But I explain the meaning of words and what I mean by them too much. Bit of a grammatical nut.
I have a thesaurus. But from 2002, so it's still got good words but it's a bit tattered.
The book I mean. Not the words.
How would the words be tattered?
I mean the pages could be. But then wouldn't I just say the "book is tattered" regardless.
What matters is this! VBS are gonna get back on our win streak and destroy you two losers (because while I'm shooting I'm telling them they'll lose) and then we're gonna go backstage and he'll high five me!
You pieces of shil!
I've put shil instead of the S-Word.
I'm still nervous about it, so before the match I'm gonna quickly do a line over the "L" so it becomes a "T". If I remember. Okay.
Okay, goodbye.
---
"Still writing in that nerd page thingy?" William asks, making ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ plainly turn his head up.
❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ shrugs simply.
A few awkward minutes past with William just staring at ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, and ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎ staring back just as awkwardly.
William eventually snarls at the wall for some reason before speaking.
"Listen uh...
Wasn't, your fault we lost. If you're upset about that and not your weird octopus cult."
"🕈︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎✍︎"
"Listen- ugh! I'm not used to doing this, but I'm gonna ace it anyway.
Why? Because I'm Big! And big people can literally never do anything wrong in their life.
I'm gonna teach you the same thing I was taught.
You never look within, you never acknowledge your faults, you never blame yourself.
You blame the midgets.You blame the trees, blame the government, you blame fucking NASCAR.
But we're Very Big. So no matter what happens, you have to shout as loud as you can "You can all suck my dick" at every opportunity. Because they CAN. Because our dicks are gigantic, and we're better than those dirt eating midgets."
"🕆︎♒︎📬︎📬︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎■︎🙵⬧︎📪︎ 🕈︎♓︎●︎●︎♓︎♋︎❍︎📬︎ ❄︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ❍︎♏︎♋︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎ ●︎□︎⧫︎📬︎"
"But most importantly. The Pizza guy's the same as before, and he's pissed, and he's got a lot more rocks than me so I need your help."
The Samsung slips off it's tripod and falls to the ground, ending the feed, just as the sound of a rock going through a window sounds out.
