Post by The Very Big Supervillains on Jun 3, 2020 11:59:35 GMT -5
"These are harsh, confusing times in the world right now.
Look at this city. This street use to be a hotbed of human activity. Things being bought, things being sold, now everyone's gone.
Purely because I lost my win streak,"
"That's a field, William."
William turns around and snarls back at the camera.
It is indeed a field, albeit quite a scruffy one. The lunar circle in the sky beams down upon the large grassy area, bouncing of the various slides and gates of a nearby park.
William's face is too close for that, shined only by the aggressive lighting of the camera that's filming him.
"The loss of the 1 week win streak is heartbreaking for me. I should've known that the British people would try to get revenge on me for my crimes against them.
And they did. I lost.
I'm never one to make excuses, especially not against midgets. I've accepted it, I've taken it to my very big, perfectly working heart and now?
I understand it.
I understand exactly why it doesn't fucking count,"
"William! Just accept th-"
"No, cameraman! America Jackson had NO FRICKING RIGHT to be in that match, and we all know it!!
Did we fight the civil war for nothing?! Just to let an American person onto England's soil for what exactly? Because he had a fricking PASSPORT?!
Besides, the match took place in Europe. Nothing matters in Europe, it's all fake. I mean Yugoslavia was a whole ass country and even that disappeared after a while because it was in Europe! It's bizarro world.
So I'm still undefeated! I'm never forgetting I have two opponents in a tag team match ever again!!"
"Man, why can't you just accept your loss? You'll seem a lot more compelling and less.. you-ish if you do,"
William tuts loudly at that, spitting at the floor as his partner ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, awkwardly stepping over the spit.
"That's not the point, Jared!!
I'm supposed to be SuperEvil!! Supernatural! I'm the culmination of all things scary! Like a Voodoo Witch Doctor mixed with a Silverback Gorilla, mixed with having a driving lesson for the first time! Scary shit!
I had a plan! I was gonna be undefeated for around a decade, then I was gonna shift into the ultra spooky phase. Regular stuff, sermons, wear spooky clothes with skulls on them, breaking into people's houses, arson.
Now I have to shift into my Ultra Spooky Phase 9 years too early!!
I had hoped I could break into rich wrestler's houses! That way I steal some stuff to pawn off, while still being spooky.
Now I'm against fucking Steven "The Bitchen" Osbourne and some other guy who's kinda good!
If I break into Osbourne's house I'm just gonna find a bunch of outdated pornography and then I'm gonna slip on some elaborate sex toy and die.
Good job, Europe! I JUST DIED BECAUSE OF A FUCKING DILDO! FUCK!!"
William starts pacing up and down the slightly curved field, taking an embarrassingly long amount of time to angrily pull up some grass, to prove his evil-ness.
"And continuing on with Stephen Osbourne, he's an embarrassment to all midgets! Disgusting piece of crap!
Floundering around like he's all seductive when he has the body figure of a elderly mantis shrimp! Frick off! With his little 1-800-SEXX thingy, with two x's because he can't spell!
Why do people that are bad in a shitty way win when people that are bad in a cool, evil way lose?!
I SUCK GOOD! AND HE SUCKS BAD!!
O- that was little weird, but moving on!
He shouldn't even be Northern American champion! Not only is he 6 foot 2, the number for shit, but he's also from fricking Sevilla and a Spainar-"
"💧︎♏︎⌧︎❖︎♓︎●︎●︎♏︎"
"What?"
"Sex,"
William pauses for a second.
"Travis' isn't gay. I mean there's nothing wrong with that but I'm not even sure if he's a human-"
"No, Sexville, Osbourne's from Sexville,"
William pauses again. He stops pulling up the camera and gives a blank stare to the camera.
"What?"
"He hails from Sexville, Population You. That's what APW.com says,"
William pauses again. For a solid 20 second she just looks at the camera, before finally speaking.
"He wants to... what?
To me?"
"That's what it says,"
William's blank face becomes deep in thought as he dons a thinking face while scratching his chin.
".. ah..
N- no! No!
I mean-
No! No, 100 times no! He's a midget!
But-
NO!
I would never have-!!
W- with a fricking midget wrestler!! Never!
I-.. my pants are fucking Pandora's Box! Okay?! If I dropped my infinity dong into the ocean I'd cause a tsunami, fact!
And you know what?! I'm gonna prove it!
Let's pick up some chicks. Let's intercourse with females.
I've had a scummy loss, lets rebound! JFK did it! Zeus did it! Obama did it!
I'm gonna go right now and prove to Osbourne that not only is he a piece of shit, but he's SHIT at being a piece of shit, follow me."
"⚐︎♌︎♋︎❍︎♋︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♓︎♐︎♏︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎●︎❍︎♋︎⧫︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ♒︎♏︎ ⬥︎□︎◆︎●︎♎︎ ■︎♏︎❖︎♏︎❒︎ ♎︎□︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎📬︎" ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎" says, as William walks off frame.
"Travis, you can just watch me attract ladies. But don't do any Jack the Ripper stuff, you monstrous-"
"William wait!"
The camera shifts around and William turns to face it, the city's booming nightlife behind him.
"What about Jubei?"
"HE'S NOT MY FUCKING BAE- OSBOURNE'S A STUPID MIDGETY FUCKFACE THAT FUCKING!!
FUCK-!!" William childishly screams as he marches away, the camera promptly going down afterwards.
---
When the video resumes, it's an awkward shot of William the Behemoth talking to a bartender at an underground bar. Heavy pop music plays, multicolored strobe lights flash away, onto William's face as he tries his best to not look uncomfortable.
Travis is behind him, completely out of place with his wrapped up attire, not meeting in the slightest.
William awkwardly looks around for a bit before turning to the camera, shouting so it can hear.
"That's the thing about Stephen Osbourne, ya know! It's no hard to be a gross, dignityless snob!
I'm a better Stephen Osbourne than he is! Heck, I'm gonna prove my evil better-ness tonight! In the next 30 - 40 seconds I'm gonn have a-.. I will get a Sex. From someone.
Fr-
From a human being.
Watch:"
---
The camera shifts again and now William tries to "smoothly" sit next to a girl at another bar, placing a drink down. Travis sits next to him, not bothering with the "smirk" William's using that makes him look like a crying chimpanzee.
"Uh.. bar- bar guy! Drinks over here. Just 2, Travis doesn't drink liquids. I think, I've never seen him do it," William shouts as the Women turns to look at him.
"Hey baby! William de Behemoth here. Big wrestle guy, Very Big in all ways. And also very Evil! I'm a terrible person!
Better terrible person than Stephen Osbourne, that midgety fucker.
Evil energy all around with me baby, everywhere! I spike the evil energy! All around! Heck, even this drink is spiked by me!"
"You spiked the drink?"
William smiles letting off a wink, then 3 more awkward winks and then just blinking, before making a smirking look at the camera, completely unaware of what spiking means.
"Yes!"
---
"See, I'm actually good at being rejected! Stephen Osbourne doesn't get rejected because he's a piece of shit that can't spell Sex."
William's in the same position as before, with another fake, uncomfortable smile as well as a red hand print in his face. Travis is sat next to him as well.
"Stephen Osboutne's just not a good as I am!
He's a rabbit! He just fucks a lot, and can't fight! I've never gone for a roll up, which is all he does. Roll ups!
And-
And, no I don't abstain from roll ups because I can't do one! I could- I could-!
I can!"
"✋︎🕯︎●︎●︎ ♌︎♏︎ □︎■︎♏︎ ⬧︎♏︎♍︎□︎■︎♎︎📬︎" Travis says before waving and walking off. William just scratches his head, watching him leave.
"Travis probably going to his secret underground cult society. Because we're evil!
Me? I could go as well! But I'm a party animal! I'm the life of the party!
I'm gonna prove I'm better than Stephen Osbourne! Not just in likeable, party energy, but in agility! And speed-..illity. Speedility."
"Do you even get how sex works?"
"I don't need to know how sex works! I just need to have it!
My dick is longer than an EasyJet airbus and I'm gonna- FUCK IT! I'm gonna go dance!"
William storms off mumbling a quiet "Stupidfrickingadultknowledgefuckfuckfuck.."
---
The scene cuts to a massive crowd of people dancing to heavy music. Smack down un the middle of the giant, energised, adrenaline fueled crowd lays William the Behemoth, looking like a lost child at a Walmart.
His face looks at a loss for words, struggling between scared and disgusted like he's stranded on a lilo in the middle of a storm, miles out from land.
He turns his entire body 90° and awkwardly stares at the camera for 40 seconds as all the other people dancer around him. Then the feed cuts.
---
"So- you kno- s- sometimes I gotta hold it in! Regular midgets aren't meant to deal with the sheer physical beauty of a Behemoth like myself!
Ah- y- and that's another fear! We've already established Osbourne wants to have intercourse with me-
And who doesn't?! Nobody!
But Osbourne's gonna be in the ring with me! Ya know?!
And with my raw, very big, very massive sexual energy in the ring, he question has to be asked: Will he be able to help himself?
That's why I have to destroy him! W- wrestling wise!
So I'm gonna prove my superiority now, via intercourse! But I'm also gonna prove it in the ring on Monday, not via intercourse! That's my main concern for our match! That's all I'm worried about"
"You know, I don't think Travis understands how tag team matches work,"
"SSSSHH!! I'm gonna go- I-
YES!!"
William marches onto the dancefloor again. The cameraman sighs and you can see the cameraman follow William into the crowd.
---
"-so I just have to act all "Bad"? Like say mean stuff?" William says talking to the cameraman. The shot includes William's Very Big shoulders but also another party-goer, sitting on her own, quite a way away.
The two are whispering.
"No, just- seem in charge, confident. But also respectful. Like- like you're gonna have a wrestling match," the cameraman whispers, to William's slow nodding.
"So.. like I speak when wrestling?"
"Yeah, sure. Just seem like a bad boy, chill-like. Yeah,"
William nods firmly at that and the cameraman slowly gets closer as William walks sideways out of shot.
The camera's completely on the Woman now, as William walks up behind her, placing a cool hand onto the table beside her, while flashing a confident smirk.
--
William's now sits facing the camera directly, beside the toilets. Now both sides of his face have a red handprint on. Travis sits behind him.
"I don't understand how females work.
Like I can knock Osbourne for being a piece of crap, barely beating The Situation even though he's not 500 pounds, how he won't be able to hit me with his finisher. But this? Props to him, this makes no fucking sense to me. Stupid midgets dancing."
"Don't be such a nice guy, William""
"I'm not! I called them all midget bitches, they just didn't hear me.
I'm gonna make up for this though, come Metal, I'm gonna beat Osbourne up! Because while I am a Super Sexy Boogeyman, he is too midgety and stupid to ever slay me!! And-!"
"What about Jubei?"
"What?"
"Jubei. Your other opponent on Monday?"
William sighs.
"HOW THE FUCK DO I KEEP FORGETTING THERE'S TWO-?!"
The feed cuts.
Look at this city. This street use to be a hotbed of human activity. Things being bought, things being sold, now everyone's gone.
Purely because I lost my win streak,"
"That's a field, William."
William turns around and snarls back at the camera.
It is indeed a field, albeit quite a scruffy one. The lunar circle in the sky beams down upon the large grassy area, bouncing of the various slides and gates of a nearby park.
William's face is too close for that, shined only by the aggressive lighting of the camera that's filming him.
"The loss of the 1 week win streak is heartbreaking for me. I should've known that the British people would try to get revenge on me for my crimes against them.
And they did. I lost.
I'm never one to make excuses, especially not against midgets. I've accepted it, I've taken it to my very big, perfectly working heart and now?
I understand it.
I understand exactly why it doesn't fucking count,"
"William! Just accept th-"
"No, cameraman! America Jackson had NO FRICKING RIGHT to be in that match, and we all know it!!
Did we fight the civil war for nothing?! Just to let an American person onto England's soil for what exactly? Because he had a fricking PASSPORT?!
Besides, the match took place in Europe. Nothing matters in Europe, it's all fake. I mean Yugoslavia was a whole ass country and even that disappeared after a while because it was in Europe! It's bizarro world.
So I'm still undefeated! I'm never forgetting I have two opponents in a tag team match ever again!!"
"Man, why can't you just accept your loss? You'll seem a lot more compelling and less.. you-ish if you do,"
William tuts loudly at that, spitting at the floor as his partner ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎, awkwardly stepping over the spit.
"That's not the point, Jared!!
I'm supposed to be SuperEvil!! Supernatural! I'm the culmination of all things scary! Like a Voodoo Witch Doctor mixed with a Silverback Gorilla, mixed with having a driving lesson for the first time! Scary shit!
I had a plan! I was gonna be undefeated for around a decade, then I was gonna shift into the ultra spooky phase. Regular stuff, sermons, wear spooky clothes with skulls on them, breaking into people's houses, arson.
Now I have to shift into my Ultra Spooky Phase 9 years too early!!
I had hoped I could break into rich wrestler's houses! That way I steal some stuff to pawn off, while still being spooky.
Now I'm against fucking Steven "The Bitchen" Osbourne and some other guy who's kinda good!
If I break into Osbourne's house I'm just gonna find a bunch of outdated pornography and then I'm gonna slip on some elaborate sex toy and die.
Good job, Europe! I JUST DIED BECAUSE OF A FUCKING DILDO! FUCK!!"
William starts pacing up and down the slightly curved field, taking an embarrassingly long amount of time to angrily pull up some grass, to prove his evil-ness.
"And continuing on with Stephen Osbourne, he's an embarrassment to all midgets! Disgusting piece of crap!
Floundering around like he's all seductive when he has the body figure of a elderly mantis shrimp! Frick off! With his little 1-800-SEXX thingy, with two x's because he can't spell!
Why do people that are bad in a shitty way win when people that are bad in a cool, evil way lose?!
I SUCK GOOD! AND HE SUCKS BAD!!
O- that was little weird, but moving on!
He shouldn't even be Northern American champion! Not only is he 6 foot 2, the number for shit, but he's also from fricking Sevilla and a Spainar-"
"💧︎♏︎⌧︎❖︎♓︎●︎●︎♏︎"
"What?"
"Sex,"
William pauses for a second.
"Travis' isn't gay. I mean there's nothing wrong with that but I'm not even sure if he's a human-"
"No, Sexville, Osbourne's from Sexville,"
William pauses again. He stops pulling up the camera and gives a blank stare to the camera.
"What?"
"He hails from Sexville, Population You. That's what APW.com says,"
William pauses again. For a solid 20 second she just looks at the camera, before finally speaking.
"He wants to... what?
To me?"
"That's what it says,"
William's blank face becomes deep in thought as he dons a thinking face while scratching his chin.
".. ah..
N- no! No!
I mean-
No! No, 100 times no! He's a midget!
But-
NO!
I would never have-!!
W- with a fricking midget wrestler!! Never!
I-.. my pants are fucking Pandora's Box! Okay?! If I dropped my infinity dong into the ocean I'd cause a tsunami, fact!
And you know what?! I'm gonna prove it!
Let's pick up some chicks. Let's intercourse with females.
I've had a scummy loss, lets rebound! JFK did it! Zeus did it! Obama did it!
I'm gonna go right now and prove to Osbourne that not only is he a piece of shit, but he's SHIT at being a piece of shit, follow me."
"⚐︎♌︎♋︎❍︎♋︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♓︎♐︎♏︎ ♋︎❒︎♏︎ ⬧︎□︎◆︎●︎❍︎♋︎⧫︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ♒︎♏︎ ⬥︎□︎◆︎●︎♎︎ ■︎♏︎❖︎♏︎❒︎ ♎︎□︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎📬︎" ❄︎❒︎♋︎❖︎♓︎⬧︎" says, as William walks off frame.
"Travis, you can just watch me attract ladies. But don't do any Jack the Ripper stuff, you monstrous-"
"William wait!"
The camera shifts around and William turns to face it, the city's booming nightlife behind him.
"What about Jubei?"
"HE'S NOT MY FUCKING BAE- OSBOURNE'S A STUPID MIDGETY FUCKFACE THAT FUCKING!!
FUCK-!!" William childishly screams as he marches away, the camera promptly going down afterwards.
---
When the video resumes, it's an awkward shot of William the Behemoth talking to a bartender at an underground bar. Heavy pop music plays, multicolored strobe lights flash away, onto William's face as he tries his best to not look uncomfortable.
Travis is behind him, completely out of place with his wrapped up attire, not meeting in the slightest.
William awkwardly looks around for a bit before turning to the camera, shouting so it can hear.
"That's the thing about Stephen Osbourne, ya know! It's no hard to be a gross, dignityless snob!
I'm a better Stephen Osbourne than he is! Heck, I'm gonna prove my evil better-ness tonight! In the next 30 - 40 seconds I'm gonn have a-.. I will get a Sex. From someone.
Fr-
From a human being.
Watch:"
---
The camera shifts again and now William tries to "smoothly" sit next to a girl at another bar, placing a drink down. Travis sits next to him, not bothering with the "smirk" William's using that makes him look like a crying chimpanzee.
"Uh.. bar- bar guy! Drinks over here. Just 2, Travis doesn't drink liquids. I think, I've never seen him do it," William shouts as the Women turns to look at him.
"Hey baby! William de Behemoth here. Big wrestle guy, Very Big in all ways. And also very Evil! I'm a terrible person!
Better terrible person than Stephen Osbourne, that midgety fucker.
Evil energy all around with me baby, everywhere! I spike the evil energy! All around! Heck, even this drink is spiked by me!"
"You spiked the drink?"
William smiles letting off a wink, then 3 more awkward winks and then just blinking, before making a smirking look at the camera, completely unaware of what spiking means.
"Yes!"
---
"See, I'm actually good at being rejected! Stephen Osbourne doesn't get rejected because he's a piece of shit that can't spell Sex."
William's in the same position as before, with another fake, uncomfortable smile as well as a red hand print in his face. Travis is sat next to him as well.
"Stephen Osboutne's just not a good as I am!
He's a rabbit! He just fucks a lot, and can't fight! I've never gone for a roll up, which is all he does. Roll ups!
And-
And, no I don't abstain from roll ups because I can't do one! I could- I could-!
I can!"
"✋︎🕯︎●︎●︎ ♌︎♏︎ □︎■︎♏︎ ⬧︎♏︎♍︎□︎■︎♎︎📬︎" Travis says before waving and walking off. William just scratches his head, watching him leave.
"Travis probably going to his secret underground cult society. Because we're evil!
Me? I could go as well! But I'm a party animal! I'm the life of the party!
I'm gonna prove I'm better than Stephen Osbourne! Not just in likeable, party energy, but in agility! And speed-..illity. Speedility."
"Do you even get how sex works?"
"I don't need to know how sex works! I just need to have it!
My dick is longer than an EasyJet airbus and I'm gonna- FUCK IT! I'm gonna go dance!"
William storms off mumbling a quiet "Stupidfrickingadultknowledgefuckfuckfuck.."
---
The scene cuts to a massive crowd of people dancing to heavy music. Smack down un the middle of the giant, energised, adrenaline fueled crowd lays William the Behemoth, looking like a lost child at a Walmart.
His face looks at a loss for words, struggling between scared and disgusted like he's stranded on a lilo in the middle of a storm, miles out from land.
He turns his entire body 90° and awkwardly stares at the camera for 40 seconds as all the other people dancer around him. Then the feed cuts.
---
"So- you kno- s- sometimes I gotta hold it in! Regular midgets aren't meant to deal with the sheer physical beauty of a Behemoth like myself!
Ah- y- and that's another fear! We've already established Osbourne wants to have intercourse with me-
And who doesn't?! Nobody!
But Osbourne's gonna be in the ring with me! Ya know?!
And with my raw, very big, very massive sexual energy in the ring, he question has to be asked: Will he be able to help himself?
That's why I have to destroy him! W- wrestling wise!
So I'm gonna prove my superiority now, via intercourse! But I'm also gonna prove it in the ring on Monday, not via intercourse! That's my main concern for our match! That's all I'm worried about"
"You know, I don't think Travis understands how tag team matches work,"
"SSSSHH!! I'm gonna go- I-
YES!!"
William marches onto the dancefloor again. The cameraman sighs and you can see the cameraman follow William into the crowd.
---
"-so I just have to act all "Bad"? Like say mean stuff?" William says talking to the cameraman. The shot includes William's Very Big shoulders but also another party-goer, sitting on her own, quite a way away.
The two are whispering.
"No, just- seem in charge, confident. But also respectful. Like- like you're gonna have a wrestling match," the cameraman whispers, to William's slow nodding.
"So.. like I speak when wrestling?"
"Yeah, sure. Just seem like a bad boy, chill-like. Yeah,"
William nods firmly at that and the cameraman slowly gets closer as William walks sideways out of shot.
The camera's completely on the Woman now, as William walks up behind her, placing a cool hand onto the table beside her, while flashing a confident smirk.
He begins:
"What's up, you stupid midgety piece of shit?"
--
William's now sits facing the camera directly, beside the toilets. Now both sides of his face have a red handprint on. Travis sits behind him.
"I don't understand how females work.
Like I can knock Osbourne for being a piece of crap, barely beating The Situation even though he's not 500 pounds, how he won't be able to hit me with his finisher. But this? Props to him, this makes no fucking sense to me. Stupid midgets dancing."
"Don't be such a nice guy, William""
"I'm not! I called them all midget bitches, they just didn't hear me.
I'm gonna make up for this though, come Metal, I'm gonna beat Osbourne up! Because while I am a Super Sexy Boogeyman, he is too midgety and stupid to ever slay me!! And-!"
"What about Jubei?"
"What?"
"Jubei. Your other opponent on Monday?"
William sighs.
"HOW THE FUCK DO I KEEP FORGETTING THERE'S TWO-?!"
The feed cuts.
