Post by Vonn Richter on Jun 2, 2020 18:12:01 GMT -5
Vonn Richter: WHAT YOU ARE HEARING ARE THE SOUNDS OF SCIENCE!! THE SCIENCE ARE ANNOYING FOR MY THREE OPPONENTS! IF THEY DON”T TAKE HEED OF THE AWNING THEY WILL SUFFER NIGHTLY! AS NIGHTLY AS MY JACKET UP BODIES!! I AM THERAMIN WHO MOVES THE NEEDLE THE TALL NATIONAL DISASTER I AM VONN ERECTOR!! MY ENEMA EASE SHOULD QUAKE IN FEAR AT THE IDEA OFF HALFLING TO WRESTLE ME! I HAVE MORE POWERING MY RIGHT ARM THAN THEY DO ALTO GATHER!
Vonn flexes his right bicep, the muscle bulging as though it might tear out from under his skin.
Vonn Richter: I WILL KNUCKLE OUT ALL THREE OF MY OPPONENTS AND INGRATE DETAIL EXPLAIN WHY THEY HAVE NO CHANTS-
From his seat at the breakfast table opposite Vonn his step-brother sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Jesse: Let’s not.
He paused the promo being displayed on Vonn’s laptop. He eyed him critically.
Jesse Eisenwald: Co-opting NATE’s gimmick, are we?
Vonn Richter: Who the fuck is Nate?!
Who indeed? That’s the thing about NATE, you never know what version you’re going to get. But moving on.
Jesse Eisenwald: You should have waited and let me upload your promo if you wanted to add sound, Vonn.
Vonn Richter: What’s wrong with it?
Jesse Eisenwald: It’s gibberish. You can’t make out a word of it.
Vonn dismissed the criticism with a wave of his meaty mitt and a “Pfft”.
Vonn Richter: Who cares? 90% of all speeches are visual anyway. My body language got the point across, and that point is PAIN!
Jesse swiveled the laptop to face him and started typing.
Jesse Eisenwald: Let me fix it.
Vonn Richter: No!
He snatched the computer away from his step-brother.
Vonn Richter: You can’t edit a promo after it’s been uploaded to the Alpha Pro website! There are serious implications!
Vonn folded up the laptop and tucked it between his back and the back of his chair. Jesse sighed again.
Jesse Eisenwald: Vonn, for real, you need to start putting a little more effort into wrestling than just working out and tanning. You’re gaining some real traction these last couple weeks. You might actually be good at this!
Jesse was right. Things had been looking up lately. The bonus Vonn got for being on the winning tag match at Kingdom Come was equal to what he had made as a personal trainer since the year began. He even had allies now maybe in the 5’2” Mafia! Perhaps it was time to focus on more than just hitting the weights and the tanning booth.
Then he remembered something important.
Vonn Richter: My posedown!
Jesse Eisenwald: Whut?
Vonn Richter: I was supposed to have a posedown with that scrub Dakota Joseph Franklin at Kingdowm Come! A Royal Posedown because we were in England and that’s a country ruled by royalty. And somehow, that sumbitch reneged!
Jesse Eisenwald: Vonn, who cares?
Vonn Richter: I CARE!!!
Grabbing the laptop, Vonn ran downstairs to his room in the basement of his mother’s house. He logged in to Skype or Zoom or TikTok or whatever app you use to film shit and started talking.
Vonn Richter: This is an adding-on to my earlier promo! I’m not talking to Foxy Lady Tsukiko or that jerk Jake Kearnes who ONLY BEAT ME THAT ONE TIME BECAUSE I HAD BRAIN TRAUMA. This message is just for DJF. Dakota, you owe me a posedown! You might have been able to weasel out of it last week because I was so stoked I won I forgot, but that’s a mistake I won’t make again. The forgetting part I mean. Winning was NOT a mistake no matter what that chode Meltzer says! DJF I’m calling you out again! You versus me, bod-o y bod-o, and may the best bod-o win! If you don’t do this I’ll make your life hell Dakota. You’ll never know a moment’s peace! You’ll spend every waking moment craning that pencil neck to look over your scrawny shoulder, waiting for me to show up to put my foot up your skinny fat ass! You won’t even be safe at that other company you work for wrestling with the other vanilla midgets. Understand me, Dakota? You are my first blood feud and it will be your blood on my hands if I don’t get what I want. Give me my Posedown or give me your death!!!! RRRRRAARRRGGHHHHH!!!”
Vonn leaps to his feet, jostling the table his laptop is resting on. If falls off the table, giving us a cock-eyed view of Richter as he demonstrates several body building poses.
