Post by TheSituation on May 15, 2020 10:24:28 GMT -5
Kids are screaming and running around high on sugary slurpees and greasy pizza of Chuck E Cheese. In the middle of a chaotic kindergarten warzone The Situation finds himself stuck in a plastic tunnel within the soft play. The big man sticks out just past his arms like a cork poking out a wine bottle. Several of his boys have an arm each trying to yank him out.
“You gotta send a little bro in the tunnel to push from behind.”
“Ain’t none of these little fools wonna go anywhere near your phat ass!”
“Tug harder, damn.”
His boys fall back tugging so hard but Sitch ain’t budging.
“You know what, leave it, i’ll do the promo here.”
“I’ve go find some butter or something.”
“Well, here i am, defeated by a wacky tunnel. Lexo you won’t have it so easy, I promise you that dogg. This tunnel is the real deal tho. Damn. I was supposed to do this promo sat in the ball pit, we thought that be fun. Buuuut i can’t get to the damn pit cause i guess they don’t make these tunnels Sitch friendly. So let’s just do this thing right here.
My sister’s husband’s sister’s daughter’s son smashed it at his big ball game today. We came back from traveling on the road to check it out. That’s my cuz, he made it to the little league finals. The whole fam turned out to see the little bro nail two home runs. I ain’t gonna brag, but he’s the mvp of that little team of squirts, you know it. He’s got big dreams just like his uncle Sitch, world champion one day. He’ll make us all proud and play for the Sox one day, SOUTH SIIIIIDE!
Anyway pizza and milkshakes aside, I got my own goal to focus on. It’s a biggie. I’m not the contender to Lexo’s belt. That got stolen away from me. But I still have the opportunity to prove myself against him. This week on Metal I have the chance to show the world that I can beat an Architect. That I can beat a champion. It’s a tough fight, but every one in the crowd that continues to holla and hoot for me, knows I’m just as good as the Architects. Once I win this thing I’m next in line. Whoever comes out champion when Steven Osbourne and Lexo go one on one, I'll be there waiting.
Sitchy Sitch Sitcho, what gives you the right to think you’re the deserving contender after Osbourne? Here’s why! I got cheated out of the contendership by the Boogyeman. He thinks he’s clever, that he outsmarted me. He thinks that just cause I’m a big guy, and I'm stuck in a goddamn chuck e cheese tunnel right now that I'm not an intelligent fighter. Na dogg, you got yourself confused. You hit me in the nuts. That’s not smart. You grabbed my singlet for leverage. That’s also not smart, it’s cowardly. You’d rather cheat and take short cuts than actually achieve anything worthwhile. Just like them hoes you shack up with. They ratchet fool. You're taking short cuts and picking up the most desperate, down and dirty women that would rather spend a moment with you than be alone. You got yourself into thinking you're this god, that the women fall to their feet for you, that you can win any fight. You're cheating yourself. Just like you cheating and fooling all these people. I feel sorry for these girls. Or maybe I should feel sorry for you. You’re all using each other, too proud, or ashamed that your all hurtin and needin of real love. Some sense needs beating into you. Yeah, I am sorry for you cause you can’t see the pain you're in.
Stev-o, you ever been with a real woman? I mean a real woman. The kind that hits back harder than you can dish out. The type that rolls you over and takes control from up top. The type of woman that knows what she wants. The type of woman that enjoys your company and ain’t there cause you paid them, or cause you have leverage on them. I bet you’ve never brought your own damn mother breakfast, never mind any of these poor women that find themselves harassed by you.
Hell, even your own manager don’t wonna be in a room with you for more than five minutes. And why would she, your disgusting man. Don’t confuse success and popularity. I’m popular, because I care about the fans. I care about putting on a show. Did you hear the reaction I got in our match? Hell, did you hear the damn reaction I got at God’s of Wrestling, maybe the biggest pop of the night second only to the main event. I love this business and the people. I get that love even though my win loss record in Alpha ain’t too great. I been fucking with the Architects and eaten too many losses. Yet, I face my opponents one on one, man to man. I show up, i get the love. I get a winner’s reaction.
You on the other hand use people. I’ve had offers at the end of shows. Girls love the big chocolate. But i ain’t taken advantage of my popularity with the fans, my love life stays outside this business. You are a mother fucking user. I’d like to claim I'm a feminist, but no man truly can be. But when we get back in the ring together, sooner rather than later I hope. I’mma strike you right between the eyes, harder than I ever have struck anyone before. Not for me, but for all those women out there. For the ones you’ve harassed, objectified and taken advantage of. And when you're on the floor crying your bitch eyes out. I’mma invite some women from the crowd into the ring and watch them cut it off. Then you can’t harm another woman again. Oh yeah, Sitch can be dark and gritty too. I went there. It can’t always be sunshine and rainbows.
Me too movement, bitch. Stev-o you ain’t got long brother until you're arrested or stabbed. And you think being champion will improve your life any. That will just put a bigger bullseye on your back. Gold diggers will surface and those poor weak young things you too advantage of will come back for their pound of flesh. Tread carefully amigo your living a dangerous life.
I’ll give Stev-o some credit, last week he opened my eyes. I’ve been loving the Architects too much. What they’ve done in this industry, in this company, how can you not look up to the guys. Smithy put me through my paces and even took me under his wing. You better believe I’m a better wrestler now than when I started here in Alpha. Much love Smithy. Lexo wasn’t so sure in me, I still put respect on his name and will never forget the tag match we won together. But Warrens, that lil bitch is in for a world of pain. When i get my hands on him - -
Argh, it’s hard to focus while stuck in a damn kiddie tunnel. So we at the ball game and I see two white boys wearing Alpha merch. The first cracks a smile on my face and the second has an Architects shirt. That gets me to thinking, so I go over say hello. These crackers love it, we taking selfies, they wonna buy me a coke, i wouldn’t ever have a fan buy me anything besides i was nursing a beer. I ask them, boys, what’s my chances in beating Lexo? There was a long awkward pause. What about a rematch with Warrens? So turns out these two are proper Architect fan boi. That was a shot to my confidence i’ll tell you. But like many a fan out there they put some respect on my name. And i love em for that.
My point is I'm the underdog. Even with my size because of my rookie status, I'm always the underdog. Even when team with two Architects people thought Soul Reaver would get the best of us. I proved I could beat him but i can’t beat the Architects. Do I respect them too much? Is that possible. Is there a demon inside of me that just doesn’t want to beat them. I can’t dig deep like I did with Soullio. Bottom of the ninth moment, or Jordan ready for the lay up with three seconds on the clock and I just can’t pull off that all needed game ender.
So here’s the situation: the ball game ends and I go down to meet our little MVP in the dug out with his old man, Joey Five Step. He nailed the game with two home runs, we’re proud of the little man but he’s just ballin. He’s tryin to turn this dug out into a lake, just hosing it down. What’s up little man? He missed the ball seven times. What the hell is this kids problem, two home runs is a big deal. No other kid managed that shit. This is gangster, he should be thuggin his way out of the park making all the tiny kid girls blush, you know. All the tiny boys jealous, this is basic.
Well it turns out socking that ball two outta nine times doesn’t feel too great. Even if those two times were home runs and the team treating him like the damn hero. Suddenly it hit me. He didn’t care about the home runs, he didn’t care if he got caught out, he just wanted to hit the ball, all the time, everytime. Even if he only got first, or caught. He didn’t see the worth in how good he did those two times, but how he did do it consistently. That hit home as hard as a shotgun fired in my nuts. We at chuck e cheese now, and I know the little man will bounce back. He's young and will reach that level.
I feel him. I see what's up. When I win, I damn win. I show up and dominate. But smashing it out of the park a few times doesn’t mean anything if i strike out the majority of the time. Too many losses are souring the achievements. My weakness, the Architects and my respect. When I look across the ring at Lexo I gotta put all this Architectural Apprentice stuff aside. It was fun, but Jordan didn’t go out there for fun, Ali wasn’t in it for fun, my main girl Serena didn’t do it for fun, Iron mike, Magic Johnson, KOBE rest his soul, Foreman, Frazier, goddamn Shaq and the best wingman of all time Scottie Pippen. All these legends train hard and go to work. I got the training locked down but it’s time to get serious with this thing. It’s time to leave the fun behind and get on that path of becoming a legend.
For my little MVP pizza got him back vibing. I love my food, you know it. But pizza is not going to heal a loss to Lexo man. I can only walk away from this one with a win. That’s my only path. Lexo, I got a lotta love for you bro, you're the man. But it’s time I put that aside and get serious. I have to beat an Architect. It’s time to build my own legacy.
Now get me out this damn tunnel!”
“You gotta send a little bro in the tunnel to push from behind.”
“Ain’t none of these little fools wonna go anywhere near your phat ass!”
“Tug harder, damn.”
His boys fall back tugging so hard but Sitch ain’t budging.
“You know what, leave it, i’ll do the promo here.”
“I’ve go find some butter or something.”
“Well, here i am, defeated by a wacky tunnel. Lexo you won’t have it so easy, I promise you that dogg. This tunnel is the real deal tho. Damn. I was supposed to do this promo sat in the ball pit, we thought that be fun. Buuuut i can’t get to the damn pit cause i guess they don’t make these tunnels Sitch friendly. So let’s just do this thing right here.
My sister’s husband’s sister’s daughter’s son smashed it at his big ball game today. We came back from traveling on the road to check it out. That’s my cuz, he made it to the little league finals. The whole fam turned out to see the little bro nail two home runs. I ain’t gonna brag, but he’s the mvp of that little team of squirts, you know it. He’s got big dreams just like his uncle Sitch, world champion one day. He’ll make us all proud and play for the Sox one day, SOUTH SIIIIIDE!
Anyway pizza and milkshakes aside, I got my own goal to focus on. It’s a biggie. I’m not the contender to Lexo’s belt. That got stolen away from me. But I still have the opportunity to prove myself against him. This week on Metal I have the chance to show the world that I can beat an Architect. That I can beat a champion. It’s a tough fight, but every one in the crowd that continues to holla and hoot for me, knows I’m just as good as the Architects. Once I win this thing I’m next in line. Whoever comes out champion when Steven Osbourne and Lexo go one on one, I'll be there waiting.
Sitchy Sitch Sitcho, what gives you the right to think you’re the deserving contender after Osbourne? Here’s why! I got cheated out of the contendership by the Boogyeman. He thinks he’s clever, that he outsmarted me. He thinks that just cause I’m a big guy, and I'm stuck in a goddamn chuck e cheese tunnel right now that I'm not an intelligent fighter. Na dogg, you got yourself confused. You hit me in the nuts. That’s not smart. You grabbed my singlet for leverage. That’s also not smart, it’s cowardly. You’d rather cheat and take short cuts than actually achieve anything worthwhile. Just like them hoes you shack up with. They ratchet fool. You're taking short cuts and picking up the most desperate, down and dirty women that would rather spend a moment with you than be alone. You got yourself into thinking you're this god, that the women fall to their feet for you, that you can win any fight. You're cheating yourself. Just like you cheating and fooling all these people. I feel sorry for these girls. Or maybe I should feel sorry for you. You’re all using each other, too proud, or ashamed that your all hurtin and needin of real love. Some sense needs beating into you. Yeah, I am sorry for you cause you can’t see the pain you're in.
Stev-o, you ever been with a real woman? I mean a real woman. The kind that hits back harder than you can dish out. The type that rolls you over and takes control from up top. The type of woman that knows what she wants. The type of woman that enjoys your company and ain’t there cause you paid them, or cause you have leverage on them. I bet you’ve never brought your own damn mother breakfast, never mind any of these poor women that find themselves harassed by you.
Hell, even your own manager don’t wonna be in a room with you for more than five minutes. And why would she, your disgusting man. Don’t confuse success and popularity. I’m popular, because I care about the fans. I care about putting on a show. Did you hear the reaction I got in our match? Hell, did you hear the damn reaction I got at God’s of Wrestling, maybe the biggest pop of the night second only to the main event. I love this business and the people. I get that love even though my win loss record in Alpha ain’t too great. I been fucking with the Architects and eaten too many losses. Yet, I face my opponents one on one, man to man. I show up, i get the love. I get a winner’s reaction.
You on the other hand use people. I’ve had offers at the end of shows. Girls love the big chocolate. But i ain’t taken advantage of my popularity with the fans, my love life stays outside this business. You are a mother fucking user. I’d like to claim I'm a feminist, but no man truly can be. But when we get back in the ring together, sooner rather than later I hope. I’mma strike you right between the eyes, harder than I ever have struck anyone before. Not for me, but for all those women out there. For the ones you’ve harassed, objectified and taken advantage of. And when you're on the floor crying your bitch eyes out. I’mma invite some women from the crowd into the ring and watch them cut it off. Then you can’t harm another woman again. Oh yeah, Sitch can be dark and gritty too. I went there. It can’t always be sunshine and rainbows.
Me too movement, bitch. Stev-o you ain’t got long brother until you're arrested or stabbed. And you think being champion will improve your life any. That will just put a bigger bullseye on your back. Gold diggers will surface and those poor weak young things you too advantage of will come back for their pound of flesh. Tread carefully amigo your living a dangerous life.
I’ll give Stev-o some credit, last week he opened my eyes. I’ve been loving the Architects too much. What they’ve done in this industry, in this company, how can you not look up to the guys. Smithy put me through my paces and even took me under his wing. You better believe I’m a better wrestler now than when I started here in Alpha. Much love Smithy. Lexo wasn’t so sure in me, I still put respect on his name and will never forget the tag match we won together. But Warrens, that lil bitch is in for a world of pain. When i get my hands on him - -
Argh, it’s hard to focus while stuck in a damn kiddie tunnel. So we at the ball game and I see two white boys wearing Alpha merch. The first cracks a smile on my face and the second has an Architects shirt. That gets me to thinking, so I go over say hello. These crackers love it, we taking selfies, they wonna buy me a coke, i wouldn’t ever have a fan buy me anything besides i was nursing a beer. I ask them, boys, what’s my chances in beating Lexo? There was a long awkward pause. What about a rematch with Warrens? So turns out these two are proper Architect fan boi. That was a shot to my confidence i’ll tell you. But like many a fan out there they put some respect on my name. And i love em for that.
My point is I'm the underdog. Even with my size because of my rookie status, I'm always the underdog. Even when team with two Architects people thought Soul Reaver would get the best of us. I proved I could beat him but i can’t beat the Architects. Do I respect them too much? Is that possible. Is there a demon inside of me that just doesn’t want to beat them. I can’t dig deep like I did with Soullio. Bottom of the ninth moment, or Jordan ready for the lay up with three seconds on the clock and I just can’t pull off that all needed game ender.
So here’s the situation: the ball game ends and I go down to meet our little MVP in the dug out with his old man, Joey Five Step. He nailed the game with two home runs, we’re proud of the little man but he’s just ballin. He’s tryin to turn this dug out into a lake, just hosing it down. What’s up little man? He missed the ball seven times. What the hell is this kids problem, two home runs is a big deal. No other kid managed that shit. This is gangster, he should be thuggin his way out of the park making all the tiny kid girls blush, you know. All the tiny boys jealous, this is basic.
Well it turns out socking that ball two outta nine times doesn’t feel too great. Even if those two times were home runs and the team treating him like the damn hero. Suddenly it hit me. He didn’t care about the home runs, he didn’t care if he got caught out, he just wanted to hit the ball, all the time, everytime. Even if he only got first, or caught. He didn’t see the worth in how good he did those two times, but how he did do it consistently. That hit home as hard as a shotgun fired in my nuts. We at chuck e cheese now, and I know the little man will bounce back. He's young and will reach that level.
I feel him. I see what's up. When I win, I damn win. I show up and dominate. But smashing it out of the park a few times doesn’t mean anything if i strike out the majority of the time. Too many losses are souring the achievements. My weakness, the Architects and my respect. When I look across the ring at Lexo I gotta put all this Architectural Apprentice stuff aside. It was fun, but Jordan didn’t go out there for fun, Ali wasn’t in it for fun, my main girl Serena didn’t do it for fun, Iron mike, Magic Johnson, KOBE rest his soul, Foreman, Frazier, goddamn Shaq and the best wingman of all time Scottie Pippen. All these legends train hard and go to work. I got the training locked down but it’s time to get serious with this thing. It’s time to leave the fun behind and get on that path of becoming a legend.
For my little MVP pizza got him back vibing. I love my food, you know it. But pizza is not going to heal a loss to Lexo man. I can only walk away from this one with a win. That’s my only path. Lexo, I got a lotta love for you bro, you're the man. But it’s time I put that aside and get serious. I have to beat an Architect. It’s time to build my own legacy.
Now get me out this damn tunnel!”
