The PEW, The POW, The LIGHT SPEED.
May 10, 2020 1:07:23 GMT -5
BonnieBlue, Jubei, and 1 more like this
Post by Lazer Blazer on May 10, 2020 1:07:23 GMT -5
** Hey, yo. Let's head out to the deep woods, back door to that Canadian hawt track. Alpine Lake, Maine. If’n you were any further North, you’ll have walked back around to the Bahamas with a tiki drink in your hand. **
POP POP. PEW PEW. POW POW
** Powerful, real gunshots ring out among the lonesome timbers. Fade into my boi and yours, Lazer Blazer in cargo khakis and flannel firing off finger blasts at a target in the woods. **
FADE OUT
FADE IN
** Lazer Blazer rumbling into town in an open top 96’ Jeep Wrangler. It grinds and moans. Its whines. Its needy. But its loyal and trust worthy, bringing our boi to the PO BOX. on the south side of Main Street - the wrong side of the town. Somebody sharpied a smiley face on a post box. Crime watch was on high alert. Capable trigger fingers itched for the nameless and the faceless. Lazer Blazer was concerned not. Broke, poor and living in a trailer down by the river, such things were not his concern. Pulling up to the post office with a New Brunswick stop right next to a light blue 05 Honda Accord. He gets out of the jeep and pats down his pockets for his key. The key, the key, the key to the magical world of grade A first class postage. Land of the free, home of the brave. Lazer unlocks his box and reaches in to retrieve one lone letter.
LAZER JOHNSON
PO BOX 917.
Alpine Lake, Maine. 54934
Return Address: Alpha Pro Wrestling.
The Blazer smiles with tears in his eyes. His mind melted back to the smell of hotdogs, popcorn, the roar of the crowd and all his little Lazer Blazers in the Lazer Brigade.
“Pew pew, pow pow.” he whispered.
Blazer with spah-rang in his stay-yip hits the cushion of the drivers seat with a flying drop kick, slipping in like a glove. The 3 count was all but an after thought. The 96 Jeep Wrangler purs with revived life. NO cranks. No grinds. No whines. That gear case transitioned like butter and those wheels whipped around like a Bangor wildcat.
Posted speed limit: 25
Speedometer: 27
We livin dangerous up in here.
WE CALL THAT GOING LIGHT SPEED
EPIC BABY FACE PEEL OUT
______________________________
Taco Bell Arena. Boise Idaho.
Friday Night. House Show.
“The Final Countdown” That classic Rock OG anthem rips through the air. Sparklers pop off. Smoke fills the entrance way. Its high octane and high energy as the Taco Bell arena is gettin ready to go LIGHT SPEED.
The man.
The mth.
The epic baby legend himself.
LAZER BLAZER!
Shuckin and jvin. Livin’ N dyin. Rock’n N rollin. Shimmy N shakin’
The Razzle
The Dazzle.
The Tutti
The Fruity.
Long Tall Sally done come home tah roost.
Ya’ll weak tier gimmicks wishin you were as good as this narration. Oozin Mah-chiz-mo. Oozin epic baby face swagger.
Lazer gets the crowd hawt and hyped as he gets to the ring. He grabs a mic as the fans bathe him in adulation.
Crowd: LAY-ZER! PEW PEW POW POW
Lazer sheds heartfelt tears. Bleedin the blood of the proud and the few of those that aint his knock kneed opponents. Lazer puts the mic to his lips but fails to speak, spilling his body over the ropes, hanging there while the moment washes over him. Lazers givin lessons in babyface humility right now, so ya’ll better pay attention.
“Thank you” He finally gets out. “ Thank you all very much. Now, I know I wasn't advertised or scheduled to be here tonight but Irena gave me the go ahead and allowed me to come out here and address all of my LAZER BLAZER fans and all the little ones in my Lazer Blazer Brigade. Now, I’m not here to wrestle. I’m just here to talk to all of you and let you know that yes, I will in fact be here on Monday night competing for a chance to face that capital B, Brilliant Junior Champion Eli Breezy. He’s something special, I will tell you. We can all admit that. Aint no shame in telling everyone how much I look up to and admire that man but if we - ALL OF US are going to get there then the LAZER is going to have to defeat three other men that are just as skilled and talented as anybody else. The Guru of Greatness? That's amazing. I love it. I love the positive. I mean, how great do you have to be so that they give you the surname of Guru. I aint never seen that before in my whole entire LAZER BLAZER LIFE. Its simply stunning.
But I heard that he made up some fantastic, truly amazing stories about ol’ Blazer that I want to tell you are not true. He said that he VANQUISHED me but I’m here to tell you that you cannot destroy this high octane energy. He cannot vanquish all of you in my Blazer Brigade. We are gonna go LIGHT SPEED and Double Barrel to remind him that he is not greater than the collective energy in your hearts. Then Alex Scott said that I better enjoy those fifteen minutes of fame which truthfully, is twenty minutes more than I have ever had in this business but let me tell you something right now. It’s not about the fame. It’s not about the money. It’s not even about the championships. For me, it’s about coming out here for each and every one of you. And that's exactly what I’m going to do. I’m not doing battle on Monday night. ALL OF US are doing battle. It is us that fight for what’s right. It is US that stand up for what we believe in. And it is US, TOGETHER that will prevail. I love all of my opponents. They are all great guys but we are better and with you all on my side, the LAZER cannot lose. So Monday night, get ready for that high octane because we’re going LIGHT SPEED! Straight for the Junior Heavyweight Champion and that Junior Heavyweight Championship itself.
PEW PEW! POW POW !!!!
** EPIC BABY FACE POSE!!! **
