Post by Damian Kaine on Apr 19, 2020 9:01:32 GMT -5
Damian Kaine✔ (Instagram Live)
@kainetheguardian
“Is this thing on? Alright we're good.”
"Okay ladies and gentlemen. This is my very first Instagram live, well ever. You know I'm used to sticking off the camera, just grabbing the microphone working on my podcast, but you know with the things going on in the world, today, I figured I would go live. Because, well. I missed you guys and wanted to see what you were up to! So I'm here to fill you guys in on the life of the “Invincible” Damian Kaine, as well as to answer a few questions that y’all, my loyal followers, have for me. Uh.. One minute...”
“I’ve got a shit ton of things to talk about, I can’t even lie. If you guys are dead-set on staying on here the whole time, go get ya popcorn. But keep your phones with ya because I don’t really care to wait. Let’s open Pandora’s box with some questions from my lovely fans.”
Damian leans forward, squinting for a question. Amongst all the ‘Hi’s’, ‘Shoutouts’, and thirsty folks, Damian finally spots some.
“GregtheGoat asks ‘Why leave your easy Hollywood life for a return to wrestling?’ Well. I’m afraid it’s not like that, Gary. I’m still acting, bud. I’m actually starring in an upcoming television series based on “The Mercs of Miramir” book series by the great Donald Eucker. If y’all haven’t ready that man’s work, put ya damn phone down and culture yourselves. It’s legendary. I have the whole series right here on my bookshelf. AND I have the spin-off series, but that’s not a show quite yet.”
“But, the best books in the world aside, I haven’t left the Hollywood life behind. That said, with the COVID-19 pandemic spreading, everything is being delayed. So I just went home and stayed with Ally and August. I didn’t even entertain the idea of wrestling again until I caught wind of the ⅔ falls match at Battlefield. And I thought to myself, ‘Well? Why the hell not? Let’s go take care of some business.’ So I hopped on the plane and practically crashed the scene at the last Clash. Long story short, I’m still acting, but I’m going to be back in the Wrestling world again because, frankly, I have a few things I still need to do before I retire for good. And I crossed one thing off my bucket list at Battlefield.”
“Y’all are on some weird stuff, man. I can’t even lie. So, while we’re waiting for more questions, I wanna talk about how I feel about Sunday night.”
“Y’all bear with me. I may be fangirling a bit here. But cut me some slack here. Ya see, when I first heard about the Bonnie match, I was a little worried. I suspected Torture and Gravedigger were trying to set me up or something, but I wasn’t sure, so I went along with it. I didn’t see myself coming out on top. And I’m not going to lie, guys. I’ve never had so hard of a fight in my life. See, when I met Bonnie, I knew she was a beast from the get go. From Dethwar to Golden Ticket to the Guardians, I never thought I could even come close to the level of pure ruthless aggression that Bonnie Blue simply exudes. And the very same Bonnie that I’ve seen for the past three years is the Bonnie that stepped in the ring with me last Sunday night. Quite frankly, I feared for my goddamned life. So when her shoulders stayed down for that last 1-2-3, ya boy was SHOOK! There I am, blood burning my eyes, looking down at a woman I look up to. And a promise she made rang in my ears. But here’s a little secret y’all don’t know.”
“When I picked her up, I looked her in the eyes. And I told her ‘Thank you.’ No, she didn’t purposely lose or anything. But that match helped me realize that I missed this business more than anything. And Bonnie Blue gave me the best damn match I’ve had in my life. She pushed me to the limit. I had no choice but to thank her, man.”
“MariQueenofScotch has the perfect question, folks. ‘Where do you stand with Bonnie?’ Well, I’ll tell y’all something. Bonnie and I never made it any secret that we were still friends. We both had some things to get off our chests and we did it. And you know what else? We went to the back and we cut up. We had a great time. After we were all cleaned up, anyway. The Time Witch treated me to some ice cream and we cleared the air on a few things. To answer your question, Bonnie is still my family. And she's still my friend. Does she make some questionable decisions? Hells yeah, but who doesn't? Do we not remember that three and a half years ago I was knocking on death's door from a pill addiction?"
“Uhm… Anyway. Yeah, Bon and I are chill… Next question?”
“OlGregsMangina says ‘You left wrestling for acting because your job was too hard. You seem to have left acting for a wrestling return because finding an acting job was too hard. Do you think maybe you’re just taking the easy route?’”
“Damn, you guys are brutal. But here ya go: No. Not one part of this has been ‘easy.’ To correct some wrong info, I left Alpha Pro to take an acting job. Is it true that I wasn’t completely into my role as the General Manager? Yeah, it is. But I didn’t quit because things got ‘too hard.’ I left because I got a role that appealed to me. Literally, it’s based on my favourite book series. THAT’S why I left the wrestling world. Not because it was ‘too hard.’ Nice try though, bud. Next question?”
“Oh, guys, come on. Leave the dude be, he’s just curious. Everybody has their days. But seriously y’all, let’s bring on the questions. Anybody, everybody, ask away! Make me think! Make me pick between two things! I don’t know, y’all, be creative.”
“Serpentine says ‘Bonnie Blue has embraced the dark path? Will you join her?’”
“Well. No. If you mean what I think you mean, no. It’s something she and I talked about after the match at Battlefield, and I’ll be honest. There was a time that I would have jumped at the chance to be like her, but that’s not me anymore. I wouldn’t even want to think about what something like that would do to Ally and August. Those two are my whole life, and I don’t want anything bad to happen. Bonnie and Rabid can do whatever they please, good on them. But I don’t so much as use my vibe powers at home. So, that ‘dark gift’ isn’t for me. I hope that’s explanation enough?”
“Well, would ya look at that? Dear ol’ Sis wants to be in here!! What do y’all say? Do we want to see everyone’s favorite ring announcer?”
“Jessie! How are you doing, Love?”
“What match?”
“Why is it you’re always the one to give me news like this? Alright. Yikes, okay…”
“Okay, you said a triple threat? What peeps am I up against? Frank? Corey Black? Smith Jones?”
“I’m sorry, what? You DID say the World Heavyweight Championship, right?”
“Okay, okay, okay. I’m done… Sorry, y’all, that shit was the epitome of ‘too good.’ Ya know? Like, let’s be honest. When you think about the Alpha Pro Wrestling heavyweight championship picture, do those two names come to mind? Hell, they don’t even come to mind when I think about the whole damn roster.”
“Well, if you really need me to... Look, these are two people that I’ve watched from the back. Aquarius more than Muertos, but all the same. Muertos, listen. I’m not going to go the easy route here. Truth be told, you seem like a pretty alright dude. But I have to be honest. I do have one problem with you. Or, honestly, it’s really with the way you see yourself.”
“You see, Muertos, you hold yourself to a higher standard than most. To be honest, at first, I respected that. But then, I noticed something. You do so because you stand on a pedestal. You act as though you stand above everyone else. Like we Americans can’t truly understand your customs. But more importantly, you act as though your faith in your God holds stronger than all others’. And that is simply disrespectful. Now, those that know me are well aware that I am not a religious man, but that does not mean I don’t have faith. I have faith in every one of my family members and close friends. I have faith in myself. But you, Muertos, seem to think that your faith in your God makes you a saint. You claim that every one of your opponents need your help. That it’s your divine right to set them straight, but buddy, that’s not how this works. That’s not how ANY of this shit works. Your job, as a religious body, is to follow. Leave it to the God which you believe is so mighty to change the path of heathens. Stay in your lane, kid. Either God works or God doesn’t. Let people do what they want, and let God do what he or she does.”
“Aside from that, dude, you’ve been killing it. The Bloodline seems like worthy opponents for you. That said, though, let’s face it. You don’t belong in this match. And I hope you don’t take this lightly, because your chances may just go out the window if you do. The man on this screen isn’t a member of the Bloodline. I’m not all talk like Jason Ryan or Aaron Blaze. I will actually destroy you, bud.”
"Because what is there to say? The man hasn’t done anything worthwhile to talk about in ages! But ya know what? Let’s do it. Let’s go in.”
“There are many different things in this world that I don’t like. I don’t like telemarketers. I don’t like cookie-eating bimbos. And I don’t like chinese finger traps. But do you know what I genuinely loathe, Jess? Do ya?”
“I genuinely loathe people like Andre Aquarius. No, you ignorant fucks, I don’t mean black people. I’m talking about counter-culture, and those who let their whole lives be dictated by it. Let me break it down for you. In a world of Political Correction, Andre Aquarius spends his time calling everybody a-”
“Well. He’s referring to everybody with very un-PC terms. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not entirely behind this PC movement, because let’s be honest. The shit has gone a little too far. But Andre, you personify one of the many problems with America: Not ignorance, per say. But stupidity. And with your lack of brainpower, you’re simply a sheep. A follower. Andre, my problem with you isn’t Red vs. Blue or anything of that nature. It’s sheer disappointment.”
“You think the things you do make you a badass. You think the things you do make you a ‘real g.’ Newsflash, you fuckin’ moron. You’re just making yourself look uneducated and ridiculous. Let me give you an example. Andre Aquarius once said, and I quote, ‘I see Yung Picasso in the makin’.’”
“Andre. That form of utter disrespect will not be tolerated. Ya see, I don’t see a young Picasso. No, not at all. You got quite a bit there wrong, my dude. First of all, you’re not an artist. You’ve got nothing to offer the world. You run purely on mid grade weed and piss poor beer while acting as though you’re on a Chardonnay and Cannabis Caviar budget, my guy. And we all see through it.
“Maybe that’s why you got booted from AW. Even Torture was fed up with a poser like you. So he kicked your ass to the curb, and you thought- YOU THOUGHT- that you could come to APW and take over. You talk as though you are this BIG signing, but what have you really brought to the table? You haven’t picked up a single win in APW. In fact, wasn’t it you who ate the pin in your Tag Tournament match? How fucking pitiful.”
“Netflix thought you would actually be something. Jason knew, though. He KNEW that half a million would be a waste. But no. Whatever Netflix exec saw your resume saw ONE thing and didn’t look at the rest. Do you know what he saw? Do you know what your only draw is, Andre?”
“#BeachKrew. Yep, that’s it, Andre. That’s literally the only reason people know your name. Not from your poor attempt at the Action Wrestling cruiserweight division. Not from your attempts to stay relevant after getting completely forgotten by the AW higher ups when it came to the rumble. No. Your fame was born, lived, and died as the bag-carrier to the legends we call #BeachKrew.”
“Yeah… Yeah. I think-”
“No. I’m not. Ya see, the saddest thing about Andre Aquarius is that he clings to that tiny bit of #BK clout. He needs it to live. But Andre, you failed to even make ‘sickwaves’ in the pond so small that Jaice Wilds was the big fish. Andre Aquarius, you’re a leech. But the Krew is gone now. So you have nothing to feed from. You’re weak. You’re famished. Your skin is so light that you’re completely transparent to me. The well-known name of SickWaves Blackamura is dead. All that remains is the small, spineless corpse of Andre Aquarius. And there’s nothing more satisfying than watching your ‘legend’ shrivel and die.”
“Is that everything you need?
“Good. Now, I gotta go cook dinner. Goodnight, Instagram. And prepare for this week on Monday Night Metal when the careers of El Muertos and Andre Aquarius…”
@kainetheguardian
“Is this thing on? Alright we're good.”
Damian fumbles with the camera, finally letting it settle.
"Okay ladies and gentlemen. This is my very first Instagram live, well ever. You know I'm used to sticking off the camera, just grabbing the microphone working on my podcast, but you know with the things going on in the world, today, I figured I would go live. Because, well. I missed you guys and wanted to see what you were up to! So I'm here to fill you guys in on the life of the “Invincible” Damian Kaine, as well as to answer a few questions that y’all, my loyal followers, have for me. Uh.. One minute...”
He turns around, looking for a black computer swivel chair. He takes a seat and turns back around to the camera.
Damian leans forward, squinting for a question. Amongst all the ‘Hi’s’, ‘Shoutouts’, and thirsty folks, Damian finally spots some.
“GregtheGoat asks ‘Why leave your easy Hollywood life for a return to wrestling?’ Well. I’m afraid it’s not like that, Gary. I’m still acting, bud. I’m actually starring in an upcoming television series based on “The Mercs of Miramir” book series by the great Donald Eucker. If y’all haven’t ready that man’s work, put ya damn phone down and culture yourselves. It’s legendary. I have the whole series right here on my bookshelf. AND I have the spin-off series, but that’s not a show quite yet.”
He motions behind him, where a shelf sits, packed end-to-end with books of various sizes and shapes.
Scanning for more questions, Damian cringes at some comments asking about illegitimate kids. He shakes his head.
He fully smiles, a rare sight.
Damian leans a little closer to the camera and whispers.
Something in the chat catches his attention.
He pauses for a moment, letting the weight of his last words sink in.
There’s a crack in his voice. He shakes his head viciously, but appears normal when he stops. He scours the chat for more questions.
He stops for a moment, the chuckles.
Radio silence as Damian scans the chat, which has momentarily shifted from questions to comments in Damian’s defence.
Damian spends the next 20 or so minutes answering small-talk questions, such as “Who is your favorite superhero?” and “When did you learn that you loved wrestling?” He’s having a good time when an interesting comment comes through the feed.
He looks blankly into the camera, somewhat shook.
Just as Damian goes to search for another question, a prompt pops on the screen.
Jessie Kaine✔ @jessintime
Would like to join your Live.
“Well, would ya look at that? Dear ol’ Sis wants to be in here!! What do y’all say? Do we want to see everyone’s favorite ring announcer?”
Damian waits for the resounding “yes” in the chat, then accepts the request. The screen splits, Damian resting at the top while the beautiful Jessica Kaine appears on screen at the bottom.
“Dame! I’m doing pretty good. Actually, I’m here on business, kind of.”
Damian looks confused.
“Well, you see, Irina told me to get in touch with you to ask you a few questions. She has started to advertise for next Monday night’s Metal show, and wanted your opinion on a match.”
“Well, if you remember last Monday night, she said you’ll figure out the details on how you have to ‘work your way up’ when the time comes. Turns out, Dame, that you’re being thrown to the wolves, so-to speak. A triple threat number-one-contender’s match for the World Heavyweight Championship.”
Flabbergasted! Dumbfounded! In shock! No words could accurately depict the feelings Damian is feeling right now.
Damian falls back into his computer chair, his palms pressed together.
“El Muertos and Andre Aquarius.”
Damian gives Jessie a look that can only be described in meme format.
“I’m sorry, what? You DID say the World Heavyweight Championship, right?”
“Yep.”
Damian explodes into laughter. Jessie (and 12.3k followers) watch on as he rolls in his chair, processing the news. He slowly maintains his composure and looks to the camera again.
“Hey, hey now. You may not be too familiar with them, but you don’t have to be a dick about it. Look, just talk about the match a little bit, okay? That way I can keep Irina off my ass.”
Damian takes a second to fully regain his breath after his laughing fit. He looks to the camera and sighs.
He rubs his chin, appearing to have only paused for dramatic effect.
Damian shakes his head.
Jessie Kaine sits on the live, quiet as Damian speaks. When he finishes, he takes a breath just long enough for Jessie to interject.
“What about the third point to this triangle? You’ve spoken on Muertos, but you’ve not said anything about Andre Aquarius.”
Damian clears his throat and cracks his neck.
“Not a clue.”
Damian pauses, unsure of how to continue this thought without being “cancelled,” as the kids are saying.
He shakes his head.
Tsk-Tsk-Tsk
“Maybe that’s why you got booted from AW. Even Torture was fed up with a poser like you. So he kicked your ass to the curb, and you thought- YOU THOUGHT- that you could come to APW and take over. You talk as though you are this BIG signing, but what have you really brought to the table? You haven’t picked up a single win in APW. In fact, wasn’t it you who ate the pin in your Tag Tournament match? How fucking pitiful.”
Damian looks dead into the camera.
Damian puts his two hands up, making a hashtag with his fingers.
“Damn, man are you done?”
He stops.
Damian slumps back in his chair and lets out a big sigh. He seems exhausted.
“Well… Irina is going to be happy!”
#FadetoBlack
