Post by TheSituation on Apr 16, 2020 18:35:33 GMT -5
Mike The Situation Matthews is dressed to the nines in a tuxedo. He’s outside a big top tent that a hundred odd people are partying in, a beer in one hand and a double whisky in the other hand.
“Hey home dogs, what a week this gonna be?! Have you heard the news? Chizzy is getting married, like right now, then Jonny Hoops and his lady friend are expecting a baby to jump out any minute now. What a week this will be for the boiiis. Oh, my bad, you wonna know what's happenin with the Sitch? What’s happening in the Alpha universe. It’s a big couple of weeks for us because...GODS OF WRESTLING IS ALMOST HERE! You know it. Aaand you can bet your life big man is punching his ticket all the way to the big show. The show of gods. I wouldn’t miss this event if Chizzy got hit by a car on his honeymoon running to the corner for rubbers. This is the night betas become alphas and alphas become legends. Look at the size of me, you think the Sitch has ever been a beta. On his night I'll walk amongst the gods. Now Chizzy, he’s a beta. Ms Chizzy is making him use the rubs on honeymoon. Haha loser. Still love him tho, probably more than she does, haha, he’s one of the boys!
Oh, my bad, you wonna know about the other news. Week long frenemies, big man the Sitch teams up with the god of wrestling himself, ma boah, SMITHY JO JO JONESIE! Woop woop, yeet! Now I know we are not one of the same. We are not even in the same club. But we’re gonna do this dance, me and Jonesy J. The dance of gods. All night bangers, you know it!”
He pounds his whisky down in one.
“Another Sitch?”
A guy walks by taking Situation’s glass to go fetch him another whisky. Sitch starts on the beer from his other hand.
“Open bar. What a mistake! My boys are about to drink Chizzy into debt tonight. You see tonight we are bringing two families together. It’s a new era, new friends. We must celebrate. And I also wonna raise a glass to The Architects. I don’t see eye to eye with them, I don’t agree with their plays. However, no one can say that these boys are not at the top of the mountain. I’m hiking, you knows it! I feel like there's a chance the Sitch can reach the summit waaay sooner than anticipated, because I'm the honorary member of The Architects this week. I was learning just fighting these bad boys. Think of the knowledge that big man is gonna gain working with them. To be on the same side of the ring as king Smithy himself. I’ll be watching every move, not from the tv screen but in the thick of the action. You can’t buy this next level training camp.
So I raise this beer. To you smithy, to you Lex Collins. On Monday we are brothers in arms. Now I know i’m not one of the boys. I’m not the crew. But i turn up. Smithy you already know i turn up! So on Monday we bros, and we’re kicking ass. I got your back, both of you. My body is on line to make sure you two, my boys, walk out with the dub.”
The guy comes back with another double whisky of Sitch. He pounds it again in one hit.
“Another please dogg. Such a celebration requires being wrecked. Plus there's a special little something with a fine booty waiting at the bar for me. Sitch is a better dancer on the brown liquid gold so i need to get my liquid courage poured in. Now, unlike fine women, I don’t need courage to step in between those ropes and knock some sense into fools. Match two I took on Smithy. Match three i took on reigning champion basic bitch Damon Warrens. Sorry the whisky is talking now. Smithy took me to the limit in a real gut check. I’m proud of that performance. Warrens is a fucking rat that took a blade to my face. He tried to rip my fingers off. He cheated because he couldn’t stand in front of me and fight man to man. Smithy did, he was the dogg on that night. Warrens is one dead cracker when i see him, the clock ticks down on his bullet. Before I retire that boy gettin capped. No respect for big man. I have no respect for that fuck boi. So this is a situation for another day because this week it’s his loss, Warrens has decided to go play stripes and left his brothers in need for a bigger, stronger, fitter stallon to join the ranks. I’m all in baby. Honorary member of the Architects, replacing that….let’s leave that.
So here’s the situation: Last’s night’s stag was wild - TEN bottles of champagne on the pre show, NINE boys on the night of their lives, EIGHT ball tournament loser pays for, SEVEN course steak dinner, SIX hundred dollar cigars, FIVE card draw poker, FOUR bloody mma cage fights, THREE elite night clubs, TWO of which the girls danced naked, and ONE partridge in a mofo-ing hennessy tree.”
He finishes the bottle of beer and places it down on a table at the edge of the big tent.
“And now tonight, well hell, we're doing it again. Whisky is flowing, girls are dancing, with clothes on this time, it is a damn wedding. I’ll wake up tomorrow a damn car crash and have three days to sober up, get in shape and put on show of the night at Metal on Monday. It’ll be a big bang, the biggest. Because i want a good match at Gods of Wrestling. To get favorable booking, I need to prove to the road agents i’m still worth the push. Two losses to The Architects mean I gotta step it up, prove to all of you I still deserve the spot management has given me. So first thing tomorrow i’m up, working out at the new home gym. Four sessions a day and a run.”
The guy comes back with a third whisky, Sitch slips him a twenty and nods. He holds on to this one instead of shotting it.
“Thinking about this, I should probably slow down on the whiskies. That run i got planned tomorrow sounds like torture. I’m gonna hurt. Hurt more than Chizzy probably. He’s gonna be soar. Oh, not because of the night of consummating his marriage, cause we got to fighting only half hour ago. You won’t believe it either, a six man brawl. Me backing up my boy Chizzy, and the wing man of the century, my boy Tyler ‘Little Bag’ Handson. The new brother in law, friggin Phil, didn’t like the best man speech and took it out on Chizzy. Two stick thin white guys had his back and thought they stood a chance against me and Little Bag. Oh, LB is almost three hundred pounds too.
I backed my boys up and I couldn't help but see Smithy and Collins there. The three of us going to war. These crackers reminded me of something, jobbers. Just like the three I stand across at Metal. I stared Phil down deep in his eyes, I wanted to see his soul. What kind of sucker pulls this crap at a wedding. Phil was the biggest guy kicking off, so you know I had to step up. Just like Soul Reaver in monday. He’s a big guy, I'm Smithy’s weapon against that giant. I’ll be battling that monster. So Phil threw the first punch, nailed me on the chin. I pictured bitch ass Warrens and tackled the bitch. Me and Phil went through a table. He landed hard, I positioned and returned my own punch back on the guy. Done it’s over. I go to get up and that little rat spits in my face. Bro you gotta know when you’ve lost.
Big Sitch gets angry, something you guys haven’t seen much of yet. So he got chokeslammed through another table. Oh damn I owe these caterers some new tables huh? Anyway one of Phil’s goons is choking my boy. Who the hell is this guy? Just like who the hell is Jordi Trash? This guy thinks he’s street tough. I’ll show him streets. I cut my teeth in Chicago. I’ve broken up more Chicago street fights than he’s had wrestling matches. And the third partner is an alien. Like, for real? Cause that’s dope. But I got a feeling it's just another lame gimmick. So I’m thinking how are these three jobbers going to stand a chance against the elite team of The Architects and the Situation? Just like these three white boys, they stand no chance. Me, LB and Chizzy kicked those fools out the wedding with a few black eyes to spare. Now let’s party on.”
Sitch throws the whisky done and holds the glass up to the camera.
“To you boys. Smithy, what a damn path we find ourselves are on. The Architects, I know you got your own shit going on but as a one night honorary member, your shit is my shit. I got your back boys. Apart from that bitch Warrens, I ain’t got no time for you. If them smoking hot hell girls turn up, I got nothing against them but for one night, I’m an Architect. So here’s the situation, it’s not if we beat these jobbers it’s how we beat them. Cause DAMN, this shit too easy. Now, I got a sexy momma to go freak, that’s my situation.”
“Hey home dogs, what a week this gonna be?! Have you heard the news? Chizzy is getting married, like right now, then Jonny Hoops and his lady friend are expecting a baby to jump out any minute now. What a week this will be for the boiiis. Oh, my bad, you wonna know what's happenin with the Sitch? What’s happening in the Alpha universe. It’s a big couple of weeks for us because...GODS OF WRESTLING IS ALMOST HERE! You know it. Aaand you can bet your life big man is punching his ticket all the way to the big show. The show of gods. I wouldn’t miss this event if Chizzy got hit by a car on his honeymoon running to the corner for rubbers. This is the night betas become alphas and alphas become legends. Look at the size of me, you think the Sitch has ever been a beta. On his night I'll walk amongst the gods. Now Chizzy, he’s a beta. Ms Chizzy is making him use the rubs on honeymoon. Haha loser. Still love him tho, probably more than she does, haha, he’s one of the boys!
Oh, my bad, you wonna know about the other news. Week long frenemies, big man the Sitch teams up with the god of wrestling himself, ma boah, SMITHY JO JO JONESIE! Woop woop, yeet! Now I know we are not one of the same. We are not even in the same club. But we’re gonna do this dance, me and Jonesy J. The dance of gods. All night bangers, you know it!”
He pounds his whisky down in one.
“Another Sitch?”
A guy walks by taking Situation’s glass to go fetch him another whisky. Sitch starts on the beer from his other hand.
“Open bar. What a mistake! My boys are about to drink Chizzy into debt tonight. You see tonight we are bringing two families together. It’s a new era, new friends. We must celebrate. And I also wonna raise a glass to The Architects. I don’t see eye to eye with them, I don’t agree with their plays. However, no one can say that these boys are not at the top of the mountain. I’m hiking, you knows it! I feel like there's a chance the Sitch can reach the summit waaay sooner than anticipated, because I'm the honorary member of The Architects this week. I was learning just fighting these bad boys. Think of the knowledge that big man is gonna gain working with them. To be on the same side of the ring as king Smithy himself. I’ll be watching every move, not from the tv screen but in the thick of the action. You can’t buy this next level training camp.
So I raise this beer. To you smithy, to you Lex Collins. On Monday we are brothers in arms. Now I know i’m not one of the boys. I’m not the crew. But i turn up. Smithy you already know i turn up! So on Monday we bros, and we’re kicking ass. I got your back, both of you. My body is on line to make sure you two, my boys, walk out with the dub.”
The guy comes back with another double whisky of Sitch. He pounds it again in one hit.
“Another please dogg. Such a celebration requires being wrecked. Plus there's a special little something with a fine booty waiting at the bar for me. Sitch is a better dancer on the brown liquid gold so i need to get my liquid courage poured in. Now, unlike fine women, I don’t need courage to step in between those ropes and knock some sense into fools. Match two I took on Smithy. Match three i took on reigning champion basic bitch Damon Warrens. Sorry the whisky is talking now. Smithy took me to the limit in a real gut check. I’m proud of that performance. Warrens is a fucking rat that took a blade to my face. He tried to rip my fingers off. He cheated because he couldn’t stand in front of me and fight man to man. Smithy did, he was the dogg on that night. Warrens is one dead cracker when i see him, the clock ticks down on his bullet. Before I retire that boy gettin capped. No respect for big man. I have no respect for that fuck boi. So this is a situation for another day because this week it’s his loss, Warrens has decided to go play stripes and left his brothers in need for a bigger, stronger, fitter stallon to join the ranks. I’m all in baby. Honorary member of the Architects, replacing that….let’s leave that.
So here’s the situation: Last’s night’s stag was wild - TEN bottles of champagne on the pre show, NINE boys on the night of their lives, EIGHT ball tournament loser pays for, SEVEN course steak dinner, SIX hundred dollar cigars, FIVE card draw poker, FOUR bloody mma cage fights, THREE elite night clubs, TWO of which the girls danced naked, and ONE partridge in a mofo-ing hennessy tree.”
He finishes the bottle of beer and places it down on a table at the edge of the big tent.
“And now tonight, well hell, we're doing it again. Whisky is flowing, girls are dancing, with clothes on this time, it is a damn wedding. I’ll wake up tomorrow a damn car crash and have three days to sober up, get in shape and put on show of the night at Metal on Monday. It’ll be a big bang, the biggest. Because i want a good match at Gods of Wrestling. To get favorable booking, I need to prove to the road agents i’m still worth the push. Two losses to The Architects mean I gotta step it up, prove to all of you I still deserve the spot management has given me. So first thing tomorrow i’m up, working out at the new home gym. Four sessions a day and a run.”
The guy comes back with a third whisky, Sitch slips him a twenty and nods. He holds on to this one instead of shotting it.
“Thinking about this, I should probably slow down on the whiskies. That run i got planned tomorrow sounds like torture. I’m gonna hurt. Hurt more than Chizzy probably. He’s gonna be soar. Oh, not because of the night of consummating his marriage, cause we got to fighting only half hour ago. You won’t believe it either, a six man brawl. Me backing up my boy Chizzy, and the wing man of the century, my boy Tyler ‘Little Bag’ Handson. The new brother in law, friggin Phil, didn’t like the best man speech and took it out on Chizzy. Two stick thin white guys had his back and thought they stood a chance against me and Little Bag. Oh, LB is almost three hundred pounds too.
I backed my boys up and I couldn't help but see Smithy and Collins there. The three of us going to war. These crackers reminded me of something, jobbers. Just like the three I stand across at Metal. I stared Phil down deep in his eyes, I wanted to see his soul. What kind of sucker pulls this crap at a wedding. Phil was the biggest guy kicking off, so you know I had to step up. Just like Soul Reaver in monday. He’s a big guy, I'm Smithy’s weapon against that giant. I’ll be battling that monster. So Phil threw the first punch, nailed me on the chin. I pictured bitch ass Warrens and tackled the bitch. Me and Phil went through a table. He landed hard, I positioned and returned my own punch back on the guy. Done it’s over. I go to get up and that little rat spits in my face. Bro you gotta know when you’ve lost.
Big Sitch gets angry, something you guys haven’t seen much of yet. So he got chokeslammed through another table. Oh damn I owe these caterers some new tables huh? Anyway one of Phil’s goons is choking my boy. Who the hell is this guy? Just like who the hell is Jordi Trash? This guy thinks he’s street tough. I’ll show him streets. I cut my teeth in Chicago. I’ve broken up more Chicago street fights than he’s had wrestling matches. And the third partner is an alien. Like, for real? Cause that’s dope. But I got a feeling it's just another lame gimmick. So I’m thinking how are these three jobbers going to stand a chance against the elite team of The Architects and the Situation? Just like these three white boys, they stand no chance. Me, LB and Chizzy kicked those fools out the wedding with a few black eyes to spare. Now let’s party on.”
Sitch throws the whisky done and holds the glass up to the camera.
“To you boys. Smithy, what a damn path we find ourselves are on. The Architects, I know you got your own shit going on but as a one night honorary member, your shit is my shit. I got your back boys. Apart from that bitch Warrens, I ain’t got no time for you. If them smoking hot hell girls turn up, I got nothing against them but for one night, I’m an Architect. So here’s the situation, it’s not if we beat these jobbers it’s how we beat them. Cause DAMN, this shit too easy. Now, I got a sexy momma to go freak, that’s my situation.”
