Post by The Trash King on Apr 11, 2020 18:15:10 GMT -5
The cameraman pulls his car into the address he was given. Checks it again.
Cameraman: This can't be right.
He looks around... he is in the South Haven dump. A scuffy white trash looking man notices him spits on the ground.
Cameraman: You must be... Jordi Trash?
Trash: I am the fucking trash king! You fucking show me fucking respect and address me as such fucker. You're early!
Cameraman: According to my watch I'm 15 minutes late.
Trash: Fuck your watch.. watches are for fucking pussies. Are you a fucking pussy?
Cameraman: No
Trash: You look like a fucking pussy to me. I tell time according to the sun and it says you are an hour early.
Cameraman: The sun isn't even out.
Trash: Shut up! It's been a long time since I've done an interview so I'm gonna do my vocal exercises first.
Cameraman: Vocal exercises?
Trash: Sit down on that fucking couch.. and let me do my work.
Jordi points in the direction of a filthy couch with a spring hanging out.
Cameraman: That couch?
Trash: You got a fucking problem with my couch fucking college boy?
Cameraman: Are you making fun of the fact I got an education?
Trash: SIT THE FUCK DOWN!
The cameraman decides to appease the unhinged redneck and he does indeed sit down on the couch mentally noting to get a tetanus shot later. Jordi coughs and then..
Trash: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Cameraman: Umm... your vocal exercise is just repeatedly cursing? I don't know if we can put that on television.
Trash: I don't fucking care.
Cameraman: Well..
The cameraman tries to search for some words to guide the interview along.
Cameraman: You have a ummm.. match this week.
Trash: You fucking suck at your job.
Cameraman: I suck? Dude.. you live in a dump. You do know that APW pays for it's wrestlers to get hotel rooms, right?
Trash: Hotels are for fucking pussies! I take that hotel money save it and fucking come to the dump. Rent is fucking free here. All the other fucking suckers can pay for shit. The Trash King don't need no creature comforts like them other fuckers in my match this week. The fact that they stay in hotels, probably eat at fancy restaurants.. it makes them soft. Ya think Jordi Trash is fucking soft? Well answer me fucking college boy!
Cameraman: Umm.. No.. I guess.
Trash: You fucking guess? Are you not sure of yourself? Are you sure you aren't one of my opponents this week?
Cameraman: Yeah.. I'm not a wrestler.
Trash: Ya think those fuckers are? This is my first fucking match here and I already accomplished as much fucking shit as any of them. Sarah Rogers..
Cameraman: It's Sarah Roberts.
Trash: Don't you fucking interupt the fucking Trash King fucking college boy. I'll smack the fucking taste out of your fucking mouth just like I'm gonna do to all them fuckers in the ring tonight.
Cameraman: You aren't wrestling tonight.. the show is... owww
The Trash King does indeed slap the cameraman.
Trash: I fucking warned ya! The Trash King don't need your fucking disrespect. Just like he don't need any disrespect from Sarah Robot.
Cameraman: It's Sarah Roberts. Owww
The Trash King delivers a second slap.
Trash: You don't fucking learn do ya college boy? What do they fucking teach ya in college anyways?
Cameraman: Not to interview people in dumps?
The cameraman raises his hands to ward off the next blow but Jordi just laughs.
Trash: See fucker.. you learning respect. Just like my opponents should. I keep getting that fucker Sarah's name wrong because it don't fucking matter. Just like her supposed great fucking wrestling history. I ain't fucking impressed. So she fucking won titles elsewhere. Big fucking deal. This fucking match in APW is gonna be her last fucking match I promise that. Because I'm gonna end Sherry Roberts! Fucking end her hard.
Cameraman: Was.. that a sex joke?
Trash: You gross fuck. I don't want to fucking fuck my opponents. I just want to fuck her up. I'll all about fucking hurting people and fucking making money.
Cameraman: And not spending it.
Trash: Finally! You fucking get it! See.. I ain't fucking dumb. Unlike Roberts.. I actually got a fucking plan for success. Her fucking plan was probably show up get her fucking ass kicked then sneak out the back fucking door so she never has to see Jordi fucking Trash again! Good fucking plan you talentless fucking bitch.
Ever the master of the segways Jordi unleashes this gem.
Trash: Speaking of talentless fucking bitches We have the fucking Boss Latoya Hixx or some shit. She honestly fucking thinks she's the boss. What the fuck has she ever done that made her the fucking boss. Because I fucking seen Hixx and I don't fucking think she could be the fucking boss of a fucking McDonalds. That fucker couldn't win at making a fucking mcmuffin let alone win a fucking match. Has she ever won a fucking match?
Cameraman: Is that a rhetoral question?
Trash: Don't be a fucking smartass. That's a serious fucking question. Everything I see Hixx she's getting her fucking ass kicked. Either she's tough or she's too fucking quit to know when to fucking give up. I don't fucking care which it is because I'll fucking beat on her worthless ass all fucking night if I have to.
Cameraman: That had to be a sex reference.
Trash: Get your fucking mind out of the fucking gutter. This is about fucking business! This is about making a fucking statement about what a fucking badass The Trash King fucking is. If I have to fucking beat Latoya last so many other fucking people have done before then I'm gonna fucking do it! This may be fucking sloppy seconds but Jordi don't fucking care. I'm gonna fucking devour this fucking bitch then spit her the fuck out because nobody wants the boss in any fucking form. I'm not saying she fucking sucks but she fucking sucks. That ain't a sex joke either fucker. The only fucking joke is Latoya Hixx and nobody is even fucking laughing at her anymore. The fucking joke just got sad. I heard she's fucking world famous.
Cameraman: So.. you're impressed by Latoya?
Trash: I didn't fucking say that fucking stupid. I said she's fucking world famous.. she's been in damn near every fucking wrestling federation in the fucking world because they only want to fucking bother employing her for so fucking long because she's so fucking terrible! Hixx ain't never done not fucking good thing with her life. Unless you count the fact she and fucking John Blade didn't fuck and have fucking kids. Because that would be fucking terrible. So maybe I'll take it a little fucking easier on her then I will on Roberts because at least she fucking did one thing right. She's a bigger waste of time then that yes man Troy Butler who is always kissing her fucking ass in interviews. He probably hits fucking harder though. You got any actual questions or are you just drawing a fucking paycheque for fucking nothing college boy?
Cameraman: What about your last opponent Vincent Vayne?
Trash: That's your fucking question? You are as fucking lazy as Vincent ain't ya?
Cameraman: Was that a question?
Another slap
Trash: Don't be a fucking smartass. If I want a fucking answer I'll ask for one. I'd give you a real fucking beating except for the fact you ain't as fucking lazy as Vincent. He started a fucking fight with Z Mac and couldn't fucking finish it.. the lazy fuck. You don't start a fucking fight you can't fucking finish you fucking pansy. You got a fucking title shot in your first match and you were such a fucking embarassment that L Verez and fucking Spartan had to fucking get involved just to fucking make things fucking entertaining! That was your first fucking impression Vincent? Fucking half assing things? Well the fucking Trashman gives the full fucking ass every time! Your ass is fucked is what I fucking intend on saying. You had one fucking chance at winning a fucking title. I'm gonna make sure your fucking slacker ass never gets another fucking one! That's the best you fucking got when the title is on the line you ain't got fucking nothing for the Trash King then. I saw your fucking best and to be honest.. it fucking sucked. Not like Alpha Pro Wrestling though.
Cameraman: I don't really get where you're going with that.
Trash: I'm paying them a fucking compliment dipshit. They were fucking smart enough to let Jordi Trash start the show off. That's the fucking way to kick things off fucking right. Me beating the shit outta three fuckers at the same fucking time. That's fucking sets the tone for the night. Then after I finish fucking beating their asses.. I can take a free fucking shower.. maybe steal a couple of dozen fucking sandwiches from catering then hit the fucking road a fucking winner.
Cameraman: That's your idea of a successful night?
Trash: You got a fucking problem with that?
Cameraman: No... I don't.
Trash: No.. I don't what?
Cameraman: No.. I don't Trash King.
Trash: That's fucking better. See the Trash King follows the KIFSS method. Keep It Fucking Simple Stupid. I'm gonna destroy some fuckers, shower, then eat. Simple. My fucking opponents they gonna have all these complicated plans but they aren't gonna be able to follow though. My plans so simple even an idiot can do it. So certainly the king of trash can! I think it's time for you to fucking beat it before it gets dark out and my little friends tear you apart the same way I'm gonna tear up those fucking chumps in the fucking ring tonight.
The cameraman looks around noticing an army of red eyes on him. He starts to retreat.
Cameraman: Are those...
Trash: You don't want to fucking know..
Cameraman: Umm.. okay Mister Trash King sir.
Trash: That's more fucking like it! See you finally learned some fucking respect for the fucking Trash King! My opponent they gonna learn some fucking respect too. The Trash King is gonna be the king of the fucking opening match this week. I'm already the champion of fucks.
Cameraman: That's not a real title.
Trash: I done said fuck fucking 185 times. I fucking earned it.
Cameraman: You kept count while you were talking..
Trash: Yeah. I always keep count on what's fucking important. That's the lesson my opponents are gonna learn this week. When the trashman cometh.. all them pieces of human garbage.. well they be fucked. You understand? Everybody is gonna learn about the Trash King's greatness sooner or later. The first lesson for them fuckers on the APW roster is this fucking Monday night. Now... Get!
