Post by Breezy on Mar 22, 2020 18:54:31 GMT -5
You're Not Gonna Betty Sue Me! (Metal RP)
We open with a shot of Eli Beazley sitting at a kitchen table. From the side Eli looks to be in rough shape. His hair is messy and he is wearing an oversized bath rope. One single light is on in the room. The light hangs above the table and shines down on Eli and the table. This creates a very dramatic effect. Eli is alone in the room. The Jr. Heavyweight Championship is resting in the chair next to Eli. The camera zooms in on pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby that rests empty on the table in front of him. Orville Peck’s “Nothing Fades Like the Light” is playing through the speakers on his phone. The camera spins to the front of Eli and we see that his eye are closed and he is whisper singing along with the song.
“Some say I should learn to cry
But I only learned how to fight
And I know everything must die
But nothing fades like the light”
Eli continues to listen to the music with his eyes closed for several seconds. Finally, the music is interrupted by the voice of the man holding the camera.
“Tough match last week, Huh? How are you hanging in there?”
Eli’s eyes open as he becomes ‘aware’ of the camera for the first time. Eli smiles as he pauses the music on his phone.
“Yeah, a loss is always tough. Honestly, it’s my first ‘real’ loss in APW.”
“Ice cream and sad music? It’s like you’re going through a breakup.”
Eli looks a little caught off guard.
“I start every day with a pint of the ol’ Ben and Jerry. Chubby Hubby is my go-to. But I have also been known to crush their pistachio flavor and don’t get me started on my love of Phish food!”
“You eat a pint every day?”
“Yeah man! Some people drink coffee… I eat ice cream. There is no real difference besides a little sugar. It’s my vice. And the music wasn’t sad. It’s Oriville Peck. One of country music’s hidden gems. I’m not depressed over the loss or anything like that. Sure it’s hard to swallow. It makes you re-evaluate things a little but at the end of the day all you can do is move forward! Which is what I am doing this week. Moving forward. Which I suspect is why you’ve got that camera pointed at me!”
Eli suddenly jumps off of the chair. He flips the bathrobe off his shoulders, runs his hands through his hair a few times and BAM just like that we have the ‘Breezy’ Eli Beazley that we are used to seeing. He is even wearing his ring gear. Which does seem a little out of place in the middle of a kitchen but whatev.
“Alexa, Lights ON!!”
And just like that the kitchen is well illuminated and ready for promo cuttin’.
“Breeziacs! We took a loss last week! There is no running from it. I feel like I let down Mr. E and you guys. I know that The Architects are the best APW has and there ain’t no shame in losing to them, but man I thought we had it! I really did. And I could sit here all day eating ice cream and feeling bad for myself, but that ain’t the Breezy way. The Breezy way, or the Way of the Breeze as I am calling it in my forthcoming book Eli Beazley: The Way of the Breeze and You, is never going to leave you sitting around feeling bad for yourself. The Way of the Breeze is all about accepting setback as learning experiences. Sure the #1 Rule in the Way of the Breeze is to ALWAYS win but rules 2-38 are all about what happens when you don’t always win. After my little ‘setback’ on Monday Night I spent a little time reflecting on the match. I know it’s not ‘cool’ to study but I did watch the match a time or two. Because at the end of the day that match doesn’t affect my long term goal of being the best wrestler in APW. I’m no fool, picking up a win over The Architects would have sure raised the Eli Beazley stock, but those wins will come. But for now, we focus on what is immediately in front of us! And that is a singles match this Monday night against Alex Scott.”
“Breeziacs, I don’t know your take on this but in my eyes, I am a better professional wrestler than Alex Scott. He’s a great competitor. Hell, he held this very belt. *Holds up Jr. Heavyweight Championship* If I am not careful this week I could very well end up with another loss. This is a classic trap game.”
We get a pause from Eli.
“If you’re not familiar with a trap game let me give you a brief overview. This is a popular term in sports. This refers to a game where a better team could be in danger of losing to a less talented team. I’m talking about the type of matchup that if played 100 times the better team is winning 95 of those games. A trap game usually takes place either before or after a team has a big time game. For example, the 49ers and the New Orleans Saints played in one of the biggest games of the year. They were the #1 and #2 teams in their conference. It was a huge game. The final score was 48 to 46. 49ers won at the end of the game. It was the talk of the NFL. What happened the next week? The 49ers lost to the Atlanta Falcons. In case you didn’t know, the Falcons were not very good last year and had NO BUSINESS beating the 49ers. They just happened to play the 49ers after this huge, emotional game. The 49ers got a little too confident and overlooked the Falcons and they ended up getting their assess kicked. That is the perfect example of a trap game. If the Falcons and 49ers played 100 times I think the Niners win 99 of those games.”
“This match with Alex Scott has all the warning signs of a trap game. I am coming off what could be seen as one of the biggest matches of my career. Even though it was a loss, it took a lot of energy and focus. At first glance, it might appear to be the perfect match to bounce back with. And after hanging with the Architects, wrestling Alex Scott may not appear to be much of a challenge. But I know better than that. I know better than to assume a match is going to be easy.”
Eli shifts so that he is looking more directly at the camera.
“Alex, I know better than to overlook you. Bro, if I do look past you then I am in trouble. If I’m not one hundred percent focused when we step in the ring you will kick my ass. And Alex I think guys like you are insanely dangerous. You’re kind of quiet. You keep to yourself in the back. You’re the typical lone wolf type. And Alex guys like you are able to catch people off guard. It’s happened to me before. Her name was Betty Sue and she kicked my ass. Now I should point out that this wasn’t in the ring. This was in the Bingo hall. But god damn did she spank me that day. Alex, you should know that I take my Bingo very seriously. Betty Sue was kind of like you. Quiet, calculated and tenacious. She may have been 88 but she covered those squares with the vivaciousness of a 65 year old.”
“I overlooked her. I admit that. When I sat down to play that day I thought I was untouchable. I saw Betty Sue in the corner, but didn’t pay her any attention. She won the first game. Old timers luck I thought. The second game I was sitting pretty. I was one tile away from the win. All I needed was to hit with Two Little Ducks (22). I HAD it. Then I didn’t. The numbers came out. She picked up the Dancing Queen (17) and then won it with the Two Fat Ladies (88). I didn’t win a game all day. Betty Sue won all but one game that day, and the only reason she didn’t win that one game was because of a pacemaker issue. But you know what happened the next time I crossed path with Betty Sue? I beat her so bad she cried. Seriously, she cried. It could have been because of all the geriatric related slurs I yelled at her, but it was most likely because of the sheer domination with which I handed my business that day.”
“Alex, you’re not going to Betty Sue me. I see you coming from a mile away. I’m ready for you. I know that you see me as a way to prove yourself. I know that you think beating me would prove that you deserve a shot at this belt. And Alex, maybe you do. That’s not for me to decide. I’ll defend it against whomever they throw at me. But Alex, you’re not going to prove anything Monday night other than the fact that you’re just not as good as the Breezster. You will come up short. Plain and simple.”
“I’m looking forward to Monday night Alex. I am looking forward to a great fight. I am looking forward to you and I tearing down the house. And Alex, I am looking forward to getting back in the winning column. Alex. I will see you Monday night! Breezy Out.”
Fade to black.
*Note: I am still pretty sick. Please excuse any blaring typos. I will fix them later.*
We open with a shot of Eli Beazley sitting at a kitchen table. From the side Eli looks to be in rough shape. His hair is messy and he is wearing an oversized bath rope. One single light is on in the room. The light hangs above the table and shines down on Eli and the table. This creates a very dramatic effect. Eli is alone in the room. The Jr. Heavyweight Championship is resting in the chair next to Eli. The camera zooms in on pint of Ben and Jerry’s Chubby Hubby that rests empty on the table in front of him. Orville Peck’s “Nothing Fades Like the Light” is playing through the speakers on his phone. The camera spins to the front of Eli and we see that his eye are closed and he is whisper singing along with the song.
“Some say I should learn to cry
But I only learned how to fight
And I know everything must die
But nothing fades like the light”
Eli continues to listen to the music with his eyes closed for several seconds. Finally, the music is interrupted by the voice of the man holding the camera.
“Tough match last week, Huh? How are you hanging in there?”
Eli’s eyes open as he becomes ‘aware’ of the camera for the first time. Eli smiles as he pauses the music on his phone.
“Yeah, a loss is always tough. Honestly, it’s my first ‘real’ loss in APW.”
“Ice cream and sad music? It’s like you’re going through a breakup.”
Eli looks a little caught off guard.
“I start every day with a pint of the ol’ Ben and Jerry. Chubby Hubby is my go-to. But I have also been known to crush their pistachio flavor and don’t get me started on my love of Phish food!”
“You eat a pint every day?”
“Yeah man! Some people drink coffee… I eat ice cream. There is no real difference besides a little sugar. It’s my vice. And the music wasn’t sad. It’s Oriville Peck. One of country music’s hidden gems. I’m not depressed over the loss or anything like that. Sure it’s hard to swallow. It makes you re-evaluate things a little but at the end of the day all you can do is move forward! Which is what I am doing this week. Moving forward. Which I suspect is why you’ve got that camera pointed at me!”
Eli suddenly jumps off of the chair. He flips the bathrobe off his shoulders, runs his hands through his hair a few times and BAM just like that we have the ‘Breezy’ Eli Beazley that we are used to seeing. He is even wearing his ring gear. Which does seem a little out of place in the middle of a kitchen but whatev.
“Alexa, Lights ON!!”
And just like that the kitchen is well illuminated and ready for promo cuttin’.
“Breeziacs! We took a loss last week! There is no running from it. I feel like I let down Mr. E and you guys. I know that The Architects are the best APW has and there ain’t no shame in losing to them, but man I thought we had it! I really did. And I could sit here all day eating ice cream and feeling bad for myself, but that ain’t the Breezy way. The Breezy way, or the Way of the Breeze as I am calling it in my forthcoming book Eli Beazley: The Way of the Breeze and You, is never going to leave you sitting around feeling bad for yourself. The Way of the Breeze is all about accepting setback as learning experiences. Sure the #1 Rule in the Way of the Breeze is to ALWAYS win but rules 2-38 are all about what happens when you don’t always win. After my little ‘setback’ on Monday Night I spent a little time reflecting on the match. I know it’s not ‘cool’ to study but I did watch the match a time or two. Because at the end of the day that match doesn’t affect my long term goal of being the best wrestler in APW. I’m no fool, picking up a win over The Architects would have sure raised the Eli Beazley stock, but those wins will come. But for now, we focus on what is immediately in front of us! And that is a singles match this Monday night against Alex Scott.”
“Breeziacs, I don’t know your take on this but in my eyes, I am a better professional wrestler than Alex Scott. He’s a great competitor. Hell, he held this very belt. *Holds up Jr. Heavyweight Championship* If I am not careful this week I could very well end up with another loss. This is a classic trap game.”
We get a pause from Eli.
“If you’re not familiar with a trap game let me give you a brief overview. This is a popular term in sports. This refers to a game where a better team could be in danger of losing to a less talented team. I’m talking about the type of matchup that if played 100 times the better team is winning 95 of those games. A trap game usually takes place either before or after a team has a big time game. For example, the 49ers and the New Orleans Saints played in one of the biggest games of the year. They were the #1 and #2 teams in their conference. It was a huge game. The final score was 48 to 46. 49ers won at the end of the game. It was the talk of the NFL. What happened the next week? The 49ers lost to the Atlanta Falcons. In case you didn’t know, the Falcons were not very good last year and had NO BUSINESS beating the 49ers. They just happened to play the 49ers after this huge, emotional game. The 49ers got a little too confident and overlooked the Falcons and they ended up getting their assess kicked. That is the perfect example of a trap game. If the Falcons and 49ers played 100 times I think the Niners win 99 of those games.”
“This match with Alex Scott has all the warning signs of a trap game. I am coming off what could be seen as one of the biggest matches of my career. Even though it was a loss, it took a lot of energy and focus. At first glance, it might appear to be the perfect match to bounce back with. And after hanging with the Architects, wrestling Alex Scott may not appear to be much of a challenge. But I know better than that. I know better than to assume a match is going to be easy.”
Eli shifts so that he is looking more directly at the camera.
“Alex, I know better than to overlook you. Bro, if I do look past you then I am in trouble. If I’m not one hundred percent focused when we step in the ring you will kick my ass. And Alex I think guys like you are insanely dangerous. You’re kind of quiet. You keep to yourself in the back. You’re the typical lone wolf type. And Alex guys like you are able to catch people off guard. It’s happened to me before. Her name was Betty Sue and she kicked my ass. Now I should point out that this wasn’t in the ring. This was in the Bingo hall. But god damn did she spank me that day. Alex, you should know that I take my Bingo very seriously. Betty Sue was kind of like you. Quiet, calculated and tenacious. She may have been 88 but she covered those squares with the vivaciousness of a 65 year old.”
“I overlooked her. I admit that. When I sat down to play that day I thought I was untouchable. I saw Betty Sue in the corner, but didn’t pay her any attention. She won the first game. Old timers luck I thought. The second game I was sitting pretty. I was one tile away from the win. All I needed was to hit with Two Little Ducks (22). I HAD it. Then I didn’t. The numbers came out. She picked up the Dancing Queen (17) and then won it with the Two Fat Ladies (88). I didn’t win a game all day. Betty Sue won all but one game that day, and the only reason she didn’t win that one game was because of a pacemaker issue. But you know what happened the next time I crossed path with Betty Sue? I beat her so bad she cried. Seriously, she cried. It could have been because of all the geriatric related slurs I yelled at her, but it was most likely because of the sheer domination with which I handed my business that day.”
“Alex, you’re not going to Betty Sue me. I see you coming from a mile away. I’m ready for you. I know that you see me as a way to prove yourself. I know that you think beating me would prove that you deserve a shot at this belt. And Alex, maybe you do. That’s not for me to decide. I’ll defend it against whomever they throw at me. But Alex, you’re not going to prove anything Monday night other than the fact that you’re just not as good as the Breezster. You will come up short. Plain and simple.”
“I’m looking forward to Monday night Alex. I am looking forward to a great fight. I am looking forward to you and I tearing down the house. And Alex, I am looking forward to getting back in the winning column. Alex. I will see you Monday night! Breezy Out.”
Fade to black.
*Note: I am still pretty sick. Please excuse any blaring typos. I will fix them later.*
