Post by lajohnnystylez on Mar 12, 2020 4:04:10 GMT -5
Alpha Pro Wrestling! What a got damn day it is for you! We know you feel as though you have seen more than you fair share of historical occurrences after being open for the past year, and here you are still going very strong. However! Today is the day you find out how sadly mistaken you all were to feel as though anything has or will ever compare to the moment you are moments away from witnessing! Because the speculation and rumors are true. The man known around the world as The DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT LA Johnny Stylez has decided to briefly step away from Outlaw Pro Wrestling to step through the ropes at APW to once again resume active competition. Johnny was last seen flying up the ranks in that portable toilet of a wrestling promotion known as Action Wrestling...But as it turns out the asshats who run that shithole have about as much class as a got damn
But believe it or not I came here to do more than just state the OBVIOUS! So we will move on from the sorest subject in the industry into the best one...Which of course is none other than
Because just my presence alone brings a certain amount of attention! Your locker room is now uneasy because the one person in this business that is what so many countless other douche bags insist but are only pretending to be! The main reason my name tends to garner attention any and everywhere I go is due to my impeccable ability to verbally assault people so profoundly that after I’m finished spitting my venom the figure of speech manifests into their reality as they take their hand and rub it against their left and or right ass cheek to find that
My ability to verbally abuse useless shit bags like the phuckin splooge sock they have me making my debut against named Jason Ryan is just one on a very long list of real life
And spoiler alert if you are sitting there watching this breathing through your mouth wondering if I am talking to or about you...Then I assure you the answer is yes! Because yeah sure I know one or two of the dipshits on the Alpha Pro Wrestling roster, but on the other side of the coin those select few dip shits that I know..Know me right back...Which is great news because that means they can save me some time trouble, and aggravation by letting you all know first hand that as much as you think you want to step to me and try and shut me up...The juice ultimately won’t be worth the squeeze because aside from the simple fact that most of if not all of you couldn’t
But also because at the end of the day what your pursuit will ultimately cost you. As you can see I am and always have been something of a straight shooter. I tell it like it is at all times! And one of the reasons I have accomplished as much as I have in this business (which if you are really interested in reading my list of accolades check the eWrestling encyclopedia my fans made me a page ten years ago...and got almost all of it right too) not just because I’m better with words than most of you are at anything! But also because I am a savage, ruthless, selfish, low-blowing SuMMa BITCH! Because I understand what most of you don’t and that is the one and only thing that matters in our line of work is one thing and one thing only
...Which also bleeds in to humanity’s golden rule...That clearly states whoever phuckin HAS it is the one who phuckin MAKES EM! And since the only rules I ever follow are my own, it’s typically sooner rather than later gold and myself just seem to find one another!
But would you look at me getting so far ahead of myself! Just shooting my mouth off...One thing I like to always say is that especially in the business of professional wrestling one common saying is more true here than in any other line of work save used car sales and that is the simple fact that
But yes talk is very much so cheap and perhaps that is the reason everyone buys it. Or when you have useless wet rags like Alex Richards, and Zombie McWORTHLESS constantly running their mouths I for one strangely find myself suddenly envious of DEAF PEOPLE! Because truly during one of their slapass promo’s the members of our society who are hearing impared are the only ones who win in that situation. But still for as bad as those two are. And really you don’t get any more bottom of the barrell then those two inbred oversized
Look we will get to that Lost Episode of the GIlmore Girls of a human being in just a second, first I gotta paint a pretty picture for ya. Ya see earlier I said I was more of a straight shooter. But today being my official on camera debut for Alpha Pro Wrestling I thought why not for once go the extra mile for them, so they can sit back and rejoice as they finally after a little over 365 they finally have some actual star power instead of two over the hill been there done that mother phuckers who are still running around in their WcF tighty whities! So today I took you to the only place I could think of where we could speak together, or really you all listen to the GOSPEL you’ve needed to hear your entire lives while also managing to drive the point home metaphorically!
So the scene opens inside of Jim’s Firearm’s in Baton Rouge Louisiana. I had just purchased a brand new .45 and I had spent the better part of the afternoon cleaning it making a few adjustments, and getting ready to test out these new armor piercing hollow points that I would love to blow holes in Alex Richards head to prove there is nothing up there except maybe a half eaten snickers and naked pictures of Odin Balfore!
So as I finishing pressing the 17th bullet into the clip I slam it up the handle into the barrell of the gun and then pull it back making that sexy cocking sound that firearms make. I then put on the required protective eye ware and remove my black backwards NEW ORLEANS SAINTS hait and let my blue hair hang in my face. I press the orange button on the side of the wall putting the targets at the furthest distance between myself and the end of the range. I see the still photos of Jason Ryan I was able to get in surpluss from ALPHA PRO WRESTLING’s merchandise staff due Jason Ryan being as entertaining as a 45 minute detailed lecture on
Because let me just come out and say whatever one else is thinking and just not saying because yall are afraid this dude is going to find a bridge or a building to fling himself off of...When don’t worry guys I’ll make sure he thinks about it good and hard and after this promo end’s immediaely asks Alexa to help him find the closst bridge...But due to the fact that Jason Ryan is such an uncharasmatic douche bag...Even Alexa will tell this stupid shit eating peacock to
SO I take a breathe and lightly squeeze the trigger six times moving the pistol in the direction of the three targets each time. I notice the new handle I put on my gun and the light trigger made it a much more enjoyable weapon to fire. I see three bulletholes right in Jason Ryan’s stupid face as I pull the middle target up close to take a look for myself. I look at this Panic at the Disco PUSSY and just shake my head and laugh as this phuckin MAMA’s boy who dresses like the lead singer of Judas Priest’s
But ya know I can only imagine Jason is sitting somewhere right now listening to this wondering how in the hell I know so much about him? Where do I get off telling people Jason Ryan couldn’t phuckin draw even if he was a
When I was making my selection of which wrestling promotion to join, I came to Alpha Pro Wrestling’s website and I clicked on the roster page which lead me to you...And when I clicked on your name there was a link to your most recently cut promos and well let’s just say I caught your last one...And when I tell you I can’t recall the last time I heard such a stereotypical, pathetic, unaccountable, immature rant I was being forced against my will to watch an episode of Honey Boo Boo in an airport...or was it a Zombie McMorris promo?....Bah
Other than the fact once upon a time Honey Boo-Boo used to = RATINGS! LA Johnny Stylez so Jason...I know I just got here...But come on...Tell Uncle Johnny what it is you are bitching about? You have decided to quit following their rules because they booked you in a triple threat match that had no meaning to it? Because of some failure you suffered before that? Well ya see ya phuckin idiiot the way it works in this business is...If you want matches that mean something you have to first win the ones that don’t! But if you can’t even win those...The when they put you in the ring with their bigger names you’ll get butt raped so bad you’ll know exactly how your mother felt the night she got fired from Waffle House for finally telling one of the managers she wasn’t allowed to give handjobs while he worked the grill anymore!
But irregardless kiddo...Here is the deal I wanted to sit here and cut that promo to pieces but what good is that going to do? BEcause you’ll hear this and do your best to come out here and tell me what an idiot I am for speaking to you in such a manner...And then we can both let you pretend that you aren’t the freshest and biggest piece of jobber shit in the Alpha Pro Wrestling’s ass crack right now...And right after I phuckin do everyone around here a favor and finally flush you...You need to sit back, get a pen and some paper and take some notes, because for once you have someone who can actually show you how its done!
But the point I’m trying to make here Jason. Is you are one of the reasons I decided to sign a contract here with Alpha Pro Wrestling! Not because I viewed stepping into the ring with you as any kind of honor, because if we are being real with one another I feel it’s the exact opposite! I haven’t had my time such rudely wasted since I tried to talk to Torture about anything related to my career in ACTION WRESTLING. No you helped me decide to come to APW, because your promo said one thing and one thing to me only...And that Jason is that one thing you are in desperate need of if what will probably amount to being the most horrendous, humiliating, demeaning, and unrelenting
And that my friend is why I’m The DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT...and why I am the besy to ever lace up a pair of phuckin wrestling boots. Cause I know how to make alleged mega stars like Zombie McDoucheCanoe...and then teary eyed mamma’s boys like you and beat them down like you were he same person...Which as far as I’m concerned I can’t really tell the difference myself because watching either of you preform or do anything is about as entertaining as an
Therefore it is up to me...To show the APW fans and Administration alike that they no longer have to sit there and air your sorry asses on television pretending like your names are worth the money they lost making merchandise that even homeless people wont sleep on! So Jason get read because I am about to give you one of the most significant moments of your insignificant existence when I get you in the center of that ring Monday Night and I phuckin force you to
Because your new one HAS JUST ARRIVED! See ya in the ring SHIT BAG...and ohh yeah as always don’t forget
...It’s Been Your PLea$uRE!!!!
!!!!SeNiOR F’N SKiP DAY!!!!
AnD ANyONE STuPID ENoUGh TO HaNG ARoUND LoNGeR THaN 5 MiNZ KNOWZ THAT!
But believe it or not I came here to do more than just state the OBVIOUS! So we will move on from the sorest subject in the industry into the best one...Which of course is none other than
!!!!YOURZ TRULY!!!!
...THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU THANK ME FOR JOINING YOU!!!
Because just my presence alone brings a certain amount of attention! Your locker room is now uneasy because the one person in this business that is what so many countless other douche bags insist but are only pretending to be! The main reason my name tends to garner attention any and everywhere I go is due to my impeccable ability to verbally assault people so profoundly that after I’m finished spitting my venom the figure of speech manifests into their reality as they take their hand and rub it against their left and or right ass cheek to find that
!!!!!THEIR BUTT IS ACTUALLY F’N HURTING!!!!
...It’S a GiFT...NO A TALENT...NAH...A REASON! YES THAT’S IT!
My ability to verbally abuse useless shit bags like the phuckin splooge sock they have me making my debut against named Jason Ryan is just one on a very long list of real life
!!!!!R.E.A.S.O.N.Z.!!!!!
OF WHY I AM, AND ALWAYS WILL BE #BeTTeRTHANu!!!
And spoiler alert if you are sitting there watching this breathing through your mouth wondering if I am talking to or about you...Then I assure you the answer is yes! Because yeah sure I know one or two of the dipshits on the Alpha Pro Wrestling roster, but on the other side of the coin those select few dip shits that I know..Know me right back...Which is great news because that means they can save me some time trouble, and aggravation by letting you all know first hand that as much as you think you want to step to me and try and shut me up...The juice ultimately won’t be worth the squeeze because aside from the simple fact that most of if not all of you couldn’t
!!!!!F’N SHUT ME UP!!!!!
EVeN IF YOU CoMBiNED YoUR EFFoRTZ AND WeRe ALL CaRRyiNG STAPLERZ!!!!
But also because at the end of the day what your pursuit will ultimately cost you. As you can see I am and always have been something of a straight shooter. I tell it like it is at all times! And one of the reasons I have accomplished as much as I have in this business (which if you are really interested in reading my list of accolades check the eWrestling encyclopedia my fans made me a page ten years ago...and got almost all of it right too) not just because I’m better with words than most of you are at anything! But also because I am a savage, ruthless, selfish, low-blowing SuMMa BITCH! Because I understand what most of you don’t and that is the one and only thing that matters in our line of work is one thing and one thing only
!!!!!V.I.C.T.O.R.Y.!!!!!!
TO THE VICTOR GOES THE SPOILS, AND APPARENTLY ARE THE AUTHORS OF HISTORY
...Which also bleeds in to humanity’s golden rule...That clearly states whoever phuckin HAS it is the one who phuckin MAKES EM! And since the only rules I ever follow are my own, it’s typically sooner rather than later gold and myself just seem to find one another!
But would you look at me getting so far ahead of myself! Just shooting my mouth off...One thing I like to always say is that especially in the business of professional wrestling one common saying is more true here than in any other line of work save used car sales and that is the simple fact that
!!!!!TaLK IS CHeaP!!!!
...JUST LIKE THE BLOWIES ALEX RICHARDS WIFE GIVES WHEN HE’S AT WORK SHOWING EVERYONE HOW GOOD HE IS AT FALLING DOWN!!!
But yes talk is very much so cheap and perhaps that is the reason everyone buys it. Or when you have useless wet rags like Alex Richards, and Zombie McWORTHLESS constantly running their mouths I for one strangely find myself suddenly envious of DEAF PEOPLE! Because truly during one of their slapass promo’s the members of our society who are hearing impared are the only ones who win in that situation. But still for as bad as those two are. And really you don’t get any more bottom of the barrell then those two inbred oversized
!!!!!OOMPA LooMPAZ!!!!!
...BUT YO FOR REAL HAVE YALL SEEN THIS JASON RYAN PHUCK MOOK?
Look we will get to that Lost Episode of the GIlmore Girls of a human being in just a second, first I gotta paint a pretty picture for ya. Ya see earlier I said I was more of a straight shooter. But today being my official on camera debut for Alpha Pro Wrestling I thought why not for once go the extra mile for them, so they can sit back and rejoice as they finally after a little over 365 they finally have some actual star power instead of two over the hill been there done that mother phuckers who are still running around in their WcF tighty whities! So today I took you to the only place I could think of where we could speak together, or really you all listen to the GOSPEL you’ve needed to hear your entire lives while also managing to drive the point home metaphorically!
So the scene opens inside of Jim’s Firearm’s in Baton Rouge Louisiana. I had just purchased a brand new .45 and I had spent the better part of the afternoon cleaning it making a few adjustments, and getting ready to test out these new armor piercing hollow points that I would love to blow holes in Alex Richards head to prove there is nothing up there except maybe a half eaten snickers and naked pictures of Odin Balfore!
So as I finishing pressing the 17th bullet into the clip I slam it up the handle into the barrell of the gun and then pull it back making that sexy cocking sound that firearms make. I then put on the required protective eye ware and remove my black backwards NEW ORLEANS SAINTS hait and let my blue hair hang in my face. I press the orange button on the side of the wall putting the targets at the furthest distance between myself and the end of the range. I see the still photos of Jason Ryan I was able to get in surpluss from ALPHA PRO WRESTLING’s merchandise staff due Jason Ryan being as entertaining as a 45 minute detailed lecture on
!!!!!MeNSTuRaL CRaMPZ!!!!!
...WHICH IS WHAT HIS MOTHER THOUGHT SHE WAS HAVING BEFORE HE FELL OUT OF HER GAPING ASSHOLE!!!!
Because let me just come out and say whatever one else is thinking and just not saying because yall are afraid this dude is going to find a bridge or a building to fling himself off of...When don’t worry guys I’ll make sure he thinks about it good and hard and after this promo end’s immediaely asks Alexa to help him find the closst bridge...But due to the fact that Jason Ryan is such an uncharasmatic douche bag...Even Alexa will tell this stupid shit eating peacock to
!!!!!PHuCK OFF!!!!!
ESP AFTER THE TANTRUM HE THREW AFTER HE ASKED HER TO GOOGLE HIM!!!
SO I take a breathe and lightly squeeze the trigger six times moving the pistol in the direction of the three targets each time. I notice the new handle I put on my gun and the light trigger made it a much more enjoyable weapon to fire. I see three bulletholes right in Jason Ryan’s stupid face as I pull the middle target up close to take a look for myself. I look at this Panic at the Disco PUSSY and just shake my head and laugh as this phuckin MAMA’s boy who dresses like the lead singer of Judas Priest’s
!!!!!LiTTLe F’N SISTER!!!!!
...AND HEY HE BITCHES AND MOANS JUST LIKE HER TOO!!!
But ya know I can only imagine Jason is sitting somewhere right now listening to this wondering how in the hell I know so much about him? Where do I get off telling people Jason Ryan couldn’t phuckin draw even if he was a
!!!!GoT DaMN PeNCiL!!!!
BECAUSE I’VE SEEN IT FOR MYSELF!
When I was making my selection of which wrestling promotion to join, I came to Alpha Pro Wrestling’s website and I clicked on the roster page which lead me to you...And when I clicked on your name there was a link to your most recently cut promos and well let’s just say I caught your last one...And when I tell you I can’t recall the last time I heard such a stereotypical, pathetic, unaccountable, immature rant I was being forced against my will to watch an episode of Honey Boo Boo in an airport...or was it a Zombie McMorris promo?....Bah
!!!!PHUCK IT!!!!!
...AT THE END OF THE DAY THERE AINT MUCH OF A DIFFERENCE REALLY!!!
Other than the fact once upon a time Honey Boo-Boo used to = RATINGS! LA Johnny Stylez so Jason...I know I just got here...But come on...Tell Uncle Johnny what it is you are bitching about? You have decided to quit following their rules because they booked you in a triple threat match that had no meaning to it? Because of some failure you suffered before that? Well ya see ya phuckin idiiot the way it works in this business is...If you want matches that mean something you have to first win the ones that don’t! But if you can’t even win those...The when they put you in the ring with their bigger names you’ll get butt raped so bad you’ll know exactly how your mother felt the night she got fired from Waffle House for finally telling one of the managers she wasn’t allowed to give handjobs while he worked the grill anymore!
But irregardless kiddo...Here is the deal I wanted to sit here and cut that promo to pieces but what good is that going to do? BEcause you’ll hear this and do your best to come out here and tell me what an idiot I am for speaking to you in such a manner...And then we can both let you pretend that you aren’t the freshest and biggest piece of jobber shit in the Alpha Pro Wrestling’s ass crack right now...And right after I phuckin do everyone around here a favor and finally flush you...You need to sit back, get a pen and some paper and take some notes, because for once you have someone who can actually show you how its done!
But the point I’m trying to make here Jason. Is you are one of the reasons I decided to sign a contract here with Alpha Pro Wrestling! Not because I viewed stepping into the ring with you as any kind of honor, because if we are being real with one another I feel it’s the exact opposite! I haven’t had my time such rudely wasted since I tried to talk to Torture about anything related to my career in ACTION WRESTLING. No you helped me decide to come to APW, because your promo said one thing and one thing to me only...And that Jason is that one thing you are in desperate need of if what will probably amount to being the most horrendous, humiliating, demeaning, and unrelenting
!!!!!PUBLIC F’N BEATDOWNZ!!!!!
OF YOUR ENTIRE INSIGNIFICANT EXISTENCE!!!
And that my friend is why I’m The DoN oF Di$Re$PeCT...and why I am the besy to ever lace up a pair of phuckin wrestling boots. Cause I know how to make alleged mega stars like Zombie McDoucheCanoe...and then teary eyed mamma’s boys like you and beat them down like you were he same person...Which as far as I’m concerned I can’t really tell the difference myself because watching either of you preform or do anything is about as entertaining as an
!!!!!ABORTION CLINIC!!!!!
...RUNNING A WEEKEND SPECIAL!!!
Therefore it is up to me...To show the APW fans and Administration alike that they no longer have to sit there and air your sorry asses on television pretending like your names are worth the money they lost making merchandise that even homeless people wont sleep on! So Jason get read because I am about to give you one of the most significant moments of your insignificant existence when I get you in the center of that ring Monday Night and I phuckin force you to
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!UP!!!!!
...So u CAN RUN AND TELL THE OTHERS IT’S A NEW DAY OF A NEW ERA HERE IN ALPHA!!!
Because your new one HAS JUST ARRIVED! See ya in the ring SHIT BAG...and ohh yeah as always don’t forget
...It’s Been Your PLea$uRE!!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe?? .
