Post by Alex Richards on Mar 7, 2020 9:39:29 GMT -5
Alex Richards is drinking at the bar he owns, The Drunken Dragon. If you know Alex you already know what his bar looks like. But let's be real the alternative is taking about Blade and Hixx and nobody really wants that. The bar is guarded by classic 80s killbots. Does Alex need Killbots as bouncers? Highly doubtful but they sure do look cool! Hanging from the ceiling is a vast assortment of Japanese Komodo Dragons in honour of the bars namesake space dragon. Bonnie Blue still has a restraining order against him by the way. There is a massive stage where house band Temporal Wonkiness often performs. You should go.. They are one band they never need anymore cowbell. In addition to normal bar items there is also a pan dimensional snack machine. You don't want to touch that. Besides you probably don't have the Japanese Yen it takes anyway. Alex is racking up a game at the pool table drinking a boot of Zim-Quila. Want to drink from a glass? The Dragon is not for you. A fresh out of college cameraman rushes in and beelines straight to Alex as he breaks. The balls go everywhere except for the pockets. Three even land off the tablw. Alex drinks from the boot then glares at the intruder.
Richards: We're closed.
Cameraman: I'm here for an interview!
Richards: Who the fuck are you?
Cameraman: I'm employed by APW.
Richards: So was Dean Wolf that doesn't mean I have to respect you. What do you want kid?
Cameraman: Exclusive comments on your match this week?
Richards: No.
Cameraman: What do you mean no?
Richards: I'm busy.
Cameraman: Playing pool by yourself! Thats more important then your tag team tournament match?
Richards: Boy.. Have you looked at our opponents this week? I'm just gonna let Odin handle it. Like he needs my help to throttle the two most pathetic sperms to ever win the race of life. Shit it might be more of a challenge to let them both fight Odin at the same time. I'm joking.. That still wouldn't be close to a challenge.
Cameraman: So you really have nothing ti say about John Blade and Latoya Hixx?
Richards: Yeah they should change their names to John Rambo and Latoya Jackson. At least that way they would be more original ripoffs. I think we're through here.
Alex attempts to sink an orange ball in the corner pocket but somehow manages to skip his white ball over it and off the table again. He drinks from the boot again as the cameraman slinks off.
We aren't through here.
The voice of Alex's brother Shaun Zach rings out from behind the bar where he was mixing himself a drink.
SZR: I used to be a cameraman like you. Except for one difference I wasn't an embarrassment at my job. Your canera is out of date and out of focus. You don't know how to properly ask questions. Most importantly if my brother wasn't such a nice guy you would have gotten your ass kicked barging in here like you owned the place. We are both cameramen in name but that's the only thing we have in common. Like The Enforcers and Blade and Hixx. Technically they are both tag team.. Onoy one of them are basically just human punching bags. Alex doesn't want to talk about the match because it bores him. Two world champions like Alex and Odin against two scrubs is a waste of their time and talents.
Cameraman: Alex said he wasn't even going to wrestle.
SZR: Geez you're dumb. He was just making the point he didn't need to wrestle in order to win easily. See this is why you're an awful cameraman. You actually believe you know what you're doinh.. Like John and Latoya actually think they have a chance. Like you they have reached a special level of bad where they don't even know how terrible they are.
Alex laughs at his brothers words.
Richards: Couldn't have said it better myself. It's almost like the same person writes my words and Zachs.
Cameraman: What's that supposed to mean?
Richards: You know.
Alex shrugs and takes another shot somehow managing to line up four balls behind each other without sinking any. He polishes off the boot.
Cameraman: You are really bad at pool.
Richards: Am I? Or am I taking advantage of the Drunken Dragon house Rules? You miss a shot you take a drink. Since I wanted to take a drink.. You don't believe me do you?
The cameraman shakes his head. Alex quicklt clears the table in a tidy half dozen shots.
Richards: Thats the lesson I want you to bring back to Blade and Hixx. This is the Enforcers game. You are outclassed. Its our table our house our rules. When you're as good as us you can do as you please. We could destroy them in 30 seconds.. Or we could torment them for an hour before finally ending the match. It's all up to us.. They don't even factor in the decision. Odin and I are WCF world champions.. 5 times in Odins case. I'm a UCI world champion. We are both hall of famers. When Odin and I show up everyone takes notice. That's the respect we earned. Blade abd Hixx show up and everyone goes who the fuck are you?
Cameraman: They are your opponents.
Richards: In name only. Really they are simply lambs to the slaughter. I fought and beat Corey Black Bonnie Blue Teddy Blaze Noble Savage Dune. I could go on but I've proven my point. If I beat greats like that what chance do those two jokers have? Odin has a list as impressive as mine. He'd agrue more. Combined we have ended well over a hundred careers. It would be easy for us to end two more. Child's play really. Blade and Hixx have been here full time for three montha. What did they accomplish?
Cameraman: They were in a few world title contendership matches.
Richards: They lost so nothing. I've done more then them in two appearances. I ended the careers of Allen Anderson and Steven Osbourne. Everytime I show uo I end a career. Think John and Latoya see the pattern? They will. Probably literally indented in their skulls. Think about this Odin destroyed an executive of the APW and decorated wrestler Jason Zurra. I destroyed last years cruiserweight of the year. It doesn't matter how goid you are when the Enforcers come for you. Bad news is John and Latoya ain't good. We are the Enforcers but you could just as easily call us the Executioners because we can kill your career anytime we want to. That ain't bragging that's just facts. Especially if you're like Hixx and Blade the kinda people who would have gotten a currently in the ring enterance in the 80s.
Cameraman: Isn't that a littlw harsh?
Alex laughs.
Richards: If anything I'm taking it easy on them. I mean I haven't even mentioned that in spite of the fact they are no challenge I actually wasted my time watching their promos to learn about them. You know what I learned? They make no fucking sense at all! As the king of mass confusion I'm actually kinda impressed. They even confused me. As a former WCF internet champ I thought I knew what to do so I even typed their words into Google Translate. It spit back are you fucking kidding me!
Alex says in a coice trying to parody John Blade.
Richards: U either want some or do you want to get some at Liberty or Death on Alpha? What the fuck does that mean.. Us he some sort if half assed pimp too?
SZR: Dude that was the worst impersonation I've ever heard.
Richards: You really think Blade and Gixx deserves better? Thats a real statement John actually made. That's the level of incompetence we are dealing with. If they are on drugs might I request what their drug cocktail is. Because that's a drug mixture even I would avoid! So to recap they make no fucking sense.. They provide no competition.. They don't even have a team name! They fail in every possible way! I actually feel sorry for them knowing the beating they are going to take. So I'll hook em up with a team name. From now on they can be known as the HixxBlade Sisters.
Cameraman: like the blaxploitation movie Switchblade Sisters?
Richards: That's the joke. You know I've wasted just about enough time on two afterthoughts but I'm gonna let you know why I'm taking this match personal. Last week the Man Made Gods were in the main event of the first tag team tournament show. They deserved to be. Well we're even better then them.. But we're in the opening match. Thats your fault Hixxblade Sisters. Nobody buys you even have a ghost of a chance. You cost us the main event so I'm telling you now.. We're taking your careers in trade. Don't worry no one will miss you.
Fade to black
Richards: We're closed.
Cameraman: I'm here for an interview!
Richards: Who the fuck are you?
Cameraman: I'm employed by APW.
Richards: So was Dean Wolf that doesn't mean I have to respect you. What do you want kid?
Cameraman: Exclusive comments on your match this week?
Richards: No.
Cameraman: What do you mean no?
Richards: I'm busy.
Cameraman: Playing pool by yourself! Thats more important then your tag team tournament match?
Richards: Boy.. Have you looked at our opponents this week? I'm just gonna let Odin handle it. Like he needs my help to throttle the two most pathetic sperms to ever win the race of life. Shit it might be more of a challenge to let them both fight Odin at the same time. I'm joking.. That still wouldn't be close to a challenge.
Cameraman: So you really have nothing ti say about John Blade and Latoya Hixx?
Richards: Yeah they should change their names to John Rambo and Latoya Jackson. At least that way they would be more original ripoffs. I think we're through here.
Alex attempts to sink an orange ball in the corner pocket but somehow manages to skip his white ball over it and off the table again. He drinks from the boot again as the cameraman slinks off.
We aren't through here.
The voice of Alex's brother Shaun Zach rings out from behind the bar where he was mixing himself a drink.
SZR: I used to be a cameraman like you. Except for one difference I wasn't an embarrassment at my job. Your canera is out of date and out of focus. You don't know how to properly ask questions. Most importantly if my brother wasn't such a nice guy you would have gotten your ass kicked barging in here like you owned the place. We are both cameramen in name but that's the only thing we have in common. Like The Enforcers and Blade and Hixx. Technically they are both tag team.. Onoy one of them are basically just human punching bags. Alex doesn't want to talk about the match because it bores him. Two world champions like Alex and Odin against two scrubs is a waste of their time and talents.
Cameraman: Alex said he wasn't even going to wrestle.
SZR: Geez you're dumb. He was just making the point he didn't need to wrestle in order to win easily. See this is why you're an awful cameraman. You actually believe you know what you're doinh.. Like John and Latoya actually think they have a chance. Like you they have reached a special level of bad where they don't even know how terrible they are.
Alex laughs at his brothers words.
Richards: Couldn't have said it better myself. It's almost like the same person writes my words and Zachs.
Cameraman: What's that supposed to mean?
Richards: You know.
Alex shrugs and takes another shot somehow managing to line up four balls behind each other without sinking any. He polishes off the boot.
Cameraman: You are really bad at pool.
Richards: Am I? Or am I taking advantage of the Drunken Dragon house Rules? You miss a shot you take a drink. Since I wanted to take a drink.. You don't believe me do you?
The cameraman shakes his head. Alex quicklt clears the table in a tidy half dozen shots.
Richards: Thats the lesson I want you to bring back to Blade and Hixx. This is the Enforcers game. You are outclassed. Its our table our house our rules. When you're as good as us you can do as you please. We could destroy them in 30 seconds.. Or we could torment them for an hour before finally ending the match. It's all up to us.. They don't even factor in the decision. Odin and I are WCF world champions.. 5 times in Odins case. I'm a UCI world champion. We are both hall of famers. When Odin and I show up everyone takes notice. That's the respect we earned. Blade abd Hixx show up and everyone goes who the fuck are you?
Cameraman: They are your opponents.
Richards: In name only. Really they are simply lambs to the slaughter. I fought and beat Corey Black Bonnie Blue Teddy Blaze Noble Savage Dune. I could go on but I've proven my point. If I beat greats like that what chance do those two jokers have? Odin has a list as impressive as mine. He'd agrue more. Combined we have ended well over a hundred careers. It would be easy for us to end two more. Child's play really. Blade and Hixx have been here full time for three montha. What did they accomplish?
Cameraman: They were in a few world title contendership matches.
Richards: They lost so nothing. I've done more then them in two appearances. I ended the careers of Allen Anderson and Steven Osbourne. Everytime I show uo I end a career. Think John and Latoya see the pattern? They will. Probably literally indented in their skulls. Think about this Odin destroyed an executive of the APW and decorated wrestler Jason Zurra. I destroyed last years cruiserweight of the year. It doesn't matter how goid you are when the Enforcers come for you. Bad news is John and Latoya ain't good. We are the Enforcers but you could just as easily call us the Executioners because we can kill your career anytime we want to. That ain't bragging that's just facts. Especially if you're like Hixx and Blade the kinda people who would have gotten a currently in the ring enterance in the 80s.
Cameraman: Isn't that a littlw harsh?
Alex laughs.
Richards: If anything I'm taking it easy on them. I mean I haven't even mentioned that in spite of the fact they are no challenge I actually wasted my time watching their promos to learn about them. You know what I learned? They make no fucking sense at all! As the king of mass confusion I'm actually kinda impressed. They even confused me. As a former WCF internet champ I thought I knew what to do so I even typed their words into Google Translate. It spit back are you fucking kidding me!
Alex says in a coice trying to parody John Blade.
Richards: U either want some or do you want to get some at Liberty or Death on Alpha? What the fuck does that mean.. Us he some sort if half assed pimp too?
SZR: Dude that was the worst impersonation I've ever heard.
Richards: You really think Blade and Gixx deserves better? Thats a real statement John actually made. That's the level of incompetence we are dealing with. If they are on drugs might I request what their drug cocktail is. Because that's a drug mixture even I would avoid! So to recap they make no fucking sense.. They provide no competition.. They don't even have a team name! They fail in every possible way! I actually feel sorry for them knowing the beating they are going to take. So I'll hook em up with a team name. From now on they can be known as the HixxBlade Sisters.
Cameraman: like the blaxploitation movie Switchblade Sisters?
Richards: That's the joke. You know I've wasted just about enough time on two afterthoughts but I'm gonna let you know why I'm taking this match personal. Last week the Man Made Gods were in the main event of the first tag team tournament show. They deserved to be. Well we're even better then them.. But we're in the opening match. Thats your fault Hixxblade Sisters. Nobody buys you even have a ghost of a chance. You cost us the main event so I'm telling you now.. We're taking your careers in trade. Don't worry no one will miss you.
Fade to black
