Post by Steven Osbourne on Jan 5, 2020 19:20:14 GMT -5
What did you do this time?
Veronica Anderson snaps to Steven Osbourne as he walks into a crowded waiting room in the courthouse. Steven adjusts his pink tie, checks himself out in the mirrored pink briefcase he's holding before he replies.
What did I do this time? Something brilliant as usual!
Veronica snorts.
There's a first time for everything I guess.
When you hear my plan you will eat your words.
I doubt that.
Look around what do you see?
I see you getting arrested for whatever stunt you're about to pull.
It's just small claims court. Most of the people don't even have a lawyer. That's where I come in. Nobody lies like the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer!
Finally something I agree with!
So I find some hot chicks offer to be their legal counsel.. win their case.. then I give them my pro boner
That's sleazy even for you.
I know.. thinking like a lawyer, right? Then I'll be thinking like a porn star then..
I'm thinking I need to throw up.
Not on the suit!
Steven doesn't get to execute his plan however. Two policeman enter.. and promptly drag him into a courtroom. Veronica sighs.
I'll call a real lawyer.
If I represent myself and win will you sleep with me?
Not a chance!
I heard yes!
No!
It's so noisy in here. I'll just assume you said yes.
The officers shove Steven through the door and he's face to face with..
Osbourne: Judge Judy?
You have any idea how much trouble you're in young man?
In my defence.. I didn't actually impersonate a lawyer.
Why would you volunteer that? You aren't very bright are you?
Can I plead the 5th?
No.. you can't! Would you like to plead guilty and save yourself an further embarrassment?
What am I being charged with?
Finally something intelligent. I'm shocked.
Are you gonna tell me Judy?
It's Judge or your honour. Oh forget it.. you're a pretty package but there's nothing inside.
Are you hitting on me Judge Judy?
No! I'm suing you for slander!
Wait.. what?
You went on national television during the APW's holiday special and claimed you would never sleep with me. That's a bold faced lie! You would sleep with any female!
I make it a point never to sleep with chicks who hold a hammer. My Big Stevie thanks me.
I don't hold a hammer you idiot.. that's a gavel. You have a big match coming up this week don't you?
I don't see why that's relevant.
Answer the question!
It's not a big match judge.. it's a huge match. Battle royal for a chance at the vacant world title. The biggest opportunity I've had in over a year.
Perfect! Meet me in my chambers in 5 minutes.
What?
You're lucky I find you attractive because I also find you dull. I'll spell it out for you. We meet in my chambers at which point if you perform adequately I dismiss the charges. If you don't I charge you with contempt and make sure you're in jail on Monday night and miss your match.
So.. you're saying either I screw lady justice.. or lady justice screws me?
I would have sounded smarter but basically what I'm saying.
Flash forward to Judge Judy's chambers which are completely trashed. Law books everywhere. Plants overturned. Papers knocked right off the obviously recently violated desk. Judge Judy smokes a cigarette as she leaves the office.
Case dismissed.
A drenched in sweat Steven shrugs, sits back in the office chair, lights a cigarette of his own.
Why couldn't.. literally anyone else from the Sleep with Osbournica song have called me out.
Steven quickly corrects himself.
Except for OJ. Everybody in the royal rumble this week is going to talk about how they would do anything in order to win. I don't have to say it. I just proved it. I slept with Judge Judy in order to ensure my opportunity. Fuck.. did she make me earn it! She's a animal in the sack! On the bright side now I can cross sleep with a celebrity judge and win the world title off in the same month. Which is good because there was no way I was gonna sleep with Judge Joe Brown.
People are gonna laugh at me for sleeping with Judge Judy.. let em laugh. First off.. she's a GILF. Second and more importantly it proves that I would do anything to win this rumble. Literally anything. Because I deserve this more then anyone else in the match. It's not even close. I've been in APW since the beginning. I haven't gotten one single solitary chance at the biggest prize in wrestling. Zion Simmons got one and blew it.. ditto for Zombie McMorris. He had two. Where's my chance?
Steven looks as determined as a man can with sweat in his eyes.
This is my chance! People are going to think I didn't take this match seriously. Because I came to a courthouse to pick up women as my way of preparing. Well.. at Omega I did things Alex Richard's way to prepare for Z-Mac. I failed because that's not my style. This time.. I do things the way of the super sexy boogeyman slayer! I thought I needed Alex's help.. but I didn't. I'm the best entertainer.. the best talent... simply the best APW has had to offer since it's inception.
Steven grins.
See.. I'm no dumbass.. I do know big impressive words. Also I get more chicks then Christopher Nolen and I'm a better wrestler. Every week I bust my ass. Who was the best part of the Holiday special and of the awards show? You're nuts if you don't think it was me! It wasn't manitory. I didn't have to do that. But I wanted to! That's how important APW is to me. Nobody else did it either. If it didn't help advance their careers they didn't want any part of it. Even newcomers making their debut in the royal rumble.. they didn't bother to introduce themselves. They didn't bother to entertain the people. But I did. Because I care more then all of them! Has anyone in this rumble had more matches in APW then me? I think not! Has anyone else been here the whole time like me? I think not again!
Steven pauses.
Oh wait.. Alex Scott has. Does anyone know that? Yep.. that's the impression you made. Good job Alex. Moving on.
Everybody else.. they lost their title.. they lost a big title match.. they went away. Not me.. I'm like herpes.. you can't get rid of me. I lost three titles. That would get most people down but not the wizard of Oz. I just think it's time to win my fourth. The world title this time. A royal rumble match. Tailor made to my strengths. Every week people have seen me cheating, eliminating the competition, rolling people up trying to just win at any cost.
Steven smiles a big shit eating grin.
Rumbles have no rules. can low blow until everyone sounds like an opera singer! I can bring in a steel chair if I need to. But more importantly.. the quick strike is the be all and end all. You turn your back.. I can dump you from behind. If I'm facing a larger opponent I can team up with someone to eliminate them.. then betray my partner and get rid of them too! The fact is.. I'm the smartest.. most devious man in APW history. I've made a career of outsmarting the competition and overcoming long odds. Don't believe me.. ask Smith Jones or Spartan how I beat them. I win because I want to more then anyone else. End of story. 22 opponents? Is that all you got Irina? You aren't going to be able to deny me the chance at the gold I deserve this time |I promise you that. But I'm not fighting Irina.. But the 22 people I am are going to be a cakewalk compared to that cold war killing machine.
Ashley Derringer. Why do you not come to the ring to Rock N Roll Hootchie Koo? The Rick Derringer connection.. that's the best thing you have going for yourself. I mean.. it's certainly not your results because let's be real sweetie.. they haven't been that impressive. Unfortunately for you.. they aren't gonna get any better when you face me. You beat a gorilla though. With a bat. That's proof you won't beat me though. I would have just used a bunch of bananas. Throw them down the ramp.. Ape leaves the ring.. ten second victory. Next level thinking.. that's the difference between us Ash.
Z-Mac.. you're the biggest name in this match. You beat me in our last match. So why do you feel the need to call yourself the immortal American? Why do you feel the need to parody someone from the 80s. He used to be a big star but his time past decades ago. Could it be that maybe you know your win over me was a fluke. Maybe you know you need to play the fool in order to stay relevant. You're the biggest star in this match name wise.. yet you don't act like it. That speaks volumes Zombie. You're a living meme.. err undead meme. I make jokes.. you appear to be trying to become one. Once upon a time you were UCI world champion. Now you appear content playing the fool. You lost to Zion and Smith and seem to have accepted the fact you aren't good enough anymore. Keep laughing Z-Mac I'll keep winning.
John Blade.. you can't see me. Because you won't last long enough in the rumble to even face me. Sorry about your luck.. you unoriginal bastard. But hey after you lose you can do the five knuckle shuffle on yourself. Silver lining there buddy. God knows nobody else wants to touch a loser like you.
Speaking of silver linings we have.. not Roy Speede but his friend FPV. I remember Frank's #PutDownTheMongrel when he faced Walter for the Action World Title. How did that work out for him? I don't blame Frank for losing. Everybody loses.. especially against a monster like Walter. But I blame him for hiding. He's here in APW trying desperately to win the rumble so he doesn't have to suffer another beating. That's cowardly Frank. You are supposed to be a locker room leader. The kind of guy people look up to. You're a hypocrite pure and simple. I'm going to look forward to eliminating you.
Raging Dead. Are you some sort of Z-Mac knock off. Because the world does not need that! Or someone trying to capitalize on the Walking Dead craze by naming yourself after it.. You can't take shortcuts to fame.. you have to earn it. I know that you did earn the Action Wrestling cruiserweight strap but I am APW's Light Heavyweight of the year! I am the best cruiser in the world and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to prove it by knocking off the knock off. Sorry Raging.. the only thing that's going to be dead is your chances of victory and ultimately your career.
Jaice Wilds... I've been waiting for you. The night you won the light heavyweight championship from me was the worst night of my career. The Fox.. Z-Mac... I can take losing championships to the likes of them. But when I lost to you.. someone who barely seems to ever actually give a shit.. that hurt. You lost the title in your first defence.. naturally. Just like you are going to lose the rumble. 22 opponents... that seems like too much effort for the likes of Jaice Wild. I hope you last long enough to face me though. I already know I'm better then you.. but I want the rest of the world to as well.
Alex Scott.. You're like the bargain basement version of me. I don't really have anything bad to say about you. Congratulations on the junior heavyweight title. Wear it with pride. Because.. that's as good as it's ever going to get for you. But still you've been here since the beginning. Like me. You just.. don't main event show and beat big stars like I do. I would say you'd get there.. but I only lie to chicks I'm trying to sleep with. But still.. you won a title in the best promotion in the world. The one that employs Steven Osbourne. When I win the rumble.. hey at least you can say you got beaten by the best. That's something, right?
Noble Savage... one of the many witches in the Guardians group. Alex Richards, Bonnie Blue, Jay Omega and Polar Phantasm all overshadowed you then. The last time I saw you around Odin Balfore and Alex Richards were kicking your ass. Sorry Noble... this is going to be business as usual for you. You have never been the best anywhere.. and you aren't the best in the rumble either. Also.. you're too scary to be hot.
Zion Simmons. He's all about buying people out. He once literally got a fan to wrestle a match for him. He also... has no titles to his credit. Zion is smart. Next to me he's the smartest man in this match if I'm being honest. But there's a major difference between us. Zion is lazy. He doesn't like to work for things. He wants them to be handed to him. When they aren't.. he folds figuring his money will get him another opportunity. I like to get my hands dirty. I want my abilities to be THE reason for my victory. I'll cheat my way to a win sure.. but I will be the one doing it. Simmons probably has a plan to pay off the ref to declare him the winner before it even starts. He has no competitive spirit. That's why in the end.. he's never going to be good enough.
Then we have the Ghost. I don't like people who take credit for other people's work. I destroyed Spartan when I took the North American Title from him. He was never the same. But yet you take credit. Have you no pride? No honour? Considering your military background the reason is probably no. But that's okay.. you'll have to answer to the Oz man in the rumble and then everyone will know the truth. This is going to be a bigger massacre then the time you faced McMorris at HorrorKore.
Speaking of HorrorKore... Arthur Pleasant has finally finished licking his wounds from his beating at the hands of Dean Wolf and reappeared. Shockingly he waited until after Wolf's departure to do so. It's almost like he was afraid of him. Like he hit Wolf with everything he had and it wasn't good enough. You're like just any other bully aren't you Arthur? When you aren't the biggest and baddest you fade into the background. Everyone expected a sadist like you to stain the ring red at HorrorKore. But the real shock was what I did at HorrorKore. Nobody thought I could beat Spartan in a ladder match. But I showed how much heart I have. So did you. By losing and leaving. This rumble.. there's no contest between us.
As for the others.. Flop is probably literally in this match just so he can cum in the middle of the ring then rub someone's face in the wet spot. I wish I was joking. I'll try to eliminate him before he can. Latoya Hixx calls herself the boss.. yet she kept the last name Hixx. You could have called yourself anything but you weren't smart enough to change a name no one knows. I mean.. after you lose you can go back to your day job as the boss at Wendy's. I'm kidding.. you're assistant manager level at best. Lex Collins..
Steven pauses.
Lex Collins is a seriously talented wrestler and a serious threat. He could be world champion.. someday. But this is his first day in APW. He's facing off against APW stars.. who will gang up on him and eliminate him when he shows how good he is. Lex should have planned ahead and brought some friends with him. He didn't and that's going to cost him. I don't know Five Boroughs Wrestling but I'm going to prove APW is better by defeating you.
The guy who calls himself Big Nasty is a liar. Giovanni never received a blumpkin on a plane. I have. I'm nastier and better. Lazer Blazer and Jobber Dave aren't going to show up. They are going to injure themselves during their 20th straight dark match against each other. Thems the breaks. Troll needs to go back under the bridge. I'd give a better insult if he was any better. But he's not so why waste it. Ultimate Destroyer is going to have a lot of fun tossing worthless talentless pieces of garbage like Diaklos out of the ring. But he won't win. He never does. Road Dawg used to win.. but not lately. Like the awards show he might as well not show up. Jazzy John was good exactly once.. when he was in a tag team trying to save his beloved bar. Does that sound like a guy who has a chance in the rumble? Didn't think so. I could go on and on all night long but let me bottom line it. I'm sick of being overlooked. So this week I get the chance to take my frustrations out on everyone who ever received a title shot that should have went to me. I'll get the chance to flip Irina the finger by eliminating each and every one of them. When the match is over... you can call me the super sexy boogeyman slayer.. but you will call me the winner and the next world champion.
Veronica Anderson snaps to Steven Osbourne as he walks into a crowded waiting room in the courthouse. Steven adjusts his pink tie, checks himself out in the mirrored pink briefcase he's holding before he replies.
What did I do this time? Something brilliant as usual!
Veronica snorts.
There's a first time for everything I guess.
When you hear my plan you will eat your words.
I doubt that.
Look around what do you see?
I see you getting arrested for whatever stunt you're about to pull.
It's just small claims court. Most of the people don't even have a lawyer. That's where I come in. Nobody lies like the Super Sexy Boogeyman Slayer!
Finally something I agree with!
So I find some hot chicks offer to be their legal counsel.. win their case.. then I give them my pro boner
That's sleazy even for you.
I know.. thinking like a lawyer, right? Then I'll be thinking like a porn star then..
I'm thinking I need to throw up.
Not on the suit!
Steven doesn't get to execute his plan however. Two policeman enter.. and promptly drag him into a courtroom. Veronica sighs.
I'll call a real lawyer.
If I represent myself and win will you sleep with me?
Not a chance!
I heard yes!
No!
It's so noisy in here. I'll just assume you said yes.
The officers shove Steven through the door and he's face to face with..
Osbourne: Judge Judy?
You have any idea how much trouble you're in young man?
In my defence.. I didn't actually impersonate a lawyer.
Why would you volunteer that? You aren't very bright are you?
Can I plead the 5th?
No.. you can't! Would you like to plead guilty and save yourself an further embarrassment?
What am I being charged with?
Finally something intelligent. I'm shocked.
Are you gonna tell me Judy?
It's Judge or your honour. Oh forget it.. you're a pretty package but there's nothing inside.
Are you hitting on me Judge Judy?
No! I'm suing you for slander!
Wait.. what?
You went on national television during the APW's holiday special and claimed you would never sleep with me. That's a bold faced lie! You would sleep with any female!
I make it a point never to sleep with chicks who hold a hammer. My Big Stevie thanks me.
I don't hold a hammer you idiot.. that's a gavel. You have a big match coming up this week don't you?
I don't see why that's relevant.
Answer the question!
It's not a big match judge.. it's a huge match. Battle royal for a chance at the vacant world title. The biggest opportunity I've had in over a year.
Perfect! Meet me in my chambers in 5 minutes.
What?
You're lucky I find you attractive because I also find you dull. I'll spell it out for you. We meet in my chambers at which point if you perform adequately I dismiss the charges. If you don't I charge you with contempt and make sure you're in jail on Monday night and miss your match.
So.. you're saying either I screw lady justice.. or lady justice screws me?
I would have sounded smarter but basically what I'm saying.
Flash forward to Judge Judy's chambers which are completely trashed. Law books everywhere. Plants overturned. Papers knocked right off the obviously recently violated desk. Judge Judy smokes a cigarette as she leaves the office.
Case dismissed.
A drenched in sweat Steven shrugs, sits back in the office chair, lights a cigarette of his own.
Why couldn't.. literally anyone else from the Sleep with Osbournica song have called me out.
Steven quickly corrects himself.
Except for OJ. Everybody in the royal rumble this week is going to talk about how they would do anything in order to win. I don't have to say it. I just proved it. I slept with Judge Judy in order to ensure my opportunity. Fuck.. did she make me earn it! She's a animal in the sack! On the bright side now I can cross sleep with a celebrity judge and win the world title off in the same month. Which is good because there was no way I was gonna sleep with Judge Joe Brown.
People are gonna laugh at me for sleeping with Judge Judy.. let em laugh. First off.. she's a GILF. Second and more importantly it proves that I would do anything to win this rumble. Literally anything. Because I deserve this more then anyone else in the match. It's not even close. I've been in APW since the beginning. I haven't gotten one single solitary chance at the biggest prize in wrestling. Zion Simmons got one and blew it.. ditto for Zombie McMorris. He had two. Where's my chance?
Steven looks as determined as a man can with sweat in his eyes.
This is my chance! People are going to think I didn't take this match seriously. Because I came to a courthouse to pick up women as my way of preparing. Well.. at Omega I did things Alex Richard's way to prepare for Z-Mac. I failed because that's not my style. This time.. I do things the way of the super sexy boogeyman slayer! I thought I needed Alex's help.. but I didn't. I'm the best entertainer.. the best talent... simply the best APW has had to offer since it's inception.
Steven grins.
See.. I'm no dumbass.. I do know big impressive words. Also I get more chicks then Christopher Nolen and I'm a better wrestler. Every week I bust my ass. Who was the best part of the Holiday special and of the awards show? You're nuts if you don't think it was me! It wasn't manitory. I didn't have to do that. But I wanted to! That's how important APW is to me. Nobody else did it either. If it didn't help advance their careers they didn't want any part of it. Even newcomers making their debut in the royal rumble.. they didn't bother to introduce themselves. They didn't bother to entertain the people. But I did. Because I care more then all of them! Has anyone in this rumble had more matches in APW then me? I think not! Has anyone else been here the whole time like me? I think not again!
Steven pauses.
Oh wait.. Alex Scott has. Does anyone know that? Yep.. that's the impression you made. Good job Alex. Moving on.
Everybody else.. they lost their title.. they lost a big title match.. they went away. Not me.. I'm like herpes.. you can't get rid of me. I lost three titles. That would get most people down but not the wizard of Oz. I just think it's time to win my fourth. The world title this time. A royal rumble match. Tailor made to my strengths. Every week people have seen me cheating, eliminating the competition, rolling people up trying to just win at any cost.
Steven smiles a big shit eating grin.
Rumbles have no rules. can low blow until everyone sounds like an opera singer! I can bring in a steel chair if I need to. But more importantly.. the quick strike is the be all and end all. You turn your back.. I can dump you from behind. If I'm facing a larger opponent I can team up with someone to eliminate them.. then betray my partner and get rid of them too! The fact is.. I'm the smartest.. most devious man in APW history. I've made a career of outsmarting the competition and overcoming long odds. Don't believe me.. ask Smith Jones or Spartan how I beat them. I win because I want to more then anyone else. End of story. 22 opponents? Is that all you got Irina? You aren't going to be able to deny me the chance at the gold I deserve this time |I promise you that. But I'm not fighting Irina.. But the 22 people I am are going to be a cakewalk compared to that cold war killing machine.
Ashley Derringer. Why do you not come to the ring to Rock N Roll Hootchie Koo? The Rick Derringer connection.. that's the best thing you have going for yourself. I mean.. it's certainly not your results because let's be real sweetie.. they haven't been that impressive. Unfortunately for you.. they aren't gonna get any better when you face me. You beat a gorilla though. With a bat. That's proof you won't beat me though. I would have just used a bunch of bananas. Throw them down the ramp.. Ape leaves the ring.. ten second victory. Next level thinking.. that's the difference between us Ash.
Z-Mac.. you're the biggest name in this match. You beat me in our last match. So why do you feel the need to call yourself the immortal American? Why do you feel the need to parody someone from the 80s. He used to be a big star but his time past decades ago. Could it be that maybe you know your win over me was a fluke. Maybe you know you need to play the fool in order to stay relevant. You're the biggest star in this match name wise.. yet you don't act like it. That speaks volumes Zombie. You're a living meme.. err undead meme. I make jokes.. you appear to be trying to become one. Once upon a time you were UCI world champion. Now you appear content playing the fool. You lost to Zion and Smith and seem to have accepted the fact you aren't good enough anymore. Keep laughing Z-Mac I'll keep winning.
John Blade.. you can't see me. Because you won't last long enough in the rumble to even face me. Sorry about your luck.. you unoriginal bastard. But hey after you lose you can do the five knuckle shuffle on yourself. Silver lining there buddy. God knows nobody else wants to touch a loser like you.
Speaking of silver linings we have.. not Roy Speede but his friend FPV. I remember Frank's #PutDownTheMongrel when he faced Walter for the Action World Title. How did that work out for him? I don't blame Frank for losing. Everybody loses.. especially against a monster like Walter. But I blame him for hiding. He's here in APW trying desperately to win the rumble so he doesn't have to suffer another beating. That's cowardly Frank. You are supposed to be a locker room leader. The kind of guy people look up to. You're a hypocrite pure and simple. I'm going to look forward to eliminating you.
Raging Dead. Are you some sort of Z-Mac knock off. Because the world does not need that! Or someone trying to capitalize on the Walking Dead craze by naming yourself after it.. You can't take shortcuts to fame.. you have to earn it. I know that you did earn the Action Wrestling cruiserweight strap but I am APW's Light Heavyweight of the year! I am the best cruiser in the world and I'm looking forward to the opportunity to prove it by knocking off the knock off. Sorry Raging.. the only thing that's going to be dead is your chances of victory and ultimately your career.
Jaice Wilds... I've been waiting for you. The night you won the light heavyweight championship from me was the worst night of my career. The Fox.. Z-Mac... I can take losing championships to the likes of them. But when I lost to you.. someone who barely seems to ever actually give a shit.. that hurt. You lost the title in your first defence.. naturally. Just like you are going to lose the rumble. 22 opponents... that seems like too much effort for the likes of Jaice Wild. I hope you last long enough to face me though. I already know I'm better then you.. but I want the rest of the world to as well.
Alex Scott.. You're like the bargain basement version of me. I don't really have anything bad to say about you. Congratulations on the junior heavyweight title. Wear it with pride. Because.. that's as good as it's ever going to get for you. But still you've been here since the beginning. Like me. You just.. don't main event show and beat big stars like I do. I would say you'd get there.. but I only lie to chicks I'm trying to sleep with. But still.. you won a title in the best promotion in the world. The one that employs Steven Osbourne. When I win the rumble.. hey at least you can say you got beaten by the best. That's something, right?
Noble Savage... one of the many witches in the Guardians group. Alex Richards, Bonnie Blue, Jay Omega and Polar Phantasm all overshadowed you then. The last time I saw you around Odin Balfore and Alex Richards were kicking your ass. Sorry Noble... this is going to be business as usual for you. You have never been the best anywhere.. and you aren't the best in the rumble either. Also.. you're too scary to be hot.
Zion Simmons. He's all about buying people out. He once literally got a fan to wrestle a match for him. He also... has no titles to his credit. Zion is smart. Next to me he's the smartest man in this match if I'm being honest. But there's a major difference between us. Zion is lazy. He doesn't like to work for things. He wants them to be handed to him. When they aren't.. he folds figuring his money will get him another opportunity. I like to get my hands dirty. I want my abilities to be THE reason for my victory. I'll cheat my way to a win sure.. but I will be the one doing it. Simmons probably has a plan to pay off the ref to declare him the winner before it even starts. He has no competitive spirit. That's why in the end.. he's never going to be good enough.
Then we have the Ghost. I don't like people who take credit for other people's work. I destroyed Spartan when I took the North American Title from him. He was never the same. But yet you take credit. Have you no pride? No honour? Considering your military background the reason is probably no. But that's okay.. you'll have to answer to the Oz man in the rumble and then everyone will know the truth. This is going to be a bigger massacre then the time you faced McMorris at HorrorKore.
Speaking of HorrorKore... Arthur Pleasant has finally finished licking his wounds from his beating at the hands of Dean Wolf and reappeared. Shockingly he waited until after Wolf's departure to do so. It's almost like he was afraid of him. Like he hit Wolf with everything he had and it wasn't good enough. You're like just any other bully aren't you Arthur? When you aren't the biggest and baddest you fade into the background. Everyone expected a sadist like you to stain the ring red at HorrorKore. But the real shock was what I did at HorrorKore. Nobody thought I could beat Spartan in a ladder match. But I showed how much heart I have. So did you. By losing and leaving. This rumble.. there's no contest between us.
As for the others.. Flop is probably literally in this match just so he can cum in the middle of the ring then rub someone's face in the wet spot. I wish I was joking. I'll try to eliminate him before he can. Latoya Hixx calls herself the boss.. yet she kept the last name Hixx. You could have called yourself anything but you weren't smart enough to change a name no one knows. I mean.. after you lose you can go back to your day job as the boss at Wendy's. I'm kidding.. you're assistant manager level at best. Lex Collins..
Steven pauses.
Lex Collins is a seriously talented wrestler and a serious threat. He could be world champion.. someday. But this is his first day in APW. He's facing off against APW stars.. who will gang up on him and eliminate him when he shows how good he is. Lex should have planned ahead and brought some friends with him. He didn't and that's going to cost him. I don't know Five Boroughs Wrestling but I'm going to prove APW is better by defeating you.
The guy who calls himself Big Nasty is a liar. Giovanni never received a blumpkin on a plane. I have. I'm nastier and better. Lazer Blazer and Jobber Dave aren't going to show up. They are going to injure themselves during their 20th straight dark match against each other. Thems the breaks. Troll needs to go back under the bridge. I'd give a better insult if he was any better. But he's not so why waste it. Ultimate Destroyer is going to have a lot of fun tossing worthless talentless pieces of garbage like Diaklos out of the ring. But he won't win. He never does. Road Dawg used to win.. but not lately. Like the awards show he might as well not show up. Jazzy John was good exactly once.. when he was in a tag team trying to save his beloved bar. Does that sound like a guy who has a chance in the rumble? Didn't think so. I could go on and on all night long but let me bottom line it. I'm sick of being overlooked. So this week I get the chance to take my frustrations out on everyone who ever received a title shot that should have went to me. I'll get the chance to flip Irina the finger by eliminating each and every one of them. When the match is over... you can call me the super sexy boogeyman slayer.. but you will call me the winner and the next world champion.
